Quit the Red Pill, Quit MGTOW, Quit the PUA (AWALT) Mentality.

you learn from the women in your life
you learn from them more than you want to admit to yourself you're learning the really simple point i want to make in this video and not for the first time is that these guys who are into this no-fap ideology these guys who are into a lot of these kind of anti-woman vaguely misogynistic ideologies like mgtow men going their own way and this [ __ ] i really think they haven't even considered i think they haven't given enough thought to the possibility that a woman can play a positive role in their lives that a woman doesn't necessarily subtract from your ambition that a woman doesn't reduce your ability to pursue the goals that really matter in life that she can add to that she can add to that ambition and this even comes down to a little bit of a kind of biological misconception i mean the no fat movement they really regard women as vampires because they think women rob them of their mental energy that women rob them of their imagination and they robbed them of their ambition like on a chemical level complete nonsense and as you know apart from wanting to say look women can give you more ambition and more drive and more energy mentally and otherwise the idea that this relationship can play a really positive role in you pursuing your goals a lot of these guys seem to have just never thought that through um what is my fundamental objection to the advice that bay zeus is giving young men my fundamental objection is not that the advice doesn't work the advice can work i think everyone knows that what even if it's one out of a hundred or one out of a thousand or one out of ten thousand eventually his advice will get results for people and for some people the success rate is going to be enough to positively reinforce those behaviors again and again so to give an example part big part of his advice is just walking up to random women at the gym and you know talking game to them well if a guy does that and it works once in his mind that's probably going to justify doing it a thousand more times even if it it fails 999 times and then works one more time again it's really easy for me to see how that can lead to a self-reinforcing loop of behaviors and on a deeper level a set of values that changes who you are as a man and that's the side of the equation i wanted to draw attention to in this hopefully concise video okay i can't say that it won't work that it won't get results if you send out nude photos of yourself to a thousand women there there's a whole side of the internet that exists for that reason there are you know there are special websites where that's encouraged but that's acceptable and again i don't know if it works one time out of a thousand or one time out of ten thousand i can't tell you not to do that because it won't work i'm telling you not to do that because i'm asking you to think about what kind of a man you want to be and who you want to become and not even all that long term i mean today i mean this year i mean just the next couple of years and the type of women you're courting and the way you're meeting them the way you're pursuing them the relationships you bring into your life and what you learn from them that is a big part of who you are as a man that is a big part of who you become okay there's a lyric in a 50 cent song where he talks about he advises his listener don't chase women chase money because when you chase money the women come with it very common sentiment in our society today very common advice from pickup artists who just say well focus on your career in order to get laid you got to think that through that's going to change how you think about your career how you value things how you behave in your career that also changes who you are as a man in ways both shallow and profound all right and i just want to throw in a few words here of self-criticism right now and in the last three years i meet women through youtube i'm in a committed relationship i met her on youtube if someone who knew me before my life before this said to me hey man you've changed you've changed since you started pursuing women on the internet this way i'd say yes you're damn right i have i'm not i'm sorry that makes it sound like i'm private you're damn right i have no i i have changed and i'm self-critical and i'm self-aware of that i have changed and you know what before i used to meet women at the university library i used to meet women at academic conferences i used to meet women at manuscriptoria and national archives and [ __ ] okay i'm so critical about that too i'm not like saying to you in a simple black and white sense like meeting women at the gym is bad and meeting women at an academic conference for cancer research is good i'm not saying that if you go to academic conferences you can see and feel the difference between the guys who are just there for the conference who are just there to present their research just there to talk about their paper whatever it is and the guys who are there hoping to meet a member of the opposite sex or maybe hoping to be a member of the same sex the guys who are there looking for that whole range of human experiences from one-night stands to commitment relationships with a lot of gray areas in between it changes you it changes what you're doing at that conference and the way you're doing it it changes whether or not you got your hair and you got your your suit on point where you go to the conference sure that's a shallow level but i'm telling you in a profound sense that there really is a difference between the dudes who are who are doing a job who become a lawyer who are pursuing that social status in order to get laid and the guys who are becoming a lawyer sure to make the world a better place to do human rights law do something else and there were guys doing human rights law to get laid because that's what they were doing you know yes this is something that changes who you are and how you're living in all these walks of life it's really easy for you to think you have one part of your life that's your career one part of your life that's your education and a separate part of your life a separate compartment that's your sexuality fundamentally i want to tell you that's just not so you learn a lot and you change a lot given the women you open the door to in your life the women who come into your into your bedroom the women who come into your life the women you share your time with the