Onision's Divorce vs. My Own: Never Say "Move On" in Anger.

if you're going to make cultural
commentary videos I think it's actually very important that you do so with a spirit of trying to draw conclusions about how we can all lead better lives I think there's a sort of dangerous delusion prevalent here on YouTube that when you make a video commenting on an inn you're somehow punishing Anacin or policing initiative medium allows us to do it all if a nishan were really a space alien if a nishan were so far removed from us in our own desires and experiences if there were nothing to reflect on in our own lives in the past tense or in the hypothetical future tense there would be nothing to be learned from criticism or indeed condemnation of what it is he's been doing there's a screenshot here of him making a fool of himself where he's going out of his way to harshly castigate several women from his past telling them that they ought to move on my point in this video is to reflect very briefly on the fact that whether or not it's linked to our own love lives a romantic lives you should never put yourself in this position of ordering others deciding for others then it's time for them to move on you said that I had photos of people between 12 and 17 in various states of undress on an old web forum although you forgot to mention that went forums is a food that do not post your unless you're 18 plus why do all of you forget to post the money now who's the liar you're saying that this exists on a forum that was heavily moderated and Admiral you can't post unless you're 18 plus now let's go through to this example real quick I'm going to guess 22 and there's 17 I'd say 29 probably whoops no 15 well this girl looks about 19 and she's actually 14 hypothetically if Lanie wasn't in the picture but Greg dates you I'll let you know in the video but no guys this is gonna be boring as I would date most all these people if this situation made sense he'd be much older than me but oh well snow not oh well I mean you're very pretty but oh well z' is worth nothing prism oh look a nine-year-old is anyone really wondering what my answer is finally a woman closer to my age things uneasy I never says breath go ahead and keep telling me about how you required people to post photos only if there were 18 and it was heavily moderated even though you made videos acknowledging that they were underage as saying 24 23 and you're 14 obviously I'm much younger than him so for that reason now but if there wasn't an issue maybe I mean of course duh whatever it's very well established that it's hypothetical I mean bra do you think that do you think that the Internet is this slow that we forget everything does he think we forgot does he think that we forgot this is someone who wants me to guess their age there are over a hundred and ninety eight pages oh boy but I'm a big boy eighteen Wow it's an honest mistake police officer I'm sorry this one is 12 nope sarah said I won't sign the NDA unless you sleep with me she did want to do the butt thing because it was something that had not been hold on hold on you know what them look the butt thing but yeah about that I don't think I was clear before the whole thing was Sarah she did want to do the the butt thing because it was something that had not been done before she had already had that with other people in the front so she wanted to do it in the butt and I I just that was the thing that we had as a choice to do and when she was 18 and a half and she had already said so if you don't sleep with me I'm not gonna sign this NDA that's what we did [Music] so look I have a first wife I have an ex-wife and I'm still trapped in a legal limbo with her going through the paperwork of the divorce process years years after splitting up you'll never see me engage in this kind of rhetoric and Sen engages it you'll never see me revile in her and just telling her to move on it's not for me to decide when others move on and you know people can be just as cruel when this is not of a romantic or sexual nature you know there was a time when I was really heartbroken that all of my career aspirations in Cambodia had fallen apart so in Cambodia I was learning the Cambodian language it was studying the history and politics I was doing humanitarian work I was doing research I was also connected to book publishing about the history and politics came by did all this stuff going on and then it ends and ends in disaster it ends in a kind of heartbreaking way where I have to completely give up on Cambodia if you search the internet the first evidence of my studying the Cambodian language goes way back I wonder if that was 2002 something like that there's you know me uploading stuff to the internet showing that I'm already starting to study Cambodia and the Cambodian language I've had people say to me in a cruel way like this like oh it's over move on you know like okay well this was this huge meaningful part of my life now and now you know I did move on I mean today this is now the year 2020 I've moved on I never wake up and wish I was back in Cambodia I never even get tempted to crack open the history books and go back to working on Cambodian and a kind of textual academic way right but there's still something almost uniquely cruel in someone else telling you to move on there's something dehumanizing in this weird way about saying no I'm gonna decide for you I'm gonna decide that this ought to be meaningless to you you know not not that you should have detachment about it you should be mature not that there's a better way to have no no no no I am gonna decide that this is something you should forget about and you know the past is not what you leave behind the past is what you carry with you I don't expect my ex-wife to ever forget about me it doesn't make sense I