Dating Chinese Women, Dating Meat Eaters, Dating Vegans.
18 December 2016 [link youtube]
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Youtube Automatic Transcription
I want to cover two issues in this video
that are linked in my mind and in my heart but for some of you they're just gonna be totally miscellaneous name related so I apologize in advance one is why I do not want to get into a relationship with a Chinese woman I don't want my next girlfriend to be Chinese don't want my wife to be Chinese although I'm living in China and then I'm gonna talk a little bit about the absolutely terrible advice my fellow vegans give on this topic of finding your soulmate finding your next boyfriend or girlfriend oh my number one tip for finding of the young boyfriend is becoming an activist you're never gonna change someone's mind by trying to force them into something or sitting them down and trying to force them to watch documentaries with you you know how can I find a girlfriend how can you buddy go by if you actually abstain from sex sorry that's just happen at the same time honestly we can still play a definition about standing at the time Thunder sting talking about love let me tell you something this jacket I got married in this jacket and I got divorced in this jacket this is my this is my lucky jacket this is a durable jacket my legal wedding going to City Hall to do the paperwork I was wearing this jacket let me put you on game alright um I want to cover two issues in this video that are linked in my mind and in my heart but for some of you they're just gonna be totally miscellaneous and related so I apologize in advance one is why I do not want to get into a relationship with a Chinese woman I don't want my next girlfriend to be Chinese don't want my wife to be Chinese although I'm living in China I have a lot of experience let me China then paired two that are the basic social forces that are kind of forcing me into a relationship with the Chinese woman that's kind of like a brief footnote to that big point and then I'm gonna talk a little bit about the absolutely terrible advice my fellow vegans give on this topic of finding your soulmate finding your next boyfriend or girlfriend having a having a vegan inamorata shall we say am how are these things linked in my mind I gotta tell you the link is that the terrible terrible advice I hear from my fellow vegans again and again and again is that you should get out a pen and paper and you should write down a list of all the things you're looking for in a member of the opposite sex will remember the same sex if that's your thing and you should visualize this person you know instead of meeting people on a case-by-case basis with an open heart and an open mind you should have written down in black and white you know the mold you want them to fit into you should have the checklist for them to live up to and I think that's absolutely 180 degrees the wrong the wrong way to approach this thing you know alright here's here's my comparison in my life some people at different stages in life some people have seriously said to me that they thought I'd make a great police officer one of my ex-girlfriends she was really heavy on that she really felt I should go into police work in Canada and you know how both my character both who I really am and how she perceived me is part of that right and I've had I think I only remember two conversations with police officers and they thought I would be good for police work and you know actually in all those cases I expressed skepticism I was like oh yeah well you know there's also this part of my character you don't know about there are some things about me that I think might make me a terrible police officer okay the truth is they don't know I don't know we can't know until I try right and I think it's not just when I when I meet someone I don't know who they are I've got to let them show me who they really are I got to let them show me what potential they've got to be in a relationship with me and vice-versa whether or not we can love each other whether or not we can have a great life together whether or not we can wash the dishes together but it's not just that I don't know who they are this actually a really profound sense in which I can say you don't know what you're looking for I don't know what I'm looking for until you try until you give it a chance you know in that same sense of I don't really know if I would be a decent police officer or the world's worst police officer and even another police officer wouldn't know that right we can't know that until you try so people I encourage you meet everyone with an open heart and open mind and I don't even want to prejudge all Chinese women oh that's the point of this video and put this video also to challenge probably some some misconceptions or some stereotypes of Chinese women because if you haven't really lived in China you don't know if you know Chinese women in Toronto or you know Chinese women in Los Angeles you don't know China I've also lived in Hong Kong and Taiwan if even living in Taiwan you don't know mainland China the culture is really different here especially in this way in relation to matters of the heart etc etc so look guys the fundamental reason why I think I should not have a Chinese girlfriend and why should the next woman I get married to assuming I get married again will not be a Chinese woman is that the ideal age when women in China are looking to have their first baby are looking to get pregnant have a kid start a family is between 25 and 28 so I'm 38 if I am dating a woman 10 years younger than me I'm dating a 28 year old here in China almost without exception there are exceptions almost that exception they will be looking to get pregnant have a baby start a family now if they're 28 years old it's now now now now now I'm not saying this as a critique of Chinese culture it's just a comment on how I fit into it right like maybe it's kind of crazy that in Western Europe and America so many women assume they can delay having their first child until they're 35 or 38 and over here it's more like 25 to 28 back when I had my first daughter I'm divorced of three-year-old kid um I remember I was talking to one of the midwives you know not a full medical doctor but someone in those in those specialized Sciences and she was saying look we can all kid ourselves but she was saying biologically women should be having kids way younger and she was breaking down for me all the scientific facts about how really if you talked about having a healthy baby and a healthy mom and healthy breastfeeding and all this stuff in Western culture women have kids way way too late and she I think she would probably say that even in Chinese close to 25 his already he's already pushing it but anyway that's that's a medical biological perspective that has nothing to do with culture and is nothing to do with economics right but I'm divorced I have a three year old kid I am NOT looking to have another kid the day after tomorrow and I'm not looking to date a woman who is so much younger than me that she's got a few years of flexibility right because if I'm dating someone who's 25 to 28 that's what they're looking for they're looking to take the next step and have a kid right away are there exceptions sure I guess I can say I dated a woman who was a very very interesting woman and she was in a kind of Electrical Engineering Chinese woman here in China real mainland China and I remember she's she's in the minority she said to me not for intellectual political reasons she said that she had decided she would never have children and her way of putting it was she decided she would live her life for herself only very interesting way to phrase it given that I'm divorced and I already have a kid obviously I could get into a relationship with someone who had really decided that they never won't have kids but then that same person is probably not gonna be very good with my kid because I'd really rather have a girlfriend or a wife who's cool with my daughter so you know co-parenting whatever you want to say is what it is most women you meet who have great parenting qualities either they already are a parents like they're a divorced single mom or they want to become a parent so is what it is the force that is ineluctably pushing me to get into a relationship with a Chinese woman is that here in China in 2016 so many things absolutely rely on you having a cellular phone at all times and having someone completely fluent in Chinese available to take a call on that cell phone so I got this book here you're gonna have a book review coming up on the channel when this book was sent to the post office they didn't deliver it to my house so hey there's a famous book doesn't mess about politics so probably there's a book of you coming probably gonna read this at the airport tomorrow morning and on the airplane etc I deliberated those they made a phone call they didn't have a voice speaking fluent Chinese answering the phone when they the post office phone to deliver it so they gave up and what do they do with it they didn't just send it to a [ __ ] they didn't they didn't have it wait at the post office closest to my