Amber Heard Wins. @TkyoSam

naturally there is a great deal of discourse on the internet of what it takes to be a great artist what it means to be a great artist what it means to be a good enough artist there are a whole lot of people recording rap albums who want to share their song with you and say do you think this is good enough do you think i have what it takes to be successful do you think i have what it takes to be a great artist there are a lot of people writing books producing manuscripts producing scripts for movies to be made and they want to ask you do you think this is good enough do you think this is great do you think this is brilliant do you think i have the talent you think i have do i have what it takes there's not a lot of discussion about what it takes to be a member of the audience what does it take to be a a good artist right what does it take to be a good member of the audience you think that's shallow you think that's petty you think that's ridiculous hey what does it take to be a good talker what does it take to be a good listener oh if you tune in to listen to a transgender person talk about their sexuality talk about their experience talk about their sex life you have to be prepared to listen all right as a heterosexual man it can be very challenging and very difficult to listen to someone else who was born as a heterosexual man talk about their decision to have an operation that surgically removes their penis and maybe to hear them talk about how happy they are that they had that operation how glad that they feel it's the right decision it can be just as uncomfortable to sit and listen to a video from a transgender person who had the same operation who talks about how unhappy they are with it how they regret it how it was the wrong decision and whether you're straight or gay trans or cis or what have you right if you aren't sitting down really prepared to listen to that person's perspective and experience i think you've got to reflect on being a bad audience look for people like me i think it's important for us to reflect on being a bad artist being a bad broadcaster being a bad podcaster youtube or whatever it is i got things to reflect on i got regrets i got mistakes in my life the very nature of a live performance of this kind is going to have imperfections in it right but isn't there something even more important about being a good listener that comes up in this stuff and maybe it's most obvious when we're dealing with sexuality because the ego of the listener is involved right with the performance of the broadcaster in a very explicit way when we talk about sexuality and maybe it's more implicit maybe it's more indirect maybe it's more obscure when instead we're talking about politics when instead we're talking about religion but it's still there and it still matters right if i criticize judaism i'm ethnically jewish so i can get away with it right there are people in the audience their ego is going to be involved in that right if i criticize the catholic church if i criticize islam right but maybe it's most blatantly obvious when we talk about sex and what i got to say to you guys the vast majority of you guys is that when i talk about my sexuality and my experience in life you are not prepared to listen i don't think i'm unique i think when you sit down and listen to uh amber heard talk about her sexuality when you listen to johnny depp talk about his sexuality when you listen to teacho sam talk about sexuality when you listen to daniel aka hiding in my room talking about sexually i think most of the time you're sitting down listening and you are on a really deep level in a kind of defensive posture where you're gonna leap out and invalidate and disregard whatever it is i have to say because of how it makes you feel about yourself [Music] i've gotten a whole lot of reactions to my recent videos about tkyo sam that instead of responding to what i'm saying about him instead of what i'm saying to members of the audience but how you ought to live your own lives the kind of the moral to the story i'm joined the conclusions i'm trying they react by attacking me and saying that i must be lying about my sexuality about my experience life that i must be on an ego trip while i was lifting weights at the gym it just occurred to me to count how many women attempted to rape me during high school all right i got up to five and i would say two of those cases would like stand up in court the other three they were each very unique situations and like how i handle how good of okay that's my experience in life now there are a whole lot of you guys who are going to hear that and think oh this guy's on a crazy ego trip this guy thinks all women are no no it's not a happy memory for me it's not a boast it's not something positive and when i went through that in high school i didn't even know how normal or abnormal it was right did you talk to one of these situations there was one girl i'm gonna say girl i think she was a year older than me and in high school one year matters okay i'm still in high school she played rugby all right and she tried to rape me with brute force and it went on and on i think it was over an hour was maybe an hour and a half it didn't go on forever right you know and i was saying to her like this wasn't a short time it wasn't a momentary thing i was saying to you to her you've been close friends like maybe i said best friends at the time they weren't but you know you've been like best friends with my my girlfriend for how many years like if you do this or like what you're doing right now like don't you think she would hate you for the rest of your life like don't you think this is gonna have consequences for like your relationship with her like i was talking this through with her while i was physically restraining her and i was stronger than her of course i was she she was a pretty strong teenage woman you know i guess she played sports she worked out uh she was she was also a very attractive you know she absolutely was she was she actually went to a different high school than i did but whatever she was one of the prettiest girls in our high school if not if not the prettiest am i an ego troop about this no it was incredibly disturbing to me of course it shaped the way i viewed women and relations between the sexes and you know what really [ __ ] me up even more was that when i described it to my girlfriend of the time she completely laughed and dismissed it and she said it would have been fine with her if i had sex with this girl which disturbed the hell out of me she acted like it was no big deal if i had sex with like her best friend one of her close friends whether or not i was her best friend like oh yeah what that would just be nothing to her right i was a teenager i wasn't i mean now i'm a sophisticated older man whatever i've got whatever perspective on life you know what i mean this was something where i had physically restrained someone who was trying for a long period of time to have sex with me in these weird circumstances okay and guess what that wasn't my only experience like that during high school okay so i point is i come out the internet and talk about my experience like my perspective on sexuality if you are gonna sit down and listen to it right you you're well within your rights to criticize me about my role as an artist my role as an orator my role as an author like even though this is a live broadcast there's a sense in which i'm spontaneously composing the story and telling the story and revealing it making my argument and making my point but there's an onus on you as well to be a good member of the audience and it's so easy to respond in the moment to this kind of argument by saying this guy's a narcissist this guy is on an ego trip this guy's making stuff up to make himself sound like he's hot you think so would you say that to a woman would you say that to a transgender person do you think like okay literally hypothetical not talking about myself i do not consider myself a rape victim i said the woman who attempted to rape me i didn't succeed okay one of them kind of did that's their story well one of them i was uh anyway oh i honestly don't want to tell a story still disturbing me this day all right i mean you know anyway look sorry it is it is saddening okay but look the point is whether or not i think of myself as as a rape victim are you going to say to someone some hypothetical person who was raped during high school that they're deluded and think they're attractive because they're a victim it's nothing to do with it there's nothing to do with it okay now look i want to talk this through just a little bit further so the same example i've just alluded to there was another girl who was more successful in raping me however you want to put it um each one of those five situations very different story very different woman very different situation but this girl i'm i'm talking about i was completely sober like i wasn't drunk or high or out of it or anything and she you know my opinion is she was completely silk i don't because again we talked like we were talking the whole time for more than an hour there was no sign from her that she was she was inebriated and she and i talked about it years later so i don't know maybe it was five years later but and again we're talking about high school versus like end of university like in terms of approximately right um so maybe it was four years later maybe it was five years later but it was something like that like we were both a lot older and a lot more mature and you know i said to her look you know do you remember that time when this went and you know have you ever thought about it and she was really shocked and we we talked it through and you know she talked about with me what she had gone through in her life leading up to that night and what she thought thought motivated a relatively short time before her first serious boyfriend so i don't know how many men she'd had sex with i just don't know you know um but her first serious boyfriend like commitment boyfriend pgi phone her first serious boyfriend had died he was hit by a train on the train tracks so he was walking he wasn't inside the train he was walking on the train tracks and he was he was hit by the train and i'll tell you exactly the scenario we'll make a road safety exercise out of this so he was walking down the train tracks as is very common in the world there were two sets of train tracks parallel and he saw and heard a train coming and instead of stepping off the train tracks well you shouldn't be walking the trailers at all you know he stepped over and walked on the other set of train tracks and continued walking straight forward and he saw and heard the train in front of him he did not see or hear that there was another train coming behind him dead but there's no cause and effect relationship here all right like obviously she was traumatized by that as like wasn't her fault she didn't feel guilty but don't look i know a lot of other things about that girls because again we talked years later we got we got together and had coffee a number of times basically remember we had we had vegan chinese food together actually i remember it all you know we talked about what had gone down between us in high school um and probably that's why i don't feel that bad about it today you know obviously for me a traumatic experience and for her she was sitting there really shocked by it she didn't have amnesia or something i think it is fair to say it happened and then she just never let herself think about it again and i know my girlfriend at the time who i told about it i know she had talked to her about it so that was at least one time she was reminded of because my girlfriend took her aside and said look why did you try to have sex my boyfriend kind of thing and i don't i don't know what came out of that conversation but that was i just say in terms of forgetting it that was at least one reminder that she got at that time now guys you know there are very few of us who really want to come out on the internet and talk this way about our lives earnestly right it's on you it's on you to really have the detachment and compassion to be an audience for it and you can criticize me you can think about this analytically you can like look if someone wanted to send me an email tomorrow saying that they think this one event is a bigger deal in my life than i realize it is and that this had leader later repercussions for uh my marriage to my first wife and my divorce you know what i mean like i'm not saying you have to think i'm a good guy you could say i'm a i don't give you sorry i'm not looking for the moral high ground here i don't care i'm not doing this to make myself seem like a good person or make myself seem like a bad person i have no interest in that in a sense if i did i wouldn't be telling these stories right um [Music] you know one of the main reasons why people won't come out and speak honestly about their experience sexually is precisely that they fear being judged and basted for quote unquote being a narcissist for being uh you know uh for for being on an ego trip or trying to manipulate the audience for trying to present themselves uh what as an alpha male there's another one i got you know you're just trying to look alpha right i remember i heard a gay guy uh talking on um talking on youtube about a year ago two years ago not not ancient history and i remember he was just saying uh that his experience as a young gay man i think he was about like basically age 16 to 26 or something he said that you know he knew a lot of gay men who were very frustrated and resentful because they uh had crushes on people that went unfulfilled they had a lot of heartbreak and disappointment but that that wasn't his experience his experience