My Daughter & My Divorce: Blackmail & Lies Told in Court.

yo what's up this channel is not just to
talk about politics and it's definitely not just talk about my professional life what have you I talk about my personal life I talk about whatever's meaningful and important to me and the main reason why this channel exists is to leave something behind for my daughter to see one day I have a daughter is now three years old and I do not see enough of her which is one of the major things this video is going to be talking about some people think that it's shocking or inappropriate for me to talk openly about my divorce I have very honest very accurate reflections but my divorce on the Internet both here on YouTube and written as text as articles I do want my daughter to see that material one day it is very honest about my role my experience my part of the story it's very honest about the circumstances like the situation what it is not honest about is my wife's side of the story and I do that partly out of respect for her partly because of my own sense of what's appropriate and what's inappropriate on the internet I'm aware that you know her boss her employer her friends her co-workers could could see this stuff and partly because I don't think it's even appropriate like in relation to my daughter for me to be saying bad things about her mom and the internet so the one sense in which this material is really misleading is that it just omits completely like the bad things my ex-wife is really both my written accounts and what I have to say here on YouTube is very very flattering to her side of the equation even if it is only flattering her by omission and by the word omission means not saying something mean not mentioning something so you know I mean that reflects my own sense of what's honorable in these circumstances so again the story I'm both to tell now it basically says nothing bad about my wife my ex-wife except what's necessary for this story to be coherent I had one video back in January showing me meeting my daughter for two hours and is really interesting how different people different people who know me would talk to me interpreted that video just a few people I guess or irrepressible optimists and they've they interpreted that as if like all the problems with my divorce were solved and like me and my ex-wife have great communication now and are getting along really well and a lot of other people saw that video and really understood that while I was giving a positive spin to it well it was you know showing a nice video of me meeting and playing with my daughter that the situation was really negative they could pick up on you know what what the what the scenario was so that in itself is interesting to me so some people could read between the lines and some people couldn't but my point here is not to make anyone read between the lines I say both in writing and in speech I'm really open about this stuff and I'm open about it partly because I want my daughter to see it one day for the rest of you I mean I do you find it interesting you don't and you know if either interested you I am as a person or you're interested in hearing about a particular divorce story that involves two intellectuals you know lived in Asia and Europe two interesting people me and my ex-wife interesting people and you know on my end at least I'm trying to both be a good parent and responsible human being and manage pretty impossible to manage circumstances you know you know all of this the bottom line is trying to do what's good for my daughter and you know that also is both through action and through omission it's both what you do and what you choose not to do so like during the first whole year after we split up you know I was very cautious about trying to even visit my ex-wife because just like look are you okay you know tell me when I can come and visit where are you living both of us we're moving around internationally so much one of the questions have gotten asked I was even asked this by my ex lawyer I have an ex-wife also my next lawyer who's part of this story you know but I was asked like oh well when you split up why didn't you immediately like rush over to see her in France so well when two people decide to get divorced that's not what you do like you know I wanted her to do well and feel well Makar I wanted to be positive have a happy life and I wanted to be involved in co-parenting and be involved my daughter's life but you've just decided to get divorced you know the other person is upset you don't want to show up at their door unannounced you know they'll be kind of a horrible thing to do to them you know and also she went to France temporarily it was definitely possible at that time she was talking about moving either to New York or Seattle so from my perspective on Canadian if it's Seattle I should move to where I am living now - Victoria west coast Canada if it's New York I should move to Montreal you know I'm looking in a pragmatic way long term I don't know where she's gonna be living I don't know what's happening next but you know the last thing I want to do is show up and and make her feel uncomfortable I mean like during that whole first year now as I mention on this channel also we've had had a period this is also relevant to today's story we then had a period where you know I invited her to move in move in with me just move into the same city with me not in the same apartment but I said look you can live in the same neighborhood we can co-parent here to it the whole period I was saying to her since so many times in email and all the communications in email so all of it can be shown in court I was saying do something positive cooperate with me let's talk about the future let's plan for the future I was trying to see my daughter I was also trying to just encourage my ex-wife to talk to me about her plans and I would talk about my plans my career my education what's going on with me so I was taking very constructive and long-term view of things and said my ex lawyer like I don't know if it's a romantic idea in her head or what but like when she was asking why didn't you just immediately buy an airplane ticket and go to France that's not the solution you know when two adults decide to get divorced you kind of showing up in someone's personal space the last thing you want to do so like roughly two years pass I thought about making a list of exact dates before doing this video but you know I really don't like the style that I