house they had it wait in this hidden warehouse down an alleyway and then into a hidden door and my my teacher here my Chinese teacher she phoned the post office actually for another reason for a different package that I was expecting and then so obviously she was speaking she's my Chinese teacher she was meeting fluent Chinese and then she found it from them if you go to this alleyway and go into this hidden warehouse there's another package waiting for you we called you and we didn't get an answer so we didn't deliver it everything is like that here and again even finding that hidden door I wouldn't have found it without her and then we go there so I mean she didn't just make the phone call we went there together we walked in and we got it done but whether you're dealing with the bank or the hospital or the government there are so many things I mean like if you're gonna start a business here you wouldn't rely so heavily on your wife or girlfriend at every stage for dealing with the paperwork for dealing with the authorities and it's a given here it's totally assumed that if you are a Western man starting a life here you're gonna have a girlfriend or wife who is really your business partner because there are so many things that are just impossible and again even I can like I can speak Chinese okay now I've now completed five hundred and forty hours of Chinese instruction but to be at that level where you can pick up a phone and with no eye contact and no back-and-forth you can you can pick up a phone and talk to a government bureaucrat in Chinese or you can go to the hospital kneel distressful damn day after day and when I went out with my teacher to get stuff done because I ever did so many things she opened with obviously huge data grants I just gave her some really nice parting gifts that reason the people of course assume she's my girlfriend or she's my wife because who else would help you with these problems right who else would have the patience and interest and care to help you this way well [ __ ] so you know thanks thanks to her show to my teacher but now I'm leaving the school and there is pressure on you to have that person someone who doesn't speak lima Shalom is someone who really sticks up for you someone is in your corner someone is using that that language ability to save your neck and if you don't have that in China even if you speak pretty good Chinese whoo it's tough so there you go two forces one really pushing me into a relationship with the Chinese woman and one very powerfully pushing me away from relationship with jasmine because like in Western culture in my age 38 it would be pretty easy for me to have a relationship with a woman who's not looking to have a baby within the next five years where you could have several years of building the relationship gradually before having a baby has even talked about comes into the picture as an option or maybe as a make-or-break option and here in China if you're talking about women 25 25 plus 25 to 30 unless unless I luck out and find the world's most open-minded and intellectual Chinese single mom it's is really a trap for me it's really tough all right so what what is the priceless advice that my fellow vegans have to give me a lot of guys on YouTube is all you guys on Facebook there's love you guys if this festival you don't have girlfriends how can I find a girlfriend how can you find a girlfriend if you want one first things first you got to know what you're looking for in a girl you got to know if you want a girl to be fit you got to know if you want the girl to be on YouTube because ins want to know if what the girls to be really really nice and outgoing or very very nice and introvert oh sorry so Ted Carr he doesn't start by talking here he has a message on the screen that says before I begin the only thing that really matters is if you're happy or not right now nobody else can ever make you happy nobody can make you feel fulfilled happiness and fulfillment are inside jobs and when you make you happy the right people come into your life [ __ ] you Ted car I believe the exact opposite of every single point in that written message written warning from Ted car I think that the least important thing is whether or not you're happy right now I think that fleeting momentary happiness right now is not so important and I think that if you give in to the mentality that the most important thing in the world is how happy you feel right now you are going to be trapped in a life of meaningless short-term self-indulgence think long-term make sacrifices commit to do things that make you miserable and learn from those amazing experiences built the pyramids how the [ __ ] you think humanity built the pyramids you know how do you think we accomplished anything great with the attitude that the only thing that matters is whether or not you're happy right now and [ __ ] it you're in a relationship with a woman you think your happiness is the one thing that matters what about her happiness what about her grandparents happiness what about the whole family units happiness let alone having kids what about the grandparents and the uncles and the neighbors you know we had this [ __ ] saying in English it takes a village what about you take on a village what about you take on a whole community role and a whole family what about you think about a lot of other people's happiness and not just your own Ted this this to me I've said it before this is just like kryptonite to me this is the opposite of everything I [ __ ] believe in take are you got to know if you want the girl who's going to be really really honest and tell you everything or you want a girl if maybe doesn't any much it just keeps to herself please describe your perfect girl what's your name perfect girl you much easier to find it apart from the fact that the things he's listening off as your checkmarks what you're looking for a girl are incredibly shallow this is again 180 degrees opposite of what I believed what I advised I think this is terrible advice from our fellow vegans you should meet people not knowing what you want not having a jello mold for them to fit into or pop out of you should let them show you who they are and you should let yourself discover what it is you're looking for or what you can fall in love with after the fact and you know it's really a distorting view of the world in two different very dynamic ways one is if you think you know what you're looking for you won't see it when you find something surprising unexpectedly when you find someone who's a wonderful person but who we're not who's not what you're looking for that's one obvious thing right you find someone he's wonderful who has redeeming qualities in a in an unexpected way you didn't think you were looking for a tall skinny woman but you met a woman who has other qualities so you know now she's what you've discovered I mean I'm sorry man that's shallow but what he's talking about is shallow you didn't think you were looking for someone who was morose let's say maybe you thought you were looking for someone cheerful because these are the kinds of examples it gives but you meet a really wonderful human being who has some really important qualities and maybe you know maybe they do it maybe they're finding the cure for cancer maybe they're morose all the time because they're doing this goddamn cancer research it gets them down you say hey I didn't think I was gonna fall in love with the remote with a morose self pitying cancer researcher but here we are you you gotta let those people surprise you and you got to let yourself be surprised and look it's sorry and the other thing I want to say cuz I've done this to myself when you have fixed in your mind something you think you're looking for then also when you find someone who has that characteristic you're gonna be making excuses for all the other things that are wrong with them which is really dangerous so like let's say you have written down that you're looking for a vegan intellectual some people are looking for that some people send me naked photos of themselves because I was looking for believe it or not there are people are looking for vegan electro okay and then they find that the problem is because you have that fixed idea in your mind you say okay this person checks these boxes and now you're not gonna let yourself in an open-minded way figure out who they really are which is gonna include advantages and disadvantages good things and bad things and all kinds of great things in between all right you can say oh this is what I had on my list and by the way take her while he's saying this he has written in text on the screen in big bold letters write a description of your ideal companion so this is he that he's actually writing on a piece of paper this isn't metaphorical but to me both of those things are dangerous it's dangerous in terms of what you don't see and then what you do see and the kinds of justifications you're you're almost inevitably gonna make for and welcome to another video today I'm with Mike of health this is back in the day people Hania sitting next to Jason Posey know very much in love and when she asks Jason his name he gives his name as high-carb health