Juxtaposition: Insanity, Evil & One Ex-Vegan.
25 April 2019 [link youtube]
#vegan #vegans #veganism
Youtube Automatic Transcription
I've started just [ __ ] having like
it's just psychotic for dark forts I started having like a severe panic attack severe anxiety I was like drunk breaking down crying having a panic attacks were last in for like 1 hour 2 hour at a time I still haven't bowed to drive long distance without [ __ ] freaking out there's something clearly wrong with me I'm on medication I've quit drinking I'm on diazepam ha ha ha it was getting [ __ ] mental honestly I was scared that something bad was gonna happen all right I know this might seem irrelevant I'm not trying to blame this on veganism okay so first vlog I've ever made um I've been nervous I've been going to a partial hospitalization program and today got a diagnosis back that I was a sociopath that didn't really come as a surprise to me I always knew what I was but I hated the thought of other people knowing so the major health issues okay I kind of went [ __ ] mental right I kind of went [ __ ] mental okay and we can interpret this any way you like because I'm still not convinced I'm not sure exactly what it is because we hide in plain sight all the time there's so many of us but you never know at the Atlantic beef products plant in Albany workers process about 100 cattle a day and there's a big focus on how animals are treated before slaughter we want to make sure that the animals that we do bring in are treated very comfortably that at the end of the day if they they're gonna have one bad minute one that day that all the time leading up to that is as comfortable as possible I've always suffered from anxiety okay for the last since about 2011 okay the first time I experienced anxiety was from consuming cannabis I don't smoke anymore cuz it makes me want to [ __ ] kill myself if I consume it okay so that's just the start of the story what I'm saying is I've always suffered I've had panic lots of panic attacks in my life but only when I consumed cannabis only okay and then since then I've always suffered from minor anxiety something [ __ ] snapped recently I you know bad things and I'm paying for it now and I'm sure that this roads not over and that I'm still on it and then seeing that sucks about this road is there's no way to turn off temple grandin visited the plant last week she's famous and livestock world for developing humane practices and often noticing details others don't something [ __ ] snapped recently and I'm not blaming this on the diet I'm not sure what it's to do with ok that some people have an idea of ways to deal with and I [ __ ] snapped us I think sleep deprivation is what snapped it I was on the night shift you know nothing they can really help you this a treatment can help you but up I'm going to tell you that um I'm you know stuck like this man and I'm sorry the Atlantic beef plant already has a number of design elements in place based on Grandin's work including curved shoots which allow cattle to move in a more natural way and making sure all areas are well-lit and free of distractions that could frighten cattle and I start just [ __ ] having like it's just psychotic for dark thoughts I started having like a severe panic attack severe anxiety honestly I was tripping [ __ ] bowls and please take into consideration I was sleep deprived I'd been up about 24 hours no drugs no alcohol I'm sober first time I've ever had full-blown panic attack when I'm sober ok and that was start off by the worst few weeks of my life you know they say I've been plenty of outpatient partial hospitalization programs as you can't I'm very young um but I've made my way around them I'm so screwed up now I can tell you now that they don't they don't help you they don't understand they don't give you any coping skill at all to ever help you with anything that you will ever need in life now for people like you and me but having Grandin's see the space in person offered a fresh perspective she had a look at everything she got down into the various ramps and chutes that we use she wants to see things from a cow's perspective that's why she's famous for and the fact that she was able to do that led us to some some interesting observations one of her observations cattle might be bothered by direct light in the stunning box so the only way I knew of how to combat these panic attacks or y4 was to consume alcohol okay so from then on the last for about three to three four weeks from then on I was having panic attacks multiple times every day okay and I was I became this sounds [ __ ] mental I know I became dependent on alcohol to combat the anxiety I couldn't leave the house I could barely look after my [ __ ] son I was breaking down everyday the amount of cried in the last month is [ __ ] embarrassing you know we're left to the dogs I wouldn't want I wouldn't want to be anybody else but me I wouldn't say I like being sociopaths that I I wouldn't want to be anything else she also suggested a few other quick fixes to reduce distractions like blocking a gap and adding a second black curtain I was like drunk breaking down crying having a panic attacks were lasting for like one hour two hour at a time it was getting [ __ ] mental honestly I was scared that something bad was gonna happen all right I know this might seem irrelevant I'm not trying to blame this on veganism so eventually the missus called for help I had to speak to a psychiatrist mental health team multiple doctors okay to make sure I wasn't gonna [ __ ] commit suicide they needed to understand what it was and they seem to think I've had some sort of like [ __ ] identity crisis I see through people's lives I see through that message I see who they are who they really are inside a lot of you guys who are experiencing stuff like this and you know you don't want to talk about it keep silent they'll pay you for it he'll nail you for it and they'll [ __ ] you over every way they can't stay silent keeping they can't help you no one can you're stuck with this and I'm sorry man I still have a bound to drive long distance without [ __ ] freaking out there's something clearly wrong with me I'm on medication I've quit drinking I'm on diazepam I know I'm providing a lot of personal information here but I do feel like you need to know so you can clearly see I'm [ __ ] mental I'm trying to find the right answer I was worried my girlfriend was gonna leave me because we met his vegans she got with me because we're vegan like we that was our thing yeah we live our lives as vegans she broke dives fish been [ __ ] crazy you have no idea you have no idea you have no idea been worse month of my life really don't don't trust those providers don't trust those those therapists those some psych psychiatrists or they're all out to get you you know they would rather cover their own ass rather than help you so make sure that you know that and you bring that with you
