What's the Opposite of Commitment? (Jake Paul, Logan Paul, Alissa Violet)

in the 21st century it's really not all
that much of a commitment to tell someone that you love them and by contrast it's really a much more serious commitment with much more serious consequences for both of you if you tell someone that you do not love them love can mean different things in different contexts to different people there are many different types of loving relationships and one in the same living relationship can change a lot from one period of your life to another but not loving someone not caring both someone not taking responsibility for them what that means and what it entails is very clear and the key study of the Paul brothers and their relationship with Elissa violet it's a peculiar example that leads me to reflect on how many people think they're protecting themselves by refusing to commit by refusing to care by refusing to be in love and they find out that instead they've made themselves all the more vulnerable or if setting ourselves up for disaster of some kind I digress to note here on this channel I like to talk about issues in a way that will still be interesting to me if I come back and watch this video five years from now when the controversy at the moment has long been forgotten I also try to only talk about the controversy at the moment if I feel I have something really meaningful and important to say something that maybe one day my own daughter or my own grandchildren might watch and find some value in during me saying so I just note there is a controversy passing momentarily right now a series of videos by shane dawson talking about the love life of several youtubers i'm just gonna call them the brothers paul two brothers who ended up having a love affair with the the same woman and you know acrimony then emerged between the two of them I only ended up watching this series of videos because it promised to deal with the subject of sociopathy with certain diagnosed mental disorders and I think the the politics and public perception of those disorders and that's a topic that does interest me I was not interested at least at the beginning of this process in the personal life of Jake Paul and Logan Paul just not not something I would have watched a video about attentionally but that drew me in and then I did watch this series through to its conclusion so with that having been said probably none of you in clicking on this video thought that I was going to mention the 19th century philosopher Immanuel Kant Immanuel Kant is an incredibly boring philosopher who's backed up by the entire academic establishment so many of you if you have a university education you may have been forced to read some of the manual Cohn there's a quip from a manual contour a funny anecdote preserved in its philosophy that would not be well-known if it were not followed up immediately by a racist remark so this passage gets quoted in discussions of how racist wasn't Manuel Condit how much does it matters philosophy that's not why I'm quoting it here as you'll you'll soon see Immanuel Kant quotes an anecdote from an explorer from some group of Europeans who were exploring Africa or traveling in remote regions of Africa and it was in a region of Africa where the culture was predominantly Islamic predominantly Muslim and a local man was a black African but I think culturally Islamic remarks these Europeans I don't understand you people I don't understand your your culture you say that you give your women all of these freedoms but if they actually use them then you go crazy you know if you if the women actually use in practice the theory that if use the freedoms that you say they have in theory than you guys fly off the handle and I forget I think the original wording also implied that they they would be they beat their wives which of course at that time was much more common than his today um many of these cultures it was considered a normal practice for husbands to beat their wives up until a few decades ago anyway I forget the the precise wording and anyway Immanuel Kant then follows up this somewhat interesting anecdote by making a racist statement against black people and that's why the passage is well known that's the only reason I ended up reading that passage but the racism of Immanuel Kant has nothing to do with what I want to talk about in this video that anecdote makes an interesting point and whether young men or old are involved in these scenarios whether they call what they're doing an open relationship or not a relationship at all it's very easy for them to deceive themselves as to what it will really mean to them in practice if they as the anecdote says give these women these these freedoms what will be the consequences for them personally or emotionally if they actually use them and now conversely if you're giving someone these freedoms if you're saying it's okay for you to sleep with other men which was the situation for for Jay Paul he was in a relationship of some kind with with Elissa if you say that it's okay for her to sleep with other people because you yourself intend to sleep with other people you know what will be the consequences for you when that actually happens again Jake Paul he showed himself to be uh to be a hypocrite on this he did exactly what the Anto suggests he went crazy he had an emotional breakdown he couldn't handle it when in fact she used the freedom that she was indeed entitled to so this point you guys will already have started to pick up on the fact that in this scenario I actually put a hundred percent of the blame on Jake Paul I actually don't put any of the blame on the woman involved ELISA and I don't put any of the blame on the other brother this is a scenario in which Jake Paul let it be known privately and publicly again and again that he was not in a relationship this woman that he did not love her that he did not care for her that they were not in any way exclusive or even dating or in a real relationship so if so if you're giving her that Liberty are giving her that status you are in no position whatsoever to complain when she actually does make use of that freedom and in this case yes that even does extend to your own brother sleeping with her now it's not merely hypothetical to invert the situation and ask how would the woman feel how would ELISA feel if he if Jake Paul had slept with her sister it's not hypothetical and here's what I mean Jake Paul slept with a woman whom ELISA described as having been her best friend and her closest confidant living in the same house at the same time the woman who is today publicly the girlfriend of Jake Paul I believe her name is Erica the woman who today is his girlfriend was previously the best friend of his ex girlfriend they lived together they were in intimate terms days she shared with this woman her own sorrows including her sorrows about how the relationship with Jake was going so the type of betrayal involved in Jake having slept with both of them or having cheated on one with the other depending on what kind of perspective you want to bring to it whether or not the word cheating can be used so in this context because it's an open relationship bla bla bla the relationship that those two women had was actually much closer than most people's relationship with their own sister or their own brother I've never shared a house or shared an apartment with any of my brothers and sisters I've never once confided in my brothers and sisters about problems that was having when dating someone in my love life or that kind of that kind of deeply personal issue never and in terms of Western english-speaking society I'm not that unusual it's not that unusual to be kind of estranged from just not to have very close relationships with your brothers and sisters so she did have someone in her life who was in a sister-like relationship with her and he did actually cross the same line with absolutely no regard to the consequences for her or