heck of health how the times have changed there was a time when he was promoting himself in his channel under the name high carb health my number one tip for finding a vegan boyfriend is becoming an activist she just said in order to meet men become an activist imagine if we just switched the genders how much hatred and all blue key would be heaped on any guy who said that he became an activist in order to meet women that's really especially hated and despised right if you're a dude who goes to protests to pick up chicks or even if you say it in theory that you can go to protests to be an activist to pick up women I have never gone to approach has to be Whitman however I do not recommend anyone does it and you know I've said it before I've said it again I actually think that veganism including politicized veganism is a lousy basis for a loving relationship because in practice veganism is really not a very loving philosophy you know like this whole channel is talking about that I think in a lot of ways veganism and why people become passionate about become activists based on a lot of a lot of agony choose one word you know this sense of witnessing the unbelievable cruelty of the you know meatpacking industry and then refusing to conform refusing to compromise refuting refusing to be complicit in that cycle of suffering of saying no more whether you particularly respond to the suffering the animals or the ecological devastation of the planet I actually think that's a terrible basis for loving relationship and even though of course I would prefer to be with a vegan the reality is any woman who falls in love with me doesn't have a choice like two weeks into the relationship and he [ __ ] with me has to become thecan or get the hell out that's it that's how I roll so they don't have a choice if I they want to be with me or they don't so I keep it simple from my perspective but meeting someone through activism on the one hand I think Kenya can be criticized here because those are not the right motives to get involved with activism of any kind and she's really talking about street protests here and on the other hand is that a good basis for relationship I say no so my first vegan boyfriend I met when I was doing a demonstration for animal rights and during that time I was doing a lot of activity and I met a lot of vegan guys that some of them weren't good-looking and so no right and that's fine so my first tip for finding a vegan partner would be not to focus on it so heavily don't make it something that you're you're longing for if you that's what you're looking for just write it down have a list of every quality that you're looking for in a partner write it down and then just let it be and every day or every week come back to that list and just read through it so that it refreshes your memory this is what I'm actually searching for this is what my plan is this is what I'm going for I know I know it's it's invisible to some of you guys but to me I really think of that as being very psychological and healthy and I don't know he can flip the genders I to me it's just as creepy for a man or just as creepy for him but he is talking about literally have a list write it down and then read that list to getting this like self hypnosis as a visualization exercise to me I think that's bad and it's sick and it's wrong and not only do I think it's gonna lead to a bad relationship when you actually do meet that person and you want them to either fit into that mold or reject them I think it's psychological healthy for you while you're actually doing it it's unbelievable it's a good question from the crowd can I write a list down and then forget it that would be much more psychologically healthy you know what instead of writing the list down and obsessing over it and memorizing it and looking for it you know what write the list down crumple it up and throw it in the fireplace write the list and then flush it down the toilet and never think about it again write the list and then put that stuff out of your mind that would be psychologically healthy what all these guys are endorsing I think is really psychologically unhealthy I got to say also looking at this old video of Jason and Hannah all hugged up I look forward to the day when me and my next girlfriend are gonna sit on camera and talk about I don't know Marxism and you know political science in Southeast Asia and when this when when these videos won't always be one-on-one but the person that you found you know you both liked each other enough to respect that from each other it's like it's like eating meat in front of someone's like well I don't want you to smoke in front of me yeah but I'm [ __ ] smoking me exactly so again I think that's an interesting comparison but a false one asking your partner to quit eating meat I feel is not comparable to ask them to quit smoking precisely because smoking only has consequences for the person doing the smoking eating meat has consequences for the animal being killed as consequences for the industry as consequence for the ecology so I completely understand why in terms of psychology you make the comparison to smoking cigarettes but actually it's a really bad in misleading comparison the type of danger and the type of damage being done because eating meat has consequences not just for the person doing it like nobody quits smoking in order to save the life of the tobacco plant your quitting smoking for your own health your own psychology for the psychology of addiction or what have you I think that's really worth keeping in mind is that actually this is not comparable to quitting smoking and that's also why I think it's so much harder to compromise with if you have a loved one in your kitchen doing damage every day harming animals harming the environment etc etc hey gorgeous people know it's gonna be a great video when it opens with the statement hey gorgeous people I'm gonna start opening my videos with ugly vegans represent hey gorgeous people what if your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't vegan again I think it's really difficult to make comparisons what if your boyfriend is a fascist what if your boyfriend is a neo-nazi what if your boyfriend is involved with some kind of cult group that performs human sacrifices those are all things that have real consequences the world yes they reflect the person's beliefs they reflect perhaps moral problems of the person's character but there are also things that have real consequences I don't think we can so easily compare it to smoke e-cigarettes because smoking cigarettes really just has consequences for the person doing the smoking by eating meat has consequences for the animals living their whole lives in a steel cage it has consequences for the world's economy ecology etc etc and in terms of how you feel about them whether or not you can trust them day by day I think we can make a comparison with someone who's a compulsive gambler do you really feel you can love someone you can support someone you can enable someone and their lifestyle if you know that they're gambling or that they have that compulsion them at any time to go back to gambling so there are trust issues as well as all those ethical issues involved now I know as a vegan veganism is such a passionate topic for all of us and we really really believe in what we're doing we can say that we believe in what we're doing but is that the point I think the problem is do I believe in the person I'm in love with do I believe in my girlfriend do I believe in my wife whether or not you believe in veganism that's a real problem and again even if it's just something like compulsive gambling she's not the worst sin in the world does it I mean compulsive gambling doesn't slit the throats of baby calves doesn't do any of the terrible things that happen every day on this unbelievable scale to millions and millions of animals it's relatively harmless compulsive gambling but if you're a compulsive gambler can I believe in you believing in veganism is one thing believing in the person you're in love with is another because we really believe in the benefits that it has on the planet and we don't want to torture animals and we don't want to unnecessarily murder you know so many animals every year it's just something that we're so passionate about on a human level I don't really think it's possible for any vegan to make this compromise I don't really think any vegan is comfortable sharing a kitchen with someone sharing pots and pans with someone sharing knives and spoons with someone who's cutting up the corpses of dead animals when you see a piece of meat I think once you become vegan you don't just see the meat you see the whole cycle of suffering you see the industry that produces that meat you see the life of that animal being trapped in a cage living its whole life on a concrete floor you see the whole ugly context of cultural excuses made for it you probably also to some extent on some level you're aware that this food is not healthy for you that in some sense it's poison that it's not only unnecessary but that it's actually unhealthy and you know I think you see it just like the we see we see the whole rain cycle you can look out at