was he was a charismatic youtube star kind of person and he got all the boys he wanted he you know people were pursuing him and everyone he pursued uh was interested in him and so on and so forth that he i don't know how many sexual partners he had but that you know his experience of sexuality in his younger years wasn't one of repression frustration and guilt which if it is your experience come on youtube and talk about that that's great right but like what we have going on in the world right now whether you're gay or straight but in this specific regard i think it's actually worse to be straight i'll say this whether you're a heterosexual woman or heterosexual man think that you're actually a disadvantage being straight as opposed to being gay or transsexual right like the bias the frame of youtube brings to this the bias the internet brings to this is that you're only welcome to talk honestly about your sexuality if you're a loser if you're a victim if you're self-hating if you're shy if you lack self-confidence if you're you know if you're this kind of uh self-recriminating loser you know and and like none of the winners are going to talk out come out and speak like nobody's going to come out and just say yeah you know what my experience was i made no effort at all and like five of the the most attractive women in my high school they all came at me and tried to sleep with me and i don't this is my experience now i have to reflect on i don't know why and and you know maybe that's influenced me in a bad way too like it's maybe it's not bragging maybe it's like okay when i look back you know i have to think about that and even that one example i just mentioned of a girl that was strong arm rape she was physically trying to force me to episode through brute strength i i was stronger than her but she was actually pretty strong as mentioned um she played sports at the time and so on and so forth and and also i mean she was very attractive she probably wasn't used to men i don't know how many men she did that to i don't know if it was the only one or if she went through a string okay and then you learn her side of the story and she'd been through this remarkably traumatic experience of having her her boyfriend killed by a train i cannot comment that's unusual okay well there's a humanity to her side of the story too and i don't dehumanize any of the women in my life the ones i've i've actually slept with and the ones i didn't sleep with or you know had some kind of weird uh connection with they have their own story they have their own tragedy or they have their own triumph right that may be known to me or may remain unknown if i hadn't met up with that woman years later and gotten to know her better right how much would i really know about what was going on on her side of things you know that that for me unforgettable night right you know yes you know when i was in high school my experience was of being pursued by women my own age including like the most attractive and the most quote-unquote high-status girls in the school no not all of them how many people are in high school anyway but yeah several of them and i'll tell you two things right now i was i was a kid for part of this story i was a virgin i mean i lost my virginity during high school right i didn't think i was special like for all i knew like all teenage guys were going through this i didn't know it was exceptional i really didn't it's not about europe i'm a i don't know anything nobody's talking to me about this nobody says this is special or extraordinary and these women certainly talk about the women who really came at me aggressively one of them was an actress at the time and she'd done runway modeling i believe she was two years older than me all right one of them went on to be a tv presenter she'd also done modeling i don't think she was successful but like these are women who objectively or socially were considered really uh good looking another one uh this is a different girl but she was an athlete and um sorry i don't want to give away someone could go through the high school yearbook i think she was one year older than me and she was she was an athlete on a on one of the sports teams uh anyway tremendously dragon trenches physical shape all right you know like what do i know about high school what do i know about sexuality when i'm actually a teenager what are we telling me you're like 15 16 are we even talking about 17 i guess you know i mean i only knew my own direct experience and what i'd seen on movies and tv shows right and if you grew up watching any [ __ ] you know uh mainstream hollywood movies about high school you know what i'm saying uh what were the movies at that time there were all these cheerleader movies there were all these but there were also even like the horror movies set in with high school you know like the you know they all they all have actors who are like 25 playing roles that are 15 by the way right uh they all have these you know like seriously the actors are like 23 playing 17. they're people who are more physically mature they're playing the roles in a way that's more emotionally mature more eloquent than a real teenager real teenagers talk like in this you know very staccato broken sentences they're not eloquent they're not charismatic they don't know what they're doing with their lives right like in hollywood movies routinely portray high school students as really leading like mature adult lives like 30 year olds i remember even a comedy um was a comedy called the hot chick starring rob schneider so moses have you seen that one no it was a hit film uh even anyway sorry even like some of the tina fey high school movie no but you know you just just stick with the hot chick for one sec rob schneider comedy it shows the female lead characters going to get cocktails at a bar in the united states america these are high school students not college students and this is an america where the minimum age is 21. human minimum age go into a bar to go into a nightclub and they all walk in and they're totally self-confident and relaxed going into a bar and ordering cocktails and they would have been maybe 17 like when you're in high school in the united states of america like you can be 18 and still be in high school but you're talking about people 16 17 18 going to a bar and a nightclub that is routine in hollywood movies in terms of how high school was depicted in hollywood movies in you know uh tv series this kind of thing you know what i'm saying um sorry do you want to talk about you know like that i don't know how that influenced you but like to a massive extent what is your expectation my point is just to say i was completely ignorant i didn't know what was normal for a sex life in high school and i certainly didn't get it from my parents but in terms of tv and movies the only source of information i have other than my directors i don't know what's normal or unusual yeah i'm just going to say i haven't seen it because it was the generation or maybe two before me but uh there was a movie famous movie called fast times yes right right yes sexually promiscuous high schoolers yes that was i think that was one of those that created the genre but so like already in the 1980s uh and just interestingly one of the most influential films at the time was actually a pair of israeli filmmakers there were two guys who worked together they made a film first in israel and then they made an american version film but yeah in the 80s well okay but you can even go back to the 1970s and 1960s you know greece the musical greece you know but i would definitely say in the decade of the 80s that genre was created and then by the 90s you were dealing with it being a hackneyed well-established set of tropes like everyone knew what to expect from the sexy high school comedy sexy high school drama but even the horror pictures and action pictures you know there was a hit movie remember then which was about high school students uh fighting against uh space aliens you know what i'm saying but you know so it was kind of sci-fi action movie the horror films but still the way high school students were depicting that you know look again you know this is before the internet and whatever else i only knew people who talk to me so like this is the life i'm leading i don't know what the guys who are on the football team right like i met and talked to a couple of them for like a couple minutes you know i don't know what their lives are like like for all i know they have 10 times as many women initiating sex them but like sorry digression from my digression but the point is like okay yes when i was in high school i knew what it was like to have grown women like whatever women 25 but when you're 17 25 is old like these are adult women with jobs they have their own apartment they have their own car if a 25 year old woman tries to sleep with you when you're 17 and again reverse the genders right this this has a really strange effect you whoa okay like my experiences already at the high school stage were really of managing aggression from female sexuality right now look okay i've already kind of indicated the dark side of this or the sad side of this right looks like it's in a lot of ways it's just horrible and i think a lot of women can relate to this pro if you were good a good looking woman at 17 not everyone but there are some good looking women at 17 who know what it's like to have older men hitting on them guys in the high school really aggressively pursuing whatever okay so like that's part of my experience but i mean like the positive side of it was i think it does explain why like when i got to thailand when i got to laos when i got to cambodia why it was that i was prepared i was so well prepared to deal with having women really aggressively hit on me women trying to have sex with me women trying to have relationships with me like someone said so when i stand sometimes women might have relationship and i was really prepared to say no i had to think through all those things and what does it mean to refuse someone and how do you select someone and what is it you're really looking for when you're in a situation where you're dealing with a lot of a lot of these kinds of you know aggressive you know proposals from from women you know so look um you know i'm really not expecting anyone to sympathize with what i'm saying here all right if you find this alienating if you find this challenging to your ego that's cool but i'm saying analyze that like you know there's no point in accusing me of being a liar or me of being uh delusional or me of being an egomaniac on that on that basis right this really is my experience and if i were a transgender person talking about my experience as a transgender person if i were even a gay person you'd be willing to hear it i do think heterosexual women have the same problems as heterosexual men on this i really do because with heterosexual women everyone's so warm and welcoming and encouraging if you come out and say you're sad you're self-pitying you're a loser you're a victim nothing in your life turned out the way you wanted to whether that's because the particular men you got with were bad to you like you were mistreated by your boyfriends or husbands or that's because you know you just never got the men pursuit and desired so on and so on and so forth chris asks did i miss the commentary on ever heard no chris it's coming up we're getting there i got i got things to say about johnny depper's take a second hit thumbs up if you have a chance guys we got uh we got uh 28. yeah um you know yeah so look and again in the title i'm also indicating the contrasting experience of people like people like tequila sam so i do want to contrast this to the incredibly phony incredibly manipulative role of people like tko sam in catering to the fantasies of the audience and in fictionalizing your experience fictionalizing and commodifying your experience right i think that's something really poisonous and damaging in the world and again that's why i want to talk about amber hurd and johnny depp in this same video okay so look let's all right so we'll just pause martin says quote you're making a mistake you're assuming quality to men and women no no no no when you make a specific point of comparison you are neither assuming nor asserting equality between the two things being compared that's just wrong that's linguistically wrong it's philosophically wrong it's logically wrong okay so if i compare and this is a very common thing all right if i compare the methods used to gas people to death in the world war ii period to execute people with poison gas right and i compare that to the methods used to gas people to death in another historical circumstance right you're not seeing their equivalent you're not saying they're the same you're saying hey here's one point of comparison so you guys may not know this it's a somewhat famous example in history of france one historian claimed that napoleon's army carried out mass executions in haiti so mass executions of black people in haiti by use of gas canisters in an enclosed space so this is a specific comparison does that mean you are saying napoleon is the same as you know adolf hitler no are you saying they're equivalently well no this is a very specific claim a very specific point of historical comparison obviously that author he was doing it for a purpose you know he was he was making a point he was really asking look when you consider who napoleon was and what he did and the way people in france today glorify what he's done in the history why aren't we just as critical that's a point all right but i'm sorry martin look martin i don't know how old you are you could be 16. i have people minding two or 16 18 you know i don't know but you could also be 45 or 55 