women you're eating breakfast with all that is built into even one-night stands let alone long-term relationships or attempted long-term relationships that maybe don't turn out to be so long-term okay you learn from the women in your life you learn from them more than you want to admit to yourself you're learning whether you're dating shallow hoe bags you met at a bar random chicks you met at the gym or women you met at an academic conference about cancer you're learning all the time you can't turn that off you're changing the type of man you are how you conduct yourself in pursuing women and then what happens after that when you bring those women into your life when you do get laid when the advice does work that changes you in ways you can't fully anticipate you can't fully understand yourself and that's why i find the advice from basus so dangerous it's not because it doesn't work but because it fails to appreciate that your sexuality just like your politics ultimately is a decision about what kind of man you want to be what kind of person you want to become and of course i mean i'm the last person to come on here and give you a candy-coated version of reality in some ways my first marriage that has ended in divorce was the perfect marriage in so many ways i can say wonderful things about it you know i can say terrible things about it too but i mean you know when i was younger i was really looking for a woman who would understand me why because unlike a lot of these guys who talk about being self-reliant and independent as an abstract virtue i actually was self-reliant and independent i was doing independent research i was teaching myself languages teaching yourself a language with no teacher and no classroom it's incredibly hard work i was undertaking original research and even doing very independent things in terms of my career and earning money and you know what that independence gets you it gets you alone there's a difference between being lonely and being alone i was alone and you know when i was younger it really meant a lot to me to have a woman in my life who would sit down at the breakfast table and be able to understand what motivated me in life understand the project it was under taking understand the direction i was going in life who could sit down with me at the breakfast table and even if she's not involved even if she's not part of the project who could really contribute positively to my aspirations and goals and you know what i've i've outgrown it i don't even care about any of that stuff anymore that's the bizarre thing i feel like i've got to come on here and maybe give younger guys advice that was based on who i was when i was a younger man but i don't care about any of that stuff anymore i mean the marriage i had my first marriage i'd say in some ways really meaningfully was the perfect marriage i got married to a woman with a phd in cultural anthropology a woman who really deeply understood not just the research i was doing on paper like research involving books and libraries and archives and history and politics and publications but a woman who understood the importance of the work i did in terms of field work in terms of going out in the field and talking to people face to face and making things happen in the real world who understood what i had going on in terms of charity work and everything else and who played this wonderful supportive role in my life and in so many ways i feel like i want to come on here on camera and say to these guys who are into nofap you can have this too you can find a woman who doesn't subtract from your ambitions but adds to them and on a physical biological level you can have a sex life that doesn't leave you feeling exhausted and demoralized that leaves you feeling more energized and more motivated and more inspired with more imagination you can have that but the ambivalence i have is that the the truth is now at age 38 i don't need any of that stuff and again i mean you know i don't want to glorify that either it's you know for me i reached a point in terms of my maturity i've been so isolated for so long and you know some of my earlier girlfriends they really did not understand who i was i ever once had that i mean unless you unless you've never had a girlfriend never had a boyfriend you know what it's like to be in a relationship where no matter how well you explain yourself this person is never going to get you you know this or for whatever reason and it is not even because they don't love you i've been in relationships with a girl loves me so much she has so much love for me but her love blinds her to who i really am and no matter how clearly i explain no matter how much i explain who i am she's in love with an image of me she has in her own head she loves me to bits really loves me but she's never going to understand me she's never going to know who i am so you know definitely when i was younger there was wanting to be understood and there was wanting to have a woman who plays that supportive role in my pursuit of my own ambitions but now at age 38 i don't give a damn about any of that stuff i don't need a woman to understand me and i'm now at a point where i can be completely comfortable being in a relationship with a woman who has none of that stuff in common with me who can't relate to and can't understand my background my professional background my research background my aspirations in in in that respect um damn so look this is really what i think is the challenge for these younger guys and maybe it's still a challenge for some for some older guys too one you have to know what your ambitions are don't of course i mean it goes without saying don't start from this misconception that the woman is only going to be an obstacle to your ambitions that the woman is going to be a distraction from your ambitions that the woman is going to subtract from your vision the woman can play a positive role in your life in adding to you know your ambitions and assisting you in your pursuit of ambitions and by the same token you as the man you have to play the same positive role in her life and you have to work at it somebody was just saying in my in my stream they said oh well why can't you just be in a relationship and just be yourself [ __ ] that okay what if your next girlfriend what if your next wife wants to be a surgeon and is going through medical school you've got to take it you as the man you got to change your life to play a supportive role for her doing that okay it goes