meant more to my ex-wife then you know Cambodia meant to me I get it you know my ex-wife and I had a child together she's raising that child that child looks like me and talks like me we have a remarkable you know resemblance as a result of the magic of DNA she's reminded of Who I am every day including the fact that my daughter has my name just that first name I gave her and she has my last name it says that on their post box and all their legal paperwork and so on they're you know like their it would be completely unreasonable for me to just tell my ex-wife to move on now admittedly there are worrying signs that my ex-wife still has a kind of malignant ill-intentioned destructive set of attitudes towards me even that she has she she has a kind of obsession with me and that there's a lot of malice in what she does towards me she's had she's made attempts to get this YouTube channel deleted she puts in you know false complaints against videos she's collaborated with other youtubers to denounce and defame me here on this platform hilariously she mentioned that in the divorce documents given to the court at one point that was mine I I don't mention YouTube stuff in my department don't bring this up in legal documents she had her lawyers put forward this argument that she shouldn't be held responsible for things that other youtubers said like on her behalf and you know this kind of thing she's she literally phoned up other youtubers so like tell them dirt about me and try to make videos today on TV like okay this shows on health the obsession this shows Millian intent hey I'll mention it one more time she phoned up another youtuber and when he answered the phone he wasn't true she was she was oh this is isil's ex-wife and she angrily shouted at him over the phone like know that she's not my ex-wife that she's still my current wife which obviously is at best a kind of legal fiction and at worst you know a sign of a sort of delirious obsession apart okay as bizarre as that is and like let's be real my situation it's several levels higher than than this this stuff in essence freaking out about I mean initia is just freaking out about people complaining that he was a bad boyfriend that's really all this boils down to and we all know he was a bad boyfriend we know that's that's an understatement and he was a bad boyfriend in these women's life at a time when in some cases they were 16 17 18 even if they're his relationship with some of them only lasted for a year or two years it was at a crucial turning point left of course that's gonna cast a shadow over their lives forever it's gonna it's gonna be a big deal of course it is apart from the fact that he's a celebrity and his fame makes it worse his money makes it worse his control his influence his power makes it worse the fact that in some cases he publicly humiliated these women in videos denouncing them videos that were seen by hundreds of thousands of people okay there are a lot of factors here that make it really unreasonable and mean-spirited for an Sen to just say move on after he's discard these women but in my situation which is in many ways way more messed up than this Ian's situation right you know I still have lawyers involved I have my daughter involved there there's a lot you know wrapped up with it and rolled into it I I still do not take this callous and cruel attitude of telling someone to move on it's it's really not anytime you're tempted to do that anytime you have to do that I'd really urge you in the audience to stop and reflect on what that means for you and what that means for the other person if a relationship has failed there may be something there that you don't leave behind in that failure there may be something there you carry with you forever and that's okay and we can have detachment and compassion and kindness in carrying that with us you know forever my dad got a woman pregnant they were real young I'm sorry I forget if she was like 19 or 21 or what this is this is fact my father also was young he got a woman pregnant and then they ended up giving the baby up for adoption when she this woman figured out that like everything my father had told her was a lie and he already had kids with other women and you know this is horrible horrible situation like that was the first child she ever had right obviously obviously she's gonna carry that with her for the rest of her life I met her once this woman who had a kid with my dad and gave the kid up for doctoring like obviously you are gonna carry that with you for the rest of your life that's gonna sheep who you are and how you feel about the world in all kinds of ways that you yourself may spend the rest of your life reflecting on and examining and there's nothing worse you can say to a person like that then hey that was 10 years ago move on look what are you okay yeah that was ten years ago so now the baby is nine years old being raised by some other family 20 years later it's never it's never gonna go away 20 years it's always gonna matter it's always gonna be meaningful and you know I mean I mean for me Cambodia is not the most extreme example but but even then I can say the role studying Cambodian as a language and my engagement with Cambodian history Pollock's the role that had in my life sure there are some elements of that I leave behind but there are some elements of that I carry with me forever and that makes me who I am for better and for worse so that's it guy that's my message to you in the audience in theory it would be my message to annecy and if you listen to anyone but you you've really got to stop and reflect profoundly on what it is you're doing and what what it would mean for the other person when you take that kind of deliberative dangerous and I think demeaning step of telling them to just move on [Music]