don't like scripted videos both emotionally and intellectually feel it's better speak so none of the dates and this are precise for in court I'm gonna use the exact emails and the exact dates but like for the first two years as they say I mean I don't want to push her too hard emotionally or any other way and you know you're it's all an email it's all preserved for history unlike a telephone call you've got a record of exactly what you said and you know I'm writing and saying look when can I come and visit my daughter but one of the problems the responses I'm getting from acts wife is that she is trying to have it both ways and she's playing games it turns out I find out what game she's playing legally she's playing games legally as well as morally with intentionally giving misleading and vague answers so to give one example you know several times I sent her emails asking about sending her child support money paying her money so to give an example and again all of this I have the emails of exactly what I said I wrote and said well look um I don't mind paying child support the last time we talked about it cuz we talked about it face to face before she got the airplane you know you said that you wouldn't want me to pay child support until I finish what I'm currently doing a university like so when I finish because I by the way I already have university but I went back to university get another degree she'd said verbally that she didn't eat child support until I finished history totally understandable don't need to talk about her financial situation but you know she's got money in the bank and you know obviously I have no income while I'm a university student and I said you know okay well you know I'm a full-time student no income and I said to her but um like here's the Canadian system for child support payments because there's a government system telling you how much you know the father should send and there were a few different you know you can it's an internet forum you can check different boxes doesn't change very much and I even have emails where I wrote you are saying look you know under the Canadian system the payments are really really low they're set really low because some guys have you know six kids with five different women so like when you only have one kid the child support payments are really low especially given the cost of living in France so I have emails to or where I said look you know I'm happy to to like have an agreement with you like I can sign some with you where we take the Canadian government system as a guideline and then I pay 20% more than that or we say okay until I get a job I'm gonna pay so much like we're gonna pretend I'm earning $30,000 under the Canadian system until I finish University and get a job and then we'll use my actual income like I don't care but like you know like let's look at the government guidelines let's come up with something reasonable and I can send you a check in the mail so I had emails like that were again I'm trying to be positive in certain type of things and you report on the sometimes you'll just be no replies none well that went on for a long time but she would also send a reply like there is nothing more to discuss it'd be like okay well you know and I've got to talk to my lawyer or whatever and it's like okay well I've offered to pay child support and she's refused and given the earlier conversations you know you know whatever given the other conversations it seemed to make sense that what she was saying was you know that she was continuing to just wait until I finish University and get a real job and and then child support start but you know you always be looking at this stuff like why these responses so cryptic and counterproductive and when I'm really just trying to be helpful and plan for the future and so why do you respond this way so we found out I mean so there's a dramatic twist in the tale but likewise she had also already played the game where I was proposing to come and visit my daughter it's like okay well when when do I come and visit and you know there's a limited window of opportunity so yeah okay there's a there's a holiday coming up on the University schedule I'm in classes like my class ends at this time can I come and see my daughter and she might really vaguely say something like you can visit your daughter anytime like something really vague like that and then be like okay well if I buy this airplane ticket like when do I arrive when do I leave and be no answer and I'd resend that and again either there be no answer at all or something really vague and bizarre like there's nothing to discuss or something and it would be impossible to visit now again come back to what I said earlier you do not want to show up uninvited at your ex-wife's place you want to have positive communication about all kinds of details like okay I'm gonna stay at a hotel down the street or you know just where you're staying and what she's comfortable with like you know do you want me to meet you at a coffee shop like you know where we gonna do you want me to meet you in the park can we play in the bar do you want to meet at Disneyland like I met you Disneyland as example because you know it's not that I'm I'm into Disneyland but you know if you're a divorced couple you might want to be in a really structured environment where you know it's not my house it's not your house it's Disneyland you know whatever like you know let's let's actually talk this out and plan it out so something you're comfortable with and everything's good but also you just need agreement about like okay when when is it good for me to take the airplane or what have you um and she what she would never respond positively and then the other big strand of what was going on all along for a long time was that she would play these blackmail games this even relates to the camera I'm looking into right now during the whole first year I was uncomfortable with with talking my daughter by Skype partly because my daughter is so young like talking about a one-year-old I don't know psychologically like to say to point to that the TV screen and say this is your father to me that's a little weird but okay my daughter was getting a bit older and I said to my ex-wife okay look like it's been impossible to sort out a visit so I'm gonna buy a camera and I'm gonna Skype with my daughter and she's a little bit older now than she was a few months ago and hopefully this goes well and so on and you know so I ordered