Love Not Money: Work Twice as Hard on Your Relationships with Women.

i do not have the choice i cannot work
twice as hard at my job and earn twice as much money i'm not an entrepreneur if i work twice as hard at my job i'll earn exactly the same amount of money and a lot of people are in jobs like that if i work twice as hard on having meaningful relationships with women with members of the opposite sex i get 10 times more out of it you know all that time you're spinning out texting girls and whatever you should be trying to build a business trying to do something to help yourself you know and be productive you know that's a million times more important girls you in a lifetime it does not do for you i happen to see this video by rich piana rich piana is a well-known bodybuilder and youtube personality he's probably more famous now just for commenting on the meaning of life and giving people advice on youtube than he was as a bodybuilder before no shade that's great i'm happy for him that he's kind of transformed his life but he's one of these guys who tends to ignore the extent to which his unique experience in life biases him it would be a bit like if i came on camera and started giving advice about romance that totally reflected my experience being a white man living in thailand anybody could say back yeah but come on this is ridiculous what you've just said about romance and dating this is only true of being a white man in thailand and maybe it's only true of being a tall white-skinned big-nosed white man in thailand in thailand having pale skin is considered attractive and believe it or not having a big nose the thais are obsessed with that i kid you not in the thai language there is no word for big nose there is no word for having too big a nose their word in the language for big nose is beautiful nose it's hilarious and all over thailand there are advertisements for rhinoplastic augmentation when i got there i was like what is rhinoplasty i've never heard of this before uh it means nose job but it specifically means a nose job to make your nose bigger i kid you not so when i watch a video like this from rich piana first of all i'm struck by the extent to which he's talking about a situation with relations between men and women that 85 of men are never going to know and are never going to relate to now i say 85 to be reasonable maybe 15 percent of men live that way and share those attitudes and share those problems i can imagine i can relate on some level rich panda made this video and he starts off by talking about cheating and why you should not cheat on your girlfriend or not cheating on your wife or your boyfriend ever i sympathize but the video kind of makes an unmarked transition his topic drifts into talking about relationships in general you know relationships with the opposite sex and the balance between career ambition and relationships and the meaninglessness of dating itself and this really makes me reflect on what it means to be a middle-aged man i'm 38 years old i identify as middle aged 30 years old and divorced divorced getting divorced ages you let's face it um at one point he's saying you have to choose between being focused on your career working hard and earning a ton of money and having two or three girlfriends at the same time and being broke i get for 99 of men i know for the vast majority of men that's not the choice you have in life i do not have the choice i cannot work twice as hard at my job and earn twice as much money i'm not an entrepreneur if i work twice as hard at my job i'll earn exactly the same amount of money and a lot of people are in jobs like that across the board i think the vast majority of forms of of employment if you're not an entrepreneur if you're not self-employed you know i don't choose the number of hours i work i can't work twice as many hours it's set in a contract i have certain responsibilities i can do a good job i can do an adequate job if i work twice as hard i don't get twice as much out of it if i work twice as hard on having meaningful relationships with women with members of the opposite sex i get ten times more out of it i get a hundred times more i get a thousand times more out of it and that word meaningful is exactly what's missing from rich piana's view of the universe that's what's partly so alien and in a sense fascinating to me he describes a world in which like he says you sit down with a woman you tell her your story that you've already told thousands of times before and you don't want to tell you whatever and you hear her story and you've heard it all before you don't want to hear it he's seeing this where the the main benefit to your ego he talks a lot about ego which i understand that your main benefit to your ego is bragging about your relationship this woman with your your male friends now look this i'm sure this reflects rich's own experience with women but for a lot of us out here our experience is so far at the opposite extreme that we can't even imagine seeing the world through rich piana's eyes what he's talking about is being so meaningless and so hollow and so empty just being a burden of having to sit down and have these conversations with women those conversations with women are the most meaningful conversations in my life and in a sense i can lament that as being sad one of the things i really don't like about being middle aged is that man people only talk to you if it's about sex or money and every time i mention this submission to friends an email i've mentioned to friends and face to face conversations and i've probably mentioned it on youtube before but like man once you get past a certain age people are normally just not motivated to put in the time to get to know you to remain your friend even if you already are friends unless there's a sexual connection or there's a business connection so i've met so many people in the last five years hundreds and hundreds of people remember i was on a university campus in canada so every day i was meeting people including people my own age people 25 35 but 55 meeting people striking up conversations talking about politics history making friends to some extent none of those people are still there i met so many people when i was living in taiwan the one dude in taiwan who still really makes the effort to stay in touch with me say how are you doing what's going on is the dude who knows we may be business partners in