Can idiots become intellectuals? Beauty, stupidity & inequality.

I mean really people like to disrespect
my truth but the fact is that you know my name is I don't know this is a conversation with my girl Melissa following up after my 10,000 the video with the closely related issues of jealousy envy Beauty physical appearance how our society works and how it doesn't but I'd freeze the topic of this video a little bit more in terms of the potential for shallow people to change and I think most of us maybe all of us if we mem remember far enough back into our use at some point we were shallow people and probably some part of us is shallow still even if it's only for a few hours a day you probably have your few shallow hours per day and we're gonna talk about ourselves we're gonna talk about our own real high experience here um want to start with my father all right my father may not have been perceived as a shallow guy he was absolutely as shallow as they came and as a young man in high school it was not easy for him to get the attention of women it was not easy for him to get the affection of women and he never got over it he went into acting he went into theater and this was absolutely transparently to get the attention and affection of women and a lot compared to some other strategies in life you can say that it works you can say that it's not entirely evil or entirely awful learn to talk a good game and learn to have some stage presence learn you know get some what you know and he went from theater into politics extreme cult-like fringe politics and he went into religion that's the part nobody wants to talk about with my father was his years as some kind of Christian existentialist he was a Christian preacher of sorts as well as being a communist and left-wing but it was all about women it was all about sexuality was all about getting laid it was all about his ego he never got over it I got I saw him as an old and every business meeting everything in his office if you ever saw him in the room with young women women who were young enough to be impregnated but at the Hawaii you know hypothetically you know always of you is constantly holding court and trying to fascinate people it's really in the truest sense the way he not it's beyond being the center of attention this shallow sense of competing for being the cleverest and the most attractive and you know whatever it was an act he was an actor and he never stopped playing the part and politics for him was never about helping the weak and the poor and the downtrodden never never a Christianity for him was never about helping the weak and the poor and the downtrodden and by the way if you guys haven't heard already he had nine kids with a whole bunch of different women and I think if you talked to anyone from his communist organization other than him he intentionally ended up with a swinging free love Kotoko congress organization and he slept with as many women as possible and and here's the here's the plot twist i think the vast majority of people perceived my father as some kind of profound bookish intellectual he was not what he did with his life intellectually with every bit as shallow as what these girls are doing on instagram or what you know a young man who works out at the gym and is showing his body in his room it was every bit as shallow but what he had to show off what he did to get attention and an affirmation is still ego affirmation from women what he did was just much more intellectual than physical right so you know know what do shallow people change can shallow people change you know profound and deep people can become shallow we know that yeah anyone can become a cocaine addict anyone can just start devoting their life to to self intelligence stuff I I feel I've become shallower as I got older because a lot of the more profound things in my life really just didn't work out and end in tragedy so it's easy to have a kind of facile point of view which they of course shallow people can gain uh can gain a more profound appreciation for life or you know being able in deeper life I fake yeah I don't know and you know let's be real it's in large part because of the type of rewards that their shallowness is gonna give them whether that's positive ego information and remember I mean like for my dad it's not like he slept with all these women like for every one woman he actually seduced and slept with he was seducing all the time you he was wanting that attention you know and I mean that's a lot like Instagram like I mean what percentage the women of these women they're flirting with people all the time they're being seductive all the time and it's like one one out of a thousand or one out of a million they'll actually sleep with or even have a date with or even kiss or something but you know you can get addicted to you know the positive ego you know feedback in and information and stuff no look sorry some Melissa's with me here off camera and Melissa you've gone through the most extreme cultural experiment because when when she got with me I used to say she had a pretty face privilege I'm something we really had to talk about you know your whole life okay almost your whole life you know since you went through puberty or something just the fact you're a good-looking woman she slimmed with a pretty face and then especially in China when she was a good-looking white woman living in China she had unbelievable pretty facebook privilege everyone thinks you're everyone thinks you're brilliant even to people think you're intelligent you're good at your job and your charming whatever all this buzz and then