the camera the camera ride again my wife said yes she can as part of this pattern and I was like okay well now I've got the camera you know camera I bought it and it comes in the mail and and then well the camera eyes okay great so let's let's talk on skype I'll see my daughter by Skype and then my wife turns around and has blackmail where she says okay you've got a sign away all your legal rights and among the things that makes this absurd is like you can't blackmail someone where the carrot is the same as the stick sorry it's a bit of a mixed metaphor but like if the point is what I want is to spend quality time with my daughter how can you offer me time with my daughter as a way to blackmail me into signing legal legal documents sacrificing my right to visit my daughter it's not gonna work like you know if there are two different things like if it's I want to visit my daughter and I have to sign something I don't know giving up my fabulous collection of books anything I don't know yeah I have to I have to you're trying to get me to give up one thing in order to get another then the blackmail makes sense but on so many levels the type of blackmail she's done with me all of which is is evident in email so you know where she's asked me to to sign things and agree to things in order to see my daughter by Skype or to see my daughter in person like it's so it's so short-sighted of her like if I did do it like if I were stupid enough to sign these documents just so that I could see my daughter by Skype or just so I could see my daughter during a vacation which you know emotionally be very understandable for someone to do what are you gonna tell my daughter in the future one day like when she grows up and asks like why don't I ever see my father or why doesn't he have these little rights like that's really dark like to say to your daughter well your father was so desperate to see you that he signed away his right to see you so that he could see you like that is dark and I mean both both short-term and long-term what's what's the strategy there for her as a parent it's like her situation with me is I'm highly motivated you selling positive I want to cooperate I want to spend quality time with my daughter in general I'm encouraging of my ex-wife to achieve her dreams and goals in life well you know for her if she if she wants to live in China if she wants to live in Europe she wants to live in the United States I'm basically positive but like you know I'm not trying to control her life anyway I don't want any harm you know I don't want anything negative for her so to take a guy who is really positively motivated for coal parathion cooperation and so on and just to maliciously try to poison that and it and force it to be a really negative legally hostile situation what are you gonna gain because at the end of that process there's no way your cooperation with me can be as positive as it was at the beginning of the process at the beginning of the process I was giving away for free everything you could try to force out of me legally you know what I mean like this there's no like iight from her perspective strategically I don't see any way she can benefit by being punitive in the way she's been been she's been punitive um including like as I say really even if I sign those documents how is that a good thing for her how is that a good thing for my daughter etc it only gives her that anyway the ability with my daughter but look there are they're a bunch of twists in the road here what so a couple of things got revealed to me so one in general since we separated there's been constant email correspondence but like 90% of it is from me with very little responsible but you can just look down the list of emails so you know I'm emailing her and you know she knew where I was living and what I was doing she knew about my she's she doesn't tell me that kind of permission but I was telling her with my job options and what I was doing at the University and where I lived in Canada as mentioned we had a long detailed conversation about about exactly where I'm living Canada cuz she considered moving here so you know I talked about the schools and the parks and the neighborhood and the even the grocery store like I was talking about the different neighborhoods in the city and where she might want to live so we've had those kinds of conversations but 90% of the writing is from me and very little of the information is coming from her both few messages and the messages she sends are really short and cryptic which again makes trust difficult when you're trying to be the you're trying to be the more generous and cooperative person it's like what's coming back is not is not so cooperative but can't legally this is significant so she concealed quite a few things from me and it got revealed in a dramatic way I figured out there was a period where she stopped replying to me and I was just trying to send my daughter gifts every so often I sent my daughter gifts whether their birthday gifts or Christmas or just gifts because I found something nice I want to send my daughter and um you know my ex-wife she got quiet and I'd sent this bicycle on the bicycle the spirit ride any confirmation look I'm sending these gifts is this still the right address and then I just google her and I see that she didn't tell me she's moved from France to Germany she kept that secret no legally and morally that's a problem if I'm my daughter's father in terms of my attitude as a person if my wife just told me she was moving if she just had positivity I'd be so happy she said hey I got a new job in Germany I'd say that's great and it also said when can I come and visit my daughter because this whole time the whole you know just trying to have positive cooperation and co-parenting and planning for the future just trying to be positive despite the terrible malicious things my ex-wife has done to me at every stage as they say terrible things that don't really get mentioned in my public accounts of this stuff but both legally and morally if you cross an international frontier with a child that you do not have custody of you don't have exclusive custody over that I have partial custody that's an issue and say whoa wait come on like it's not about getting my permission but you've got to inform me and you've got to provide me with an address so that I can send my daughter presents so then I had to start a kind of letter-writing campaign and she was not replying it's like look I'm just