the ocean and not just see the ocean but also realize that the ocean in a sense is linked to the rain I think in the same way you see the ecological devastation of the world the waste of the world's resources all in that piece of meat you don't just see the bloody hacked off limb of an animal which is what it is and I got to tell you for me not only do I not want to see that in my kitchen I don't even want to see a wool sweater in my in my closet and wool unlike a piece of rotting meat doesn't smell bad doesn't have any blood on it you know wool wool is beautiful but for me what will represents what it means morally and what it means about the person who buys it and where is it is a whole nother thing so what if your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't vegan gosh like I know that that can be so so hard and the first thing you might want to do is maybe yell at them or tell them you know they're a terrible person for not being vegan so you know where she's going with this um if a woman likes me she is gonna feel the depth of my disapproval that I disapprove of her reading me she is gonna feel that even if I don't say a word sitting in the state she's gonna feel it if a woman loves me she's gonna feel that in a whole other level so I mean what you're saying here I know where she's going with this but a perfect no I feel let's talk about the other person's feeling instead about the meters feelings if the meteor is in love with me and they want to feel loved they are they are gonna feel that disapproval even if I don't say a word every time they sit down at the dinner table with me or every time they put on a leather jacket put on their leather boots I people pick up on that stuff you know one of my girlfriends who was not at the st. who was not the intellectually brightest girlfriend I've ever had I remember sometimes she would talk about her research interests or her intellectual interests and I wouldn't say a word I wouldn't criticize sit there silently and she would talk about she wanted to do research on linguistics psychology or some [ __ ] and she knew to just I remember she wouldn't even make eye contact with me sometimes just pick up the vibe but coming across from couch to couch it when somebody loves you doesn't just like you isn't just interesting you're throwing would they love you they feel that disapproval and it is sharper than a serpent's tooth somewhere the chat says and they'll resent you some people will some people develop resentment but for some people it's just sorrow it's just suffering it's just misery resentment comes later resentment it's something you've gotta develop but immediately you know there's sorrow and suffering and innocence harm so yeah you can talk about how I feel let's talk about how how the other person feels in this case the woman sorry I'm heterosexual the woman the man whoever you're talking about unless unless you're with somebody who's sleepwalking through life they're gonna know that they're gonna feel that and it's gonna matter it's gonna count for a lot every night and I know when I get that because I've been there in the past and it's just not the right way to go about it unfortunately the best thing that you can do is be supportive of where they're at even if that's really really hard for you to do it's the best option so yeah I don't want to rehash the really extreme examples I used if you are in a relationship with someone who's actually a neo-nazi actually a member of an extremist political group like that do you want to be loving and supportive do you want to be enabling what they're doing if you're in love with somebody who's a drug addict who's a gambling addict do you want to be supportive even if it's just alcohol or just cigarettes but the gambling is a good is a good example because of gambling again there's this problem with trust it's corrosive can you trust them can you respect them if they were gambling in it but why would it be why would it be advantageous for you to be loving and support of them and look gambling in some ways is easier because you probably don't have to see it if you're in a relationship with a gambling addict it's very likely that just once once every couple of months they disappear and they for a whole weekend they're going away and binging you know gambling all weekend you don't got to see it with meat and dairy you gotta say it's in your kitchen it's right in front of your face every day you're smelling it every day I mean it's easy to preach being loving and supportive but actually if we're talking about good and evil which is what it comes down to for vegans I don't think you can be loving and supportive towards something you sincerely regard as evil because you're never gonna change someone's mind by trying to force them into something or sitting them down and trying to force them to watch documentaries you're right you're never gonna change their mind you're gonna change their behavior and you know what I think if you fall in love with a gambling addict maybe that's the one thing you can't judge maybe on some level always they're gonna have that desire in them even if they got it under control even if they were cover you know if they stop they quit gambling and they never go back to it is it about changing their mind or is it about changing their behavior I think that's a totally separate topic like what because because what we're talking but here is being in a relationship with a meat eater versus being in relation with a vegan there's separate video we made being in a relationship with an ethical vegan versus being a relationship with a non ethical vegan so doesn't care but who lives a vegan lifestyle anyway for whatever combination of reasons whether it's health doctor's orders or because their boyfriend or girlfriend forced them into it which there's plenty of on this planet do you are you cool with that but she's right I give her that point you're not gonna change their mind but you are gonna change their behavior and to me that's what matters because their behavior has outcomes the outcomes that I care about you're not paying someone to slit the throat of a lamb so you can drink its blood the best thing that you can do is like hey babe like would you maybe want to have like you know one day a week a vegan dinner with me or you know do one day a week 100% meeting with me if you fall in love with a Muslim do you think you could ask them to be atheist for one day per week do you think you could have one atheist meal per day it's problem with veganism it is built on ethical beliefs and those ethical beliefs run deep there's no such thing as being a part-time atheist or a part-time Muslim or a part-time Catholic either you believe in it or you don't either it matters to you or it doesn't you know what you do with that concern once you have that ethical concern is is another thing so no I don't think and it happen I mean people you know sometimes atheists fall in love with Muslims and Muslims fall in love with atheists this is you know this is life this happens but there's no what you could ask that person to change you can ask that person to switch from being a Muslim to being an atheist like it's the most common thing one of my professors he converted to Judaism he was an atheist Christian and he converted to Judaism because it fell in love with a Jewish woman it happens I mean life is full of these these these you know funny situations um but there's no way you can ask someone to be Jewish one day a week that's not gonna work it's not gonna work for either party so there's no way you could ask someone to be vegan one day a week even though I know her heart's in the right place and I know I know where she's going with this but the person you're in love with is gonna know where you're going with this also you're asking them to convert so why [ __ ] around why pretend that it's about one meal or uh or one day of the week and you know ultimately this isn't your boss this isn't your brother this isn't your coworker this is someone you're cooking for cleaning for sleeping with waking up next to having sex with and you're just omitting to mention that they're morally repugnant to you all the time that what they do day in day out sunup sundown in a million little ways when they put on their leather boots and their fur coat or they buy a hot dog at a hot dog stand what they're doing is morally repugnant to you and you're just gonna suppress that and not mention it well you cook for them clean for them make love to them boo sing it's not gonna work people it's it's not gonna work can it work with a co-worker with your brother yes with a more distant relationship but a person you are that intimate with and where your approval of them your attitude towards them your love for them matters so much I don't think there's any way you can reconcile having that kind of intimate supportive loving relationship with complete ethical contempt they deal with their lives and that is Yin and for me not everyone feels this way for me that is there with a gambler too because for me gambling isn't just wasting money at his youth wasting time for me there's also an ethical component of it and I would feel contempt for somebody if they have other good qualities but still what they're doing with the time that much of the potential [Music]