then she got into this battle with acne and she's currently halfway into a six-month treatment of accutane really serious medical treatment for this acne which probably should have done it five years ago or something we figured out there's really no other way to go with her acne condition then then serious medical treatment and all you she went to the opposite extreme I mean she was with me in Taiwan just culturally Chinese and she then went to being treated as a pariah being treated as someone who was incredibly ugly someone who was reviled some of people felt disgusted by and felt they felt uncomfortable looking at you and I could sue we got to see both sides it with job interviews - so for me also I had so many job interviews in China for me as a man where the only thing talked about was how handsome I was like that was the basis like wow this is a shallow culture this is a culture that's way more comfortable talking about like male beauty or male attractiveness openly than Western culture but I mean likewise Mellisa people people were running up to offer her jobs on the street in China she didn't want a job she wasn't looking you know feel were trying to recruit her just because she was going and then we went from that to the opposite extreme where we went to Javanese can we say we're certain a lot of those job interviews they turned both of us down they turned us down because of Melissa's face because of the agony you know so you see the full gamut and you've seen it also so Melissa I mean okay you can tell me there's a chicken-and-egg problem here so that by the way that means there's a question of which which one really came first of two things that are that intertwine my impression of you melissa is that one of the reasons you fell in love with me was that you wanted to lead a more meaningful life you wanted to be more of a real intellectual you didn't want to be a shallow person skating by through life the way you had been and you saw in me she was attracted to me she fell in love with me but also she saw me a way to switch tracks and really get into leading a more a more meaningful and substantive life yeah absolutely what you say is all true all the biographical details are true I must say I resent it too the fact that because I had a pretty face that I was treated differently mm-hmm no expectations I think the sad thing is people make excuses for women just because they look a certain way because I don't I look small statured I look feminine I think typically people wouldn't expect much of me as a woman so I do kind of resent that I didn't really have the development that I should have had at a younger age you mean it was being challenged during morning yes in terms of being challenged how people treated me she really learned to talk well we were just just mentioning in terms of the role of silence versus speech like you were very literally not expected to speak for yourself you were used to kind of standing around awkwardly and looking at the ground and other people sorry that's a very palpable example of this like you can talk about low expectations and stuff but that gives you someone seized understand yeah oh yeah and as uncomfortable as it might be to look back at the videos that we recorded initially yeah it is interesting to see it because that was who I was at the time and that's the kind of development I had in terms of linguistic expressing myself those kinds of skills I think we're stunted partly because of you know my own doing but it's also like I said I resent that there were low expectations for me because I looked a certain way and it is also uncomfortable looking back on it and I made this comment to you regarding Kristin leo that I think 10 years from now she'll look back on these videos that she's recording now and say wow I looked really beautiful or that was my period of being beautiful and in the limelight that was my period of Fame and now I'm older and I have you know it's up to her how she's going to change in the next 10 years is she going to develop as an intellectual is she going to have something else to be proud of something else not even necessarily to be proud of but to have like self-respect I think that's the number one thing like finding something that you yourself are going to value something that's not going to fade away and what I've discovered is what doesn't fade away is really intellectual development and learning and maybe not even if people aren't interested in philosophy or if they're not interested in learning specific things like at least you can learn how to handle it yourself better and that is very valuable I would say you could you can learn how to learn man may sound low but hopefully you know we become a lifelong you become a person of learning of course Newland you know the musculature of learning if you like I just say I don't expect everybody to be interested in philosophy I don't expect everybody to be interested in the same things that I have been part of the reason why I fell in love with you is because I think Malia Meyer and respect your knowledge base that you've actually read books on history on political matters around the world you you just have a genuine fascination with the world genuine curiosity and I think that's the most wonderful thing about being a human being is the curiosity it doesn't have to fade away and and you you don't necessarily have to become jaded with life you can you can find new things to learn and and even though it might be hard I mean one comment that you made in your video is that people who have been addicted to playing video games all their lives it's hard