Worst. Girlfriend. Ever.

this video is gonna have a little bit
different format because for the first time I'm going to be talking at my boyfriend off camera I'm gonna see if that makes my videos have a little bit more natural flow because I'm actually talking to somebody rather than talking to a camera however I have to admit talking to the camera is probably a good practice um you know my boyfriend and I we've talked about how it can be therapeutic to go back and watch your videos and maybe it's even more effective than having a therapist because you don't have to actually go to the office and explain every little detail or like everything about the story that is bothering him to somebody else like you can actually look back at the video and see what's bothering you and I gotta say that's that's really what happened with the last couple videos that I made where I was talking about the different medications that I was taking and my health problems and really I got to the point where I decided I was just gonna quit on my medication and I also decided to start this new diet at the request actually of somebody that left a comment so I am happy that despite my small audience on YouTube I actually did get a comment from somebody saying that I should try the clear skin diet and that started me on a pathway to eating just potatoes sweet potatoes kale so I did we're not a fan of their comedy supports about the diet hominy yeah yeah so I did listen to the book I got the audiobook so I did in effect read it and the principles are so basic that I'm surprised I didn't think about it beforehand or know about it beforehand but I mean the basics are if you eat a lot of oil the oil is going to show up on your skin and the bacteria that forms acne lesions feeds on oil so the less oil that you eat the less acne that you will have and the less fat content really in general so I am currently eating no seeds no oils of any kind and so far it's really worked for my skin I stopped I had it written down here I stopped all my medications I think pretty soon after my last video that I uploaded so December 4th was the day that I've stopped basically all my medications so since then I mean my skin looks clear it's so I gotta say it's positive on that front but it's also positive on my digestive issues I you know I did actually see a doctor as I mentioned in my last video I did see a doctor and I got the test results back and a referral to see a gastroenterologist which I've decided to not do because when I called they basically 100% wanted to do invasive they didn't want to have like a consult with me like the doctor wasn't gonna talk to me and I wasn't gonna have an office visit prior to going in for a colonoscopy like a colonoscopy was gonna be the first line of defense and yeah if you you can look up you know I I really do agree with what dr. mcdougal says about colonoscopies and seeing what happened with my father throats you know and even my mom who doesn't have any digestive issues they just do it as a routine procedure and it's really invasive and you know it's damaging and does risk and what can you find yeah you know no joke cancerous polyps sure for the vast majority of these conditions it's a pleasing illusion that there's something visible to the naked eye they're gonna discover yeah the cool thing about this having this channel having this YouTube channel is you know I know it's only been two months since I stopped everything I can keep you know keeping track of how it goes and hopefully I continue to stay at this level I gotta say it was really difficult to you you have improved you haven't mentioned that year I'm going to say you should get like some sensitive yeah oh yeah so did you sort of even read his diet how much better is your whole life being so much better and I gotta say like even um you know my mental health has improved and you know I was having I was causing a lot of problems in my relationship and you know I really had like a mental breakthrough in my opinion when we were on this trip to basically say like I have to be responsible for my own behaviors my own actions I can't let myself be controlled by my moods and I do wonder how much of like my mental thought process has been affected by medications that have been on in the past you know behaviors that I didn't problematic things that I did in the past saviours can become comfortable under medications like maybe if not necessarily direct cause-and-effect right then yeah yeah yeah and I mean I did I didn't mention it in one other video but um I can't be more explicit now like I did spend time I took antidepressants at the you know recommendation of just my primary care physician I didn't see a psychiatrist I just came in and said I was feeling hopeless about my career situation was hopeless yeah the time I was I was feeling very hopeless you know he asked me do you experience this every day or is it once in a while because his basic his promise the promise of it was if he it's once in a while then I'll prescribe you xanax if it's every day then I'll prescribe you lexapro and so I took the medication that was every day because I you know so for I don't know a period of as opposed the possibility that you feel hopeless because your life is really hopeful sorry right I know a lot about what was going on your life at just that time you're right yeah rational response to your conditions yeah yeah so and I also for a long time smoked marijuana and that really played a role in my development of my thought processes how I handled my emotions stress release relief you know what did I do to handle stress