that are linked in my mind and in my heart but for some of you they're just gonna be totally miscellaneous name related so I apologize in advance one is why I do not want to get into a relationship with a Chinese woman I don't want my next girlfriend to be Chinese don't want my wife to be Chinese although I'm living in China and then I'm gonna talk a little bit about the absolutely terrible advice my fellow vegans give on this topic of finding your soulmate finding your next boyfriend or girlfriend oh my number one tip for finding of the young boyfriend is becoming an activist you're never gonna change someone's mind by trying to force them into something or sitting them down and trying to force them to watch documentaries with you you know how can I find a girlfriend how can you buddy go by if you actually abstain from sex sorry that's just happen at the same time honestly we can still play a definition about standing at the time Thunder sting talking about love let me tell you something this jacket I got married in this jacket and I got divorced in this jacket this is my this is my lucky jacket this is a durable jacket my legal wedding going to City Hall to do the paperwork I was wearing this jacket let me put you on game alright um I want to cover two issues in this video that are linked in my mind and in my heart but for some of you they're just gonna be totally miscellaneous and related so I apologize in advance one is why I do not want to get into a relationship with a Chinese woman I don't want my next girlfriend to be Chinese don't want my wife to be Chinese although I'm living in China I have a lot of experience let me China then paired two that are the basic social forces that are kind of forcing me into a relationship with the Chinese woman that's kind of like a brief footnote to that big point and then I'm gonna talk a little bit about the absolutely terrible advice my fellow vegans give on this topic of finding your soulmate finding your next boyfriend or girlfriend having a having a vegan inamorata shall we say am how are these things linked in my mind I gotta tell you the link is that the terrible terrible advice I hear from my fellow vegans again and again and again is that you should get out a pen and paper and you should write down a list of all the things you're looking for in a member of the opposite sex will remember the same sex if that's your thing and you should visualize this person you know instead of meeting people on a case-by-case basis with an open heart and an open mind you should have written down in black and white you know the mold you want them to fit into you should have the checklist for them to live up to and I think that's absolutely 180 degrees the wrong the wrong way to approach this thing you know alright here's here's my comparison in my life some people at different stages in life some people have seriously said to me that they thought I'd make a great police officer one of my ex-girlfriends she was really heavy on that she really felt I should go into police work in Canada and you know how both my character both who I really am and how she perceived me is part of that right and I've had I think I only remember two conversations with police officers and they thought I would be good for police work and you know actually in all those cases I expressed skepticism I was like oh yeah well you know there's also this part of my character you don't know about there are some things about me that I think might make me a terrible police officer okay the truth is they don't know I don't know we can't know until I try right and I think it's not just when I when I meet someone I don't know who they are I've got to let them show me who they really are I got to let them show me what potential they've got to be in a relationship with me and vice-versa whether or not we can love each other whether or not we can have a great life together whether or not we can wash the dishes together but it's not just that I don't know who they are this actually a really profound sense in which I can say you don't know what you're looking for I don't know what I'm looking for until you try until you give it a chance you know in that same sense of I don't really know if I would be a decent police officer or the world's worst police officer and even another police officer wouldn't know that right we can't know that until you try so people I encourage you meet everyone with an open heart and open mind and I don't even want to prejudge all Chinese women oh that's the point of this video and put this video also to challenge probably some some misconceptions or some stereotypes of Chinese women because if you haven't really lived in China you don't know if you know Chinese women in Toronto or you know Chinese women in Los Angeles you don't know China I've also lived in Hong Kong and Taiwan if even living in Taiwan you don't know mainland China the culture is really different here especially in this way in relation to matters of the heart etc etc so look guys the fundamental reason why I think I should not have a Chinese girlfriend and why should the next woman I get married to assuming I get married again will not be a Chinese woman is that the ideal age when women in China are looking to have their first baby are looking to get pregnant have a kid start a family is between 25 and 28 so I'm 38 if I am dating a woman 10 years younger than me I'm dating a 28 year old here in China almost without exception there are exceptions almost that exception they will be looking to get pregnant have a baby start a family now if they're 28 years old it's now now now now now I'm not saying this as a critique of Chinese culture it's just a comment on how I fit into it right like maybe it's kind of crazy that in Western Europe and America so many women assume they can delay having their first child until they're 35 or 38 and over here it's more like 25 to 28 back when I had my first daughter I'm divorced of three-year-old kid um I remember I was talking to one of the midwives you know not a full medical doctor but someone in those in those specialized Sciences and she was saying look we can all kid ourselves but she was saying biologically women should be having kids way younger and she was breaking down for me all the scientific facts about how really if you talked about having a healthy baby and a healthy mom and healthy breastfeeding and all this stuff in Western culture women have kids way way too late and she I think she would probably say that even in Chinese close to 25 his already he's already pushing it but anyway that's that's a medical biological perspective that has nothing to do with culture and is nothing to do with economics right but I'm divorced I have a three year old kid I am NOT looking to have another kid the day after tomorrow and I'm not looking to date a woman who is so much younger than me that she's got a few years of flexibility right because if I'm dating someone who's 25 to 28 that's what they're looking for they're looking to take the next step and have a kid right away are there exceptions sure I guess I can say I dated a woman who was a very very interesting woman and she was in a kind of Electrical Engineering Chinese woman here in China real mainland China and I remember she's she's in the minority she said to me not for intellectual political reasons she said that she had decided she would never have children and her way of putting it was she decided she would live her life for herself only very interesting way to phrase it given that I'm divorced and I already have a kid obviously I could get into a relationship with someone who had really decided that they never won't have kids but then that same person is probably not gonna be very good with my kid because I'd really rather have a girlfriend or a wife who's cool with my daughter so you know co-parenting whatever you want to say is what it is most women you meet who have great parenting qualities either they already are a parents like they're a divorced single mom or they want to become a parent so is what it is the force that is ineluctably pushing me to get into a relationship with a Chinese woman is that here in China in 2016 so many things absolutely rely on you having a cellular phone at all times and having someone completely fluent in Chinese available to take a call on that cell phone so I got this book here you're gonna have a book review coming up on the channel when this book was sent to the post office they didn't deliver it to my house so hey there's a famous book doesn't mess about politics so probably there's a book of you coming probably gonna read this at the airport tomorrow morning and on the airplane etc I deliberated those they made a phone call they didn't have a voice speaking fluent Chinese answering the phone when they the post office phone to deliver it so they gave up and what do they do with it they didn't just send it to a [ __ ] they didn't they didn't have it wait at the post office closest to my house they had it wait in this hidden warehouse down an alleyway and then into a hidden door and my my teacher