Our Age-Gap Relationship: ♀26 ♂40 (14 year age gap)
21 December 2018 [link youtube]
*CRINGE.* About our smoldering sexual-and-intellectual relationship that 80% of the current audience seems to hate on.
Youtube Automatic Transcription
doing my show on YouTube has changed my
life immensely over the last 10 years it cost me my marriage cost me most of my family sent me spiraling into a really cringey midlife crisis I had a couple videos that were seen over a million times and pretty much every video I put out was seen at least a couple hundred thousand times honestly was beyond my wildest dream suddenly out of nowhere I went from being a nobody in the backwoods of Mississippi to having celebrities message me and privately asked me to come hang out with them I'm not gonna name drop or anything because these people didn't want to be publicly associated with me and I never did actually go hang out with any of them but I had several very well-known people messaged me and tell me they were fans and then I started getting messages from women like literally some of the most beautiful women I'd ever laid eyes on began messaging me and flirting with me cute local soccer moms were messaging me asking me to have a ferris with them I've been faithful to my wife for 16 years I think up to that point had only been with like four women in my life I never really felt handsome were desirable and then suddenly when I'm pushing 40 all these young women start messaging me and showing interest and it basically triggered a full-on midlife crisis my girlfriend and I have a 14 year age gap this is correct we met something like that and I'm now 40 and you know my approach to making videos in the Internet has been relentlessly keeping it real and there's an argument that that should stop it's a really solid argument one of my reasons for doing that is I have a five year old daughter my former marriage and when I came on YouTube I kind of had two big objectives one was to make friends and colleagues that's one objective some people gonna be a friends some people are just gonna be your colleagues and the other was to leave a kind of time capsule here on YouTube so that my daughter in the future could see what kind of person I really am really was and you know in talking about the age gap in talking about our relationship period it's obvious that's of our audience I don't even know if they are my audience but some people came over the channel they are really uncomfortable with us admitting and talking about in an honest and down-to-earth way the intellectual inequality between us yeah so I got one email this morning from a woman or someone who identifies as a woman ostensibly from a woman horrified that I would say or even imply that there's any inequality between us so that the first thing I want to say in this video is if you have two people of equal intelligence and a 14-year age gap the older person is going to be vastly vastly superior to the younger person yeah for us to be at an equal level of knowledge and ability acumen as I like to say mentally at this age gap I would have to be vastly mentally inferior you know and if I was just catching up to you we were at the same level and and who wants that I mean regardless of which way the genders go like if you're a man dating an older woman do you want someone who is not wiser than you if I were dating a woman 14 years older than me would I want someone who is not more accomplished more intelligent you can be in this role of teaching me things I mean maybe yeah people see as unhealthy or something but I mean I really appreciate it I think I've grown so much as a person since I started seeing you and made so much progress as a person that I wouldn't have made with somebody my own age or somebody who was you know my first relationship was with someone who was four years older than me so you would think that that age cap would allow me to have become more mentally mature but he was very he was very intellectually lazy I mean he really yeah you right so you are yeah yeah you are the complete absence of intellectual motivation you know you're really intellectually motivated and you inspire me to be intellectually motivated and to try to make myself a better person right is it let me just ask is it oppressive to be in a relationship of unequals what is inequality ineluctably oppressive cuz again it's not that hard to do the thought experiment okay so I study Chinese I'm trying to learn Chinese or improve my Chinese put it that way if I were dating a woman 14 years older than me who was a scholar of Chinese way more advanced than I am you know is that oppressive is that like I think you have to be in a place of profound insecurity yourself to start off from the assumption like no no no we have to be equals or else somehow I'm harming you just by just by interacting with you just by loving you we're just five by being a relationship you know yeah why not why not start off from when I proceed from facing up to you in an honest and open way yeah we all you know cope with dynamic inequalities oh yeah and I knew before I met you what kind of person you were I know you didn't know as well as I did you know you didn't know me as well as I knew you just from right two videos but you know I knew what kind of person you were I knew the intellectual caliber and I knew that you would challenge me right but I still felt really confident that we would be a good match and I really was the one that yes right she wasn't she was the one confident in the viability doorway saying like you know you might over here to China and decide that we're not right for each other like this moment flop this I talked through all the exit strategies she might need like look if you want to stay in a hotel after you get here