to say or it's easy to say for an outsider to say just just start doing some meaningful and without yeah yeah it's easy to say it find a new hobby hard for the actual person to come up with a new hobby or start a new hobby because you're starting from a level of stupidity and it's accepting the stupidity that is also hard at least it was for me like I said some people had expectations of me just because of my appearance or because I you know I was able to put on a face of looking intelligent I think that was a big part of me in my adolescence and early 20s is having the appearance of knowing what I'm talking about or like what I'm thinking but this deep insecurity of not really having the tools the skills the curiosity just about I want to pause in this you know um when you and I first got together also you perceived your own beauty and intelligence very differently too right so we had conversations early in this relationship Melissa had the attitude that she had not been a good-looking person growing up that she hadn't been pretty that she had have been disadvantaged this way and you know we had conversations appointed to her look you know you have these different anecdotes like during University and even during high school of guys really trying to sleep with you when you made no effort to attract them or seduce like she didn't even say a word like she sat there silently and these guys got their courage together and really you know tried to pitch you know you know try to I think in every single case they were trying to pitch a long-term relationship actually I don't think any of them were kind of picture one-night stand but you know and like really saying was no wait stop and think about it that doesn't happen to every girl there are girls there are women who their whole lives have never had that experience once and there are women who only have that experience when they really dress up in a short skirt and a push-up bra and really go out and they make kind of nine-tenths of the effort for the guy they really kind of set up the interaction or something and you were sitting here what kind of stepping into space and actually know this happened you know many times during your eyes like no this isn't assuming that's another worst thing is that the perception versus the reality now there actually is something parallel I think intellectually like in terms of how good-looking you are and yes it's within your culture and yes foodies in the other holder the beauties in the eye of the beholder but nevertheless there were really stark inequalities we're talking about here as you say some people never have that experience and so and so forth I have to reflect on that in my own life too um you know intellectually things can be effortless for you without you really realizing they're effortless until until or unless maybe you meet someone else room was a big up heroes okay wow I did this effortlessly and you know then also the kind of privileges in the experience you have growing up in society based on your appearance if you don't really force yourself to think analytically and sympathetically like no there were other people who would have to work really hard for the same thing or there are other people who couldn't have that at all no matter how much hard work they put in alright so on and so forth that's right is a bit of a tragedy that I didn't know the reality of it I like Melissa I do consider Melissa naturally gifted at learning Chinese and it's one of her talents I don't think melissa is naturally gifted at ancient Greek philosophy um no that's but you know she makes the effort and she gets the results working out of the gym here you put it you put in the effort and get the results I mean these are two of many many areas in which Melissa's had a ton of personal growth in the last two years I mean you basically basically never heard of the Chinese language before start learning Chinese she had no familiarity with ancient Greek and ancient Roman sources and started started learning that stuff she just started taking life seriously and learning in different ways but even then I would point out there is an underlying question of talent and ability so I have a million brothers and sisters one of my brother's is dyslexic from birth but you know whether or not something that obvious not everyone could just pick up Aristotle and start trying to make progress there even if you're not naturally gifted at that and not everyone could just start learning Chinese that what were you 26 or something 25 some like that you know and starving but not everyone could just start doing it so I just say it is interesting also the way in which this experience of shallowness and the struggle not to be she'll the Strout shot struggle to be a more meaningful intellectual person it's still in framed by you know think things that are to some extent fixed from birth or fixed from an early age in our in our development or the things that we may be at least struggle against from an early age and it can be humbling to accept your stupidity yes in these but I've learned to it was hard you know and I saw your video that you put together of supreme banana saying that she's blocking or I was following women that she feels for those didn't see the clip this is another youtuber called supreme banana she's alluding to a moment when supreme banana a youtuber here said that she herself systematically blocks women on Instagram whom she finds to pretty women who make her feel insecure about herself including women that she's personal friends with in real life and she asserts the further step of recommending