Testosterone is a Mind-Altering Drug (for bodybuilders and transgender drug-users alike).

i was so much more motivated when i was
on testosterone testosterone is like a freaking happy drug at least it was for me i don't know if it's a dopamine thing i don't know scientifically what it is but it's actually there and some steroids will give it to you more than others but my testosterone level was increased from what i was taking so now i had more of it wasn't aggressive but it was a very aware that's what i noticed by like the second and third week it's very aware of what's going on around you things smell a little different taste a little different you hear something you're like you kind of react a little bit quicker i mean being on testosterone i was i had i was so much more energetic i was more motivated to do things um i've been in testosterone for like four days so that's exciting i started saturday morning uh putting gel on in the morning and uh yeah i just wanted to share like a little bit about how things feel so far um they feel good i'm not really sure what it is but i do know you are heightened sense wise after about the third week just for example when i worked at walgreens there was a couple of months especially over over the winter where i had exclusively worked exclusively worked night shifts i can't speak um and so i would get to work at about three o'clock in the afternoon and then i would work until maybe about 11 p.m at night and then i would go afterwards straight to the gym which was right next door to the walgreens that i worked at and i would work out for about two and a half three hours so i'd get home at anywhere between two o'clock or three o'clock in the morning and i just kind of did that repeatedly and it was in the winter time where my car broke down so after you know i would walk to work or i'd jog or whatever i was in the mood for um and then out after work i go to the gym and then i jog all the way back home in the snow things like that that now that i've been off of testosterone i kind of recognized felt so much easier for me when i was on testosterone this is where i usually or back then i would tend to get the superman complex is what i call it superman complex is as you feel so powerful that you're improving so much you feel almost like nothing in the world can stop you i've been thinking about changing hormones going on testosterone for like two years a long time and i finally started doing it it's almost seven years since i've had testosterone in my body i feel uh i just feel kind of like confident and good about myself like i feel kind of like cute and attractive and stuff so the mentality starts to change is it a psychosis no okay i didn't feel a psychosis did i feel heightened and aware more yes was i more apt to jump at a fight absolutely it's hard to describe in words i can't put it but there's a high there man and it's a confidence it's a it's a natural i'm i'm okay i got this i i i don't know how to describe it it's hard to put in words you know how i spoke to people was different when i was a guy too i mean when i was talking to other guys you know it's kind of just you say what you mean and you mean what you say but you know speaking with other women is very very very different um but there's a certain confidence that i had when i was on testosterone that has kind of dimmed down a little bit if you're you know a go-getter you're going to be that much more of a go-getter and then it can take people who are dead so to speak socially speaking who have very little testosterone and it can resurrect them from the dead so to speak and bring them into a level of life where it can be a miracle drug bro but when you don't need it like i did not need it these are the harms these are the effects i got what's called gynecomastia bro you'll see you can't see here but my nipples have a tissue that develop behind them because my estrogen levels went way too high this is a side effect this is known side effect the only way to fix it is surgery at this point it's too far gone i've had it for about seven years now and pretty much i have what are called boos it's not that i'm not confident now it's just that there's just a little bit of a different level i'm feeling much more hopeful about i guess some of my life and and what the next phases will be um perhaps some renewed energy enthusiasm i took a variety of different types i started with what's called testosterone and anthony when i did injectables so before i did injectables i was doing over-the-counter meds that were supposedly legal and then nine months later the fda took them off the market because kids who were 16 in high school taking it were going bald and they were having like serious issues because of this stuff being real i mean it was real stuff and they were taking it playing football so i was taking testosterone and anthony tried another cycle when i was doing tests and then i was taking dball dianabol which is an oral form but yeah it's just things like that where i'll be just around or i'll be thinking oh i need to do something i need to make a video i need to go to the store or maybe i should start working out and things that if i had decided to do them a year ago when i was on testosterone it would have been done by the end of the day right um and this is probably just a meat problem but i find myself so freaking lazy now um yeah trying to get myself to to do things and also kind of just kind of you just start to miss some of the effects of testosterone i was also feeling like a little quicker to anger a little bit the last couple weeks i would look at all the girls of course naturally because my hormones are no joke i think they're attractive they think i'm attractive in fact you're so full of yourself that you don't need to hear them say they think you're attractive because you know you are i mean bro it's ridiculous and you're over here checking these girls out and uh you're not just doing that there's something else that i guess you say isn't normal naturally and here's where it gets crazy you're in a combat zone everywhere you are everything you do i'm at this party i'm looking around and i'm sizing up the guys i'm looking at this kind of one slap i wouldn't even have to punch him i could just slap him and he'd be knocked out okay that guy right there he might need an actual punch i am shirtless at a house party holding this girl in my arms looking at her friends we just went from the bathroom in the bedroom doing all sorts of stuff and uh these guys start fighting on the floor i jump in the middle of it and i rear naked choke one of them and i hate hey shut up shut up i would look for that i could go into big lots home depot dollar tree the church it didn't matter bro i was scoping i was like for me at least it was a happy drug i kind of also find myself missing the way that it made me feel sometimes this is where the mind games start and i had a friend of mine who before i started said when you're off you're gonna feel like [ __ ] but just keep telling yourself it's only 12 weeks it's only 12 weeks and then i'll be back on so essentially you were going through these highs and lows highs when you were on those when you were off so it felt like the best feeling in the world stronger more muscular a little more swag senses were heightened everything was awesome until you start to come off and everything reverses and goes the opposite direction you had to mentally be prepared for what was going to happen if you came off you know just some of the ways that it made me feel sometimes i do kind of find myself missing um because i will say compared to being a woman like if i had to compare them i would say that testosterone kind of made everything dull in a good way compared to being like a woman because now when i am feeling like either happy or excited or angry or whatever range of emotion you know you feel normally as a woman um as a guy it's there but it's just not nearly these massive peaks and valleys you know it's just not as intense and i thought that was so nice things weren't as big of a deal or they didn't feel like as big of a deal when i was on testosterone it's just kind of surprising because i didn't really think that there would ever be a point in my life where i'd miss anything at all about being transgender my sling is editorial explicit material briefcase show live and stereo flow fill me