if you want to call it off yeah I mean I remember you saying you might see that I'm an old man and you might not be right I wrote to you and said I have nose hairs I have your hairs like you can't see it on camera but like there were signs of aging you're gonna see close-up you know I am very attracted to you and I it was from the very first time that I saw a video of you and especially like you know I was so confident that I would be a trip if you charted you actually in person and well you know the first time I met you at the airport you know intense connection from the very start you were you were swept off your feet literally literally the first word she said to me before that you just made a little kind of squealing noise you were so delighted to be a part yeah yeah yeah I mean I knew what kind of person I was getting involved with but you you didn't so much will you give me a chance you know you've seen me go from somebody that has caused you like you know you don't know both both sides but if you knew my side you would really not be honest with me there's been a lot of sorrow and a lot of agony yeah cause to me by Melissa I think for a while I was like I was in an insecurity of mine was that I was younger because I was like yes oh you you would probably be better matched with somebody who has had more experience right somebody who has more educationally somebody an MA or PhD right so my ex-wife had a PhD for example just yeah math I obviously her insecurity wasn't that I would get back together with Mac's wife but somebody like that somebody at the same age education you know I think there's also an argument that if you had gotten with somebody who was closer to your age there wouldn't be so much having to deal with someone who's like emotionally and mentally just more mature than you right like you've done so well like you've been so kind and loving to me despite you may not see this on camera no I mean I think it's true I just think it's not some of the audience is gonna see or or understand yeah but like to give I think a harmless example well close when we first got together within the first couple of months you once really threw a tantrum over the the dryer the clothes you know the clothes wash and the clothes dryer that the dryer had damaged but you had the same teacher for seven years or so no yeah I meant many many years she'd had this t-shirt been in and out of the washer and the dryer the stitching was starting to come up but she she only had like a childish kind of tantrum and meltdown you know and my job was to stand there with kind of detachment mm-hmm you know compassion and say well you know you know Melissa if you wash a t-shirt again and again for seven years like this is the kind of thing that happens in life you know see what you have works yeah maybe she was furious she was livid she was freaking out over this t-shirt and you know I I have a lot of experience managing you know women going crazy no I want to say to you that we mentioned being attracted to me um I don't think it has to do with I mean there's a perception or an assumption that some women specifically pursue or fantasize about older men I mean I think it really is about by being your type and I've said this in a million YouTube videos I think like two percent of women are attracted to me and you happen to be in two percent you know what I don't think I'm attracted to all women or even a majority of women or even it's a very small minority of women but I mean if you had met me if somehow in another universe with your title she met me when I was 10 years younger than I am now you still would have been attracted to me yeah it's not because I'm an older man and vice versa yeah I just say I think what's not that I'm a match with you because you were younger than me I'm just saying I think the age is in that sense incidental to the factors that'll make you attractive yeah I remember you saying if we had been together when I was your age yes yes the same age you would have been weren't less equipped to handle sure my [ __ ] like you were just well no but even that example with the t-shirt where she was free him nobody even though he's empty you there would have been situations if you had known me when I was 23 where you were screaming at me and where I would have screamed back at you you don't where I would have were you got angry at me and I would have gotten angry back and with that example the t-shirt like she would she was furious that it's not wasn't my fault but you know I remained calm and cool and detached and laughter but tried to kind of philosophically coach you about guess what all all is impermanent no t-shirts are not made of soap and steel but yeah I mean that's that's a big difference sure is that I wasn't I wasn't escalating the situation I was de-escalating and that's how it's been like all the conflicts in the room like it was the one escalating it and like I don't know if it was like just how I operated with my other relationships and not even like sexual relationships but yeah what's my last what's my prior relationship yeah I think it was like we were both passionate people unlike if I got upset like he would get upset too and we would have a fight and like you know that's what I took as normal or like with my brothers when I was a kid when I was mad like they would be mad too and we literally like fight each other you know like this was like the kind of interaction that I had had with people when I had fought with them like we both would escalate the situation and then it would come to this everyone's screaming and then it's over or what don't like you you have a really good approach to dealing with conflict and you know there have been times I'm like no I want you to actually like be mad at me like