i don't know right no i made a very specific point of comparison okay and the point is this if a woman comes on youtube and speaks in a strong self-confident way about what it's like to be one of the winners in the sexual olympics what it's like to be one of the winners in the genetic lottery and one of the winners in the cultural lottery okay she's hated for it all right whereas presenting yourself as weak presenting yourself as a victim presenting yourself as a self-pitying sob story that's that's regarded positive right and now the other dynamic here which i'm going to get in terms of the the transition to talking about all these other things uh tko sam and uh amber heard and joined up the other question is of honesty right are you being honest or are you being dishonest there could be no doubt that a large part of the public scorn against uh amber heard is simply because of the fact of dishonesty and we have this very strange legal and cultural uh tradition in the united states of america it comes from england falsus inun falsus in omnibus if you tell one lie one falsehood then everything you say is discredited that is a legal tradition as well as as everything else you know so all right [Laughter] if you guys have anything intelligent to say in the audience i'm happy to see it over here and have to respond to it with 33 people 34 people now in the audience you have a second to hit thumbs up it's great if we have 34 thumbs up more people could join melissa if you you seem like you have something to say and i'm happy to hear it if you want to either inform or derail the conversation this is a good moment and if anyone in the audience wants that before the conversation just give up i totally get you interpreted my parents the look on my face but i'm just looking forward to hearing what else you have to say find this conversation interesting well look i can involve you in that to some extent you know when melissa first got with me so so melissa's boyfriend before myself right his experience in high school didn't he didn't go to university but his experience as a young man in his high school years and university years was nothing like my experience right now again i'm not boasting but when melissa and i first got together i mean like my point is here i understand people in the audience aren't comfortable doing this stuff you get it melissa also wasn't comfortable with hearing this stuff so i got to see that up close and personal and you know she wrote it but whatever let's say the first six months of the relationship i remember she was really rattled by just the way in which i'd be telling anecdotes about different periods of time my life and that could be high school it could be university it could be living in china i could have lived in all these different places could be living in thailand living in cambodia living we're like sorry living in canada too though living in saskatchewan we're like in the course of telling an anecdote that could be about something totally different it's like oh yeah and then there was this woman and she tried to sleep with me and i refused her and then this happened like it's it's just part of the story but i remember you were really rattled by that and you know we talked about it from different angles but part of it was just like look this is my life like i would be lying to you if i left that out of the story like it is part of like it's not boasting isn't it in itself my point is not to deceive you that women are constantly throwing themselves at me but like this is my experience in life and you know again for some people like i understand the whole in-cell discourse and all this stuff i've made many videos talking about that with as much sympathy as i can muster for the incels because i think a lot of them are guys who have a very unhappy life you know i think i think some degree of pity is appropriate frankly but you know like it really doesn't matter to what extent it's the genetic lottery to what extent it's the cultural lottery and to what i'll say what i mean by cultural art in just a second and to what extent it's actually a competitive sport like the olympics like you're actually competing with other men and you're winning intentionally right that's that's very different all the time so for my experience as a man i'm not competing with i'm not trying to attract these women or something and women again i'm dealing with female sexual aggression they're women coming at me and and pursuing me in all these different situations and you deal with it as different it has different consequences right but i was just going to say the cultural lottery is a huge huge factor here so already as a teenager you know that i was perceived as this highly refined highly educated sophisticated person again like as a 16 year old being compared to other 16 year olds guys like this is at a really low level but of course like you know and yes my manner of speaking my tone of voice the way i made eye contact but like in just what i was talking about and there was the way girls respond to it there's also even the way their parents responded to it like i can remember meeting a girl's parents this is while i was still in high school and her mother was so enthusiastic about me she was just like oh this is the guy and i could tell the whole story about and she actually her mother went and got her father to come and meet me it was like oh she brought back a good one like they were they were really hoping i'd be the one her their daughter chose that girl i never slept with her we were never involved beautiful girl by the way but you know and anyway i could tell the whole story what that that scenario was okay i might as well a little bit about it but you know they had this amazing library this family i'd actually probably never in my life i've been to a personal home that had a library like that so i showed up at her at her house and this girl very good looking girl going through a rebellious phase which i'm sure her parents were sick of um i don't want to tell too many details because you can figure out who this is but she's a very good looking girl and in terms of her style of dress and clothes she was dressing in a very rebellious way which by the way didn't injure him i didn't hate her for some but it wasn't attracted to me or interested in me but i'm certain her parents were hoping she became more of a button-down suit and tie kind of person and nobody apparently like her mother told me this and i believe her nobody else had ever paid any attention to the library the collection of books as soon as i walk into their living room so to speak i i'm amazed by this bookshelf and i start going through the show and i take off several books and i'm discussing them with the other teenagers that are there and then i sit down and i start doing a live reading so i forget now what the play was probably was chekhov it's probably one of the plays by anthony jacob could have been ibsen or something but some high literary figure in the in the history of theater but i've taken several books off the shelf i've discussed them and then i'm i'm standing there and doing a live reading and putting on multiple voices for the multiple characters i'm i'm acting out the script and the other teenagers and we're all teenagers we're all the same age people people all the same age as me are maybe one year older right and they're sitting there listening with interest to my performance when i'm what i'm done that's what the mother witnessed and she was like this is the guy right so look you guys i was an idiot i i played sega master system i'm sorry like you know the reality is my educational advantage of these people was was minuscule but it was enough to really matter in terms of what everyone call it the cultural the cultural olympics and i met young women who were aspiring writers i was one in particular was an aspiring poet i met young women who were aspiring painters and artists and actresses i met young women who had certain fantasies about the life they wanted to live as a as a creative artist or or otherwise and who i was culturally fit into their fantasy of the life they wanted to live and some guy who was much better looking than me but who drank beer and watched hockey on tv that was not appealing to them right so again it doesn't matter if you just think of this as a lottery it's just luck or you think of it as a competition i wasn't competing right but in terms of who i was and how i experienced life as a as a teenager and then how that shaped me and how that influenced me going forward yeah that was my that was my experience okay now look i'm sure it's all on like a much shallower level when you take this experience and transplant it to isan thailand that's northeastern thailand but we could include downtown bangkok thailand include chiang mai thailand uh we live vienshen laos we can include cambodia like you can transplant me to this totally different culture where these women obviously we have very limited ability to speak the same language you know whether they speak some english i speak some lotion whatever the the situation is you know but a lot of those women also what they're responding to in me is cultural they can tell there's something different about me right they can tell i'm not a tourist the first thing right i'm not an old retired man just a lot of the white guys who are there you can probably tell i'm not rich right they could tell a lot of things about me and they're interested no these women don't know henry gibson and they don't know chekhov they don't know shakespeare like you know just saying contrast to what was interesting about high school they probably don't know um anyway what did i read back then arthur schopenhauer they probably don't know max sterner they don't know nihilist philosophy or anything they don't know any stuff but my point is yeah there's something they're responding to and it may be really shallow and it may be deep and just as i said the young women like the woman who wanted to be a poet uh but the woman who wanted to be a painter the woman who wanted to be you know at models and actresses and so i'm sorry these were really good-looking women can one of them went on to be a stripper one of them went on to be a tv host presenter person they were really good women but you know a lot of these women who had these aspirations right who i was culturally fit into their fantasy their dream of the woman they wanted to be in the future and guess what guys ultimately it's all a [ __ ] tragedy because as bob dylan said it ain't me babe i couldn't be that person for them that wasn't who i was at all that wasn't who i wanted to be at all so it's all for [ __ ] nothing and all those women in thailand and laos and cambodia who were after me whatever their dream was the person they wanted somewhat different but you know in some ways the same i can't i can't be difficult you want if you want to come on camera you can't be right sure i wasn't really prepared to be on camera but okay so something that i wanted to say that i was thinking about uh yes i in relation to um how i responded oh for six months to your sexual confidence basically i mean yes the main thing that i want to say here is that like you developed the ability to talk about your sexual experiences and although i don't know what should be the average what should be like the norm um i had not developed that right and so number one yes like it's it's interesting to think about how i've transformed and throughout this relationship and how i've grown out of of how i used to how i used to feel about sexuality and you know things have really changed throughout the years but the the main thing that i think um is just the ability to speak confidently about your experience yes for you to say like no this is my experience like that's right that's something that you need to think through and talk through with other people and it's really hard to find something that you can reach aggression i think that is what you need to be a performer on the internet to be a broadcaster to or to do autobiographical writing to write a memoir like i think it's the same as you know and i'm challenging people in the audience to think about what you need to be able to listen to to be able to hear it yeah i mean i don't need to go on and on with examples but just when i think about my life i didn't have any cousins that i wanted to talk to about right my sex things like my experience meeting my bisexuality or like men who had been none of my brothers or sisters none of my cousins just agreed that we have that in common we didn't have those kinds of family members going in yeah right i didn't have a sister yeah and um you know a lot of people they might not want to talk to their sister that's right it's just a particular relationship but sure i've known people who come from like a warm family where the brothers and sisters all talk about their private lab sex life but neither you nor i had that go on yeah yeah yeah and i mean at a certain point it can be embarrassing too like of course um maybe you of course behaved in a certain way that you don't want the other person to know like you know you behave that way and um i guess to be more like uh explicit about it like maybe you you also care about your um reputation you know like yes what you want to be seen right to the person that you're sharing these things so anyway i just say um i had not developed that at all so number one like with experience too um like i had kissed a few boys before my first boyfriend but uh my first boyfriend was my first experience with everything and um you know then i got into a relationship with isil um and he had just a lot more sexual experience than me and right it was it was tough for me to just like be comfortable with that you know but you know