trying to send my daughter gifts like how can you have in your heart like you've done all these terrible things but why would you stop me from sending her presence like and you know I don't care and I said to open ice look I don't need to know your home address you can give me your mother's like you know my daughter's grandmother's home address you can give me a post-office box I can send your honor I don't care like if you have any concern cuz I would never show up at her house without her permission without like arrangement there's no question of that but it's like if you if you want your privacy I don't give me any address they can be your office it can be you know like I just want to make sure the present eventually gets to my daughter I give me somebody else's address who cares yeah but give me you know you've got to be able to provide me with a way to send my daughter presents this is this is ridiculous so then step by step what really happened gets revealed in secret my ex-wife concealed from me legal machination she carried on that declared me that gave me the legal status through through what I would call fraudulent means I'll explain why he's the word fraud in just a second she established in a court of law that I had the status of being missing and impossible to contact the the French term I'm not gonna bother getting into but it's a legal term in French it's basically equivalent to in English saying someone is m.i.a someone is missing and presumed dead you have the same legal status as a dead person who's disappeared who's gone missing in action okay so my wife concealed this from me so illegally she's still my wife because the divorce hasn't happened she went to a court of law and she presented legal documents that I'll say are Friday until say precisely why just a moment claiming that she'd had no contact with me and that I had disappeared from the face of the earth in Taiwan and then there were documents in Chinese that apparently she paid some kind of investigator in Taiwan to investigate my whereabouts and this investigator said oh he's disappeared nobody knows where he is okay so why is this fraudulent of course in on many levels it's violent but the simple one for this video is during this whole time we have email correspondence right you're she went to a court of law and she swore she had no idea where in the world I wasn't had no way to contact me when she was in contact with me and I can prove it in a court of law and secondly we discussed in in depth my life in Canada I talked about my education my job options and we talked about where I was living in depth because she considered moving here right legally significant anyways so we've just had reveal and the emails are right through this time they're not angry and they're not abusive but we in terms of like trying to trust someone and cooperate with someone I've just had revealed to me that this woman has backstabbed me legally in the most terrible way possible and she didn't even tell me about it until afterward and she was trying to conceal this from me and like in terms of the timeline I had again tried to talk to her because it happened more than once I'd again tried to talk to her about child support okay so she kept this legal proceeding for me completely secret and I had the legal right I should have been there or I should have been able to send a lawyer there but if you keep it a secret for me I don't know about it if you go to a legal hearing like that and you you you falsely claimed that I could not attend the meeting because I disappeared in Taiwan I never moved from Taiwan to Canada or she didn't know that right and again it's all email we have proof we can prove exactly when she knew that and her writing back to me and and thinking about joining me in Canada dark I mean I'm smiling about him laugh about it but that's really dark to have your ex-wife when you are trying to be cooperative and positive manipulate the legal system against you by claiming you've disappeared your m.i.a or your presumed dead and that you've expressed no interest in your daughter so like she's falsely claiming that I had never sent gifts to my daughter that I had never offered it pay child support that I had just disappeared and I had no contact with her no wonders to my daughter when the opposite of all those things was true but you see legally what she was then doing after that at that same court hearing the same event where I was declared missing where I had all my legal rights taken away from me because I was missing and had the same status as someone presumed dead at that same hearing the judge just arbitrarily imposed a child support requirement now again I don't object to that you know I've off I don't mind paying child support okay but you know normally I or my lawyer would be there to discuss the situation as now if I'm missing or dead I have no income and there's no way for me to pay child support so this also creates a strange legal situation like how can a dead man pay child support but randomly the judge set the amount at 150 euros per month okay well my income is zero so whether that's fair or not is another question but whatever so since then since I found out about it I've been paying on videos but neither my ex-wife nor her lawyer informed me right see see this is this kind of blackmail trick he's trying to play if you don't even tell me the day in court happened and if you don't even tell me there's a legal requirement with a specific dollar figure when I've offered I have the emails proving it I'd offered to pay child support and I didn't care I'd said in those emails look if you want to use the French legal standard we can but here's what I know about the French legal standard which is just from reading on the Internet but I would prefer to use the Canadian legal standard because you know here's they have a good website here it is you know and if it's too low I don't mind let's use the Canadian standard plus 20% or whatever like we can we can sort something out we can sign an informal agreement or and you know and I said if you you know it can be temporary we can sign an agreement for one year whatever I was open to being reasonable and sorting out child support short term and long term I'm happy to do it you know ultimately I prefer the Canadian legal system because it's an English rather than French but you know under the French legal system what I was told by my lawyer was actually that the normal amount if you're still a university