say like if you if you were younger like you would like scream at me or whatever but right because you know sometimes I'm just like oh you're so like cool and collected and I'm not you know yeah well you suck you sometimes have envy for being 40 years old that way and as you envy the qualities that come with age and experience and again I've been married and I've been divorced I've been through I just have a lot more relationship management experience but you know apart from the other qualities of Asian intelligence you know I want to flip around the comment about equality and inequality I know two examples that are both here on YouTube you know a Nisshin right so we know about this this was a couple of years ago he started a relationship with an 18 year old girl and he was over 30 at the time right uh how stupid how mentally disabled would you have to be to have that kind of age gap let's say it's a 14 year age gap whatever it really is and for the man to really be at the same level as and relate to an 18 year old girl like you know the girl would have to be like a super genius a super intellectual eighteen year old and the man would have to be really intellectually stunted for them to relate to each other as as equals with with this kind of age gap so you know now the only person I know who said to me openly that that was what he was looking for and one other youtuber were kind of hinted at it implicitly was actually vegan cheetah Charles Marlow he said soso cheetah his YouTube channel days little cheetah he spent so many years as a drug addict and in and out of prison that I can remember him saying to me and he used to say this publicly on YouTube it may still be up he said you know he's so immature and he's so out of touch he's so far behind people his age that he really felt he needed to date much younger women so he was on the same level with them right yeah and you know I mean he was being honest that he he I remember he said to me the only time he ever read a book was when he was in prison when he was in prison he would read books but he was aware of his level of ignorance and poor education and poor intellectual development and poor self this one cuz he'd been a he'd been a drug addict and there's one other youtuber I remember talking about that where he said he felt like he felt so far behind in his seven years of drug addiction that you know being let his mental maturity was way behind as his age so I mean there are factors like that where the age gap is one party or the other compensating for something they don't have for a gap in their in their lives right but for me personally I feel like it's the opposite I don't need the woman to provide those things like I don't need a woman to bring into this relationship the things I can do for myself to give an example I don't need a woman to be my Chinese teacher okay the easiest thing yeah yeah the kettle is on you know I don't need a woman to be my Chinese teacher I don't need a woman to be my history or politics teacher or anything like that and I you know I can appreciate I can imagine a guy who did need that or did want that but for me at this stage in my life I'm really self-sufficient that way I can do my own research I can provide my own intellectual stimulus and direction and what-have-you I you know I can do I can teach myself languages I don't need a language teacher yeah so I'm not looking for you to provide any of that in the relationship which it's true yeah an older woman could provide like what you always say that you know all relationships are yes it's right yeah it really is the case that you are the one who's me with Chinese you you taught me so much and I mean I don't know why people see that as a negative thing like I've learned so much more about history and politics because of what you know and that's what I loved about it when I was first seeing your channel I mean yeah of course I thought you were attractive but like you know I was in a relationship at the time when I first saw your channel so I kept that under wraps like I was you were so much it's true I did think because you were older and because you channel that there was no actually relationship with you but so yeah to airplane tickets later that's all it took you know I I loved your channel like I watched every video with rapt attention like that like you know from you I wanted to become a better person from what I mean really I mean you encourage people who listen to your channel to be better people to make the world a better place and I appreciate being with somebody that can challenge me in that way well I'm think thank you for saying that level I mean thank you for Sammy I don't know I mean I think probably the audience is just going to be more dug in and more judgmental and more opposed to this relationship I mean you know I said I deleted a lot of really vicious comments yesterday that were basically taking that that approach but why is it such a bad thing for someone to want to be a better person person that you saw this comment said their relationship is more like a teacher and student is that such a terrible thing I mean yeah right right they saw pause but when a Miss yeah when initia knows in a romance with that 18 year old so in this young was in a romance with an 18 year old makeup artist right yeah and they played video games together as equals they were like equally childish so I know you perceive this some people in the audience like it's a really bad thing that we do relate to some extent as teacher and pupil right but what if we didn't like what would that say about me what if I had nothing to teach you with a 14 year age yeah what if I was like an isiand I was someone so immature and so uncultivated was so little to offer that all we can do is sit on the carpet and play and play video games as if we're a couple of teenagers okay and having knocked over the mic I'm gonna wrap it up [Music]