parenthetically the sex is amazing uh no but look i was just gonna say though you know um okay so i've got a lot to say you want you want to okay come back anytime um so look you know i know where melissa's coming from and i lived through i lived through all that that with her uh and we made separate videos sorry about part of your reaction was jealousy which i don't just don't want to talk about that because we talk about the past and i i think that doesn't make sense in a way like it made sense that when you met me you were jealous of me in a number voice including intellectually but also in this particular way sexually right like you were jealous of my sexual confidence my ability to talk about these things in a detachment so that's that's kind of a topic for everybody we kind of already talked about that but this was going to say is um you're skipping a significant step in my autobiography if you trace the line from who i was during high school and university to who i was and being super sexually confident and detached detached detachment is different from confidence like like like detached and reflected in an analytical way who i was in high school to who i was when you and i fell in love so what age is that 36 okay say say 30 or whatever something like that 36 37 right something like that okay because what you're skipping there is exactly the period of time in which i overcame the very real aversion i had to human sexuality right which included 10 years as a scholar of buddhism like considering becoming a buddhist monk and living in celibacy for the rest of my life right so like again in some ways it's deep in some ways it's shallow it's the deepest and the shallowest thing at the same damn time really no but like keep in mind part of my perception of human sexuality is my father was a man with tremendous sexual appetites shall we say he let it ruin his life but i don't even think that's debatable my father's sex drive and his lack of self-control his lack of detachment like you know his lack of self-discipline ruined his life it ruined a lot of other people's lives didn't just through in his own life right so like you grow up with that and i grew up eating breakfast with this dude he was not a stranger to me like you know some of my brothers they really didn't know my father like they met him a couple times you know what i mean father had a lot of kids fathered by a lot of different women this is related you know so like i grew up with this lesson in the destructive potential of desire right and then my experience with the the first the girlfriend i lost my virginity with so not really my first girlfriend but you know what i mean the girlfriend it was so negative that that really reinforced you know what could just be called sex negative attitudes that i took primarily from ancient greek and roman philosophy i'm just being real with you i've read ancient roman philosophy a lot of which is very sex-negative right and you know yes i had also read buddhist philosophy i'd read some others i had you know buddhist philosophy is also part of this right so like you know look being real with you there's a kind of confidence that comes out of that too there's a kind of confidence where you're living your life like okay look i know what sex is and i don't need it and i don't care if i never have it again like this is who i am this is the moral code i live by you know what i mean like i'm out here imposing my standards on the world i'm not competing and struggling to catch up with the standards of other people in the world whether that's women or social norms so there is like it's not it's not that made me like a wimpy shivering person who was scared of sex but i had a long period of being very sex negative right now other things to mention so i i've already alluded to the fact sure when i lived in thailand and laos and cambodia and different parts in china yunnan china definitely china is a big country but yunnan china when i was in kunming china who tons of women trying to have sexy right okay but you're also literally walking past brothels like you're walking past prostitutes and sometimes you're having to say no i'm not interested sometimes you're just walking past like i hope this woman doesn't try to you know you know i just don't want to deal with this and sometimes you say no not interested don't talk to me like as you go past you're seeing the ugliness of that every day and i'm just saying that can also reinforce those sex negative attitudes right so i'm just pointing out the the story you told about me although true it leaves out this really crucial thing in the middle and you know yeah in some ways that's a story of self-confidence on my part but in some ways it's a story of self-doubt self-denial self-hatred you know i'm saying for for years and years and years yeah you can say whatever you want you don't have to respond yeah i mean you you know i i think you're brilliant so i i think it's partly just thinking it through thinking it all the way through yes yeah yeah yeah these different aspects of human sexuality that um maybe other people don't allow themselves to for whatever reasons maybe you know religious reasons or yeah their experiences you know you know you talked about some of your traumatic experiences with um you know women attempting to have sex with you yes right rape you you know like some of these experiences can impact how people um view sexuality and they just aren't willing to really think about it or talk it through with anybody so yeah i just you know right i appreciate you saying that like i do think your life outside of um relationships outside of sexuality absolutely like it influenced how you your philosophy your mindset um your your own take on human sexuality right yeah yeah yeah yeah well anyway yeah so you go on yeah you know the the point is here you know i'll be honest i don't know anyone who honestly comes on the internet and talks about their own sex life as a model for other people to emulate like no notice the word honestly there right and what are the who are the exceptions tk sam it's exactly the people who are dishonest it's tko sam it's david bond it's the pua people i just can't believe the attitude of guys that come on the mic and say like oh yeah you should live you should live like me but i i it's mind-blowing to me right oh so well yeah if you can if you want to say we can jump at any time um [Music] and again i think like for me one of the reasons why that's mind-blowing for one thing if if i did that if i said like my my life the way i've lived sexually as a model for others to imitate it would be lying about the tragic elements of my life like my autobiography in general and the tragic elements of my my sex life in particular right but it would also be lying about the tragic elements in the lives of the women who were so drawn to me and pursued me right i think that's you know again whether it's at the high school level or you know what exactly 40 year old women or something you know whatever yeah well i just was going to say i think the contrast that i'm thinking of where people are trying to present their experiences sexually as a model for other people to emulate one person that i was thinking of who has appeared on your channel is abigail shapiro yes so that's the that's the total offset you know yes she is she's very much against you know sex outside of marriage uh she's against basically anything other than just the traditional marriage route but um you know i i wanted to say also that you know i i appreciate what you said that you also grew up with this um uh example from your father how sexuality uh destroyed his life you know you had that um you had that kind of yeah both you know um you know we have two words that sound very similar it was both warning and warding you know what i mean had a warding a quality to warding off something mad you know what i mean yeah anyway yeah but it was this huge demonstration that was in your face all the time yeah you couldn't ignore it the real danger of of desire of what it does to people you know yeah yeah anyway i just think that's that's must be interesting to grow up with with that example and and how you react to that look you know um i remember something i said that that emotionally impacted my own father tremendously was that i said to him and my mother was very uncomfortable with this and she tried to kind of sweep it under the rug and change the the topic i said to him it makes you into a nihilist when you see the values that are preached to you by your own parents in your own home constantly contradicted by the world outside you know your own four walls outside the front door you know and um i remember my mother just kind of freaked out that was that was her style back in those days her characters changed decade by decade you know my mother changed her scared but she just kind of freaked out in a tizzy i remember my father said no you know he's just said something really quite profound and important and he repeated it back word for word slowly what i just said he sat there and he said it makes you into a nihilist to grow up seeing the values your parents preached to you contradicted outside of these four walls outside of the front door now you know obviously this can you know this can be applied to many different aspects of my brain and yours as well i mean you know what if your parents were just traditional conservative christians or something then you go out and see what's in the real world or what have you but yeah in terms of uh in terms of sexual attitudes and so on uh attitudes towards women attitudes towards marriage attitude towards dating and so on yes you know i think you could say that it was a kind of nihilism for me that that interstitial period in my life felt like it was going on forever when i was when i was living through it and you know i i just want to say this it's one thing to be uncomfortable with your own sexuality it's a very different thing to be uncomfortable with sexuality period all right and i grow up i see how sexuality destroyed my own father and destroyed a lot of other people's lives connected to my father right okay you go to bangkok thailand you're looking at the way in which desire sexual desire has destroyed a whole society you go to pantaya thailand i went there because a book publishing company was there wasn't there at a vacation i was yeah sorry in terms of just you know i took melissa there and i wanted her to see the reality of this but you cannot imagine the scale and intensity of prostitution in patio talent if you haven't seen it for yourself you know uh anyway so i mean you you're looking at a society which is dominated by the sex jurors ministry by prostitution of not just sex terrorism prostitution of various kinds you see a society i think it is fair to say you see a society ruined by prostitution and it's kind of a topic for another video the the effect of prostitution on on thailand and society you know um you're seeing that in in front of your face so you know okay being uncomfortable with sexuality doesn't mean i'm comfortable with my own sexuality right means you're looking around and you're you're saying wow there's something here i'm i'm really uncomfortable with and look guys by the way uh you can criticize me on this this is part of why i'm condemning tkyo sam right like what am i out here advocating for and what am i having yes this also relates by the way to johnny depp and so on i'm saying no no no lead a meaningful life you know so you look if you want to jump in but yeah so okay my response to what you were just saying there is like ultimately the sexual nihilism right the model for sexuality is no model and to be constantly doubting you know how you what you think about sexuality the ultimate game is no game sexual nihilism i must i so as much as i use the word nihilism i've never used sexual nihilism yeah okay well provocative uh yeah so something that i thought of earlier when you were talking about uh tycho sam and some of these other pickup artists and the notable absence of the discussion of the other partner um yeah so you know i appreciate what you said where you said you know if these are your experiences you know you can come on youtube and talk about them even if you are somebody who's been you know a winner in what you call the sexual olympics you know people who have been successful in dating and how that's affected their lives i think that's interesting to hear too i i want to hear both sides uh i would like to hear from both the people who are failures in you know the the current kind of miasma that we live in in terms of like you know everything coming together online um and and in the real world like how people are dealing with modern dating and and sexuality like if you are successful you can still come online and talk about it but that's it's it seems to me like a different model of than this like pickup artist thing you know because um you know it's one thing to talk about your own experience being successful or not successful in in the dating world but it's another thing to also talk about the other person and and how you know be reflecting on um yes yeah it's just a very complex thing and maybe people don't feel like they can talk about the other person's experience but um you know i feel like it's kind of important just because yeah the lighting i'm asking you to go back but look you know um napoleon bonaparte slept with a huge number of women i think most of them are known and are on the historical record do you want to put on those two lights by the way thanks um not every single woman napoleon that's fine that's fine because that's fun just that one's fine um not every single woman napoleon bonaparte slept with is known okay if look and i think several books have been written