here my Chinese teacher she phoned the post office actually for another reason for a different package that I was expecting and then so obviously she was speaking she's my Chinese teacher she was meeting fluent Chinese and then she found it from them if you go to this alleyway and go into this hidden warehouse there's another package waiting for you we called you and we didn't get an answer so we didn't deliver it everything is like that here and again even finding that hidden door I wouldn't have found it without her and then we go there so I mean she didn't just make the phone call we went there together we walked in and we got it done but whether you're dealing with the bank or the hospital or the government there are so many things I mean like if you're gonna start a business here you wouldn't rely so heavily on your wife or girlfriend at every stage for dealing with the paperwork for dealing with the authorities and it's a given here it's totally assumed that if you are a Western man starting a life here you're gonna have a girlfriend or wife who is really your business partner because there are so many things that are just impossible and again even I can like I can speak Chinese okay now I've now completed five hundred and forty hours of Chinese instruction but to be at that level where you can pick up a phone and with no eye contact and no back-and-forth you can you can pick up a phone and talk to a government bureaucrat in Chinese or you can go to the hospital kneel distressful damn day after day and when I went out with my teacher to get stuff done because I ever did so many things she opened with obviously huge data grants I just gave her some really nice parting gifts that reason the people of course assume she's my girlfriend or she's my wife because who else would help you with these problems right who else would have the patience and interest and care to help you this way well [ __ ] so you know thanks thanks to her show to my teacher but now I'm leaving the school and there is pressure on you to have that person someone who doesn't speak lima Shalom is someone who really sticks up for you someone is in your corner someone is using that that language ability to save your neck and if you don't have that in China even if you speak pretty good Chinese whoo it's tough so there you go two forces one really pushing me into a relationship with the Chinese woman and one very powerfully pushing me away from relationship with jasmine because like in Western culture in my age 38 it would be pretty easy for me to have a relationship with a woman who's not looking to have a baby within the next five years where you could have several years of building the relationship gradually before having a baby has even talked about comes into the picture as an option or maybe as a make-or-break option and here in China if you're talking about women 25 25 plus 25 to 30 unless unless I luck out and find the world's most open-minded and intellectual Chinese single mom it's is really a trap for me it's really tough all right so what what is the priceless advice that my fellow vegans have to give me a lot of guys on YouTube is all you guys on Facebook there's love you guys if this festival you don't have girlfriends how can I find a girlfriend how can you find a girlfriend if you want one first things first you got to know what you're looking for in a girl you got to know if you want a girl to be fit you got to know if you want the girl to be on YouTube because ins want to know if what the girls to be really really nice and outgoing or very very nice and introvert oh sorry so Ted Carr he doesn't start by talking here he has a message on the screen that says before I begin the only thing that really matters is if you're happy or not right now nobody else can ever make you happy nobody can make you feel fulfilled happiness and fulfillment are inside jobs and when you make you happy the right people come into your life [ __ ] you Ted car I believe the exact opposite of every single point in that written message written warning from Ted car I think that the least important thing is whether or not you're happy right now I think that fleeting momentary happiness right now is not so important and I think that if you give in to the mentality that the most important thing in the world is how happy you feel right now you are going to be trapped in a life of meaningless short-term self-indulgence think long-term make sacrifices commit to do things that make you miserable and learn from those amazing experiences built the pyramids how the [ __ ] you think humanity built the pyramids you know how do you think we accomplished anything great with the attitude that the only thing that matters is whether or not you're happy right now and [ __ ] it you're in a relationship with a woman you think your happiness is the one thing that matters what about her happiness what about her grandparents happiness what about the whole family units happiness let alone having kids what about the grandparents and the uncles and the neighbors you know we had this [ __ ] saying in English it takes a village what about you take on a village what about you take on a whole community role and a whole family what about you think about a lot of other people's happiness and not just your own Ted this this to me I've said it before this is just like kryptonite to me this is the opposite of everything I [ __ ] believe in take are you got to know if you want the girl who's going to be really really honest and tell you everything or you want a girl if maybe doesn't any much it just keeps to herself please describe your perfect girl what's your name perfect girl you much easier to find it apart from the fact that the things he's listening off as your checkmarks what you're looking for a girl are incredibly shallow this is again 180 degrees opposite of what I believed what I advised I think this is terrible advice from our fellow vegans you should meet people not knowing what you want not having a jello mold for them to fit into or pop out of you should let them show you who they are and you should let yourself discover what it is you're looking for or what you can fall in love with after the fact and you know it's really a distorting view of the world in two different very dynamic ways one is if you think you know what you're looking for you won't see it when you find something surprising unexpectedly when you find someone who's a wonderful person but who we're not who's not what you're looking for that's one obvious thing right you find someone he's wonderful who has redeeming qualities in a in an unexpected way you didn't think you were looking for a tall skinny woman but you met a woman who has other qualities so you know now she's what you've discovered I mean I'm sorry man that's shallow but what he's talking about is shallow you didn't think you were looking for someone who was morose let's say maybe you thought you were looking for someone cheerful because these are the kinds of examples it gives but you meet a really wonderful human being who has some really important qualities and maybe you know maybe they do it maybe they're finding the cure for cancer maybe they're morose all the time because they're doing this goddamn cancer research it gets them down you say hey I didn't think I was gonna fall in love with the remote with a morose self pitying cancer researcher but here we are you you gotta let those people surprise you and you got to let yourself be surprised and look it's sorry and the other thing I want to say cuz I've done this to myself when you have fixed in your mind something you think you're looking for then also when you find someone who has that characteristic you're gonna be making excuses for all the other things that are wrong with them which is really dangerous so like let's say you have written down that you're looking for a vegan intellectual some people are looking for that some people send me naked photos of themselves because I was looking for believe it or not there are people are looking for vegan electro okay and then they find that the problem is because you have that fixed idea in your mind you say okay this person checks these boxes and now you're not gonna let yourself in an open-minded way figure out who they really are which is gonna include advantages and disadvantages good things and bad things and all kinds of great things in between all right you can say oh this is what I had on my list and by the way take her while he's saying this he has written in text on the screen in big bold letters write a description of your ideal companion so this is he that he's actually writing on a piece of paper this isn't metaphorical but to me both of those things are dangerous it's dangerous in terms of what you don't see and then what you do see and the kinds of justifications you're you're almost inevitably gonna make for and welcome to another video today I'm with Mike of health this is back in the day people Hania sitting next to Jason Posey know very much in love and when she asks Jason his name he gives his name as high-carb health heck of health how the times have changed there was a time when he was promoting himself in his channel under