life immensely over the last 10 years it cost me my marriage cost me most of my family sent me spiraling into a really cringey midlife crisis I had a couple videos that were seen over a million times and pretty much every video I put out was seen at least a couple hundred thousand times honestly was beyond my wildest dream suddenly out of nowhere I went from being a nobody in the backwoods of Mississippi to having celebrities message me and privately asked me to come hang out with them I'm not gonna name drop or anything because these people didn't want to be publicly associated with me and I never did actually go hang out with any of them but I had several very well-known people messaged me and tell me they were fans and then I started getting messages from women like literally some of the most beautiful women I'd ever laid eyes on began messaging me and flirting with me cute local soccer moms were messaging me asking me to have a ferris with them I've been faithful to my wife for 16 years I think up to that point had only been with like four women in my life I never really felt handsome were desirable and then suddenly when I'm pushing 40 all these young women start messaging me and showing interest and it basically triggered a full-on midlife crisis my girlfriend and I have a 14 year age gap this is correct we met something like that and I'm now 40 and you know my approach to making videos in the Internet has been relentlessly keeping it real and there's an argument that that should stop it's a really solid argument one of my reasons for doing that is I have a five year old daughter my former marriage and when I came on YouTube I kind of had two big objectives one was to make friends and colleagues that's one objective some people gonna be a friends some people are just gonna be your colleagues and the other was to leave a kind of time capsule here on YouTube so that my daughter in the future could see what kind of person I really am really was and you know in talking about the age gap in talking about our relationship period it's obvious that's of our audience I don't even know if they are my audience but some people came over the channel they are really uncomfortable with us admitting and talking about in an honest and down-to-earth way the intellectual inequality between us yeah so I got one email this morning from a woman or someone who identifies as a woman ostensibly from a woman horrified that I would say or even imply that there's any inequality between us so that the first thing I want to say in this video is if you have two people of equal intelligence and a 14-year age gap the older person is going to be vastly vastly superior to the younger person yeah for us to be at an equal level of knowledge and ability acumen as I like to say mentally at this age gap I would have to be vastly mentally inferior you know and if I was just catching up to you we were at the same level and and who wants that I mean regardless of which way the genders go like if you're a man dating an older woman do you want someone who is not wiser than you if I were dating a woman 14 years older than me would I want someone who is not more accomplished more intelligent you can be in this role of teaching me things I mean maybe yeah people see as unhealthy or something but I mean I really appreciate it I think I've grown so much as a person since I started seeing you and made so much progress as a person that I wouldn't have made with somebody my own age or somebody who was you know my first relationship was with someone who was four years older than me so you would think that that age cap would allow me to have become more mentally mature but he was very he was very intellectually lazy I mean he really yeah you right so you are yeah yeah you are the complete absence of intellectual motivation you know you're really intellectually motivated and you inspire me to be intellectually motivated and to try to make myself a better person right is it let me just ask is it oppressive to be in a relationship of unequals what is inequality ineluctably oppressive cuz again it's not that hard to do the thought experiment okay so I study Chinese I'm trying to learn Chinese or improve my Chinese put it that way if I were dating a woman 14 years older than me who was a scholar of Chinese way more advanced than I am you know is that oppressive is that like I think you have to be in a place of profound insecurity yourself to start off from the assumption like no no no we have to be equals or else somehow I'm harming you just by just by interacting with you just by loving you we're just five by being a relationship you know yeah why not why not start off from when I proceed from facing up to you in an honest and open way yeah we all you know cope with dynamic inequalities oh yeah and I knew before I met you what kind of person you were I know you didn't know as well as I did you know you didn't know me as well as I knew you just from right two videos but you know I knew what kind of person you were I knew the intellectual caliber and I knew that you would challenge me right but I still felt really confident that we would be a good match and I really was the one that yes right she wasn't she was the one confident in the viability doorway saying like you know you might over here to China and decide that we're not right for each other like this moment flop this I talked through all the exit strategies she might need like look if you want to stay in a hotel after you get here if you want to call it off yeah I mean I remember you saying you might see that I'm an old man and you might not be right I wrote to you