that were just about napoleon's love life or just about as um the women he pursued okay think about how sick it would be to write a pua guide a pickup artist guide based on napoleon getting laid with these women and then think about the contrast to writing a serious biography of each one of these women and what happened in their lives before and after they slept with napoleon right like think about the trajectory of a woman's whole life and what the consequences for her were like maybe just for a few months she was a concubine of napoleon you know maybe she slaughtered them for a brief year maybe she didn't have a choice about it by the way and then you know what i mean like the seriousness of that and sure think about how different it would be to really talk about the women's lives the full trajectory of their lives for all the women you've slept with all the women tyco sam has slept with allegedly you know assuming these aren't lies but whatever it is and you know what did they do in the next six months and what they do in the next 60 years you know after they after they'd slept with you it's certainly a certainly a very different way of looking at it fundamentally humanizes the women i was pointing out today i do think that is normal in biographies of napoleon like to give us some credit as a culture in the 21st century i think today if you read a biography of napoleon it will deal with who the women were and what the consequences for those women were you know long term what what the outcomes were it will not just treat those women as commodities that napoleon traded in or something so guys if you want to make an intelligent comment uh now is a good time and i can read and respond to it um oh great great question did teachers hit on you uh in university yes in university i had the experience of female professors female teaching assistants trying to sleep with me and matt i'm going to be honest with you you asking that question now vividly brings back some memories of that that it's not that i'd repress them i just hadn't thought about them for many many years yes uh in university not in high school or it will just be honestly if it happened high school i wasn't aware of it it's like when you're really a kid you don't always know when people are flirting with your shoulder hit on you but yes in in university yes and it was illegal i mean they were not supposed to do that you know um uh meese asks is tkyo sam watching your live streams we don't know um but you know different comments have come from both verbally and in writing that certainly indicate that he's aware of it and that indicate that he is doomed and determined to not learn any of the lessons that were here uh discussing and describing so okay interesting question uh kimaegai asks i could pronounce this in more than one way depending on which language i presume this is written um anyway uh asks quote how much leeway do you afford tico salmonella's given their traumatic childhoods what does uh when does a person's trauma no longer give them an out in your opinion okay so i'm gonna be i'm gonna be honest to you again this is one of the prerequisites for talking about any of this stuff okay zero zero okay it's totally irrelevant totally now a much more dramatic example of a guy who's also several hundred pounds overweight is boogie2988 right so he has stated on the record things about very serious very violent trauma in his in his childhood and i believe him i have no reason not to believe him maybe someone uh maybe someone knows but as far as i know that's entirely honest and well-intentioned he's sharing that you know that side of his life and his childhood so today you look at his relationships with women does that experience as a child uh produce leeway as you put it's a good word does that give none how you as an adult man treat this woman as an adult nothing is excused by your your uh child experience nothing you know so here's a question um from martin or a comment martin says quote melissa is assuming everyone uh would be liberal in canadian or american society and talking openly about sexuality but culture matters a lot on how open someone is so martin you know i've done a lot of research on this around the world and i would just say you would be surprised so cambodia very closed repressive culture sexually and very dishonest sexually you would be surprised do women talk about their sex lives with their grandmothers and their aunties yes and more than our culture you know what i mean muslim society repressive in some ways but very earthy and very blunt about sexuality in others now sorry saying muslim culture's a huge part of the world um even if you just watch documentaries i remember i watched a documentary that was about sexuality in muslim north africa i believe morocco morocco primarily maybe morocco and places adjacent to morocco there and again even the guys who were conservative muslims you would be surprised i had one friend and he married an orthodox hindu from a brahmana hindu family and even though there are some things that are taboo [Music] once those taboos have kind of been obviated incredibly blunt earthy open culture and talking about sexuality so you know um you would be surprised it's certainly very easy because of the dominance of american cinema to think that america is the only country that's open and honest about sexuality it's not and in many ways america is less honest about sexuality certainly america is much less honest about sexuality than japan japan and communist china very blunt very open very business-like about sexuality i remember was talking to a gay friend of mine we now haven't spoken many years by the time we were friends i have had gay friends at different times but anyway he was one we know i haven't talked for you but at that time we were friends and i said to him that i felt that uh within thailand sex although sex was thought of as bad it was only bad in the same way that americans think about chocolate bars like be careful like if you do too much like you know like well it's good but only in small doses don't let it get out of control it was it was bad in the sense of like eating too many chocolate bars and it was just in no way connected to this notion of your immortal soul you know it was in no way a stain on your character it was just it was a fundamental not that sexuality was good instead of bad but that the type of bad was really very very different you know so that's what i'd say now look i mean you know maybe there are counter examples but i have known men face to face personal friends or colleagues whatever they weren't but i have known men who were close enough to me to really talk about their sex lives i've known men who lived in iran and slept with a huge number of women in iran this is modern iran i know any one god get into the stories other men have told me um okay so if you're thinking in terms of stereotypes really talk to people who have those experiences talk people from those cultures and you know you might you might be surprised that that's what i was saying now let me just ask do you watch a lot of iranian you know and if you did would those movies be honest in depicting what sexuality is like within iran no you know i don't i don't think the there's enough freedom of speech in iran that way right iranians watch american movies so it's really the asymmetry of broadcast media that creates this presumption uh that that all the honesty is in one culture and none of the honesty is enough so look let's just do a couple more comparisons because i've lived in these cultures who do you think's more honest about sex the americans or the french the americans or the dutch the americans are the germans like if you think americans are liberal and open with us and i'll be honest it creeps me out of being german girls trying to sleep with me acree it's cr you know it's creeps me out i feel like they're often too blunt and too yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah fed fed german girls trying to creep on me you know so yeah i'm just saying it's you know but look again i'm not describing any bad intentions to you i think it's a totally legitimate like set of assumptions you have i think it's wrong i just think it's it's false it's incorrect the the the assumptions referring to this so someone named joe says that he's in the middle of reading my book great thanks for thanks for looking up the book joe i heard a quote from charlemagne the radio host uh charlemagne today and uh can i even quote this though getting censored on youtube uh he said you know when people click on your youtube videos or your podcast that doesn't mean they really [ __ ] with you but when you write a book when you publish what that's when you know that people really [ __ ] with you which you know when people take the time to read your book that means they're really interested in your ideas for perspective so i do appreciate that and obviously even if a smaller number of people read read my books and watch the youtube videos i really recognize there's a deeper level of uh commitment and just openness to hearing my philosophy hearing what i would say politically uh so far so dequan says declan is now a long time contributor to the channel welcome back to the audience deck one deck one says quote fun fact the domestic sex industry in thailand is far larger than the one for tourists and then goes on to say negative things but okay so dequan let's just talk briefly about capitalism what matters in capitalism is not the largest market it's the most profitable market and it's specifically the most price inflexible market okay it's true i've done real research on this really it is true quantitatively right the domestic market meaning thai people having sex with other thai people is larger than the international tourist market the dollar value of the transactions how much more profitable do you think it is per night or per sex act for the thai people to prostitute themselves to american tourists as opposed to to their fellow ties and then what do you think the knock-on effects and influences that are look guys a lot of things are like this like within cell phones or something in some industries you can say okay well this is the biggest part of the market but it's not profitable like it's just running on a break-even basis whereas this part of the market this is price and flexible this is profitable so that's where all the attention and research and development goes in cell phones maybe cell phones are a bad example we're saying generally in capitalism this thing have to be sensitive to now likewise fashion how profitable do you think this t-shirt was okay when they make this is probably the largest part of the market in fashion plain white t-shirt they have to compete with every other manufacturer of plain white t-shirts all of the attention in the fashion industry is at the most profitable end of the market and that's where the innovation and design and what the magazines are in which is stuff i never buy i'm not going to buy diner goods i have no interest right so what's influential what matters what matters today in paris and milan it's not this t-shirt even though you can just look at the clue and say oh well look guys all the money isn't making plain white t-shirts and this kind of thing practical sportswear you know there's a lot of money in making military uh clothing outfits uniforms right okay if you're a military contractor making military outfits or all right you're competing at the low end where it's just just slightly better than break even right how profitable is it to make plain white t-shirts for the army okay now do you start to understand why there's so much tension being paid to high-heeled shoes to designer purses all right designer purses i i've read a study uh in the economist and it was saying that specifically the purses were really the most profit was purses and perfume were the most profitable element of the fashion issues like purses perfume some of the other accessories watches were really profitable and a lot of the other clothes were happening on like a break-even basis to support those for on a brand they were doing analysis of specific designer brands so now when you open cosmopolitan magazine and you look at the advertisements notice what they're advertising like you know it's specifically the purses the perfumes it's those things that have the the budget behind them okay so yes it is true the domestic uh industry burmese people sleeping with burmese people thai people smooth it's true but that is not remotely as profitable as the international uh side of the industry right and that has tremendous knock-on effects for the the culture for politics for for everything else yeah so ken comments tko sam is the ultimate sexual alpha top apex predator male pickup artist in the history of humanity thanks for contribution [Laughter] so yeah and now dec one comes back from point so again i can make a separate short video saying this i have a lot to talk about today in this in this broadcast but i will just say again now sam if you're seeing this all right i don't want to hear you boasting about how you've had sex with hundreds of japanese women in general or just hundreds of women in total with huge numbers women these vague terms all right i want you to face up to the specific number of women you've had sex with in calendar year 2022 in calendar year 2021 or as deck one suggests in the last five years in total all right sorry this comes back to one of the the main issues here is talking about honesty and dishonesty right now i'm here bearing my heart i'm here being vulnerable right i'm talking about the reality of my sexuality i'm not boasting all right but sam so i'm i'm less than ten years older than sam could be wrong i think chico sam is now 36 i'm 