My Girlfriend Dumped Me BECAUSE OF YOU!

this one simply says run melissa run
lakisha aisha weighs in his relationship is so inappropriate with melissa he needs to get help he is really disgusting renee marie fall another stranger on the internet says well this is excellent just let this guy talk because this evidence is priceless melissa has a manipulated hostage imo really glad she put that imo at the end you know in my opinion that that makes it okay totally okay to call me a manipulated hostage charlie jaws says you're miserable because you're with some 40 year old bald guy that has mental issues get yourself a young boyfriend who can drill you hard enough then you'll be happy really really great response charlie really thank you that's going to help me so much you know as if there isn't any value in me trying to work on my relationship with isil as if i didn't make huge sacrifices to start this relationship as if this isn't my whole life as if things will be solved if i just leave this guy and find some random young boyfriend to drill me hard enough then i'll be up yeah does that sound really smart did you think at all before writing this and if you think that the relationship issues have anything to do with me not getting drilled hard enough think again i have way more orgasms in my relationship with isil than i did with my ex and we have a great sex life what can i say past time says i'm very worried for melissa but if you were worried you'd go to melissa's own channel and hear her talking about her own life in our own terms and then you know what our real struggles are you know what the real problems are instead of going to a gossip channel to a channel that is making things up out of thin air that you would see are flagrantly contradicted if you just had the fundamental human decency or human curiosity to hear melissa's own side of the story if you have used the internet in the past five years i think it is impossible that you have managed to escape this phrase social media isn't real many people online say that instagram is fake what people upload to the internet is curated they get to control their image don't compare yourself to what you see on people's instagrams what you see on their youtube channel because in a sense you can never really know what somebody is going through in their lives people choose to upload what they put on the internet and they can decide they can self-censor they can decide what they want to put on the internet in this way it's not real we don't get a sense of somebody's whole lived experience doubtless there is some truth to this i have to realize that even when i try my best to portray my life on the internet when i try to share with people my lived experience and also try to share with them what i've read history politics that there is some element that they can't really know everything about my life they can't know everything about history and politics that all i can share is just one bit right you can't get the whole comprehensive look into somebody's life just by watching one youtube video but you can gather a lot and some people they're coming on the internet and they're talking about their real lives i have come on the internet and talked about my real life and i've seen that it's risky because i have decided to share things to the internet things that are meaningful to me talking about veganism talking about my relationship with my boyfriend talking about politics talking about history talking about any kind of issue if you get on the internet you are likely to get some kind of hate and response and this is a factor of life that we all have to get used to in the 21st century if you want to be a person on the internet you are going to get some kind of response from people that are crazy that are stupid and you have to deal with that and not let it get to you and if i see that people have commented on the videos that i've recorded with my boyfriend in the past talking about our relationship why would i respond at all you know why would i dignify these responses with a video talking about it somebody named rtm9 writes wow i had to unsubscribe from him because of the way i saw him treat his current partner melissa she looks so controlled and brainwashed and like she's stepping on eggshells it's so sad to hear him say to her you're not that beautiful you're not a good musician etc and branding it as being honest and practical and being a realist etc when in fact it's so obvious he is primarily saying these things to hurt her confidence and keep her in feeling like she is dependent on him a partner shouldn't say things in the way that he says things even if they are true and honestly his current girlfriend is actually quite attractive if you actually take the time to listen to isil's videos if you try to understand what he's getting across you wouldn't have this reaction you wouldn't take this shallow point from what has been discussed on his youtube channel like if you read back what you say like you're saying that a partner should lie to their partner a partner shouldn't say these things even if they are true so the fact that i haven't played music in 10 years that i'm not a practicing musician that i really don't have any right to call myself a musician anymore because i don't play music if he said that i'm not a good musician it's true i mean i i haven't been practicing that's not been my goal in life is the role of your partner in life just to flatter you constantly to give you a false impression of your abilities on his channel isil discusses beauty and sexuality and attractiveness in a very nuanced way that has been really helpful for me and it's been really helpful for quite a few people who have watched his youtube videos it is important to be honest and realistic it is important not to lie to yourself about beauty it's important not to lie to yourself about your own abilities i think it's an important issue in many people's lives that they've only received encouragement they've only received positive feedback from other people and it prevents them from growing it prevents them from becoming a better person when they don't have criticism when people are in effect lying to them or flattering them because they want something from them you know like is the idea that because some man wants sex from me that he will give me compliments when he doesn't really mean them like that's not good either that's that's manipulative that's actually manipulating somebody but if you're honest with them if you're trying to help them improve or you know do something with their lives and give them valuable criticism that that means something the people who leave these comments on these gossip videos it spreads these lies it spreads this misinformation about what isil actually says in his videos and if nobody takes the time out of their life to listen to what he says i think they're missing out on pretty valuable insight and philosophizing