BEING UGLY is not the same as "low self-esteem".

society and the media tell us that to be
beautiful is to look a specific way and that way is simply unachievable no looking that specific way is unachievable for some people and it's completely effortless for other people right if they're mediocre-looking I'm okay with a guy that's not looking you overlook the fact that they're mediocre because of their personality their kindness their intellect sure but if they're hideously ugly and this were supposed to be talking here is real ugliness part of the answer to the commodification of beauty in the year 2020 is the commodification of ugliness people are now making money selling you lies about ugliness even if it's not nearly as many people as they're making money out of selling you lies about beauty ditch the label is a foundation that proves the point I feel like ever since being in college and going out with my friends I've never noticed it's always my friends who get noticed by boys no matter how much I try to get over it it still bothers me not being quote-unquote pretty enough while it is true that a minority of people truly are beautiful and are merely overly self-critical imagining themselves to be ugly this has become a pretext to bully and denigrate and marginalize the people who really are struggling with ugliness and those the people who need our help who need our sympathy at least most of all so this is from the website of this foundation dish the label some anonymous person writes in and says quote I'm ugly and I know it I'm very ugly I just hit 23 and I look like I'm 40 years old have hair loss and a weird face which makes everything worse I really don't know what to do anymore I've been meditating for a year every morning and night it has helped me to shut down my bad feelings and thoughts about myself by just observing them but it doesn't help me in my overall life because everyone is still treating me like I'm a monster and some of them actually say it right to my face it's very hard for me to find a job because I couldn't continue school because literally 80% of people bullied me and I just couldn't keep up with no help around me every night I go to sleep and I hope not to wake up the next morning and just die peacefully close quote meditation is not gonna solve this problem okay this is someone who's dealing with ugliness and its impact in their life this isn't someone is dealing with low self-esteem this isn't someone who's objectively beautiful but disappointed that they're not able to rise to the top of the heap on Instagram in the competition for endorsements and modeling contracts whistling no this is about ugliness and the demoralization of being ugly in a superficial Society I'm going to read how this foundation replied I want you to pause for half a moment and ask yourself how you would reply if you were being paid a salary working for a foundation that supposedly specialized in precisely this sort of issue this foundation claims quote all of our interventions are evidence-based which means that we are continuously using data and innovation to improve the support that we provide the young people we don't patronize young people instead we empower them with skills techniques and knowledge that enable them to resolve their own situation so you got that straight they're not gonna be patronizing they're gonna provide skills techniques and knowledge that will actually solve this person's problems on the basis of social science research here it is I'm sorry you've experienced this from others you do not deserve that in any way we are surrounded by so many images telling us what we should look like what is and isn't ugly but we all have beauty and value not not patronizing at all right this is clearly evidence based social science which clearly clearly I know it's hard but it is easy to slip into believing what random people say rather than those that love you and care about you right not patronizing at all you should just believe when your parents tell you that you're beautiful and you should not care about the very real problems this person has reported to you from their life day by day how they were treated at school how they're treated at job interviews no you're goddamn wrong it's not it's not your parents opinion of how beautiful you are that matters it's the opinion of random people it's your experience in society at large that's exactly the problem we're supposed to be dealing with here that's exactly what we're supposed to be addressing the struggle the plight of people who are actually ugly the truth is no one is ugly loving yourself and building confidence does take work but you are worth the time trying to be optimistic is great but also listen to your mind when you're feeling low as it's okay to be upset as well it's definitely worth building up a good network of friends as this is super empowering wow wow it's a good thing we left this to the professionals when they say get professional help this is what they mean people get in touch with the professionals at this foundation they won't patronize you oh no oh no they are going to provide an intervention that's evidence-based providing you with skills techniques and knowledge that will enable you to resolve your situation if someone has the strength of character to tell you that they are ugly this is what they're struggling with this is what's making them suffer this is what's ruining their lives how dare you say back to them the truth is no one is ugly if you think you're ugly it's just a figment of your own imagination and this is