this to the audience like it's a good thing to do for your so-called self-love or self-care is do I think out of jealousy or envy or insecurity block anyone mute anyone avoid looking at anyone on the internet who's prettier than you are I guess yeah so I was saying you know it's humbling to remind yourself that you are stupid in certain areas yeah but that doesn't mean that you can't improve and learn and then you know get to a certain level of competency so let's say you're you know you don't know much about philosophy you can at least work on that it doesn't have to be something that is unchangeable something that you always have to feel insecure about like oh when people bring up philosophy I just you know I don't know what to say or I just don't know what what to say because I haven't read it well that's something that you can change that's the wonderful thing about about life is that you can read up on topics and then have something to say a little bit deeper on exactly the same point maybe one of the unique things about the life of the mind about intellectual pursuits is that there's still value in failure like you can struggle to study philosophy or politics and fail and then have the failure and that still has some kind of positive value in your life like if you try to be a weightlifter or try to be a bodybuilder and you fail maybe that's entirely negative we can think of a lot of long term bad consequence for that or even you might say the type of humiliation involved in trying to you lookyou your goal is you spend two years trying to benchpress 200 pounds we know a guy like that through YouTube actually guys talked to you know he spent years really working out every day and his goals were pretty humble it was like benchpress 200 pounds it was some stuff like that she had a list and he never accomplished those goals so that may be humiliating in a way that's completely unproductive but I think the type of failure what if you struggle to learn Chinese and you can't do it at least you've got the struggle and there's I think there's probably tremendous educational value in that struggle won in that failure there's something you learn that's really worthwhile and that's different I don't know you wear a short skirt and a push-up rod you try to be the tertius turd on instagram and you fail and there's a lot of that going on in real life yeah and your channel is you you try try and get your heart broken over and over again that is the hardest thing is when you try and you fail but you can't just get mired and your failures you you can learn from them and progress as an individual and not just mope around I mean that was really my problem I felt stunted and I gotta say I did not address the reason I bring this up is because supreme banana is unblocking people that presumably on Instagram it's just about their appearance or what they're expressing what they're doing with their lives that she feels insecure about herself so that can only be altered so much your beauty can't be changed that much as as much as your brain can as much as you can actually learn and improve and other aspects of your life in some ways your face is the face that you were born with barring plastic surgery which probably will make you look worse overall you know you can't you can't actually change yourself that much of course I'm all for improving your health and fitness and that's something that you actually helped me with because I you know I had never lifted weights I'd never even had that like small accomplishment like you know you talk about the humiliation of weightlifting yeah it's hard it's really hard to accept that like wow I'm you know when I met you I was 24 years old and I never been she never lifted 10 pounds like I was with her when she did 5 pounds 10 pounds and when she was doing really really it's Lois really right yeah what I'd been taught was mostly cardio and in to be thin you know like maintain low weight and you know calorie count so that you don't gain weight as opposed to actual gross it's like literally growing Rosa yeah I saw I experienced both like growing physically muscle you know that literal strength you know it but it's it also involves a lot of humiliation and you know just realizing wow like I met it's such a low level of strength and I'm building up from the very basics but I'm happy I did it and I and I just want to say like I don't think I made the personal growth earlier on that I should have in terms of like feeling insecure about myself because by the time I met you I was extremely insecure with my appearance but I had been for ten years before that and I didn't really make that progress to saying this this is not yes beauty is something that is objective but it took many hours of talking with you philosophically about it you're like just thinking through things and reasoning through it rather than getting upset and saying like oh wow I feel so ugly or like you know I'm hideous and you know everybody else is more beautiful than me every woman's every woman has a more beautiful body than me more voluptuous and stuff you know like all this was really weight on me and like it doesn't help to block out the other women who are more beautiful than you that's what I've found even though it's it's hard as hell to like it except you know like I get it you know I really sympathize with Kristen leo I really sympathize with supreme and Hannah that if you if you feel insecure it's maybe feels like it's the right thing to do to just block it out but if you walk outside you're gonna see beautiful women you're gonna see people that you you feel you know