on these issues that could help people in their lives this was a comment i received prior to turning off comments on my youtube channel from somebody who calls themselves durianrider but clearly is not durianrider himself isil is a narcissist you should steer clear of him get out while you have your mind intact this one is a doozy and it's really doubling down on the narcissism idea and it's getting pretty dark here i've seen a lot of this on the internet that if anybody has a relationship problem the default is to label the man as a narcissist and to tell the woman to get out and get on with their lives you know start with somebody else as though there couldn't be some other explanation as to why the relationship is having issues and there couldn't be some value in trying to work through issues in a relationship to grow as people in relationships no no let's just label somebody a narcissist some vague term to try to describe somebody's behavior okay so this is miss fittes henry's bugsy brown thank you for making this video this situation is extremely sad i've been following it for three years this is somebody's really dedicated somebody's been following our relationship for this long okay there's nothing we can do i write this letter in vain melissa you are better off alone forever improbable worst case scenario than giving some of your best years to this cerebral narcissist oh it's not just a narcissist he's a cerebral narcissist this is some further classification of narcissism right now you're still the best narc supply available to him definitely the primary source will feeling special that way be enough for you over the coming years decades even has it been worth it to this point be honest with yourself you can never get the time back you spent in misery trying to please him one day if all goes well you will wake up to the fact that you wasted some of your best years trying to impress this guy getting embarrassed online by him on his channel for all to witness feeding his ego just to feel special to someone you admire as being intellectually superior etc he may even find better primary narc supply one day and that will hurt more than you can imagine even regardless of being in an open relationship you've already lowered your standards just to keep them in your life it's not worth it you don't have to do this there are better ways to truly grow as a person and feel special and if you really need it there are cerebral narc and other intellectual content ideas discussion critiques etc available on youtube for free without personally putting up with the embarrassment and emotional abuse if you want to read the rest of the comment i have it on screen but i'm not going to read the rest of this comment to my audience it's very insulting to my boyfriend and it's insulting to me too perpetually annoyed responds to this long message by saying i agree i picked up on his narcissism and her codependence right away because i was in a bad marriage just like that i'm sorry about your bad marriage and i'm sorry that what you've seen you've interpreted as being this situation where isil is narcissistic and i'm codependent and agreeing with all the things that she said uh that were insulting about my boyfriend you know uh it's it's very sad to see this these are all just strangers on the internet passing judgment on me and passing judgment on the relationship they don't even put their real names they aren't putting themselves out there they aren't showing who they are they're just talking about us they're just gossiping about us and they're making really in-depth examinations of our relationship it's it's a bizarre thing to behold really it is surreal to behold because i have come on the internet and talked about my relationship with my boyfriend i feel like when i see some of these comments i have some kind of obligation to defend my honor to defend my boyfriend's honor to defend the honor of our relationship the dignity of our relationship before comments were turned off on abalasiel videos i would see the comments i knew what people were saying about our relationship in response to those videos and afterwards other videos have been made talking about abolisielle talking about my boyfriend's youtube channel talking about me talking about me breaking up with my boyfriend and uh encouraging me to break up with my boyfriend like you know what a lot of people don't have that in their lives even people on the internet who are a couple like they don't have this kind of antagonistic response where people are saying you know break up with your boyfriend like leave him he's abusive he's cruel he wants you to be his slave you know any kind of horrible cruel things to say about the nature of our relationship have been said and usually not even by people i know but yes sometimes the deepest connections that i have with other people have been really compromised by what they've said about my relationship with isil and it's really had a negative impact on me it's had a negative impact on isil because i have responded in a way that i was hurt and i started feeling negatively i started internalizing some of these things i decided that it was worth it to come on camera and talk about our relationship to talk about the meaningful things that we have discussed about sexuality about jealousy about open relationships about breaking up and getting back together about mistreating isil you know these things i wanted to talk about because i felt like they were valuable i felt like somebody could learn from my experience and not repeat my mistakes you know that's that's part of why we share regrets in life with with people that we know is so that number one maybe they can learn from our experience and not not do that in their own lives but also number two you know that we show that we've had some self-reflection some analysis and that we can be better people when we realize what we've done wrong we can make amends and improve who we are we can try to be better people any of these people that are commenting in our relationship that are commenting on my psychology that are commenting on isil's psychology that are talking about the psychology of our relationship these are deeply personal things that is beside the point from the actual content what we are actually trying to share with the audience what i was trying to share you know i was i was being very real and very honest uh even to the point that i didn't really have a concept of performing for the audience i wasn't acting i wasn't putting on a show for anybody um that was that was really how i was feeling at that time you know i shared these things on the internet partly because i felt it was worth it this was my life if somebody could watch that and relate or they could say wow i've been there you know or if i'm there i know how not to act i know how not to respond right like taking some lesson from it um that to me that is so valuable that means so