Why You're Still Single. (Marriage & Social Media)

you know what actually I have I have
thought maybe I do have two high standards I tried to cater to what this person wanted and it just slowly slowly dwindled me into despair honestly and I think you know you should keep those standards high but if you've been single for a few years and you're just only focused on looks then yeah maybe your standards on looks are too high but just for my own personal experience I have definitely been in what I would consider a toxic relationship and I'm not even calling the person I dated toxic it was just no toxic for myself because for whatever reason we're just not compatible and I'm still thinking okay something's gonna change like we're I'm just need to wait until it gets better so you're saying that you were the toxic one there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a youtuber and when I say that what I mean is there's a lot wrong with it it's really up and it'll ruin your life but I don't want to talk about it in this video we are talking about the question of why Nina and Randa have been trapped in this endless cycle of coming on YouTube and complaining that they can't get a man can't get married that they're stuck being single as you're six years go by and they creep ever closer towards age 30 and I start with that disclaimer because I do not think I do not think for one moment that the problem is that they're youtubers or that we should blame their predicaments in life on the fact that they do use you and let's be clear blaming YouTube for your bad content is like blaming your word processor for why you write bad poetry blaming the microphone for why you can't rap it's true to a limited extent if the microphone is really terrible well if your keyboard doesn't have the letter O on it your ability to write poetry is going to be hampered your ability to court rap music amber but I was looking at a youtuber the other day called Lindy boat s he pronounced her first name Lindy completely boring language education you two nothing interesting about it don't recommend the channel at all okay lyndie boats and her YouTube channel giving you advice and how to learn Spanish and how to learn French better in this kind of thing there's no sense in which her youtube channel is an obstacle to her finding a job there's no sense in which her YouTube channel is not skilled to her finding a boyfriend but for Nina and Randa it really is one of the first things that's very striking about Nina and randa's content is that they're childish and most men I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the vast majority of men avoid childish women even if they're not aware that they're doing it right and let me tell you something about childishness if you're childish at age 26 27 whatever they're up to now they're in that ballpark the odds are you're not just gonna be equally childish at 37 and 47 you can become more childish show that to anyone here who's ever volunteered in an old folks home elderly people can just sink into being very self-indulgent very childish retired people oh no I don't like my pancakes cooked that way no I want it more I want it more runny on one side and more well-done on the other I used to work at a Starbucks we'd have elderly and retired people all the time making these unbelievably finicky requests and returning something as being not the way they wanted it and stuff and it's like dude like you're behaving like a six-year-old then you're older than 60 you know so getting getting older is not getting wiser getting older is not being more mature and people people who've managed to make it to age 26 27 while remaining childish the odds are they're gonna stay childish okay the significance of YouTube itself and social media itself in the slow-motion train wreck that is the lives of Nina and Rhonda I think it's also a significant or caper this way its significance is much much much greater because they pursued social media to the exclusion of other opportunities right so in economics that's called opportunity cost it's not just that they do YouTube it's that they chose to do YouTube instead of going to university alright now this is something I'm not comfortable generalizing about the majority of people or 90% or even 10% of people okay I think I'm unusual dis way and my girlfriend Melissa is unusual this way I would completely be willing to date someone who dropped out of high school or who never completed university completely I would be completely willing to be in a relationship and get married to someone who was a career waitress you know where she was a waitress today and look in the future she was gonna continue being way to skate but but you know there's then something to be explained there like I have the strength of character to say to my mother my father's deceased but I'd say to say to my parents right oh look I'm in love with this person this is the person I'm gonna marry and she's a high school dropout and she just works as a waitress but here's why she's a really great person anyway like here's why I love her here's why she has redeeming qualities that are way more important and that may be true like you the point is not that it's impossible to meet someone who's a high school dropout or college or who's a wonderful person that exists the point is there's then a burden on me as the man to explain to my parents and explain to my colleagues and my friends and even to explain to my kids one day if we have kids together why did you choose this person who had these obvious disadvantages ooh who made these bad choices in life who ended up dropping in high school dropping into college or just being a waitress so now hypothetically it's easy for me to imagine redeeming qualities for why I would choose someone who didn't have those kinds of formal attainments or a positive career it's easy for me to make a list of all the