it's just psychotic for dark forts I started having like a severe panic attack severe anxiety I was like drunk breaking down crying having a panic attacks were last in for like 1 hour 2 hour at a time I still haven't bowed to drive long distance without [ __ ] freaking out there's something clearly wrong with me I'm on medication I've quit drinking I'm on diazepam ha ha ha it was getting [ __ ] mental honestly I was scared that something bad was gonna happen all right I know this might seem irrelevant I'm not trying to blame this on veganism okay so first vlog I've ever made um I've been nervous I've been going to a partial hospitalization program and today got a diagnosis back that I was a sociopath that didn't really come as a surprise to me I always knew what I was but I hated the thought of other people knowing so the major health issues okay I kind of went [ __ ] mental right I kind of went [ __ ] mental okay and we can interpret this any way you like because I'm still not convinced I'm not sure exactly what it is because we hide in plain sight all the time there's so many of us but you never know at the Atlantic beef products plant in Albany workers process about 100 cattle a day and there's a big focus on how animals are treated before slaughter we want to make sure that the animals that we do bring in are treated very comfortably that at the end of the day if they they're gonna have one bad minute one that day that all the time leading up to that is as comfortable as possible I've always suffered from anxiety okay for the last since about 2011 okay the first time I experienced anxiety was from consuming cannabis I don't smoke anymore cuz it makes me want to [ __ ] kill myself if I consume it okay so that's just the start of the story what I'm saying is I've always suffered I've had panic lots of panic attacks in my life but only when I consumed cannabis only okay and then since then I've always suffered from minor anxiety something [ __ ] snapped recently I you know bad things and I'm paying for it now and I'm sure that this roads not over and that I'm still on it and then seeing that sucks about this road is there's no way to turn off temple grandin visited the plant last week she's famous and livestock world for developing humane practices and often noticing details others don't something [ __ ] snapped recently and I'm not blaming this on the diet I'm not sure what it's to do with ok that some people have an idea of ways to deal with and I [ __ ] snapped us I think sleep deprivation is what snapped it I was on the night shift you know nothing they can really help you this a treatment can help you but up I'm going to tell you that um I'm you know stuck like this man and I'm sorry the Atlantic beef plant already has a number of design elements in place based on Grandin's work including curved shoots which allow cattle to move in a more natural way and making sure all areas are well-lit and free of distractions that could frighten cattle and I start just [ __ ] having like it's just psychotic for dark thoughts I started having like a severe panic attack severe anxiety honestly I was tripping [ __ ] bowls and please take into consideration I was sleep deprived I'd been up about 24 hours no drugs no alcohol I'm sober first time I've ever had full-blown panic attack when I'm sober ok and that was start off by the worst few weeks of my life you know they say I've been plenty of outpatient partial hospitalization programs as you can't I'm very young um but I've made my way around them I'm so screwed up now I can tell you now that they don't they don't help you they don't understand they don't give you any coping skill at all to ever help you with anything that you will ever need in life now for people like you and me but having Grandin's see the space in person offered a fresh perspective she had a look at everything she got down into the various ramps and chutes that we use she wants to see things from a cow's perspective that's why she's famous for and the fact that she was able to do that led us to some some interesting observations one of her observations cattle might be bothered by direct light in the stunning box so the only way I knew of how to combat these panic attacks or y4 was to consume alcohol okay so from then on the last for about three to three four weeks from then on I was having panic attacks multiple times every day okay and I was I became this sounds [ __ ] mental I know I became dependent on alcohol to combat the anxiety I couldn't leave the house I could barely look after my [ __ ] son I was breaking down everyday the amount of cried in the last month is [ __ ] embarrassing you know we're left to the dogs I wouldn't want I wouldn't want to be anybody else but me I wouldn't say I like being sociopaths that I I wouldn't want to be anything else she also suggested a few other quick fixes to reduce distractions like blocking a gap and adding a second black curtain I was like drunk breaking down crying having a panic attacks were lasting for like one hour two hour at a time it was getting [ __ ] mental honestly I was scared that something bad was gonna happen all right I know this might seem irrelevant I'm not trying to blame this on veganism so eventually the missus called for help I had to speak to a psychiatrist mental health team multiple doctors okay to make sure I wasn't gonna [ __ ] commit suicide they needed to understand what it was and they seem to think I've had some sort of like [ __ ] identity crisis I see through people's lives I see through that message I see who they are who they really are inside a lot of you guys who are experiencing stuff like this and you know you don't want to talk about it keep silent they'll pay you for it he'll nail you for it and they'll [ __ ] you over every way they can't stay silent keeping they can't help you no one can you're stuck with this and I'm sorry man I still have a bound to drive long distance without [ __ ] freaking out there's something clearly wrong with me I'm on medication I've quit drinking I'm on diazepam I know I'm providing a lot of personal information here but I do feel like you need to know so you can clearly see I'm [ __ ] mental I'm trying to find the right answer I was worried my girlfriend was gonna leave me because we met his vegans she got with me because we're vegan like we that was our thing yeah we live our lives as vegans she broke dives fish been [ __ ] crazy you have no idea you have no idea you have no idea been worse month of my life really don't don't trust those providers don't trust those those therapists those some psych psychiatrists or they're all out to get you you know they would rather cover their own ass rather than help you so make sure that you know that and you bring that with you