much to me even if i can be an example for somebody to learn from i can't even put it into words how much is philosophy on life has shaped who i am today it's made me into a person who is motivated to learn that's motivated to try and educate motivated to make youtube videos motivated to be a positive influence in other people's lives this is what he's inspired me to to be to become and that's a wonderful thing there's nothing undignified about that it's good to have standards for what you expect in a relationship and if people aren't meeting your standards you either break up with them or you give them an ultimatum that you they need to do better and there's nothing wrong with that if somebody is unhappy in a relationship consistently and they say to the person why they're unhappy if the other person says i will do this i understand you're unhappy but i will change and they try to make it work but it doesn't over and over again you know that is why people break up that's partly why relationships fail it happens all the time you know um but i have been particularly very difficult to deal with in this relationship and isil has put a lot of time and effort into improving my life into building me up helping me learn chinese just the fact that i got to live in china i got to live in taiwan thanks to isil you know i got to learn the chinese language i got to learn to be an esl teacher i got to take care of his daughter in france just think alone of my moving to china and moving in with isil he didn't expect me to pay rent i worked as an esl teacher who would do that for you like who would offer their home to you offer to teach you to be an esl teacher offer to help help you learn chinese teach you chinese like that is incredible what isil did for me that wouldn't be possible otherwise i wouldn't have done it otherwise there i wouldn't have had that adventurous period in my life i i didn't have that internally that that motivation to explore and and live somewhere else and and grow as a person i wouldn't have gone to france multiple times and i wouldn't have had the experience of taking care of his daughter which was so meaningful to me we had this wonderful connection that i got to be a step parent to her i got to be a second mother to her not for very long but when i did it meant a lot to me to have that connection with a child you know to have a connection with my boyfriend's child that i could be like a second mother to her as well has brought so much positive into my life and i've changed my life for the better so much because of him like he is the reason why i am able to talk to you on this video is the reason why i am able to talk about things on the internet to verbalize a lot of the things that were repressed that i wasn't able to explain in the past you know i still i still am working on a lot of things that happened in the past in my life but i'm able to talk about it i'm able to be honest and i'm able to not live with shame and overwhelming guilt and wanting to disappear you know like i have periods of time where i deleted my instagram or sorry deactivated my instagram a period of time where i haven't been uploading to youtube because i just wanted to give up on everything like i just i just didn't want to be out there anymore i didn't want to be in this world anymore you know like i have been through a lot in these past four years a lot of emotional growth and i can only think of positive ways that he has influenced my life that he has made me a better person you know that i have been able to talk about some of the things that used to be really upsetting to me that used to be everything involving my ego you know like i used to be really hung up on a lot of things that i'm not anymore that i've moved past one thing that isil said to me once that really struck me was like okay maybe this was the big thing to you at this time in your life like maybe this is what really bothered you for a long time but can't you move past that can't you say okay that was who i was in the past but today i'm somebody else i'm not gonna let that be who i am forever i'm not gonna let that be the one thing that is going to take over my life like you can take charge of how you're feeling you can take charge of your emotions what you do the only person you can control is yourself you can only change yourself you can't change how other people perceive you you can't change how the world is going to respond when you try genuinely to share your life with them uh and yeah i it would really hurt if somebody said oh this is fake you know oh social media is fake youtube is fake what you've shared to the internet it's not real right no you don't know my whole life you don't know everything that i've struggled with you will never know the whole story of my life you will never know all the things that i have struggled with and i won't know what anybody else has struggled with all the way because there's only so much that we can know about people's lives but what i've shared has been real so much so that i didn't really even have a concept of acting or performing for an audience for quite some time kind of embarrassing i know um but yeah no i i didn't really think that like oh i'm performing for somebody this is this is an audience that i'm performing to right but no when i think of it like this is a crowd of 10 20 people this is a crowd of 100 people that i'm talking to i'm sharing my life with you what are you going to gain from this you know um what i want to say here is that social media is real you know what you share to the internet that is a reflection of you that is a reflection of your society that is a reflection of what you want to present to the world and it really matters okay social media is real instagram is real these are the platforms that we have today more so than ever to display who we are to talk about what matters to us to share with the world what we're reading to talk about the books that we've been reading to talk about why it matters to us and share with others to enrich the lives of other people that we would have no way of knowing beforehand like prior to the internet prior to social media so to me i feel like this is such a negative response to what what we have the potential that we have for social media the potential that we have for instagram the potential that we have for youtube the very fact that i can record this video upload it to youtube share my life with somebody is significant it matters we can watch other people's videos learn from their experiences and either try to learn from them and not repeat some of their mistakes which i i wish i would have seen a lot of youtube content recently that i've seen i wish i would have seen it when i was 18. i wish i would have seen it when i was even younger than that like really we have this amazing potential that when i was younger i really felt like that didn't exist you know like there were some places where you could