student or what-have-you don't have a regular income the default is you only 50 euros but all these amounts of money are so low it's it's pathetic 150 euros in Cambodia that's real money in France it's nothing so I don't even feel bad about the number of being under 50 euros okay fine so a judge a judge treated me as equivalent to dead treated me as a missing person and assigned the number 150 euros but if you don't tell me that if you're lying to yourself or you're lying to your lawyer and your lawyer is lying to the court and your lawyer doesn't even inform me that I'm liable to pay child support and again the emails from my ex-wife are saying really vague things like there's nothing more to discuss like just totally unhelpful blank responses like this then she's in a position to backstab me further because she can claim that I've refused to pay child support the same day I found out about the child support cause like all this these legal documents show up and like you know I don't know if anyone else in the scenario realize the gravity of this cuz it's like okay all my legal rights have been taken away from me by someone fraudulently claiming like I disappeared or died in Taiwan when they know and I can prove in a court of law they know that I'm alive and well in Canada and when she offered to move here to join me in Canada and everything like and that also shows goodwill like she can't pretend she's afraid of me or something if I have email showing that we've had these reasonable conversations and she thought about moving here to join me like it's just not a it's not that kind of conflict situation not on my side I've been positive so the same day you know I went to the bank I went to the post office and I photographed the monetary instrument because I sent the money by a type of draft it's not a cheque you know it's been anyway it's money in the form of piece of paper when did the bank bought it went to the post office photographed it put it the envelope photograph that sent it in the mail emailed the proof to my lawyer and to my look the minute I found out that a court set the number at 150 euros I paid the child support for several months stacked it up for several months the future and you know I would have I offered in the past it was just a matter of settling a number I don't care but reciprocal with that of course whenever you talk to someone who knows the law in France legally in France you always have the right to visit your kid even if you're a convicted criminal which I'm not by the way I have no criminal record of NAHB but even if I were a convicted criminal in terms of human rights in France I would have the right to visit my daughter even if I did not pay child support I would have the right to visit my daughter which is interesting but the fact that I pay child support in France normally that completely guarantees that you get to visit your kid so people are no French largest people who are in France have been divorced they often say to me like like what you're saying can't be true like if you're paying child support then you have the right to go visit your daughter like like you know in the French legal system sense and I say to them not if you're dead the only situation I could be in where my wife could play these crazy games of blackmail and trickery is the exact situation I am which is she went to a court of law first without informing me keeping it secret from me during a period of time when I had these helpful emails writing to her etc etc and in that court of law had me declared legally equivalent to dead that I was missing and there was no way to contact me and there was no known address for me that and again like there's these documents in Chinese I assume the the the judge in France can't read Chinese these mysterious documents in Chinese that like I don't even know what the lawyer said maybe she claimed this this is a Chinese legal document confirming that he's disappeared in Taiwan they could say anything I'm you know a French legal system they're not born yesterday but I don't know man so I mean you know this is like in terms of legal hostilities this is the lowest of the low I mean did some of you out there have had worse divorces like in terms of the incongruous contrast between my having a positive attitude of look I'm into co-parenting I'm into supporting you having a positive career and future I'm into me having a positive grand future I'm willing to live anywhere in the world just talk to me just plan for the future if you want to move to New York fine if you want to move to Seattle fine if you're going to live in China but let's talk about it let's plan I want to be living in a situation where I can be a positive part of my daughter's life I don't want to restrict my ex-wife's life in any way I've never had a jealous bone in my body if she wants to get married to somebody else I'm happy for it just you know I have none of the problems that like I don't know 90% of guys have like none of that's on my mind I'm just trying to take a bad divorce turn to pause divorce and all of this stuff what does my ex-wife think the future is for my daughter so at some point she's gonna have to explain this to my daughter and it's all gonna be down legal like I mean it looks bad and I'm I'm flat I'm being very flattering towards her but like what is your long-term strategy I mean you know if she actually had someone kill me the plan would make sense because then I disappear and maybe my daughter never hears the other side of the story but short of that like long term what is the plan like what I mean malice the probe with malice is that my ex-wife she doesn't gain anything situation like if somebody Rob's me it's about money yeah it's about money I understand if someone cheats me you know whatever it's about money to sell finished in vault but like well my ex-wife has been doing here its destructive and the one person I suffer but ultimately you know my daughter suffers so he's a fast forward a bit this is all revealed and again I mean you know these the emails I wrote I mean you know I wrote very level-headed positive friendly constructive emails and I move on to trying to arrange my next visit to see my daughter despite this right so it's like this is the ultimate stabbing in the back legally I'm in a terrible situation now suddenly revealed to me and also I've just found it I finally got a mailing address I I could tell more about that exactly how I moved that forward is an interesting story but my