the future we may be making some money together may go into business together and i respect that and the friendship is not phony it's not fake it's real we enjoy talking to each other i'm interested in what's going on in his personal life he's addressing what's going on my personal life you know he knows about my divorce and stuff you know like it's not it's not a business relationship we are friends but the only reason he's making that effort whether he's aware of it or not i think he is aware of it is that money motivation and likewise like dude like i can remember like a couple years ago somebody said to me like send me an email saying like oh well should i be offended that you say people only talk to you if it's about money or sex because i'm not trying to [ __ ] you any of those people who said that to me man where are they now i got an email the other day from a female friend where we are just friends there's never been any sexual connection and she hadn't sent me an email for like two and a half years i'm not mad at her but that's what it's like and when you're middle-aged like for me a huge reason to put in the effort to have sexual relations or romantic relations is because the sexual relations anchor a really meaningful friendship really meaningful engage with people who care about your life and want to know you and in the best case scenario you can have a relationship with a woman where you progress from having been lovers to being just friends but they still have that engagement with you they still have that commitment to you and that lasts they still really care about you forever like maybe when i'm 65 years old still care about me um even though the romantic side of it didn't work out i've said this before my channel so i'm going to say it real quick now i just meet people with an open heart and an open mind i see what's possible can we be friends can we be lovers like is there the potential for this kind of relationship that kind of relationship and i'd like to think i'm dealing with people mature enough where if they wanted a romantic relationship but we figure out it's not possible we're not compatible we can still build on a friendship or vice versa whatever you know but that's that's so alien to me you know rich pianist view with the world that i mean really on a deep level he assumes that the relationship is completely meaningless aside from sex and bragging to your friends and an ego trip so naturally given that perspective he's he's not just against cheating on your girlfriend he's really against relationships women at all he's telling you to minimize the amount of time and energy you spend on relationships with women and put all of your energy into allegedly making money but working harder at your job like i said already for most of us we don't have the decision between being rich and single and being broke with a bunch of meaningful relationships in our lives that's not a choice 85 percent of men 99 of men the majority of men do not have that choice my choice is between being broke and having meaningful relationships or being broke and not having meaningful relationships and i mean it's sad it's sad i'm sure it just reflects his own experience but even on that level of earning money why do you assume that meaningful relationships with women whether it's with just one woman or with one woman why do you assume that's just a drag on your productivity that that's just gonna diminish your ability to pursue your ambitions in life whether your ambitions are just making money or just career or whether your ambitions are like research educational ambitions you want to learn something you want to write a great book whatever it is you want to do in life i'm sure on a deep level rich has had his heart broken so many times he's been disappointed with him and sometimes that that doesn't even occur to him but my experience with women in my life if i was trying to make money i'm not really but if i was ambitious if my ambitions were attached to money then i'd be looking for the woman who comes to my life playing a positive role hey now we're going to get money together when in the past i was really motivated by research language research history research politics research i'm looking for the woman who's going to come into my life and it's going to be hey let's do research together you know let's get this phd together let's rate this essay together let's publish this together and so i i mean look obviously i have nothing in common with rich piana but to me watching that video was just fascinating because it made me reflect on such a deep level how alien i am from him and i don't know i don't know how many guys i'm mailing from just because i guess he sees meaningful relationships either as impossible or the whole meaning of the relationship is just a waste of his [ __ ] time the meaning of the relationship is an unwanted distraction from his business life and it's just an unwanted obstacle between him and sex and for me it's tragic in a way but honestly it's more like the sex is the price you've got to pay to have meaningful and loving relationships in your life because i don't like it but when you hit middle age it seems like the only people who are motivated to be your friends are people who either have some connection with you sexually or they have some connection with you in terms of business where it's about money on some level past present future you're going out and making money together you know all that time you're spending out texting girls and whatever you should be trying to build a business trying to do something to help yourself you know and be productive you know that's a million times more important how many girls you in a lifetime it does not do for you i couldn't even ima i don't even want to [ __ ] get to know a new girl because it is a pain in the ass you know you gotta sit and you text back and forth and then you call and then you go out to dinner you listen to the you gotta listen to the whole you know story then you're gonna tell your story it's the same done a million times and it's like i you know i can't do it you know i mean it's it's to me it's just a waste of talk boss featuring words that kill my sling is editorial explicit material briefcase show live a stereo flow filming donna realty set the black people free today i'm going to talk about do steroids make your balls straight well the answer is yes they do bye