Dare to Be Stupid: Ambition & Self-Doubt.

once way back in the day when my ex-wife
was a university professor here in Canada I went to a meeting with some of the keener students of anthropology these are people plan to go on do master's degrees and PhDs in the discipline of anthropology and there was a young man not so much younger than myself but I happened to be married to a professor and he was talking about his lack of self-confidence his misgivings in trying to write peer-reviewed articles write articles to be published in academic forms and he said this is an interesting thing to say he said you know I feel like I don't know anything I don't have anything to offer in this article except that I read these three books and I said to him don't you realize that's the most precious and that's the most valuable thing of all because think about all the people who do not have time to read those three books and think about how really valuable it is for them to hear you compare and analyze those books and ultimately there's something there's something something impalpable and profound that's brought to that comparison by you because you're the one doing the work you're the one doing the analysis right Hey look I got I got a real palpable example here this huge stack of paper this is just three books this is three books all dealing with the question of the relationship between China and Central Asia so we're talking about China and its expansion West to include places like Sid yang and then Tajikistan Turkmenistan Uzbekistan that part of the world in relation to China if I read these three books and I really put my heart into it I take notes I pay attention I'm really trying to learn who's trying to learn this history I'm trying to learn the politics okay how many people on planet Earth will be more of an expert than I am in this specific topic the relationship between China at Central Asia I know you'd like to believe that there were just thousands of people out there who have the to read these two books it's a very heavy stack and I know you'd like to believe that the Government of Canada and the government of England and the United Nations all employ huge numbers of scholars and experts who are keeping up this they don't exist okay the real level of expertise in any one area of specialization it's boils down to remarkably few people even in the year 2020 you will find but even if I am much less of an expert in in this topic okay I have the self-confidence to come on YouTube and make a video talking about these political questions why just because I am the guy who read those three books okay and in reading those two books it doesn't make me an expert but what I can present to you in the comparison contrast and analysis of those three books it's gonna reveal something about myself there's something I add to it even in the narrowest reading possible even if the only thing I add to it is what I'm taking away because I have to choose the short selections of quotations and themes and topics that I'm gonna discuss here I can't talk about each book from cover to cover right even if that's it it's selection and omission that still is something I'm contributing to this creative process and my perspective and what I care about and what seems important to me that may be very different from what seems important to the small number of people who are employees of the United Nations let's be real the small number of people who are employees of the CIA who study this this kind of thing right I may be able to bring something really really valuable too right so obviously I'm making this video partly to encourage people in my own audience to get engaged be creative make their own content this way you and you and you all right that what you can do just by reading three books on a given topic really matters and I feel this is more important now than ever because print media is dead there was a time 20 years ago when I would have been talking about the importance of us getting together and having some kind of publication some kind of small magazine or review or Journal what have you that's dead that's gone that's over what we have now that's more immediate and more emotionally porous and more engaging is this it's YouTube and it's going to be whatever other social media platforms rise up to replace YouTube regardless you know and it's wonderful because you get to share your voice you get to share your what you've learned you get to share your uncertainty you can add as many footnotes or as few as you like right um this is an opportunity for each of us and it can be empowering but most people most of the time experience this as denigrating humiliating and disempower right because the voices are always out there the voice is asking who do you think you are who do you think you are don't you know who I think I am and you may have been through that just a few times too many with being denigrated and insulted by your own parents by your brothers and sisters by classmates by people at school what by your teachers teachers can be absolutely some of the worst terms of being discouraging to you in having intellectual ambitions right and those same people will be encouraging you to waste your time playing the piano playing the violin watching movies right kindling that sense of curiosity so that instead of just being idle curiosity like hey you know what I'm interested how did Cindy yang even become a province of China anyway how did this whole political situation even begin that people are talking about now like oh yeah the Chinese are torturing Muslims there's like where is that where does that come from what does it really mean what's what's really going on here right I've got some curiosity right but I'm gonna Kindle that I'm gonna burn that into well build that into a fire right I'm gonna actually do some research I'm gonna gain some acumen and insight and you know if you do this if you take on these kinds of projects all right you may feel embarrassed you may feel humiliated you may feel that you are too stupid you may feel though you may feel the way while you're doing the reading you may feel that way when you're watching the YouTube video back afterwards you may think you know what I'm not very good at this I'm smart enough I'm not right now I don't have enough to contribute and