insecure around and that's that's just you have to develop okay okay okay but but let's let's just let's just nail nail this a little bit harder if you want to be a novelist can you just not read novelists who are more successful than you if you're a filmmaker you're like oh I don't I don't like walking past the cinema because I see the movie posters of filmmakers who are more successful than I am and again it's not just success so you can talk about quality or craft like oh wow like that that filmmaker can do things I can't do that novelist like I mean it's kind of obviously sick and twisted and screwed up when we're talking about in the lifetime and it's sick and twisted it's more sick and twisted or when it's your body or your face because you can't change it and some people are really ugly for some people this is a burden they really really have to bear where it's not just neurosis like no for real you were born you were born with this huge disadvantage in life oh you know I like you okay but I just sorry I'm not getting to it quick enough but yeah my point is it's really hard to accept but it doesn't help like I just want to say like I didn't make that personal growth because number one I like was in a relationship beforehand where the you know the person was telling me all the time like no you're the most beautiful like woman in the world to me like you know I find you so beautiful and stuff like and I knew it I was still deeply insecure it doesn't matter being told how many times and that you can hear from somebody that you love like oh wow you're really beautiful or like I find you so beautiful that doesn't really help because like what I was really what I was really needing was the actual ability to reason through it and realize like beauty is just beauty um what you can actually work on is what you can be proud of like that's what you should be proud of because there's such a hollowness and saying like and you you mentioned the other day that you saw a video from some woman who was you know boasting about just like her looks like you know I'm so beautiful and I've attracted like all these men all these hip you know men and hit him in the hip hop world like they all want to sleep with me and stuff or they all have slept with me you know she's bragging she's boasting about being so you know beautiful that she's attractive this there's such a hollowness in that and I you know I don't how can anyone you know I guess if that's what you have to be proud of it's it's just kind of sad me like that that's that's what you've got to hang your you hang your hat on when you get home from work or you get home when you're when you're when you get home from the gym maybe all right yeah right you know like wow I'm beautiful because it's it's just it's really shallow and what what really matters to me I mean it's just more depth you know if how could I have been confident in myself how could I have been self-respecting or how could I have liked myself when I didn't have the qualities you know I was out of the stage of my life when I was I did didn't have anybody pushing me to develop intellectually or develop like you know as an adult or you you know respect myself as an adult like being you know anyway so I just say no so I would say I don't even think confidence comes from success or capability right like in a sense confidence comes from trying things and failing to write like this comes back to this issue of failure being really positive when it's intellectual nature so we were talking to someone yesterday and he he said well you know learning Greek is really difficult and I said well yeah but it's not more difficult than Chinese Pali Sanskrit Cambodian lotion right now in a lot of ways these things in my life have been failures I wanna come back to the nature failure briefly a little bit here but I can look at learning Greek and I can feel confident and it's not a false sense of confidence it's not a boasting sense of confidence it's not something fake it's not something I'm trumping up for the camera I have confidence that's based on trying and doing that sort of thing and it's also based on trying and failing right and you know you could see that also about physical fitness or other things look I have enough experience lifting weights and working out to know what I can do what I can't do what I could just barely do it you know also like how much time would be in both like okay if I stop doing everything else and just work out and this is possible you know like and how much is reasonable that so I mean it's not confidence from accomplishment even it's insignificant part you know confidence from from failure you know now look I think what's what's most bizarre about attractiveness and attraction and and beauty in this is that you know our own relationship to it is is so arbitrary and out of our control you know I think it totally shaped my father for his whole life that he tried to seduce women when he was still in high school or what-have-you and failed they just never never got over and stuff and I mean most of my failure in life he said this to me the other day were at the airport most of my failures in life have not been my own fault which is very different the Chiefs in a different way my father got a scholarship to learn Sanskrit at Harvard University Harvard school Grover lives and he failed he fundamentally could not do it it wasn't in him he didn't have the talent or the focus or whatever he lacked what it took to do Sanskrit you know and that's something you had to live with and some ways he confident so compensated for for the rest of his life you know