the name high carb health my number one tip for finding a vegan boyfriend is becoming an activist she just said in order to meet men become an activist imagine if we just switched the genders how much hatred and all blue key would be heaped on any guy who said that he became an activist in order to meet women that's really especially hated and despised right if you're a dude who goes to protests to pick up chicks or even if you say it in theory that you can go to protests to be an activist to pick up women I have never gone to approach has to be Whitman however I do not recommend anyone does it and you know I've said it before I've said it again I actually think that veganism including politicized veganism is a lousy basis for a loving relationship because in practice veganism is really not a very loving philosophy you know like this whole channel is talking about that I think in a lot of ways veganism and why people become passionate about become activists based on a lot of a lot of agony choose one word you know this sense of witnessing the unbelievable cruelty of the you know meatpacking industry and then refusing to conform refusing to compromise refuting refusing to be complicit in that cycle of suffering of saying no more whether you particularly respond to the suffering the animals or the ecological devastation of the planet I actually think that's a terrible basis for loving relationship and even though of course I would prefer to be with a vegan the reality is any woman who falls in love with me doesn't have a choice like two weeks into the relationship and he [ __ ] with me has to become thecan or get the hell out that's it that's how I roll so they don't have a choice if I they want to be with me or they don't so I keep it simple from my perspective but meeting someone through activism on the one hand I think Kenya can be criticized here because those are not the right motives to get involved with activism of any kind and she's really talking about street protests here and on the other hand is that a good basis for relationship I say no so my first vegan boyfriend I met when I was doing a demonstration for animal rights and during that time I was doing a lot of activity and I met a lot of vegan guys that some of them weren't good-looking and so no right and that's fine so my first tip for finding a vegan partner would be not to focus on it so heavily don't make it something that you're you're longing for if you that's what you're looking for just write it down have a list of every quality that you're looking for in a partner write it down and then just let it be and every day or every week come back to that list and just read through it so that it refreshes your memory this is what I'm actually searching for this is what my plan is this is what I'm going for I know I know it's it's invisible to some of you guys but to me I really think of that as being very psychological and healthy and I don't know he can flip the genders I to me it's just as creepy for a man or just as creepy for him but he is talking about literally have a list write it down and then read that list to getting this like self hypnosis as a visualization exercise to me I think that's bad and it's sick and it's wrong and not only do I think it's gonna lead to a bad relationship when you actually do meet that person and you want them to either fit into that mold or reject them I think it's psychological healthy for you while you're actually doing it it's unbelievable it's a good question from the crowd can I write a list down and then forget it that would be much more psychologically healthy you know what instead of writing the list down and obsessing over it and memorizing it and looking for it you know what write the list down crumple it up and throw it in the fireplace write the list and then flush it down the toilet and never think about it again write the list and then put that stuff out of your mind that would be psychologically healthy what all these guys are endorsing I think is really psychologically unhealthy I got to say also looking at this old video of Jason and Hannah all hugged up I look forward to the day when me and my next girlfriend are gonna sit on camera and talk about I don't know Marxism and you know political science in Southeast Asia and when this when when these videos won't always be one-on-one but the person that you found you know you both liked each other enough to respect that from each other it's like it's like eating meat in front of someone's like well I don't want you to smoke in front of me yeah but I'm [ __ ] smoking me exactly so again I think that's an interesting comparison but a false one asking your partner to quit eating meat I feel is not comparable to ask them to quit smoking precisely because smoking only has consequences for the person doing the smoking eating meat has consequences for the animal being killed as consequences for the industry as consequence for the ecology so I completely understand why in terms of psychology you make the comparison to smoking cigarettes but actually it's a really bad in misleading comparison the type of danger and the type of damage being done because eating meat has consequences not just for the person doing it like nobody quits smoking in order to save the life of the tobacco plant your quitting smoking for your own health your own psychology for the psychology of addiction or what have you I think that's really worth keeping in mind is that actually this is not comparable to quitting smoking and that's also why I think it's so much harder to compromise with if you have a loved one in your kitchen doing damage every day harming animals harming the environment etc etc hey gorgeous people know it's gonna be a great video when it opens with the statement hey gorgeous people I'm gonna start opening my videos with ugly vegans represent hey gorgeous people what if your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't vegan again I think it's really difficult to make comparisons what if your boyfriend is a fascist what if your boyfriend is a neo-nazi what if your boyfriend is involved with some kind of cult group that performs human sacrifices those are all things that have real consequences the world yes they reflect the person's beliefs they reflect perhaps moral problems of the person's character but there are also things that have real consequences I don't think we can so easily compare it to smoke e-cigarettes because smoking cigarettes really just has consequences for the person doing the smoking by eating meat has consequences for the animals living their whole lives in a steel cage it has consequences for the world's economy ecology etc etc and in terms of how you feel about them whether or not you can trust them day by day I think we can make a comparison with someone who's a compulsive gambler do you really feel you can love someone you can support someone you can enable someone and their lifestyle if you know that they're gambling or that they have that compulsion them at any time to go back to gambling so there are trust issues as well as all those ethical issues involved now I know as a vegan veganism is such a passionate topic for all of us and we really really believe in what we're doing we can say that we believe in what we're doing but is that the point I think the problem is do I believe in the person I'm in love with do I believe in my girlfriend do I believe in my wife whether or not you believe in veganism that's a real problem and again even if it's just something like compulsive gambling she's not the worst sin in the world does it I mean compulsive gambling doesn't slit the throats of baby calves doesn't do any of the terrible things that happen every day on this unbelievable scale to millions and millions of animals it's relatively harmless compulsive gambling but if you're a compulsive gambler can I believe in you believing in veganism is one thing believing in the person you're in love with is another because we really believe in the benefits that it has on the planet and we don't want to torture animals and we don't want to unnecessarily murder you know so many animals every year it's just something that we're so passionate about on a human level I don't really think it's possible for any vegan to make this compromise I don't really think any vegan is comfortable sharing a kitchen with someone sharing pots and pans with someone sharing knives and spoons with someone who's cutting up the corpses of dead animals when you see a piece of meat I think once you become vegan you don't just see the meat you see the whole cycle of suffering you see the industry that produces that meat you see the life of that animal being trapped in a cage living its whole life on a concrete floor you see the whole ugly context of cultural excuses made for it you probably also to some extent on some level you're aware that this food is not healthy for you that in some sense it's poison that it's not only unnecessary but that it's actually unhealthy and you know I think you see it just like the we see we see the whole rain cycle you can look out at the ocean and not just see the ocean but also realize that the ocean in a sense is linked to the rain I