then you can get motivated to do better then you can see what the problem is you can hear it you can feel it right and no other medium is like that I think it's very easier I mean deluded about your own greatness in the written form and when you got to sit there and watch the video and hear yourself explain back what it is that's important out of these three books you've read on any topic I think it's a tremendous incentive we would have record the video ten times record it once stop come back and do with six months later even you know let you let you collect your own thoughts reflect on it if you're stupid wouldn't you want to know would you want to see it would you want to feel it wouldn't want to figure out what the problem is and try to fix it because if you're too dumb to do this kind of analytical and creative work yourself how is that going to change it's not gonna change but other people denigrating you and humiliating you and insulting you and telling you who do you think you are right it's gonna come from you having some kind of positive motivation to gauge you this analytical and creative work you engaging in active research to present an informed opinion right and then you've got to be self-critical you've got to figure out what your week is or what were the parts of that video I created that summer that didn't make any sense when I was reading these books what was it I couldn't understand you can be honest with yourself about that also right you can be honest about your about your own doubts I met up with my my half brother once he was my gay half-brother only one of my half-brothers is Kay and um I'll always remember him saying to me in such a snide discouraging you know a terrible way him just saying to me oh you'll never do it you'll you'll never move to Cambodia oh you'll never you'll never study the camp butow oh you taught you'll never do and you know I replied to him I suppose in my own snide but self-confident way have you met me you know you you think you know who I am ha you think you know my limits but I haven't yet begun to push against my own limits you know and you know think about what he's really saying to me is he saying that I'm too stupid or is he saying that I'm a coward and you know what for some of you I'm not here recommending anyone else goes to Cambodia and do what I did I'm not recommending any of you should go to Cambodia and do research and humanitarian work and study learn I am NOT people sometimes write to me asking for advice on that and most time I tell them probably not for you probably not a good idea but here's my point if it turns out I am too stupid to study the Cambodian language if it turns out I am too much of a coward to survive in the rough and tumble of pnom Penh Cambodia wouldn't I want to find that out for myself wouldn't I want to probe my limits wouldn't I want to test my own weaknesses because it's only by noticing them that I can know them and feel them and move beyond them ok people think a book is something that sits inert on a shelf and it's not it really is an opportunity for you to profoundly challenge who you are and improve and move beyond that and people talk about this stuff like it only happens when you're 14 years old like you go through one kind of transformation and then that carries you to retirement all right there was a time when I knew nothing about the politics and history and religion of Cambodia I remember the first time I saw the word Cambodia in a comic book and I asked my father about it as a child we are all born ignorant and there was a time when I didn't know the difference between China and Japan and there was a time when I didn't even know Buddhism came from India and didn't come from Japan in the first place there I'm cursed with a really crisp memory of all the phases of ignorance and went through in life okay and right now right now I am as ignorant as any one of you I'm as ignorant as the most ignorant person in my audience about the relationship between China in Central Asia okay I'm challenging myself I'm gonna change I'm not just resting on the fact that I built up expertise in Southeast Asia but as a man wants to know okay I'm aware of my own ignorance I'm challenging my own endurance I'm challenging myself so I'm taking this time on YouTube to challenge you all so positively don't let people denigrate you don't lose don't lose that appetite don't lose that capacity to take your curiosity and Kindle it into something much more meaningful and productive make your own reading productive because in the end what you're discovering are not mere facts you're discovering who you really are you're building up your own acumen you're building up your own potential you are deciding determining and feeling out who it is you want to be in your building in brick-by-brick okay it may seem meaningless isn't it just is there just another set of facts you know gee I don't know I already know a lot about the history of France and Germany and Canada and Cambodia and Laos and Thailand we can make a list of all the countries where I've already studied their history and their politics and they wish to know what why would I challenge myself why wouldn't I now just wrap coasts from age 40 to age 70 on what it is I already know why not just recycle the same anecdotes about Cambodia right for me this is the difference between being alive and being dead all right life living intellectual growth it comes from doubt self doubt being honest with yourself about what you don't know and then challenge yourself always to go beyond what does you think you know right and the game everyone else is playing in shoring up their own ego and in discouraging you and denigrating you and saying to you hey who do you think you are right that's asking you to instead leave that static life that living death or what it is you already know becomes your identity and you just coast along and the education you've already got the facts you're already familiar with from too a until retirement right guys you could throw a dart at the map we're all born infinitely ignorant okay and this this process this process of learning all right it never ends it never ends until the day you die the question of what kind of person you want to be it's a question you've got to answer with every minute of every day now now now now