share music you could share your face you know you could go to forums but it's not the same as sharing your life this way and trying to find others reaching out to others who might be able to relate people who might be able to learn from your experience people might be inspired to change their lives because of what you share on the internet so it is discouraging and it has been very detrimental to my view of this relationship my view of what i'm doing on the internet to see negative comments about my boyfriend to see negative comments about our relationship to see negative comments about me to have people online psychoanalyzing me and talking about my issues with codependence dude you you don't know me you don't know what i've done you don't know what kind of bad person i am you don't know what kind of good person i could be you know you don't know me but what i am trying to share really mattered at one point or the other and to see somebody just making cruel judgments on my character on my boyfriend's character rather than being a positive person and trying to learn something from what we're sharing just being snide and saying hurtful things if people come online and share their experiences like i have respect for that i know what it's like to come online now and talk about my life and have people i don't even know talk about it and and see what people say you know it it really can mess with your sense of self your your your own ego that that's been a big problem for me like dealing with my own ego realizing in my 20s you know that i hadn't addressed a lot of these things about my own ego that i should have probably accomplished when i was in my teenage years but people mature at different rates people grow when they want to grow people change when they want to change they will learn these lessons when they want to learn them and when you're on the internet when you put yourself out there on the internet it really pushes you to learn a lot about yourself and if you want to take advantage of that fully you know push yourself to learn and try to share real content with others i mean there is there is value in sharing your life but there is also content and sharing like how you're trying to intellectually enrich yourself what it is that you're reading what it is that you're thinking what matters to you politically what what can you do to change the world i want to talk about veganism on the internet because this is the most important thing to me and i think everybody else that's close to me is sick of hearing me talk about veganism at this point so yeah at a certain point you want to reach out to the people online who who feel you you know who have this in common with you who could start something with you who could do something with you um yeah that that is the power that we have on the internet and it it is sad to see people misusing it and to see people just making harsh remarks uh psychoanalyzing and you know for what you know what is this accomplishing other than just trying to prove that you are better than me or better than my boyfriend because we have the we have the audacity to come online and talk about our relationship yeah yeah we do i want to talk about my relationship with isil i want to talk about all these things because it meant it meant a lot to me when when they were happening when i was going through all these uh when i was going through all these mental breakdowns about about our relationship you know that has been hugely formative and and hard for me to deal with and i've really grown from it unfortunately my having these mental breakdowns was really traumatic for isil like it was terrible for him to live with me going through these growing pains and he didn't have to do that you know nobody had to do that for me nobody had to take care of me when i was weeping you know nobody had to help me but isil did help me and i've been able to philosophize and talk about things that i wasn't able to even like verbalize at the start of our relationship you know i was very immature about sexuality it's very immature about open relationships it was very immature talking about uh aristotle you know i was very immature talking about philosophy which i'm still learning i don't think i'm at the level where i can i can really share something really meaningful i'm i want to be able to talk about these issues i wanted to be able to talk about philosophy i want to be able to talk about politics that can portray something to the audience that i can that i can get something creative out you know i want to be creative with some of the things that i've learned i want to share with others what i've learned i want to enrich somebody's life with the knowledge that i'm able to gain what i'm able to talk about with other people this really matters to me and this really matters to my boyfriend me and my boyfriend we want to do this and yeah coming online talking about personal struggles talking about relationship struggles there is also some role for that that it means something it meant a lot to some people i think there is something to be learned from my issues in this relationship my issues like i think somebody can take what they've seen from me and and whether it's a negative lesson to say well i wouldn't approach it that way uh if i found myself in that situation i wouldn't do it that way good you know like i'm i'm happy for you like i want everybody to be less pathetic than me you know i have come on the internet and shown myself to be pathetic i have shown myself in very unflattering light um but that was real you know like i am okay with being real online and damn it took a lot it took a lot of growth it took a lot of reflection and it took a lot of being okay with being seen as stupid being seen as ugly being seen as immature being seen as ignorant any any of this you know this was not easy but this is who i this is who i am this is who i was you know that's that's it's real what i've shared it's real it's not everything it's not my whole life but yeah i think it's valuable yes we all have the option of only uploading flattering pictures of us to the internet we have the option of only recording youtube videos on a day when we don't have pimples on our face and then deciding that we'll share only when we look good or only when we share something positive or flattering about ourselves but we also have the option of sharing our real struggles and unflattering things like things that really happen that are terrible but have made you who you are today you know social media is real if you want it to be real instagram is real if you make it real if you share your real life but youtube you have this powerful way of sharing your voice of sharing your face of sharing your body of getting something out there on the internet that is really you at that moment and that's wonderful that's real social media can be real if you make it real youtube can be real if you make it real you