my ex-wife did not volunteer that but okay so I've got a mailing address I can now send presents to my daughter I say okay well look you know the December holiday is coming up whatever you want to call it the Christmas holiday than the use holiday so can I come and visit my daughter in Germany okay and my ex-wife says yes again this is all email so it's not my opinion I have the email proving she said yes she said yes okay and I write back again totally friendly emails totally friendly helpful factual emails saying okay so this is one I'm gonna buy an airplane ticket is this okay a lot of details like that because again have a divorce you don't want there to be any surprises I talked about details like well look do you want me to rent an apartment big enough so that my daughter can come over and play at my place like are you comfortable with me coming over and seeing my daughter at your place are we gonna meet in the park like what how are we gonna set up I'm trying to discuss practical details in a friendly way and my wife is either not replying at all or like I got one reply from her which is about this it was like airplane tickets what kind of apartment I'm gonna rent etc I get like replies like thank you for this information that's that the whole email so she said yes you know I've got the email proving she said yes and then I get like no reply at all or totally cryptic one sentence reply like thank you for this information and time is going past so like a month goes by and then I'm writing to were saying look I keep sending you these details but I'm now running out of time I have to buy an airplane ticket right so this whole time from the first yes I'm coming to visit her in Germany because she lives in Germany and what she told me she gave me the address to send the gifts she's living in Germany with my daughter and everything I'm talking about is airplane ticket of Germany hotel room in Germany or renting a temporary apartment Germany and I ain't rich is a lot of money to come from the west coast of Canada all the way to Germany rent a room in Germany he was gonna stay in Germany for 17 days so for me this is all the money in the world but this is a chance for me to spend quality time look listy within seven days I could have spent 15 days with my daughter like 15 days as quality time I'm there for 17 days I don't know like good at getting to and from the airport maybe the first and last day you don't really spend but this could be serious amounts of quality time with my daughter it's a huge financial sacrifice but of course I'm willing to do it and all I'm going she gave me a permission one she gave me permission and then - she never discussed any of the details with me but I'm totally open to these kinds of questions where are we gonna meet what's comfortable happened okay so over this more than a month and she's not replying it's okay look I've got to move forward with buying the airplane ticket so then I buy the airplane ticket and I take a you know photograph on the internet of the airplane ticket and the receipt for the room of rented which again is actually my own money directly there's also interesting story with that the money I used for this the money that made this possible was a scholarship I want so due to my high grades at university I got a scholarship that put a few thousand dollars in my pocket so I was able to put that into airplane ticket to visit my daughter as I say of zero income and actually at that time my parents do support my parents pay the rent on this apartment my parents in this phase of my life made a lot of things possible for me but ensure I would not have been able to move forward with that actually if I was waiting for my parents money or rely on parents money so move forward that and at that moment when it's way too late she's intentionally delayed to be way too late after I bought the airplane ticket then she hits me with the blackmail she says oh so if you want to visit your daughter I assume you're gonna agree to all these things I demand and you're gonna sign away your rights it's the same blackmail game she been playing for I don't know roughly two years right now I wrote I mean you know and again this is after the legal shenanigans after everything I mean I could teach a university course based on these email replies I wrote totally polite friendly positive email fastest and said well no that's not the situation you did give me your permission to visit like you know I actually did not respond in a hostile way at all but I just go over the facts etcetera etc but I can like short-term and long-term and I'ma get how does it benefit my daughter how does it benefit Mack's wife none of this makes sense but you know you want to backstab me again and I've already bought the airplane ticket I've already paid for the room but of course I cannot sign away the right to visit my daughter and you can't the carrot and the stick can't be the same thing it just in the blackmail doesn't make sense but if you think the word blackmail is inappropriate and what happened next is telling so then only after this point and I'll never know the truth of what happened when but right up to this 11th hour more than a month right up to my buying the airplane ticket everything has been presuming that I was going to Germany that that's where they were that's where I would that is where she invited me to visit my daughter that's where she gave me permission to come and see my daughter and only after and she didn't even do it in the black memo we should say okay well if if you want to see your daughter then you're gonna agree to all this and some of this finally writes away right and and that's not all she also she also wanted me to delete my youtube channel by the way so you my dear audience you're part of this drama in a small way I noticed you know when her lawyer is involved she never asked for that but indirect emails to me she does that's on her list of demands was that it that I delete might not YouTube press because we're legally it has no validity you can't you can't demand it in a court of law I have the right to come on YouTube and talk about my boring life so only after the 11th hour and only after I write that reply where I say look you know it very politely explains it recaps the whole situation say this is what you agreed to etc and I hope you'll be reasonable and let me spend quality time with my daughter I've spent thousands of dollars I'm gonna be in Europe for 17 days is let's make the