both ways and you're not going to do that by just being yourself what if you know the next woman involved with is literally a farmer she's involved in agronomy she's studying you know the science and practical work of how to perform you think i'm not going to change you think i'm going to just be myself [ __ ] that don't just be yourself change who you are and work hard at it hit the books hit the gym hit the farm whatever hit whatever you gotta hit for you as a man to change so you are consciously changing your life so you play a supportive role in for her and the pursuit of her ambitions and for you step one is you got to know what your ambitions are you've got to be honest with yourself of what your ambitions are and then you have to learn to communicate to her what the positive role is she can play in helping you in the support of in the pursuit of your ambitions and that's hard to do for most men most men are terrible at communicating that most men are terrible about being honest with themselves about what their ambitions are and the problem is if you're talking about a long-term relationship your ambitions are going to change okay there was a time when i was in southeast asia pursuing a combination of humanitarian work you know politics history like i was doing research on the history of slavery um and you know buddhism was a huge part of my life there's no way to you know buddhism was connected to all those things my research in the history of buddhism was linked to the history of slavery and you know communism and the war and post-war reconstruction all this meaningful stuff going on in my life and you know what that ended then there was a point in my life where that was over and that was in the past tense and i took on a totally new direction in my research and my passions and i was expecting the same woman to stay with me and i was expecting the same woman who played a supportive role in my life when we were living in cambodia together to play a totally different role supporting me in my ambitions when we moved to canada together okay so being honest with yourself about what your ambitions are and what the role is the woman you what role you want her to play that that's very very hard to communicate and it's going to happen both ways and it's going to mean work it's not going to mean just being yourself it's not going to mean just being loving or loving the other person all right um it's going to be work for her and it's going to be work for you too um and i guess i mean my point is now now that i'm so old now than 38 maybe if you don't need her to play any supportive role at all maybe maybe if you're that guy maybe that's also what you got to communicate the example i used in my first video on this that was really spontaneous and almost joking is actually a really good example to come back to though if you are a guy who is into repairing automobiles what you like to do is go in your garage and take a broken down car and fix it up it's very unlikely that you will have a girlfriend who is literally in the garage with you holding a wrench hands-on helping you with that task right maybe maybe you do some guys have a girlfriend and they're involved to that extent some guys even if their girlfriend could be in the garage they don't want them to be they don't want them to play that role but what is the role you want her to play maybe if you're really being honest with yourself and you can really communicate it to her maybe the role you want her to play is that when she sits down at the breakfast table she's talking to you about what's going on in your projects she's asking you about what's going on in the garage she's talking through with you your plans and your ambitions in a way that you find positive and supportive and meaningful and wonderful and that again inspires you to do more makes you more energized it's not this is not a vampire pulling something away from you maybe it just is those positive understanding conversations at the breakfast table and there are guys watching this are going to hear that and say no you're dead wrong there are guys hearing this who will look back on every relationship they've ever had and say no i dread that there are guys are going to watch this and say they wake up every morning and what they fear most is having to sit down at the breakfast table and listen to the inane [ __ ] that their wife or their girlfriend brings and they don't want to sit down and listen to a bunch of questions from somebody who doesn't understand them and doesn't support them and where that whole breakfast table conversation is only something that subtracts from their ambitions in life and it's an unwanted source of misery that they have to deal with guess what if that's your situation that's the wrong girl for you and you're probably the wrong man for her maybe the problem is just communication maybe the problem is that you haven't communicated to her what your ambitions are maybe you haven't communicated to her what the positive role she can play in you pursuing your ambitions really is maybe maybe or maybe your ambitions have changed since you first got together like me i switched from cambodia to canada maybe when you first got together you had a totally different set of goals than you have now in the judgment you have to reflect that maybe but maybe this is someone maybe the particular woman you're with you got to leave her and instead of viewing women this way as always playing a subtractive role uh uh in in your pursuit of your ambition subtracting from your ambition your pursuit of ambition maybe you need to flip this upside down and just use it as a criterion where you promise yourself you're not going to fall in love with the woman you're not going to going to get into a relationship unless she can play that positive role unless she can play that supportive role and um not everybody can and uh you know in so many cases of course you just gotta break up and move on um no matter how painful that may be either because she can't play that role maybe you can't communicate that that role or maybe maybe you haven't been honest with yourself about what your ambitions really are and how the other person the relationship is going to fit into those ambitions talk boss featuring words that kill my slingers editorial explicit material briefcase show live mysterio flow filming donna realty set the black people free today i'm going to talk about do steroids make your balls straight well the answer is yes they do but