A Little Bit Of Reckless Joy. (Laos, dealing with death-threats, etc.)

hey guys just just live streaming and
talking about the meaning of life a little bit here and you know in the past I talked about the fact that at one stage the Government of Laos people in the government allows threaten to kill me and kick me out of the country it's not the whole government there were some government officials who really liked me really appreciate what i was doing over there in terms of research and humanitarian work and everything else and some not so much so some threatened to kill me and i got exiled from the country and i was told you know if i came back i might be in danger of being you know tortured to death i'll always remember and one of the threats was that you know after they killed me my parents would never be able to find my body it's like oh god here you're not just threatening to kill me you're you're threatening to deprive me of the opportunity to have a Jewish funeral I laughed at the time too I'm not just lab babies laughs after the fact i laughed in the face of the people threatening to kill me torture me and dispose of my boss that's the worker my parents a funeral I was laughing all the way through and i'm still laughing now and i remember my boss at at the time when he was talking about he was talking me about fleeing the country he said well you're laughing now because i was laughing so much talking about he was you know we're talking about me having to escape or whatever yeah and he said well you're laughing now but you know you you know you won't be laughing later you'll be crying later I said you'll know that's where you're wrong this will always be hilarious to me I gotta laugh or the rest of my life about this ridiculous situation and these death threats or whatever it's never gonna stop being funny that's where you're wrong hey I win it's true it's still funny it's still hilarious this whole desert even when I talked about it before you know I only really talked about what happened up to that point only talking what happened up to the moment when the threats were made and what you I didn't talk about all the steps and stages afterwards of which there there are many and I was just reflecting now there's one rap song I probably missions for this one rap song I think it's by uncle murda i might be getting the rap artist wrong but there's one raps on that just has this line in passing now you know what it's a mob deep song it's actually a mob ding song and now remember where the rapper just says my life is so [ __ ] up and I love it it got me to where I'm at son it's a mobb deep line and I know the album it's on I could find I could find the track and you know it's funny when I heard that lyric I thought you know that's a sentiment I just never heard in any song before and I've never read in literature and I'm never read informal philosophy it's so simple but I mean there are times in your life where things are so [ __ ] up but you love it and I you know for me and obviously this is not implicit in the in the rat lyric but it's like this challenge is so over the top this is so impossible is so [ __ ] up but I'm stronger than that you know you guys you guys think you're [ __ ] with me you know what but if you throw me in prison I'm smiling all the way to the [ __ ] jail cell you know you can put me in jail you know but uh uh you can't make me feel guilty yeah I know I'm innocent you can put me in jail for years i'm gonna come out speak in three languages i'm going to come up in the scholar of a lotion and long whatever the language they speak in that prison man I don't you know hey you want to kill me great you know you can kill me but you can't deprive me of my dignity I felt that way at that moment I thought that way when the threats are being made after that felt that way when I was dealing with the with the the aftermath afterwards and you know bringing it back to durianrider you know I remember there was one day I was waiting just to get some of my my belongings like some backpack type stuff back from others waiting on the lab order and there's one day was waiting we're supposed to give them back and then I got an email at the last minute I ok we can't do it today we can't send your stuff and I remember I went and I rode my bike up that's really really hard Melton I just looked at my watch and said okay [ __ ] it I don't want to waste this whole day and I did this probably the single hardest bike trip I ever made in my life she because of the extreme incline that was a real mountain it was not a hill like these wimps and Chiang Mai going up the hill calling them that was a true Milton I've matured in some ways you anyway you don't want another one of my catchphrases is that I'm not a nice guy so when I was hanging with Jake Eames this is a story I've never told the internet before this is part of the part of the dairy mart saying you guys know the during rider didn't just defame me he didn't just threaten he had the specific threat that he had a gang of thugs in the street that we're gonna find me and beat me up and take me to the police station and all this [ __ ] and I did deal with this one guy you know who tried to start a fistfight with me it's my interpretation because I talked to him repeatedly it doesn't like four times in total right and you know he was big enough well you would have been you know fair fight i think he was out of the same height as me or just slightly taller maybe along maybe but you know big dude and way younger than me so I know it's a 21 or something prime of his life and like all these guys like all the true believers in durham writers philosophy when I looked at him on the internet you know since he converted to durian riders frosty he gained weight [ __ ] he got on that high carb diet even he'd booked up he'd gained a lot of fat actually since converting district 1 through faith man wait wait so that guy you know there were some there was some possibility of a real known and you know I remember I was walking with and you know this is just another one of situations with Lee and my life is so [ __ ] up but I love it you know you can kill me but you can't take my dignity from you can beat me up you can take me to the police station I know I'm innocent you can defame me on the Internet I know I've got to treat them us it's fine but you know what was going around back then with this satchel with this not a satchel actually more like a gym bag more like a hockey bag or something and the main thing you saw I would have it on my side main thing you saw was this bright colorful umbrella you know it's longer than the bags that's sticking out and that's to distract you umbrella can also be useful for reigns of course and but what was under the umbrella and that I had one hand on most of the time was baseball bat ready to go and that particular [ __ ] the guy who who tried to start at this site with me the guy who threatened me repeatedly in itself at me and stuff um he didn't know it the whole time he was starting [ __ ] with me I literally had one hand on a baseball bat ready to go and you know the choice would have been if you'd square it off me want to have a fair fight I could have had a fair fight you know I didn't have to pull out the baseball bat because it just go on hand to hand um but of course if it's three guys we're going to jump me if it's five guys or whatever then that's going to come out it's he's gonna pull a knife on me whatever I bats going to come out and you know I was at a Buddhist monastery we were just talking about what is philosophy a little bit I took Jay Kings around chiang mai showed him some of the museum's from the historical monument you know i know all this stuff about the history and language isn't Paul you know them we're actually exiting one of the historical Buddhist monasteries is a ruin it's like an archaeological ruin it's not like not so much like a modern motion monster we're on the way out and you know I guess I moved my shoulder one way or something and the baseball bat fell on the ground yeah I fell out the back it was the only time that happened I hadn't mentioned him I didn't I didn't tell anybody no secret he was shocked yeah you would shock you look at you like you're rolling with a weapon what what do you good oh yeah I picked it up off the ground you know put away I said no I told you I'm not a nice guy don't start nothin won't be nothin but yeah you can go through sometimes your life like that where the conflict you're facing what you're dealing with it only boys you up it only makes you feel better it only makes you feel more aware of your own strength of your own obduracy and those are those times when that lyric comes to my head my life is so [ __ ] up but I love it