best of this let's do something positive future then she says no we won't even be in Germany like if you come here nobody's here like she's not there my daughter's not there so no my daughter won't be here my daughter will be in France now if that were true if it had being true she would have mentioned it at any of the other stages during that month like including the stage where I was sending her the details of my airplane ticket and my room reservation before I'd actually pay for them at any stage she could have said that and I would have been completely positive and cooperative I wouldn't have cared it's no difference to me like you know oh I'm gonna visit my daughter German oh this was done in a mean-spirited and malicious way and she said if you actually come here to Germany um she threatened to harm me specifically she said she would she didn't say if I was she said because you're coming she said she would make false reports to the police so that I would be arrested and go to jail now I'm saying that vaguely full support she sent specific allegations that she would make against me now these allegations that she said she would report to the police again all of this like legally its email I can show this to the judge like none of this is my opinion none of this is like a memory of a phone call I've got the emails what are you thinking sending this threat to me what she threatened to tell the police was not credible legally on so many levels including that it's like like she said she would tell the police that I was a threat for kidnapping based on like something I had allegedly verbally said three years earlier in Taiwan and it's like it's such a mean this is so ridiculous like if we actually disputed this in court again it would just feel like well here are the emails like if this woman ever thought I was a threat for kidnapping why do we have all these reasonable emails where I'm talking about visiting my daughter and that's no problem and where my ex-wife is talking with visiting Canada like you want to bring me up on on kidnapping charges you want to say I'm a threat like so they are really they're really serious allegations to falsely or fraudulently present the police morally and legally this is really dark but they're also just observed like I I can't imagine any judge shaking him seriously even if I wasn't there to defend myself even if I couldn't present the emails but if I can so I mean you know the situation she set herself up for now legally as well as morally with my daughter it's like well I have total evidence that my ex-wife maliciously prevented me from being a part of my daughter's life during years when I was being completely constructive and positive about trying to be a positive part of my my daughter's life I have evidence that she maliciously denounced me to the police and I went there in Germany my German is not that great but I went and talked to the police in German I ain't I ain't afraid I know it's like to have people threaten to kill me in third world countries I am you tell me the cops are gonna arrest me I say okay I'll go to the police station talk to the cops I don't I don't have any guilt on my conscience I've dealt with cops in Laos Cambodia China whatever cops and my friends man I if I go to a prison in Germany on false charges I'd feel great you know when you're innocent when you know you're innocent I I wouldn't I would be proud to tell that story to my daughter if I went to jail you know because my ex-wife lied to the police I would say to my daughter look I love you I care about you when I had the opportunity to go to Germany to visit you that was the right thing to do even though my ex-wife said I would be put in prison on these false charges that's that's what it means to me that's my level of commitment you know so it's really dark and the other side of it is that in this video knocking taggable further she tried to have her cake and eat it too she tried to double trip cross me whatever but then also saying oh well you can visit your daughter if now after the last minute so so I was flying on December 13th and on December 11th I got a totally incoherent invitation garbled via my ex lawyer who can't communicate in English that it would somehow be possible for me to see my daughter if I got from Germany to France once that was there even though the room I'd paid for was in Germany and they airplane to go to pay for a journey and I mean it's like crossing the continent they're not there they're not parts of Germany in France too closely there's an enormous distance pardon me the distance isn't the fundamental problem it was this really weird invitation that ended up being the two hours I saw my daughter for was there for 17 days and through sheer malice on my ex-wife part I only got to spend two hours of my daughter okay but even that the communication was so incoherent and my ex-wife refused to discuss with me or clarify with me and right up to the morning of that visit when I was there I was getting email saying no you can't like so the miscommunication about like like can I come should I like should I come like if you if you asked to visit your daughter and ex-wife says no and your ex-wife says no and I'm calling the cops and making a false report he's sent to prison then naturally you keep your distance but right up to the morning when I spent those two two hours of my daughter I was getting ridiculous contradictory emails like saying oh well forget it we're not even gonna show up like thousands and thousands of dollars on airplane tickets on hotel rooms on lawyers thousands of dollars I was in Europe for 17 days and I only got to see my daughter for two hours if I had never had any other problems an ex-wife if there was no conflict between us of any kind that alone would be unforgivable for the rest of my life you can never forgive that that was my only chance to see my daughter in a period of more than two years and I don't know when my next chance to see my daughter will be my old video says honestly that I think I'm never gonna see my daughter again and this video explains why it's not just Geographic it's not just economic it's not just financial it's not just legal fundamentally the reason why I live with the expectation that I'm never gonna get to see my daughter again is my ex-wife's attitude behavior conduct is that she will maliciously backstab me repeatedly in order to deny me the right to see my daughter and also so she can kind of cover her tracks and falsely