I relied on medications or relied on drugs or you know I didn't I wasn't I was never a big drinker of alcohol but you know for a while I was drinking alcohol when we when we first got together I mentioned this to a friend today you know looking not necessarily direct effect the drugs one of his first with you I remember saying to you like you know stand up straight make eye contact with people like when you should initiate this guy like and introduce yourself and like I'm over saying to you once like do you know your mouth is open like you kind of stand there hunched over with your mouth not hanging way open like it's like you look like you're stoned and you work you'd already quit marijuana before we got together yeah but these things don't go away yeah right no it's true any attitudes can be the thing that sorry it's all true yeah and there and there indirectly form in the first place but the drugs you can't like say it was a real simple cause and effect there but yeah there's yes definitely and I think part of my attitude that has to change is like you know I've been thinking about this a while like instead of being constantly feeling like I'm a victim of circumstances or victim of health concern health issues and stuff like instead to take the attitude that I am the protagonist in my life like I have to be the good guy in my life like I have to be the person that I want to be and I think that's a huge huge change in my life that that I'm still working on yeah so because you know you really have to take take control of what you are feeling and not let yourself be consumed by the emotions that you're experiencing and just immediately reacting to the emotions or you know reacting to what somebody says rather than you know thinking about what you're going to say realizing that your actions and your but what you say out loud is permanent you know like you can't take it back even if you think in your mind like I'm a nice person or I'm a good person I I am an honest person or something if you if you do things that are bad if you do things that are mean if you if you say things that are not true or if you lie I mean those what you do reflects who you are as a person even if inside you feel like you know I'm a good person I think one of the weirdest about exactly what you're talking about this is what all Buddhists will recommend meditation for yeah I think the irony is that meditation is really irrelevant to the type of self-discipline and moment to moment awareness that that you're talking about it's a very hard thing to teach it's a very hard thing to learn it's of everything to make people aware that they lack right but what you're describing how is like gradually over a two-year period you know you kind of just started paying more attention to what kind of person you are and how yeah and how you feel and how feeling is is related to how feeling links to knowing and doing and stuff but I really don't think you get that by sitting in silence you know staring at a wall which is one that is one traditional form of meditation is wall gazing as its called ya know it's it's and of course also we do Buddhist policy that's not really what it's supposed to do but yeah yeah yes yes extra ironic coming out of my philosophical back because I think it's if this hurdle a lot of people have to get over yeah it's every day practicing what you actually believe and you know even in the past like I don't know a couple weeks like I've been stressed out about things and I had to be like okay no this is exactly what I'm talking about if I'm if I'm momentarily stressed out or if I'm momentarily annoyed by something I need to think of things as a bigger picture and realize that these problems are pretty and significant or even if they are significant there's a way to approach them that is respectful of the other people around you that is respectful of yourself like you know why why would it be better for me to indulge in my emotions to an indulgence say like you know I'm so annoyed I'm so frustrated or whatever like rather than just saying you know I'm an adult I can handle these situations if I can't handle it now when at age 26 when will I ever be able to handle these you know things and that everybody else every other adult has to deal with you know yeah I think you you know a big powerful thing in our culture was the image of the Vulcan and Star Trek where it's like what isn't the alternative to having emotions is allegedly to be this robotic cold logical person and it's not yeah but all the time with you have said to you like look I like feel sad like understand what you feel so I understand what you feel frustrated but know now that you have that feeling and you feel you have that feeling what's next it's not this like now don't then don't take these next steps right yeah right you know I think that's the thing too and you see me I'm out again I mentioned this and having a few times I camera sometimes when I'm just talking about political history like I break down weeping with wasn't talking about people being massacred or the other day I was talking about a pro-democracy protesters who was murdered by the police and you know I feel it and like you know I could stifle it I could stand there and totally what's the point I care about democracy I care about history I think it's cool to feel that and even to openly exhibit least these circumstances you know I agree I know I don't I don't break down weeping front my daughter actually just my daughter asked me democracies of course all these things way less emotional in that context during a professional class but sure