wonderful things that could be true of someone in the abstract that would compensate for that but the point is to recognize I have the strength I have the detachment I have the character to stand up for my woman when there's something there other people are gonna raise an eyebrow ad or sneer at or just regard as low status socially and what most men want in Western culture is to not have to make those excuses most men don't want to have to explain to other people why they married a college dropout or a gym fitness instructor or a stripper or a waitress most men again I think they may not be conscious of this they may not be aware of this but one of the reasons they would want to marry a lawyer a woman who's become a lawyer is just so that they never have to have that conversation just so they're in a position where their status and their own family is unchallenged that their parents regard this as a good match a good choice look hmm my ex-wife had a PhD from Cambridge University that sounds respectable and I've been in situations where you can see how differently everyone behaves if I describe her that with like she's not there I'm talking to people oh yeah I met you know I got married to a woman from you know with the PhD from came to university oh and they oh okay now that's a completely different reaction from same people people who are just getting to know me more or less complete strangers you know I did this I've been in situations like oh yeah yeah my wife she's a woman who used to sing jazz in Beijing and you know I met her in Yunnan and she's you know she's a French woman who was singing jazz and Beijing at the time when I met her like I could mention other things about her life and what she was doing you know yeah she studies Chinese is like put together where you you leave that out and feel like the reaction you get and the the onus that's on you the question of justifying your relationship your choice your love and then again what that says about you what does it say about you if you're the guy who settled for a college dropout who teaches fitness classes at the gym right and sorry that is Nina and Amanda's situation I would say in the city of Los Angeles being a college dropout fitness instructor the gym is regarded as very low status and then if what you're doing on YouTube is of such incredibly low intellectual caliber that you're not developing yourself as a person your remaining unbelievably childish you know they do these childish terrible terrible comedy sketches terrible songs and so on there look regardless of whether or not they're in neatly childish people they're always broadcasting their childishness they're acting of their challenges it's obvious they're not new ashamed of their illness and they're not working to improve themselves in any way I said this the other day in a totally different context Melissa and I were talking to my mom and I said to my mom deadpan serious look I think that making YouTube videos can be much more educational than going to university there's no comparison right if you want to you can challenge yourself to read a new book every week and come on here and do an analysis of the book and engage in a conversation with another YouTube we're about the book you go this is not even talking about the role of the audience if you're making YouTube videos and nobody is watching you can take this platform as an opportunity to give yourself an unbelievably rigorous education you can work through a list list of books you can challenge your own ignorance you can grow tremendously as a person and then viewers if you have any they're gonna see that development now again a really boring youtuber like Lindy boats I'm sure if you look at her channel you see something like that you see earlier in her channel she was studying Korean and now she's studying Japanese and French and she went she has some kind of job as a computer programmer you get to see the things in her life as she develops and I assume in the next five years you're gonna see where where her life goes to you're not gonna see someone locked in this kind of Perpetual self-indulgent petulant childhood you're gonna see someone where again you wouldn't be ashamed to introduce them to your parents you wouldn't be ashamed to induce them to you're your circle of friends or say yeah this is the woman I chose this is the person I chose to marry okay so yeah there is nothing shameful about YouTube in the same sense that there's nothing shameful about a mirror but YouTube no doubt I'm much more profoundly than any mirror it provides us with an opportunity to reflect on what our lives are what they were what we're aspiring to become and then what we actually become alright hey I get to come here on YouTube and some of this happens accidentally like YouTube recommends my own videos to me I can click on a video I made 5 years ago I can click on a video I made when I was studying Japanese not Chinese right I can click on a video I made the talks about my life in Cambodia when I was doing humanitarian work I can click on a video that comes from this short span of time when I was enrolled in a college learning how to bake bread a technical college for baking and cuisine I can see these moments in my life and moments my relationship with my girlfriend Melissa even moments my relationship with my mom moments of elation with my daughter and I can see the trajectory I was on and I could see the aspiration and we were only talking about the last 5 or 6 years of my life now right I wasn't on YouTube 10 years ago right so yeah it's very easy to blame the mirror when really what you need to do is blame examine your own intentions look at what it is that's being reflected there because YouTube gives us all a kind of awesome power like never before to ask the question what have I become people like to disrespect my truth but the fact is that you know my name is I don't know