and said I have nose hairs I have your hairs like you can't see it on camera but like there were signs of aging you're gonna see close-up you know I am very attracted to you and I it was from the very first time that I saw a video of you and especially like you know I was so confident that I would be a trip if you charted you actually in person and well you know the first time I met you at the airport you know intense connection from the very start you were you were swept off your feet literally literally the first word she said to me before that you just made a little kind of squealing noise you were so delighted to be a part yeah yeah yeah I mean I knew what kind of person I was getting involved with but you you didn't so much will you give me a chance you know you've seen me go from somebody that has caused you like you know you don't know both both sides but if you knew my side you would really not be honest with me there's been a lot of sorrow and a lot of agony yeah cause to me by Melissa I think for a while I was like I was in an insecurity of mine was that I was younger because I was like yes oh you you would probably be better matched with somebody who has had more experience right somebody who has more educationally somebody an MA or PhD right so my ex-wife had a PhD for example just yeah math I obviously her insecurity wasn't that I would get back together with Mac's wife but somebody like that somebody at the same age education you know I think there's also an argument that if you had gotten with somebody who was closer to your age there wouldn't be so much having to deal with someone who's like emotionally and mentally just more mature than you right like you've done so well like you've been so kind and loving to me despite you may not see this on camera no I mean I think it's true I just think it's not some of the audience is gonna see or or understand yeah but like to give I think a harmless example well close when we first got together within the first couple of months you once really threw a tantrum over the the dryer the clothes you know the clothes wash and the clothes dryer that the dryer had damaged but you had the same teacher for seven years or so no yeah I meant many many years she'd had this t-shirt been in and out of the washer and the dryer the stitching was starting to come up but she she only had like a childish kind of tantrum and meltdown you know and my job was to stand there with kind of detachment mm-hmm you know compassion and say well you know you know Melissa if you wash a t-shirt again and again for seven years like this is the kind of thing that happens in life you know see what you have works yeah maybe she was furious she was livid she was freaking out over this t-shirt and you know I I have a lot of experience managing you know women going crazy no I want to say to you that we mentioned being attracted to me um I don't think it has to do with I mean there's a perception or an assumption that some women specifically pursue or fantasize about older men I mean I think it really is about by being your type and I've said this in a million YouTube videos I think like two percent of women are attracted to me and you happen to be in two percent you know what I don't think I'm attracted to all women or even a majority of women or even it's a very small minority of women but I mean if you had met me if somehow in another universe with your title she met me when I was 10 years younger than I am now you still would have been attracted to me yeah it's not because I'm an older man and vice versa yeah I just say I think what's not that I'm a match with you because you were younger than me I'm just saying I think the age is in that sense incidental to the factors that'll make you attractive yeah I remember you saying if we had been together when I was your age yes yes the same age you would have been weren't less equipped to handle sure my [ __ ] like you were just well no but even that example with the t-shirt where she was free him nobody even though he's empty you there would have been situations if you had known me when I was 23 where you were screaming at me and where I would have screamed back at you you don't where I would have were you got angry at me and I would have gotten angry back and with that example the t-shirt like she would she was furious that it's not wasn't my fault but you know I remained calm and cool and detached and laughter but tried to kind of philosophically coach you about guess what all all is impermanent no t-shirts are not made of soap and steel but yeah I mean that's that's a big difference sure is that I wasn't I wasn't escalating the situation I was de-escalating and that's how it's been like all the conflicts in the room like it was the one escalating it and like I don't know if it was like just how I operated with my other relationships and not even like sexual relationships but yeah what's my last what's my prior relationship yeah I think it was like we were both passionate people unlike if I got upset like he would get upset too and we would have a fight and like you know that's what I took as normal or like with my brothers when I was a kid when I was mad like they would be mad too and we literally like fight each other you know like this was like the kind of interaction that I had had with people when I had fought with them like we both would escalate the situation and then it would come to this everyone's screaming and then it's over or what don't like you you have a really good approach to dealing with conflict and you know there have been times I'm like no I want you to actually like be mad at me like say like if you if you were younger like you would like scream at me or whatever but right because you know sometimes I'm just like oh