43. okay sam if this is what your self-confidence is based on all right still today at age 43 if i go to tokyo and i have a competition with you who can have sex with more women in the next one year in the next six months in the next six weeks all right and i'm i'm older than you i'm 43 right like i'm old and busted i get that but if it's just insane to me that this is what you've built your public reputation your pride on you're broadcasting your sam i offered you a cage match i offered you a boxing match you didn't seem interested well if you want to have a pua match if you want to have a match see who's a better letharia you know this bro and now that's assuming we do this today with me at age 43 all right you know and me speaking practically zero japanese by the way i did study japanese in university long story but i mean my level of speaking ability japanese will be close to zero um you know you know this all right and then if we were actually competing at the same age 21 year old isil mazar versus 20 21 year old tequila sam or even 31 year old as a lizard versus three months 31 year old tko sam right so yeah there's there's a real strange kind of insanity and evil there and again if you guys haven't seen the earlier videos i'm going to tell you why i just said that okay why am i saying this sam because your delusions hurt other people they do it's ruining your life you're hurting yourself you are ruining your own life you're putting yourself into an early grave that's one thing but you know what you're also coming out here and you're lying about it you're fictionalizing it you're commodifying it you're catering to the the delusions and fantasies of the audience in a way that really does hurt other people so guys we got someone counting how many times i mentioned cambodia and laos in the audience by all means i encourage this behavior but i'm not mentioning it for no reason what if i had spent the last eight years coming on youtube and telling you how wonderful it is to do humanitarian work in cambodia and that everyone should do it i just only told you the positive aspects of doing humanitarian i told you none of the negative aspects none of my disappointment none of my hard work just oh yeah guys you should all just buy a shovel in a sandbag and get out to cambodia and start start helping starving poor people it would actually impact people's lives no maybe 10 people maybe 100 people but i'd be getting emails from people saying look man i heard your advice and i went to cambodia and i tried to do this and and this is my it's if i were actively you know packaging and promoting this fantasy of what a wonderful experience you can have doing humanitarian work in cambodia some people would latch on to that right they would try to live the lie i'm presenting and it would really negatively impact their lives now guess what sam the lies you're peddling right for transparent reasons they were a lot more popular than peddling the lie of you know getting out and helping the poor by rolling up your sleeves and with a shovel and a sandbag actually trying to help people who need help so diva should ask totally reasonable question but not top of this video has the second book uh no more manifestos been published yet no it hasn't so if you join patreon you can read several chapters um i don't think any of them are the final form of those chapters actually you get to read earlier drafts of the chapter so that's why some people talk about it as if it's already been published because they've read several chapters of the book that have been shared inside patreon but no i haven't uh soon within just a couple of weeks it should be obvious there will be youtube videos uh one of the easiest ways to follow me on instagram i'll definitely be making instagram posts announcing it when that is now shared with uh what's published via via amazon so again these are interesting topics not the topic of this video but there are topics i've i've known about and cared about for for years so again uh kimaegae says again more than one pronunciation is possible that was a bit latin my take on that time anyway uh uh so kim can i call you kim says that he or she asks because as an extreme example if you had 20 people who endured this kind of trauma as children and 20 people who did not he or she claims you could draw a straight line to bad behavior no you can't and i've done the research and i've seen it and that's a lie all right so on the contrary when you do the real social science research you can on the contrary you can see two different women who were captured by exactly the same pimp and put into exactly the same brothel who were trafficked against their will and they had totally different responses to it you can find one woman who was totally traumatized and psychologically shattered by the experience it goes completely insane you can find another woman who's a completely calm collected businesswoman who got on with her life afterwards and we're like literally it was the same pimp the same brothel and like where they both testified in court even like you know like you know like it's established as a factual basis and you can scale that up and talk about 10 women and a 100 women no it's just not the case at all that two different people respond to the same thing now i come from a large family my father had many many children each of the children responded to my father in a totally different way right now again most people today come from small families so they don't see that but it really is instructive to understand that no there isn't a straight line there isn't a cause and effect relation it's up to you it's on you how you respond to this this kind of trauma and you know sorry i can go on and on about that um and what i'm saying now i mean it doesn't justify anything aside from doing the research but no if you want to understand how people are traumatized how they respond to that trauma it is irreducibly individual there's no straight line there is no cause and effect and you know when you're looking at kind of moderate forms of trauma um sometimes what one person perceives as a life ending like life-altering trauma enough for another person is is no big deal at all um you see that a good example is experiences in the military there are people who are really traumatized by what happened to them in the military and you can talk to other guys who went through exactly the same experience again but they were brutalized by the same people in the military the same commander or whatever in the same army unit and like with the same uh traumatic experiences were carried out they respond to in a totally different way um you know so no and this extends to uh extreme forms of violence i once read a study that just dealt with shootings and how people cope with the experience of shootings so again it's not exactly the same experience but very similar and they went through the creature of exactly what happened in the shooting you know who got shot and you know like did both people take a bullet or did only one person going through all the different categories and they did all these interviews and different people reacted to in a totally different way and there were people who were in no way traumatized at all there were people who had a completely down-to-earth attitude like yup well this is why they owned a gun and this is why they you know were prepared for this situation and there were other people who were a complete basket case for years and said i never thought this would happen to me and now they can't walk to the grocery store because they're so terrified like they have all the signs of trauma from you know basically the same experience uh no so i look i'm sorry i digressed on this i hope you don't feel it's a useless digression for some of you that's a really meaningful digression something to really think about for the rest of your life and again sorry melissa coined this term here you know sexual nihilism you know this is a good example of how nihilism should inform everything in your life don't proceed with these kinds of beliefs and to believe in um [Music] kind of geometric relationship between cause and effect there with human psychology that's you know it's a belief it's not a religious belief by nature i think it's really worthwhile to take the time to challenge that examine it and and through research of some kind um you know overturn that assumption so guys i have made other videos talking about transgender issues at length i'm just going to use what i call youtubers privilege and say please just search for the word transgender on my channel on trans and look at those videos just in this video i'm not going to choose to talk about it at greater length someone has given me the compliment that i look like andre agassi in this and this t-shirt yeah here's a question from martin you were an authority on pally and taravata buddhism why don't you publish a pali grammar book on amazon i have actually made several books about pali grammar available for free because i'm not you know in that sense published but if you google around my name plus pali you're going to be quite a few different projects available to download for free and a couple of them were used in burma i mean i don't know if they are anymore but for many years buddhist monks in burma were using the books i uh produced where i wrote the introduction and i'd typed the whole thing out and so on i didn't to say i wrote the book as an exaggeration but i was the editor and i had the introduction of some things but i i did a huge amount of work on that already none of it is uh none of it do you have to pay for all that's available for free in one one place or another on the internet uh oh more questions about pally i might as well take a moment to answer this question probably if you don't know is the ancient language of buddhism it's the most ancient of language and what is philosophy but a scripture um quote off topic do you feel that the roman latin transliteration of it gives an accurate pronunciation of the language do you feel that there is a best script that gives the most accurate pronunciation such as devin agary and he says he finds burmese script to be very close so john um [Music] you know the answer is you need to be able to read them all and you need to be able to cope with them all totally different phonetic assumptions are foisted onto the pali language in each of these cultural contexts and all of them are wrong all of them are false so the way people in thailand pronounce pali is wrong and it's horrible the way people pronounce paoli in cambodia is wrong and it's horrible um in my experience the way new buddhists in india pronounce pali is also wrong and horrible um even though marathi is a modern language is quite quite quite close to this uh and so on so thanks thanks for the question but the reality is you're dealing with a fragmentary um you know cultural tradition and you need to be able to cope with all of it i mean that that's i think part of the wonder and the joy of it as you get to deal with all the the contradictions between a burmese perspective and a cambodian perspective and indeed india now there's a new perspective on buddhism uh coming out of india it's not an ancient it's not ancient idiots modern india and so on sri lanka so on and so forth but uh it would be just as ridiculous to look at the british pronunciation of latin and say that it's better than the russian pronunciation of latin you know none of them none of them are better the difference being that you know italy still exists whereas as al basham would say in in the the wonder that was india you know what india was no longer exists it's been destroyed buddhist india uh ceased to exist so the heart was cut out of the center of buddhism and all we've got are the surviving remnants out of the extremities hey there's a little digression for you guys um you want to jump in on that baby though okay um i guess let's just say one more word i appreciate the encouragement but if you want to know you know why would i not write a book about buddhism today um i don't know a single person within buddhism i respect you know i don't have a single friend i don't have a single colleague and i don't have a single rival you know there's nobody in buddhism i respect and um i quit buddhism not because the religion was bad not because the philosophy was bad i quit because the people were bad so this is an interesting contrast to veganism right and the way i've coped with my disappointment with the vegan movement and with vegans in particular most people do not look at religion that way most people will not look at a religion and say this religion is discredited by the particular people in it but we do look at political movements that way like you know you can make your judgment within the united states you you can look at the republican party in the state of new jersey only so many people you know you might think that symbols millions of people but okay a few hundred people are really the people making decisions that matter in republican politics in the state of new jersey and you may make your decision to participate in that political party or to avoid it and have nothing to do with it based on those few hundred people um the green party in the netherlands let's say you know that's going to be a judgment it's not really about abstract principles ideas or philosophies right maybe it's a few hundred people it's probably a few dozen people who really matter within the green party in the netherlands and you're going to make a judgment based on those particular people and i encourage you to think that way about everything certainly including universities the goodness or badness of university may come down to the goodness or badness of just one man uh small numbers of people you know