regard to the consequences for the other people involved in this Gordian knot so I come back to this simple idea it is not all that much of a commitment in the year 2018 to tell somebody that you love them in many ways that's just the start of a longer conversation but it's a very gravely serious commitment to tell them that you don't love them that you're never gonna love them that it doesn't matter how many times they sleep with you or how many gifts they give you or how many times they take your dinner it's never going to progress you're never going to take responsibility for them in that way I'm gonna say more about that the world responsibility that you're never going to become a real couple etc do you think in the span of time covered by these anecdotes none of the people ever came down with the common cold do you think none of them ever came down with stomach flu or a urinary tract infection I mentioned that because actually ELISA has referred repeatedly to getting your tract infections on our YouTube channel during this time what happens when you get sick in that scenario this is I think the fundamental reason why monogamy is the most popular mode of dating or not to mention marriage the world over even amongst people who are not Christian or religious in any sense or who may not even have cultural cultural German reasons to accept it if you have just one person in your life one girlfriend or one boyfriend when that person comes down with the flu you say okay I'm going to cancel my plans to go see a movie I'm gonna cancel my our plans to go and see a concert together to go and see a basketball game or whatever it was I'm gonna cancel our plans to go skiing and I'm gonna sit down here with you and I'm gonna care for you and I'm gonna do everything I can to make you feel better and help you get through this illness and that is a kind of responsibility and that is a kind of love it's a kind of loving relationship that most people don't think about under the heading of romantic love but very soon after the initial stages of flirtation and dating it's it's a very large part of the practical experience of what it means to be loved by someone or to love someone else if you have multiple women in your life as Jake Paul did and you tell all of them that you don't love them that you're not going to take care of them that you're not going to take responsibility for them then that means you have tickets to go and see a concert and you say oh you're sick okay I'll take someone else oh you're sick well I'm gonna go skiing anyway that was an example actually dealt with in these videos oh you have a urinary tract infection well then I'll just have sex with someone else anyway the lack of care the lack of responsibility especially in a scenario where these people are living under the same roof eating out of the same fridge in the same kitchen there are no words to describe how much resentment can build up in that scenario there's a kind of false intimacy and false dependency that's created by people living together in close quarters that way I had an experience early in life it would have been the age when most people in their first year of university and it concerned a girl who was I think about a year and a half older than me and so she she was already into university I didn't know she was in love with me she didn't show any signs to me directly and later I figured out mmm she'd actually broken down crying with other people mutual friends we had in common talking about how much she wasn't loving me and something I did that made it worse which I didn't even think about at the time she once phoned me up I think it was just to cancel so she couldn't come to some event telling me that she'd come down with the flu and I knew her situation she was young in college had her own apartment she was all alone and she didn't have in her apartment the things that her parents would have provided for when she had a cold or a flu and I you know I had no money to speak of but I took a few dollars and I didn't tell her I was gonna do this um I think I just told her I'd stop by I took a few dollars and I went to the pharmacy and I bought her lozenges horrible cough syrup kind of lines your throat you know those miscellaneous antibiotic helping you get over Poland cough type of over-the-counter medicines I bought her a meal I don't remember what the meal was at bought her I wasn't seeking that but I brought her some food and I remember distinctly that I bought her a digital thermometer cuz I knew I don't think she told me I knew she wouldn't even have a thermometer but it's possible on the phone she said to me that she had a fever and was worried about it but she couldn't take her temper she said something that to me and that's why I bought her the thermometer so I kind of put together this bundle things to help her and I got on the bus and went up to her apartment I just visited her I wasn't there for very long when she was sick she was lying in bed feeling like crap oh uh you know we didn't talk a lot obviously but I brought her this stuff and daughter set up and I you know I kind of set up the food put it on a plate for and you know she remained lying in bed under the covers with the sort of food next to her and I said okay you know here's this medicine here's these laws Newser and you and I say goodbye and I left you know and from my perspective her and I were just friends but looking back on it now I can see that that probably was a turning point for her where she went from maybe having a crush on me to her really feeling like she was in love with me or even feeling like she was entitled to be in a relationship we kind of feeling wronged that I wasn't and relationship with her and you know I never kissed this girl or not at this point anyway they here heard the story she pounced on me when I was drunk once that's kind of another story but I'd never there was no ambiguity from my side I wasn't interested in being in a romantic relationship with her or sexual of any kind whatsoever and the lesson that was to be learned there is really simple but I didn't want to learn it I didn't want to think that I didn't want to think that we live in a world where it's bad and wrong to do something that's so wholesome and helpful and nice and something that I wish somebody else would do for me if our positions were reversed and the inevitable conclusion of that anecdote which I stole we don't really want to accept today as well you have to be really careful about who you help even if it's with the gesture this friendly this harmless this helpful because that can create you know emotional ties that really bind and the reverse is also true you live together with someone in a house as these three people in the love triangle did your brother is involved with your Co worker who lives in the same house with you and all of those people at some point have the experience of being sick and alone and you're not there and you're not taking responsibility for them and again it may be the most trivial illness it may be a urinary tract infection it may be the common cold but you are in the position of having other women to chase and other things to do and if just not caring that experience creates the kind of resentment ties that bind in a negative sense that then explains the somewhat crazy over-the-top and vengeful behavior of the woman in this scenario who did of course go out of her way to try to really hurt the feelings of Jake Paul that's all I have to say people from my perspective Jake Paul the blame and responsibility for the scenario is 100% on you if you give someone the freedom to sleep with others and you claim that freedom for yourself and you say that you don't love them the statement that you don't love them that you're never gonna love them that you're not progressing towards a real relationship that has serious consequences and you wimped out when it really mattered because you were the one who couldn't deal with those consequences