claim oh well you could have come and seen your daughter at any time that's all so that's why I get these vague emails saying like there's nothing more to discuss like oh you could come anytime you just don't and it's like ah struggle is real you know and so much time has passed and it may be several years more a more than one year from now at least before the divorce is finally settled but the other thing is the other thing with sense in which this my wife has placed the short-term game now legally in court we can prove malfeasance or fraud on her part there's no doubt about that it's it's all set down an email the the events are clear before anyway if none of this had happened I still couldn't lose in a court of law because in a court of law in France all I'm asking for or my bare minimum rights in terms of human rights what I'm guaranteed again what I'm asking for is a father I would be guaranteed even if I were convicted criminal it's not debatable it's not based on merit it's not based on income it's not based on anything the only way she deprived me of my rights was by claiming I was missing in action claiming I was missing impossible to Connor she had no idea where I was at disappeared knowing and by lying to me and concealing from me a legal proceeding that she carried out in secret and extraordinary legal proceeding that declared me to be a missing person and again like you know you don't know what kind of judge you're gonna get but any judge sitting there looking at that like most most of the lawyers in France have talked to they're just stunned they just look at that go they can't believe one human being would do that to another like within French law it's extraordinary and in legal practice there's a doctrine called clean clean hands doctrine like in court if you can prove that the other party has has manipulated the legal process in the past that they've lied in legal documents that they've submitted fraudulent or misleading information in court then that changes the whole rest of the process you know in the United States that's taken very very seriously in France I don't know but I mean bottom line is you gotta answer to the judge you gotta answer to your own daughter I mean long-term what is the game like what does my ex-wife how does she win doing this if she actually sends someone to murder me the plan makes sense cuz to take me off the list legally to have me declared missing and then actually kill me that makes sense but anything less than that and given all the positive efforts have made how were you ever gonna square it with your daughter that you know what during those years you know your father was positively trying to send you gifts to spend quality time with you to come and visit he was positively trying to discuss where in the world we were gonna be living so you know spending time be possible I would you know be great if we lived in the same city or the same probably lived within 500 kilometers that you know your father went back to university and was starting a new career but all the time he was thinking about you and trying to visit you and what did her mother do she acted with real malice in a way that harms me but ultimately just harms my daughter and ultimately is completely meaningless and counterproductive so they go folks that's where it's at but as they say in terms of the long game in a court of law there is no way I can lose the absolute minimum outcome that I am guaranteed is joint custody there's no way joint custody can be taken away from me unless she she declares me to be missing or dead again it's ridiculous um and you know in terms of all the other things to be settled all the other details they don't matter that much I would like joint custody due to the extraordinary dishonest manipulative and cruel conduct of my wife in the past I need to have a legal guarantee to have right to control my daughter and to approve you know what country living I can't let them move between Germany and China with the permission or when we say but like if my ex-wife had just been a regular cooperative human being I would have never involved lawyers I would have been totally happy to operate in a way that was informal and cooperative and positive and it's time but I gotta say I've at least got to get joint custody and to get primary custody or sole custody I'm completely down for that I'm completely up for it sadly I really do believe it is in my daughter's best interests for me to have primary custody or sole custody and of course would be a huge change in my life whether I'm living in China or living in Canada or living in Europe or living in Israel I consider moving to Israel partly because it's closer to my daughter if my if my daughter is living in Europe no idea where my max wife is gonna move she refuses to discuss these things me but wherever it is in the world yeah I'm you know the the the sad reality is this story began with me having sacrificed everything in my life just to be a parent to my daughter I dropped out of two different university programs I sacrificed at least two different career ambitions had to completely give up my long term career related to First Nations languages first nation's politics versus nations people had to sacrifice all my plans in Canada sacrificed all my plans to aid the Buddhism and Buddhist studies that part of Asian Studies I had sacrificed everything just to be a father to my daughter I sacrificed everything and I left with nothing and I got nothing more to sacrifice but still in my life my top priority really is being a father to my daughter and as said in earlier video here the reason why I went to Europe at that time because was because it was the right thing to do and I only got to spend two hours with my daughter which is tragic and I'm forgivable but even if I had spent zero hours with her if I had gone there and sat there in Europe for 17 days and didn't even see her for one minute it would still be the right thing to do because I would be able to say to my daughter one day when she's grown up look even in the face of total hostility from ex-wife her mother even in the face of her saying she would go to the police and denounce me and this absurd legal backstab even then my top priority was any cost to be there for you at the first chance I had the only chance I had I spent the thousands of dollars I crossed the ocean because it meant so much to me to see you to be a positive part of your life and in the next 10 years that ain't gonna change