are responsible for the good or evil of these institutions which have tremendous knock-on consequences for for people's lives so guys i'm going to switch now to talking a bit about uh amber heard and johnny depp we should have gone through this and kept time stamps okay oliver when you watch this note down the times when i switch topics or someone in the audience and i'm gonna add in a table of contents so people who just want to hear what i have to say about johnny depp and i guess every time i mentioned tko sam we could have a time stamp for but we should have a table of contents for this video for people who just want to just want to uh hear it so decon asks quote why does sam use his ability to speak japanese to feel superior to others in japan who are not as skilled at the language um look sam clings to his accomplishments as a drowning man to driftwood sooner or later sam is going to die what are people going to say about him after he's dead that he was a good man that he was a kind man that he accomplished something great or even that he had great aspirations that he never accomplished but that showed the goodness of his intentions in this life in this world you know no the piece of driftwood he is clinging to is that he managed to learn to speak japanese and when he dies if there is a notice written in the newspapers or if there are a few words scratched into the stone you know placed over his 400 pound corpse they will say he was a man who learned japanese now i ask you in the audience what are your accomplishments what are your ambitions could it be that in some way you also are a drowning man who to his or her driftwood must cling if you died tomorrow what would people say about you and guys i've i've lived through this kind of tragedy you just had a brief comment showing the extent to which i still really am an expert in in buddhism but in some ways i've squandered my expertise in buddhism there was a time when i lived my life absolutely with the certainty that when i died whether i died that year or 10 years from now or 100 years from now like whether i died as that old old man that when i died what would be said of me was he was one of the most passionate scholars of buddhism in his generation these were the ancient manuscripts he read these are the ancient stone inscriptions that he interpreted this is the philosophy he wrote about this is a man who devoted himself to the i don't know uncovering the truth about buddhism whether politically or through social science research or through historical research or philology or whatever it may be maybe also that it would be said to me that i was a man who was a fire brand and challenged the universities that i was an anti-establishment um an indeed nihilistic scholar of buddhism or something or maybe would say that i was a philosopher but who distinguished himself as a scholar of buddhism and then published his own philosophy on that basis that was completely my assumption about myself right and i had to let go and just let myself drown it was heartbreaking it was transformative in the worst way and some of you people know exactly what i'm talking about because you've been through it too and some of you have no idea and you can't imagine you know on a really shallow level i mean i wonder what it's like to be a woman who from the day she turned 18 was a stripper you know and her whole sense of herself is of being desired by men and having men throw money at her right and then one day that changes you know you're not a stripper anymore and maybe you're not beautiful anymore maybe you gain a lot of weight or something happens you know for some reason you lose that identity you lose that social status and maybe you didn't realize before maybe you spent all your time before complaining that you didn't want to be a stripper you just ended up in this job because you needed money or something maybe you only saw the negative side of that life while you were in it and you know you you said you wanted to be free from it and get a better job and get on with life and maybe once you do you realize that something's been lost and i know this is a you know most people don't think of it as an ambition or a boast you were assuming that if you died what would be written on your headstone you know you were the best pole dancer down at that club or something that was not not not how other people perceived you that was how you perceive yourself that was who you were my point being there could be any kind of commitment you make right so look why do i say a stripper the vast majority of women who become strippers they have to deal with insults from their own parents from their own grandparents from their aunts their uncles their brothers and sisters they have to deal with other people in their family maybe everyone maybe just a few people and family telling them what you're doing is dirty and bad and evil and wrong and you're squandering your potential you could have been a dentist you could have been a doctor or whatever they deal with these kinds of challenges and insults maybe a few strippers don't deal with this most strippers do and they cultivate right even if it's just to defend themselves they cultivate a sense of dignity and purpose in their life when you stand up to your own father you stand with your mother aunt uncle grandfather and you say no this is a life i'm proud of i'm not ashamed of myself i want you to respect me and i want you to know i respect myself and if you don't respect me damn you to hell because this is this is my life and this would accomplish this what i'm doing and either with me or against me i think strippers in that sense there were great example of that my parents hated buddhism my parents were communist extremists who 100 supported mao zedong massacring buddhists completely explicit okay my parents despised buddhism and there were many ways in which my parents despised me there's more than one level of that my father was a failed sanskrit scholar failed sanskrit dude he tried to learn sanskrit he dropped out of sanskrit it was a huge source of a sense of inferiority he had in his own life and here was his son who seemed to be brilliant and gifted in exactly the way he you know he lacks talent the way in which he failed so he wanted to become a scholar of hinduism and he couldn't do it and he had a lifelong bitterness about that and it influenced him in various ways and it interests his he had a sense of jealousy and resentment against me also a communist also a maniac you know there are other things too it's it's interesting you know sure i had to find ways to stand up and say to my parents look this is who i am this is what i'm about and there's a kind of dignity in it there's a real importance in this and i'll always remember so like this didn't hurt me emotionally in any way it was just hilarious to me you know i remember opening up my books in front of my grandmother at that time one of my grandmothers was already deceased but one grandmother was still alive so i sat down with my grandmother i opened my books and here it's my own handwriting but also sort of uh photocopies of of the these exotic languages so pali as it's written in myanmar pali as it's written in cambodia you know it looks like six different languages but they're different forms now and i'm explaining to you know this is what i've been doing with my time that's what i'm planning to do with the rest of my life or at least the next 10 years of my life so uh and my grandmother looking at this and saying well why would you do this instead of say learning french it was just it was just mind-blowing to me and i mean i laughed i laughed out loud it's like how can you possibly think that a life combining humanitarian work and research and going to cambodia and seeing the craters left behind by the americans dropping bombs all the things i aspire to do and things actually did going to cambodia and laos and dealing with the failure of communism and buddhism the transition from third world poverty to the world whatever the 21st century will bring how can you compare this how in your mind is what i'm trying to do here the same as learning french so you know i'm just mentioning this was not some kind of bitter conflict to me but i think it's a great representation whether you're a stripper or a scholar or you have to stand up to your parents and say look what i'm doing is really meaningful to me it's it matters to me doesn't maybe if you it doesn't matter to you maybe you can't understand it you know and one of the bitterest one of my brothers just one and i'm just being i'll never forgive this i remember he said that i would be better off learning hebrew and it was really kind of racist in a weird way he basically said to me that i was born jewish and i'd always be a jew so this whole attempt to be involved in buddhism was of no value and i'll be honest i beat the [ __ ] out of this guy today for what he said to me about that that really that was really ugly um and he's not jewish and i am you know he's not in any way you know he's zero percent jewish i'm by blood i'm 50 jewish on my mother's side that's one of the brothers you know it's my father's son but he's not you she doesn't live with anti-semitism or any of the stuff i have to deal with and i'll i still this day i'm never gonna speak to him again but if i did if for some reason i was trapped in the same hospital award with that guy or something i still to this day i'd let him have it with that and he might not even remember it but i'd say look i want you to know [Laughter] um so that's actually a much more you know it's like no look this is what i've chosen so you have all those years building that up and look when you're the one clinging to it when it's your ego when it's your ambition when it's your sense of purpose and meaning in your life you don't see yourself as a drowning man clinging to driftwood right and you are okay and when you're really strong when you're not drowning that's when you can swim without clinging to anything at all it's when you can let all these things go away when you can say what matters isn't learning japanese what matters isn't learning chinese what matters isn't studying pali what matters isn't studying buddhist philosophy what matters isn't studying the politics of cambodia laos and thailand right i'm at a phase in my life that's about my philosophy right that's about my politics that's about my language which is just about me as an author it's just about me as a creative force i don't work for anybody else i'm not beholden to any religion any belief system right i'm not clinging to anything for driftwood and when i die right no man can possibly describe who i was and what i was by the things that i clung to nor by the things that i've cast aside and thrown away johnny down [Laughter] [Applause] obviously we could hit stop and hit start and we could start a whole new youtube video at this point uh i hope someone is going to help me make a table of contents for this video maybe even melissa i can just listen to the video back and and figure out the time stamps when we changed topic here all right um i am not cheering for amber heard but i really see this conflict in a fundamentally different way from anyone in the media mainstream or otherwise and so i'm inspired to record a youtube video about it today and in some part it overlaps with you know my my critique of of tkyo sam all right public has turned their hearts against amber heard because she had sex with someone other than her husband okay so it is currently being treated as an established fact that during her marriage to johnny depp she slept with remember his name james franco okay now if i'm wrong i'm wrong but it is currently being perceived as an established fact that she had a love affair with another man named james franco now i am not saying that johnny depp should be invulnerable and immune to human suffering i'm not saying that he has no right to feel upset disappointed aggrieved or bereaved that his wife carried on a love affair with another man while they were married i'm not saying that but if you were to calibrate the nature of this disappointment on a scale from 0 to 10 for johnny depp i am saying that this is a one out of ten it's not nothing but it is just slightly more than nothing and if you calibrate the type of disappointment that amber heard must feel in discovering that the man she married is a hopeless drug addict that he is simultaneously and deeply addicted to opiates stimulants and alcohol and that he is constantly lying to her and deceiving her because of her substance abuse well okay that disappointment is not a one out of ten it's not a five out of ten it is a 10 out of 10. there is no betrayal and there is no disappointment comparable to what johnny depp did to amber heard now am i claiming that amber heard handled this in a philosophical manner in a profound manner in an appropriate manner in an effective manner in the most mature and intelligent manner possible no not at all i think amber heard was very immature for her age and i think it's reasonable to say that she went into this marriage with the assumption that johnny depp would be a strong positive guiding presence in her life and what she discovered after she married him was instead that she had to be a strong positive guiding presence for him what she discovered was that she was expected to be his nurse mate as he drank himself to death as he snorted himself to death as he smoked himself death as he ingested mind-altering drugs you know the unraveling of his middle-aged life i ask you to sympathize seriously you know with the position amber heard found herself in when she discovered this we have a great question from the audience you don't quote you don't think amber heard was aware that depp was a drug addict