being presented it's 100% sincere you haven't even seen a photograph of this person this could be someone who's really quite deformed or someone who is not just subjectively but objectively ugly and you can say Oh beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it's a little bit different from one culture to the next but guess what some people are so ugly that they are really considered ugly in every culture some people are so hideous that it's it's hard to look at them and it's hard for them to get a job and all these other things and it's hard for them to get through school that was what we're supposed to be talking about here I ditch the label we believe that everyone is beautiful regardless we know from my research that appearance is a huge concern for people with 51% saying that they were bullied because of attitudes towards the way that they look overall one in two told us that they want to change their appearance and some would even consider invasive plastic surgery we've had enough so we sat down to discuss ways to promote positive body image online searching using key terms like I'm ugly I wish I was pretty I look horrible we found thousands upon thousands of people who were tweeted negatively about their own appearance every single day throughout the week we sat down and we reached out to those in need of a lil confidence boost using our template we customized the graphic to directly respond to individuals comments and tweets so you think that's what's gonna solve this problem is 100% insincere flattery from someone who doesn't even care someone who doesn't even know what you look like someone who doesn't care about what your struggle is someone who's getting paid someone is getting paid to lie to you to flatter you sick it's important to remember that everyone is beautiful in their own way we shouldn't let the media dictate what is beautiful or attractive so now it's over to you get involved and help spread some positivity by complimenting people who have lost sight of how beautiful they actually are if everyone was happy and confident in themselves then the world would truly be a more beautiful place so what is this priceless advice this well-funded foundation has to offer when people tell you that you're ugly you can say back to them sorry that is just not true you can try doing daily affirmations such as saying I am whole just the way I am you can tell yourself I am perfectly imperfect you can also put posties around your mirror post-it notes just write on little pieces of paper and stick them up around the mirror giving compliments to yourself aha that'll solve the problem turn up the positive and turn down the negative give it a try it takes a little while also meditate this really helps to clear your thoughts here's an anonymous person writing in saying honestly it's just a relief to know there are others that feel this way I went through life just accepting the fact that I'm ugly and then it will never be found beautiful by anyone of course my family will tell me I'm beautiful but outside of them not once has anyone ever told me I looked amazing or stunning every time I think that I've finally accepted this fact as reality I find myself crying at the fact that I'm going to die alone because nobody will ever find me attractive even now typing this there are tears in my eyes as I think about all the negative thoughts and feelings I've had throughout these years why can't I just accept the fact that I will look this way my whole life and will stay single forever because no one will ever find me beautiful so what's the what's the advice we get and replied this from the experts from the team from the staff over at ditch the label that's a real shame that you think this way oh oh CC it's all in your head because everyone is beautiful the problem is just that you think this way I want to say that feeling not pretty has little or nothing to do with actually being pretty because you can actually be one of the most conventional good-looking people in the world but you can still feel like the ugliest person and the world beauty is subjective I may be a pretty girl to many of you but I'm also an ugly girl you beauty is in the eye of the beholder what you think you are you become so the moment that you say you are awkward and not good-looking I truly do believe that you become awkward and you know not good-looking Yeah right it's all in your head the person you had a crush on in high school who rejected you every time or even found it disgusting or laughable when you tried to hit on them it's all in your head right think about that really little my own experience in life I'm not conventionally attractive I might be unconventionally attractive but I mean like the first girl I ever had a crush on in high school I should she was older than me I think like anyway she think she was two years older than me but at that time even a one year age gap is significant you know in high school she was significantly older than me and she already had a boyfriend and I still managed a seducer this is you know one of the kind of formative experiences in life and I learned from that experience that one lesson I took from I just didn't feel anyone was unattainable or wrote of Richmond the most beautiful girls in high school if I just talk to them like a normal human but I just talk to them the same way I talked to a guy yeah I had options that was my experience starting as a very young man not everyone has that experience you can call me ugly all right beauty is in the eye of the beholder I may be ugly to you all right but