you're so like cool and collected and I'm not you know yeah well you suck you sometimes have envy for being 40 years old that way and as you envy the qualities that come with age and experience and again I've been married and I've been divorced I've been through I just have a lot more relationship management experience but you know apart from the other qualities of Asian intelligence you know I want to flip around the comment about equality and inequality I know two examples that are both here on YouTube you know a Nisshin right so we know about this this was a couple of years ago he started a relationship with an 18 year old girl and he was over 30 at the time right uh how stupid how mentally disabled would you have to be to have that kind of age gap let's say it's a 14 year age gap whatever it really is and for the man to really be at the same level as and relate to an 18 year old girl like you know the girl would have to be like a super genius a super intellectual eighteen year old and the man would have to be really intellectually stunted for them to relate to each other as as equals with with this kind of age gap so you know now the only person I know who said to me openly that that was what he was looking for and one other youtuber were kind of hinted at it implicitly was actually vegan cheetah Charles Marlow he said soso cheetah his YouTube channel days little cheetah he spent so many years as a drug addict and in and out of prison that I can remember him saying to me and he used to say this publicly on YouTube it may still be up he said you know he's so immature and he's so out of touch he's so far behind people his age that he really felt he needed to date much younger women so he was on the same level with them right yeah and you know I mean he was being honest that he he I remember he said to me the only time he ever read a book was when he was in prison when he was in prison he would read books but he was aware of his level of ignorance and poor education and poor intellectual development and poor self this one cuz he'd been a he'd been a drug addict and there's one other youtuber I remember talking about that where he said he felt like he felt so far behind in his seven years of drug addiction that you know being let his mental maturity was way behind as his age so I mean there are factors like that where the age gap is one party or the other compensating for something they don't have for a gap in their in their lives right but for me personally I feel like it's the opposite I don't need the woman to provide those things like I don't need a woman to bring into this relationship the things I can do for myself to give an example I don't need a woman to be my Chinese teacher okay the easiest thing yeah yeah the kettle is on you know I don't need a woman to be my Chinese teacher I don't need a woman to be my history or politics teacher or anything like that and I you know I can appreciate I can imagine a guy who did need that or did want that but for me at this stage in my life I'm really self-sufficient that way I can do my own research I can provide my own intellectual stimulus and direction and what-have-you I you know I can do I can teach myself languages I don't need a language teacher yeah so I'm not looking for you to provide any of that in the relationship which it's true yeah an older woman could provide like what you always say that you know all relationships are yes it's right yeah it really is the case that you are the one who's me with Chinese you you taught me so much and I mean I don't know why people see that as a negative thing like I've learned so much more about history and politics because of what you know and that's what I loved about it when I was first seeing your channel I mean yeah of course I thought you were attractive but like you know I was in a relationship at the time when I first saw your channel so I kept that under wraps like I was you were so much it's true I did think because you were older and because you channel that there was no actually relationship with you but so yeah to airplane tickets later that's all it took you know I I loved your channel like I watched every video with rapt attention like that like you know from you I wanted to become a better person from what I mean really I mean you encourage people who listen to your channel to be better people to make the world a better place and I appreciate being with somebody that can challenge me in that way well I'm think thank you for saying that level I mean thank you for Sammy I don't know I mean I think probably the audience is just going to be more dug in and more judgmental and more opposed to this relationship I mean you know I said I deleted a lot of really vicious comments yesterday that were basically taking that that approach but why is it such a bad thing for someone to want to be a better person person that you saw this comment said their relationship is more like a teacher and student is that such a terrible thing I mean yeah right right they saw pause but when a Miss yeah when initia knows in a romance with that 18 year old so in this young was in a romance with an 18 year old makeup artist right yeah and they played video games together as equals they were like equally childish so I know you perceive this some people in the audience like it's a really bad thing that we do relate to some extent as teacher and pupil right but what if we didn't like what would that say about me what if I had nothing to teach you with a 14 year age yeah what if I was like an isiand I was someone so immature and so uncultivated was so little to offer that all we can do is sit on the carpet and play and play video games as if we're a couple of teenagers okay and having knocked over the mic I'm gonna wrap it up [Music]