prior to america so this comes back to some issues more than an hour ago uh in the video okay maybe what i'm about to say is also true about heterosexual men maybe okay you will deal with separately is this equally true of men and women you know what heterosexual women are really good at lying to themselves about how the man they're in love with are going to solve all their problems it's a gift okay and women have done this to me my whole life including even when i was in high school right women can look at a man whatever they just feel attracted him they find him whatever they find him masculine they find them sexy they think whatever it's so easy for a woman to believe because she wants to believe that this man is going to be the person she needs him to be right so for example if she needs a strong disapproving father figure in her life women will convince herself that's who this guy is even though he may be a feckless lackadaisical playboy he may be the most immature person imaginable right just give you an example so i grew up with a lot of knowledge of art and museums do you have any idea how many women see me meet me they get to know me a little bit and they construct the fantasy this is a man who will go to art gallery openings to me this guy knows art he knows culture he's been to these museums all over the world this is a man who can put on a tuxedo and stand there holding a glass of wine and like you know this is a man who's going to raise my social status and it's going to be part of the art world i mean we're going to be a power couple in the oval and they're wrong on every account right like it's true like women who've had a couple conversations with me about art history museums and stuff they're women who really latch onto that and that's what they're thinking that's who they want me to be and my role if i'm being honest is to say it ain't me babe okay so it's just been discussed i was a scholar of buddhism you don't think there are some women with the mentality of hitomi mochizuki who looked at me when i was a scholar of buddhism and thought if i seduce this guy if i sleep with this guy every morning it's going to be like waking up with a monologue from eckhart tolle like we're going to be spiritual seekers together we're going to meditate together we're going to talk to our deceased ancestors and have reincarnation together and magic crystals right it ain't me babe yeah i was a scholar of buddhism i didn't believe in anything supernatural i cared about slavery and social issues and politics and you know like i was a scholar but there are women who want to see that right that's that's the man they want me to be that's the fantasy also of the type of person they can be themselves the type of woman they they want to become so and so forth right it's very powerful so you ask a question totally reasonable totally recently you're asking don't you think amber heard knew that he was at least a heavy drinker if not a profligate drug user oh yeah oh yeah i totally think she knew and i think she lied to herself i don't know to what extent johnny depp encouraged her you know in these beliefs it's very easy as a man like if you're joining up so this woman has watched johnny depp's movies since she was a child right there's an image he portrays on the screen right you know i'm just saying he wouldn't have to say much to make her think that she's going to have a wonderful life once she marries johnny depp and instead she discovers that she's the nurse maid to an alcoholic now look got to come back to this i said before i'm not saying that the negative emotional impact on johnny depp is zero when amber heard goes and has sex i'm not saying that i'm saying it's a one out of ten and fellas if you live like tequila sam you better be [ __ ] ready for your woman to pull an amber hurt on you and sleep with another dude once in a while okay if you are a farm boy if no one does this if you grew up on a farm and the woman you get married to is the first woman you've ever had sex with or there was just one other girl and you were engaged to be married and didn't work out you can say to the woman in your life here's the deal you're a farm boy you're ignorant you ain't been with no other girls you're only with one other girl and if she's the woman who marries you it's all or nothing if that's how you want to play the game all right and then those rules are symmetrical you're asking the woman to sign up to play by the same rules you are going to play by okay i don't encourage anyone to live that way some people want to live that way i remember i once read a long autobiographical statement from a woman on the internet and she said that she chose her husband because he never wanted to have sex with her she'd been around a lot of guys who were very aggressive and she found it really kind of relaxing and calming to talk with this guy who seemed to have no interest in her sexually well guess what they got married that in some ways that a good relationship got along like friends he never wanted to have sex now you know whether he was asexual or oppressed homosexual like i don't know i don't know the god of another couple or he just wasn't attracted whatever the facts were she had a sexless marriage and she had to reflect and kind of blame herself she was like well this was someone who was never never wanted to have sex there she thought it'd be a great marriage right so my point is as long as it's symmetrical when all parties are going into it fairness okay let's get real how many women has johnny depp had sex with in his life even if he never slept with any woman other than amber heard once he was married to amber for her okay you are carrying that with you into this relationship let's just conservatively suggest it's 500 women let's just suggest total speculation 500 women one of whom is winona ryder there's any number of famous high-profile people he's had sex with winona ryder is his own i have no basis for the estimate none okay the real number could be 100 it could be 50. for the purposes of this video as a thought exercise hypothetically purely hypothetical let's say johnny depp has slept with 500 women if that is your situation whether you are johnny depp or you are tko sam you have to be cool with your woman sleeping with other guys oh gee you don't believe me what if we were talking about a woman who'd slept with 500 men what if we're talking about a woman who was an accomplished and successful film actress lindsay lohan we could obviously we could say a porn star we could say a singer let's say we're talking about someone like that and she's slept with 500 men and let's say hypothetically she marries a guy who's never had sex with anyone else in his life like for him this marriage you see him losing his virginity okay you've got people with radically different levels of sexual experience okay i'm not saying it's going to be easy for lindsay lohan if this guy goes and sleeps with other people i'm not saying there will be no suffering there will be no inconvenience there will be no sorrow heartbreak acrimony right okay but i'm saying you better be prepared to regard that as a one out of ten right you're going to be disappointed with the other person right what frankly it doesn't even matter if it's no relationship doesn't matter you can have an open relationship and you can still feel sorrow that this person had sex with him people are hypocrites life is unfair what do you want you know it's the reality you can still feel bad about it if it's an open relationship and the person is not expected to be to be monogamous you know okay tko sam can never demand that the woman in his life be monogamous he has no basis to demand that look at how he's lived this his life up to this point all right and again so if you're a woman if you're a woman you're literally a porn star or something or when you've had 500 partners what can you expect of your husband honesty sure accountability sure sensitivity sure maturity care love respect absolutely absolutely monogamy no absolutely not you can't i don't think it's reasonable for johnny depp to expect any woman to be monogamous and i think he should have had the detachment to realize he married a much younger woman a much less experienced woman and in this case a very immature woman and rather than johnny depp exerting a positive guiding influence on her life right rather than johnny depp being the sober self-disciplined one teaching her how to be sober and self-disciplined he went into this marriage as a total mess expecting her to be his nurse maid her to be his salvation he was expecting her to be the more mature party in this relationship right and it's just not going to work right johnny depp went into this relationship saying i'm broken fix me the reality is obviously amber heard went into this relationship not saying it but implicitly the reality of her situation was she was broken and she wanted she wanted her husband she wanted this relationship she wanted this marriage to fix her she wanted to solve all her problems okay i've got to tell you something maybe some men look at the women they're left that way maybe it's very very common for heterosexual women to look at men that way this is the man that's going to solve all my problems right in this case obviously financially he solves all your problems he's a multi-month there's a there's a sense in which it does solve the problem in terms of her career right of course it did it solved suddenly she's an a-list celebrity suddenly she's one of the most influential powerful people in hollywood and it's explicit it's on the record she used her connection to johnny depp and having the same agent to advance there are some obvious ways in which it solved all problems and that was what she was expecting and that she got out of it what she was hoping to get out of that uh out of that relationship right um you know this opens up an interesting question and many of you will assume there's no answer to it how do you love someone how do you respect someone who's cheated on you how do you love someone how do you respect someone who has disappointed you right now when you're talking about sex you can of course you can and for a guy as experienced as johnny depp he's been there he's be i don't know if he's been there 500 times or what you know but johnny depp should be able to look back at his own life and he should be able to say to his wife or his girlfriend said look i know what you're going through here with this kind of temptation like the same way johnny depp he could look back and and reflect on when he was swept off his feet by um winona ryder or something you know you could say look i know what it's like to have this fame and power and you're meeting these beautiful people and to be swept up in it and so on you know but here's the conclusion here's how you've got to live you're saying you know um how do you love someone how do you respect someone when they're a drug addict when they were crackhead when they'll lie to you when they'll say anything to you just to get their next fix just to get their next head when they'll lie to you and say anything to you just because they're out getting drunk with their friends when they lied to you about where they were that night and then they expect you to physically lift you up and carry you and put you down in bed when they expect you to clean the vomit off of them and to change their sheets for them you know you know you think you think amber heard sleeping with this other guy is bad i think so in your own life think about the closest relationship you've ever had some of you are married like right now some of you have been married in the past you've had some close boyfriend or girlfriend think about the closest person you've ever had in your life think about the seriousness of what it would mean if they had slept with james franco if they had slept with someone like that they'd slept with lindsay lohan if they had slept with james frankel or lindsay lohan let's raise the stakes a little bit here what if your boyfriend your girlfriend your husband what if they were photographed and the photographs were in the press of them arriving at the hotel with james franco and then leaving the hotel afterwards for them arriving with lindsay lohan i'll leave him okay it would hurt you it would be inconvenient for you suddenly everyone knows your wife is the girl who slept with james franco or your husband is the man who slept with lazada that might be the only thing anyone knows about him he's not famous for anything else it's just another person that that celebrity son okay you know what that's that's inconvenient you know that might have some consequences for you emotionally might be something you have to really think through intellectually you know i might you know imagine by contrast if your husband or wife disappeared for just one month because they were using cocaine or heroin every day for 30 days you think you could never trust someone you think you could never respect someone because they slept with james franco really how do you trust someone how do you respect someone ever again when you know they do not have self-discipline to achieve and sustain sobriety what amber heard did to johnny depp on a scale of one to ten is only a one out of a ten and i am seeing it is something johnny depp had experience with sleeping with enormous numbers of women and significant numbers of celebrities during his life again and again and again and he should have been able to he should have been prepared to deal with it and to be magnanimous about it and to have real maturity and attachment okay conversely what johnny depp did to amber heard in terms of its seriousness its severity is a 10 out of 10. if anyone should be in prison for what happened during this relationship it is johnny depp