I do not have the problem that people actually feel uncomfortable looking me in the eye I do not have the problem that I get turned down at job interviews for being too hideous to hold down a job behind the counter at Starbucks or you know working in a clothing shop or something a lot of those jobs implicitly they want people who are good-looking it's not just a bias towards good-looking people they will actively reject and shut down people who are considered ugly it doesn't matter if you want to say it's objectively ugly or objectively ugly it's an objectively real problem in the lives of some people and some people have to bear the burden of feeling rejected not just by the first person that had a crush on but by the first person the second person the third person by every single person they had a crush on in their lives and they eventually come to disappointing conclusion that nobody wants them because they're too ugly aren't those the people who need our help aren't those the people who need our sympathy not the people for whom as you say here quote unquote it's all in your mind if that's true for some people I don't know if it's 10% of people or 6,000 people no matter what it is shouldn't we deal with shouldn't we be trying to help the people who really have this problem when it's not all in your mind so real shame that you think this way if only really attractive people got partners in the world the world would end because they would procreate people of all different looks and walks of life fall in love looks is only such a small part of that for mediocre people this might be okay advice for people who are just moderately attractive this might be okay advice but you're supposed to be helping people who are ugly people who know that they're ugly and as this person writing in said people are in a situation where nobody has ever wanted them and they feel they're gonna die alone because nobody finds them attractive your appearance is only a small part of being attractive yeah that's pretty face privilege okay if you are a mediocre or good looking person you have the privilege of saying oh my appearance is only a small part of what people find attractive right but when you're hideously ugly if you have a deformed skull whatever you have a chronic skin condition no no this is this is this is denigrating to exactly the people they're pretending to help they're pretending to offer assistance to you fall in love with people's personality and kindness looks aren't really such a big thing right if they're a mediocre looking you overlook the fact that they're mediocre because of their personality their kindness their intellect sure but if they're hideously ugly and this were supposed to be job manures real ugliness so I am daring to ask the question does it help people to tell them being ugly is not real that it's just a delusion hi I've read the mission statement for the website and I understand that you're trying to help people and that you say your methods are based on social science research however what I see demonstrated these forums is tantamount to gaslighting one people write in complaining that they're ugly and describing the various problems this has in their lives to a representative replies without having seen a photograph of the person insisting nobody is ugly you are not ugly you just think or feel that you're ugly but this is some kind of subjective delusion even if this approach were viable or fruitful with some percentage of people presumably social science research would demonstrate that it is not useful a hundred percent of the time yes some people are pretty or plain and think of themselves as ugly when they really are not however I have known people with deformed skulls I have had co-workers born with serious facial deformities and I met one man briefly who at the middle of his face caved in by a bullet wound in war and no he didn't have any miraculous reconstructive surgery these people are real they really exist their ugliness is objectively real not a subjective delusion created by looking at bikini models on Instagram and their suffering matters too I do not understand how this methodology came to be used universally and indiscriminately on this website and by your foundation in various contexts that is say I understand your work isn't limited to this website if some people genuinely struggle with for example deformed faces deformed skulls if they're born with conditions that really do make their bodies impossible to rationalize as beautiful in the eye of the beholder etc how can it possibly help them to insist as you have done in numerable times nobody is ugly etc it would seem to me that these people need the help most of all not the small minority of people who are objectively beautiful but have this subjective delusion that they can never be beautiful enough does nobody care about the fate of people who are actually ugly even if it is convenient to pretend that they do not exist quote-unquote nobody is ugly isn't that just further marginalizing and stigmatizing them isn't that marginalizing and stigmatizing the people who really do struggle with objectively real ugliness pretending that it is their own attitude that's the problem is even more harmful when they can reply as an objective fact I have a deformed skull facial deformity people look at me with horror and pity everywhere I go etc yes these problems exists on a sliding scale but the approach of your foundation is to deny that the problem exists at all who does that help how what social science research do you have to back this up