I think it's really cool to be able to feel that even revel in that feeling but what you know ISIL has said to me in these conflicts is you know treat me like even like with the enough as much respect as you would a work colleague and you know he's he's never seen me in a professional work other than okay aside from being a fledgling ESL teacher that's what do you see me as you know like learning the ropes and you know not being that great and it um you know that's what he has seen me but you know he has not seen me in my professional work situations in which I have been professional in which I have treated people with respect but you know I I need to be able to translate that into my personal relationships and be kind and caring and like actually loving to the people who I love rather than using the people that I love as you know whipping post or like to be like you better punching bag yeah like I'm I'm upset and you're going to be suffering because of it rather than like you know and also like working to solve a problem together like so many things that I've caused issues within my relationship with ISIL is like you know there's a problem that we both can work on together there's a problem that we both want to solve or there's just some issue that that that comes up on my end and if anyone is on my side it's ISIL you know it's my my life partner is my best friend you know so why why would I treat him disrespectfully and yeah so anyway um a lot of these yeah just to give oh there's a totally harmless example but it's a real one and maybe some people know ants can relate to it but like you're angry because it's hard to find a bathroom at the train station yeah and that's real and again I'm not saying don't feel angry right but then why are you angry at me and taking it on me and my point is I'm not just saying this because you a lot of people live their lives that way every day and it can be like an employer who's mad at the employee or vice versa or you're the mother who's mad at the kid that's like right yeah it's not happens all the time for no reason you're angry because you're frustrated trying to find a bathroom at this train station but oh you're acting this that you're treating someone you love as a punching bag you're treating someone who's actually trying to help you and you sympathize with us but probably you're the only person in this train station you know you have to you have to value the people in your life who do care unless I see maybe it's hard to be loving when you're upset because you want the bathroom bathroom yeah but that's exactly the challenge you have to rise up to it yeah it's exactly when wheel's gonna do exactly when you have to prove that you're a nice person that you're a good person or you're a loving person is when you're in difficult situations because it doesn't it doesn't matter if you're like you know that isn't really that difficult of a situation okay we're in France and we're taking care of your daughter and I need to use the restroom at the train station right it's really not that big of a deal and should be able to respond to it right or even you can even share with me that you're upset and frustrated well you can share with me but don't like take it out on you right yeah yeah so facing up to that is really important and I you know because like big life changes but you haven't yet said how many generators yeah yeah yeah so the clear skin diet it works man like I know the way that I went about it like quitting my medications and changing my diet at the same time it's really you know what I did talk this through with my partner before before I stopped all the medications and he said well now you won't know whether it's the diet or whether it's the medications but you know I gotta say like hormonal acne runs in my family and I really think if I would have gone back to like an oily seedy diet I would have started breaking out I can't say I haven't had any pimples since stopping this you know I have had a couple but they've gone away way faster they haven't been like cystic acne you look like a normal person you don't look like a person who has perfect skin right but you also do not look like someone who is hormonal like your system yeah and one thing that you know is important in their book is getting rid of oil and any of your products on your and also in your hair like your haircare products and yeah my boyfriend does not relate because he's 13 and it blew my mind yeah and when I was 13 like labeling food this way it was a new thing like in Canada the food and it was like I would stand there and be like why would anyone eat a food product that's 51% oil yeah I would why just burn all that stuff yeah rub oil on your face oh yeah yeah don't okay so you don't use oil no media made sense a thousand years ago in the middle of the desert like you know what I mean there are other cultural historical context but yeah a lot of it it really doesn't make sense right yeah and I you know I have had the experience now the care products that I was using were whatever affecting my scalp so I do have you know some pimples on my scalp I know it's gross but but I do and I've switched my products and I've improved you know like things are better so I I really believe in the principles the diet works I didn't think it would um you know for a long time because I talked to dermatologists about it I said should I avoid certain certain foods and you know the only thing that they said like oh well dairy is often a problem and I think dermatologists across the board do you generally recommend not consuming dairy if you have acne but