now I have to admit and this also I mean my own failures like it's like well the university is screwed up this is the problem that's the problem I've faced these really weird institutional hurdles as a Canadian citizen studying in really bad universities or where the language I'm studying isn't taught by the university at all and this kind of thing they're these huge terrible obstacles to me that have nothing to do with my ability no one ever said to me you know what kid you can't hack it in philosophy or you know a kid you you're not good at writing essays about politics or you know what kid you're not gonna learn Chinese you know what kid you just don't have what it takes to learn this language or do this kind of research on the on the contrary I had professors telling me that I was brilliant that I was naturally gifted that was a genius even someone whom used the word genius at the same time that they were telling me look this university is terrible there's no program for this there's no way you know often was with the caution that nevertheless I was gonna fail like look you're you're talented you're good at this but you know there's there's no route forward for you see yeah but look this this fits into okay one of the most bizarre things as a man is talking a man who get with women and they attribute it to some effort they like it's because I worked under the jam or it's because I was charming or because I I spoke to her in a certain way that's like no she just found you attractive period you know it doesn't even matter that you're objectively I'm sure I mean what one woman in a thousand finds me attractive but they find me really attractive I mean it's it's not that many women but I mean you know like every so often I connect with them in a random and I can tell the chemistry's there they really go for it well I don't have a big head about it but like if I convinced myself like oh that's because I was wearing this cologne today or something or you know what men will attribute cause and effect you know that's because I spoke to her in a certain way that's that's because of something I did it's like no you know words it's just arbitrary that you happen to meet someone who really finds you're their type however you want to put it they find you attractive there's some there's some chemistry there's something they they they relate to their so that's even more bizarre you know it is it arbitrary whether or not you're good at learning Chinese you know whether or not you've got what it takes to sit down and practice memorizing these symbols and stuff I mean at least it's not as meaningless as whether or not someone likes the shape of your ass and that's that that is really you know that is really what we're philosophizing about what I really admired about you is that you don't get an ego trip I know maybe some people think that you do but out of being the smartest person in the room you say that you really want the challenge from somebody who's intellectually superior to you or somebody who's got more experience than you you really want that and I love that about you and I love that that love of learning that you really have the curiosity I don't know where you know it stopped for me but like like I said it's a lot of suffering and for me I fought it like every step of the way you know people don't know this because we I was in your YouTube videos for a while and then I wasn't and it was because like I fought it like tooth and nail to like see myself on camera like seeing yourself on camera and hearing yourself on audio is like one of the hardest things cuz you you really are able to critique yourself and you're able to pick apart everything you say and you're like wow that was stupid or like wow those you have knows you were you hear what you said and you remember what you meant to say alright this was the point I was trying to get at yeah yeah right and we there was a lot of suffering and you really tried you really tried and there are certain things that are just hard to learn and you you have to learn them on your own on your own time even though like you you tried to tell me so many things to like help me get through it you know at a certain point it just it just takes like your own failure recognizing your own failure and being okay with that and learning from it and and realizing okay well I don't I don't have to just say like okay if after a while it turns out I'm just bad at being out you see oh I'm bad at talking I'm bad at being on camera that's okay but like at the same time it doesn't help to just be like mired and in despair about it and be like oh my gosh stupid everybody saw me this was stupid you know this kind of humiliation it's real suffering and it's real struggle and when I talk to people in close to me my family you know when I say to them like really to me life is not about happiness because when what I found meaning in is really struggling and in this past years when I've struggled so much and like gone through a lot of personal growth even though it's really hard it's what I find meaningful and and I you know I'll stand by that I don't think life is about happiness and life isn't about unfollowing or blocking people who make you feel sad or make you feel insecure about yourself it's about addressing that and actually coming face you know facing that head-on okay Lucy I want to keep this all the way real and I don't want this to be entirely self-centered so that's why I'm adding this anecdote here that makes I think I think a lot of people had this kind of experience they just don't talk about they don't talk about it honestly when I