think in the same way you see the ecological devastation of the world the waste of the world's resources all in that piece of meat you don't just see the bloody hacked off limb of an animal which is what it is and I got to tell you for me not only do I not want to see that in my kitchen I don't even want to see a wool sweater in my in my closet and wool unlike a piece of rotting meat doesn't smell bad doesn't have any blood on it you know wool wool is beautiful but for me what will represents what it means morally and what it means about the person who buys it and where is it is a whole nother thing so what if your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't vegan gosh like I know that that can be so so hard and the first thing you might want to do is maybe yell at them or tell them you know they're a terrible person for not being vegan so you know where she's going with this um if a woman likes me she is gonna feel the depth of my disapproval that I disapprove of her reading me she is gonna feel that even if I don't say a word sitting in the state she's gonna feel it if a woman loves me she's gonna feel that in a whole other level so I mean what you're saying here I know where she's going with this but a perfect no I feel let's talk about the other person's feeling instead about the meters feelings if the meteor is in love with me and they want to feel loved they are they are gonna feel that disapproval even if I don't say a word every time they sit down at the dinner table with me or every time they put on a leather jacket put on their leather boots I people pick up on that stuff you know one of my girlfriends who was not at the st. who was not the intellectually brightest girlfriend I've ever had I remember sometimes she would talk about her research interests or her intellectual interests and I wouldn't say a word I wouldn't criticize sit there silently and she would talk about she wanted to do research on linguistics psychology or some [ __ ] and she knew to just I remember she wouldn't even make eye contact with me sometimes just pick up the vibe but coming across from couch to couch it when somebody loves you doesn't just like you isn't just interesting you're throwing would they love you they feel that disapproval and it is sharper than a serpent's tooth somewhere the chat says and they'll resent you some people will some people develop resentment but for some people it's just sorrow it's just suffering it's just misery resentment comes later resentment it's something you've gotta develop but immediately you know there's sorrow and suffering and innocence harm so yeah you can talk about how I feel let's talk about how how the other person feels in this case the woman sorry I'm heterosexual the woman the man whoever you're talking about unless unless you're with somebody who's sleepwalking through life they're gonna know that they're gonna feel that and it's gonna matter it's gonna count for a lot every night and I know when I get that because I've been there in the past and it's just not the right way to go about it unfortunately the best thing that you can do is be supportive of where they're at even if that's really really hard for you to do it's the best option so yeah I don't want to rehash the really extreme examples I used if you are in a relationship with someone who's actually a neo-nazi actually a member of an extremist political group like that do you want to be loving and supportive do you want to be enabling what they're doing if you're in love with somebody who's a drug addict who's a gambling addict do you want to be supportive even if it's just alcohol or just cigarettes but the gambling is a good is a good example because of gambling again there's this problem with trust it's corrosive can you trust them can you respect them if they were gambling in it but why would it be why would it be advantageous for you to be loving and support of them and look gambling in some ways is easier because you probably don't have to see it if you're in a relationship with a gambling addict it's very likely that just once once every couple of months they disappear and they for a whole weekend they're going away and binging you know gambling all weekend you don't got to see it with meat and dairy you gotta say it's in your kitchen it's right in front of your face every day you're smelling it every day I mean it's easy to preach being loving and supportive but actually if we're talking about good and evil which is what it comes down to for vegans I don't think you can be loving and supportive towards something you sincerely regard as evil because you're never gonna change someone's mind by trying to force them into something or sitting them down and trying to force them to watch documentaries you're right you're never gonna change their mind you're gonna change their behavior and you know what I think if you fall in love with a gambling addict maybe that's the one thing you can't judge maybe on some level always they're gonna have that desire in them even if they got it under control even if they were cover you know if they stop they quit gambling and they never go back to it is it about changing their mind or is it about changing their behavior I think that's a totally separate topic like what because because what we're talking but here is being in a relationship with a meat eater versus being in relation with a vegan there's separate video we made being in a relationship with an ethical vegan versus being a relationship with a non ethical vegan so doesn't care but who lives a vegan lifestyle anyway for whatever combination of reasons whether it's health doctor's orders or because their boyfriend or girlfriend forced them into it which there's plenty of on this planet do you are you cool with that but she's right I give her that point you're not gonna change their mind but you are gonna change their behavior and to me that's what matters because their behavior has outcomes the outcomes that I care about you're not paying someone to slit the throat of a lamb so you can drink its blood the best thing that you can do is like hey babe like would you maybe want to have like you know one day a week a vegan dinner with me or you know do one day a week 100% meeting with me if you fall in love with a Muslim do you think you could ask them to be atheist for one day per week do you think you could have one atheist meal per day it's problem with veganism it is built on ethical beliefs and those ethical beliefs run deep there's no such thing as being a part-time atheist or a part-time Muslim or a part-time Catholic either you believe in it or you don't either it matters to you or it doesn't you know what you do with that concern once you have that ethical concern is is another thing so no I don't think and it happen I mean people you know sometimes atheists fall in love with Muslims and Muslims fall in love with atheists this is you know this is life this happens but there's no what you could ask that person to change you can ask that person to switch from being a Muslim to being an atheist like it's the most common thing one of my professors he converted to Judaism he was an atheist Christian and he converted to Judaism because it fell in love with a Jewish woman it happens I mean life is full of these these these you know funny situations um but there's no way you can ask someone to be Jewish one day a week that's not gonna work it's not gonna work for either party so there's no way you could ask someone to be vegan one day a week even though I know her heart's in the right place and I know I know where she's going with this but the person you're in love with is gonna know where you're going with this also you're asking them to convert so why [ __ ] around why pretend that it's about one meal or uh or one day of the week and you know ultimately this isn't your boss this isn't your brother this isn't your coworker this is someone you're cooking for cleaning for sleeping with waking up next to having sex with and you're just omitting to mention that they're morally repugnant to you all the time that what they do day in day out sunup sundown in a million little ways when they put on their leather boots and their fur coat or they buy a hot dog at a hot dog stand what they're doing is morally repugnant to you and you're just gonna suppress that and not mention it well you cook for them clean for them make love to them boo sing it's not gonna work people it's it's not gonna work can it work with a co-worker with your brother yes with a more distant relationship but a person you are that intimate with and where your approval of them your attitude towards them your love for them matters so much I don't think there's any way you can reconcile having that kind of intimate supportive loving relationship with complete ethical contempt they deal with their lives and that is Yin and for me not everyone feels this way for me that is there with a gambler too because for me gambling isn't just wasting money at his youth wasting time for me there's also an ethical component of it and I would feel contempt for somebody if they have other good qualities but still what they're doing with the time that much of the potential [Music]