it's not just dairy you know it's all sources of oil and fats in your diet and yeah I mean I gotta say this this diet is the real deal if you have hormonal acne really considered this diet and actually doing the diet and and I know you know I am kind of an interest I have a different perspective on food than most people in America that I've met you know I don't for you I don't want fun yeah food is not recreation food is not about hanging out with your friends yeah I don't I don't live to eat I you know I eat to live yeah and this is you know we went to Los Angeles over the summer and I made it my mission to try Donuts like and you know we were you know we were planning on becoming bakers at the time so you know we were trying to look into every vegan bakery so yeah I've eaten like and I also take the attitude like I have eaten all this stuff like especially when I went vegan and people were like oh how can you live without me or how can you live without cheese it's like you know unlike Dean and Randa I wasn't born vegan I was not encouraged to be vegan or vegetarian at all growing up I have had a lot of cheese I've had a lot of different kinds of meats and I don't at all like I don't crave it at all like even after like after I made the moral decision or like after the switch went off I was like this is all disgusting to me like I don't want to eat this I remember the very like the first night that I decided my my ex-boyfriend he cooked up sausages and you know he had a plate for me and I just I just said like I can't eat this like it's disgusting to me now even though like the night before I'd eaten it you know um so yeah like I know it's not the same ethical it took old reasons for the clear skin diet it's not like oil is ethical I know that's not the case but still like for my health I've had a lot of seeds in my life of avocado as I've had a lot of nuts and peanut butter I I don't I don't need it and even if I do decide like in the future to add some of these things back and see how they affect me because you know that is part of the diet too like seeing slowly if you want to try to add soy back into your diet if you want to try to add flax seeds back into your diet and you can see if it causes you issues but yeah the diet really works I am totally on board with it yeah I remember I was a kid maybe I was 11 something yeah I heard about someone who's probably a relative of mine why not who lost their legs hmm and I just thought well if I lost my legs car accident you know what what would I do yeah and I immediately thought well I'd really devote myself to philosophy you know history politics studying books cuz obviously I can't do much with my body and I really thought about the dietary element to it's like well can't really get much exercise so he'd have to eat this very strictly regimented diet and stuff and then of course the question came to me look let's say I was 11 years old it's like well why aren't I living that way now why is it that the thought experiment of how I would live if I was physically crippled is so much better you know ethically but not just Africa yeah it's so funny well reminds me and and that haunted me yeah really and I certain already then you guys start changing where I live it reminds me of you know because the Nina and Randa diet is basically MacDougal diet but even stricter no seeds and no soy um because of that I looked at mcdu website and I was also interested about the digestive health issues for the mcdougal diet does this help and it really does like I it I have experience going from like horrible issues to being like it's no big deal and I did I did these I did these trips that I had to be on the airplane for 12-plus hours and through airports and all kinds of security lines and waiting around and stuff and you know I did fine it was great and um yeah I mean things have things I've improved even even more since I got back from the trip that we were on but yeah like I just feel really really positive about the diet and you okay sorry what I was gonna say what you reminded me of because of that I looked into some videos on the MacDougal website and there was this discussion of a woman who had Crohn's disease throughout her whole life and she finally switched I heard about the mcdougal diet in her 70s and she said that you know this I am happy that I had Crohn's disease and found out about this because now I'm living healthier like I would not have found this diet if it weren't for my disease so she's actually like in this way like like your family member that lost their legs like I mean this inspired them to live a better life so oddly enough yeah yeah for people in the audience don't now stop and think about leading a meaningful life now get your history yeah hey another additional like because I was on this this medication spironolactone for so long I didn't realize that any of any of the side effect and I don't know if it's also from this I think the diet also helps like I can tell like my nails are growing faster like I have like more hair going in here like like all over my head and you know I'm like I didn't realize my hair was kind of like thinner than it could have been because yeah so like I mean I know these are minor things but it's it really is true if you're like having more if like I'm having better digestion and I'm eating way more way more like protein rich foods like you know I'm having tons of beans yeah that's pretty much my diet right now so I'm having a lot of black beans yeah what you're eating link in the description this is true good anyway alright great so yeah clear skin diet works man