was in junior high about that age there was a girl in class with me who was deformed not naturally not just read target or something her mother took a medication during pregnancy that results in the fetus being deformed and so her whole body was kind of deformed like you know her face her face and her skull shape was kind of not right and her arms and her legs didn't really move properly you know right okay I don't know if she was mentally impaired she was in the same class I was in so I guess she could write the tests or whatever but yeah she seemed stupid she spoke poorly I think her jaw and mouth weren't part before she was a deformed person and at that school I mean this is I really think school shouldn't do this but they did like secret Valentine Day or something we're like each student was supposed to tell the other students that a crush you homey don't play that don't do that's really stupid you know and you know a lot of the so all the girls kind of knew in advance loudly girls were laughing me and maybe for the oh ha like the [ __ ] girl has a crush on you it was like she was this thing and now you know I wasn't cruel but it wasn't me no but I think the reason why the girls were being funny was like they expected me to do some kind of politically correct thing or like I pretended this was reciprocated or want to do so it's like you know no like this is this is the reality no you know I'm not attracted to you like no I'm not gonna pretend like you know no like I'm sorry like you know what like you don't directly say like you're a deformed person but like you know like this is the reality there's a total stark inequality here or no I'm not gonna pretend to go on a date with you or something and you know the girls in the class I wouldn't even say had a crush on I didn't have a no cars no but the girls I might have been interested in were inexorably the women who were in not any way disabled or deformed or what have you they were the they were the best-looking you know girls in the school or what have you you know that's that's a natural tendency and this one had at that age you can't even talk about intellect or intelligence or sophistication because nobody has any intellect or intelligence this was given there were people who told me I was smart as a kid well but come on get real I mean that age I was still playing video games and stuff just silly there's new you know you can say oh there are some smart people the world um we're all dumb together when you're when you're kids especially looking back you gotta realize that so it's even more about that you know what I mean so I mean I just want emphasize like you know to a much greater extent than the life of the mind people are born into a prison of the flesh and you're stuck with it forever and you can't change that and you can workout at the gym and you can be stronger relative to your own potential relative to what's natural for you relative what's possible you but that's it you know when some people have big round shoulders and some people are never gonna have big round shoulders you know when you get down to a kind of muscle group by muscle group and for some people it's kind of easy to have visible abdominal muscles in a six-pack ascent but we're never gonna have that and some women will never have big breasts than some women will always have big breasts and like that is it and the most terrible immutable aspect of beauty no doubt is just the human face because the there is no workout at the gym for your face you know and if you think it's a no big deal to pay a surgeon to get it a chisel and literally break your nose and reset your nose just look over at Cal Elle's Channel it's a big deal homie don't kid yourself you know it's a big deal so yeah there's all this to be said but I mean I think my message in this video which I didn't think of I mean we've talked before I mean fundamentally the life of the mind is mutable you can change who you are you can become a better person and we open with this example of my father even if you have bad motivations and there's some potential for personal growth there whereas your face is basically immutable these kinds of disadvantages you're born with are immutable but I think what I really didn't think of before this video I think is even more hopeful it's talking about the nature of failure I mean what I said so Melissa mentioned this you know I used to say this all the time in Egypt I don't anymore you know try hard get your heart broken go back try again I talked about that process you know I mean but the truth is that's most meaningful and most rewarding with the life of the mind and there's probably nothing meaningful and nothing rewarding about it if you're talking about getting rejected like like let's say you're that person who's born deformed because your mom took a during pregnancy that you know result in you being deformed okay what's the value in that person hitting on someone you know start flirting with someone and getting rejected again and again I'm you know flirting with different people there's there's I can't say there's nothing there's some value that you do heard something there's some social interaction that you might gain some confidence or different perspective on life you might gain a kind of philosophical you or the world okay there's some but there's very very little whereas you know when you're trying to climb mountains intellectually or what-have-you even if you fall even if you fail I think it's there that you're gonna find these things more people like to disrespect my truth but the fact is that you know my name is I don't know