Amber Heard is telling the truth; Johnny Depp is living a lie.

he said something to me that night that i i thought that night by the pool where i thought jesus christ you know um things like [Music] she's gonna all she's got is her looks and you know she has no talent and when her tits start to sag and her face gets wrinkly nobody is going to be interested in her for anything and she's so she you know better like to figure out another way to survive and [ __ ] like that sorry pardon me things like that no i know that's shipping yeah well there's always that you can write you can write a book you can write a book oh you know you're writing a book oh is this going to be good for your book oh should i have saying it now um he responded uh [Applause] coolly he told me it's what i [ __ ] deserve and i'd wake up every i wake up alone um and that no one would ever love me because all of this pointing to my face or body all of this was going to go away nobody ever loved me and my sadness would ever love me and i better get used to waking up alone um and he said this is all my fault what i do what i asked for but you're right i mean hey at least i didn't do like a tv show where i was hurt back in my life god that would be like embarrassing if only i was with someone in their 50s that could point that out to me imagine mine non-sexualized objects okay wow you're right you got you got nothing for that i don't even know what movie those zombies you what if anything did mr depp tell you about his struggles with drugs and alcohol he told me that when he was very very young like 13 or something he started drinking and taking drugs i think or at least drinking quite heavily he was even kind of like yeah it's crazy i know but i've been doing it my whole life and built like a tank and so that was kind of the nature of the conversation um and he told me that he had [Music] struggled with ever not drinking or ever not doing drugs and he would express shame or regret about times that he had been inebriated to the point of falling down or embarrassing himself you know urinating on himself things like that over the course of those two years mr deb told me verbatim that he was addicted to oxycontin i wish i [ __ ] had i wish i [ __ ] hadn't bought into any of your [ __ ] lives your [ __ ] your sober [ __ ] presence your [ __ ] goodness your sweetness all the lies i wish i hadn't bought into the months of you being you i wish i hadn't bought i wish i [ __ ] thought i could have kids in his relationships had experienced great bouts of jealousy in relationships that had that it also led to a lot of drinking and a lot of rage activities he told me that that happened with winona he told me that that happened with um kate and sorry winona ryder and kate moss he told me that that had happened with vanessa parody come on go be a real married man who deals with your [ __ ] the way that a man does go run to the next house every man does go run away i think it's hard [ __ ] ridiculous friend panic [ __ ] clown it's hard screwing everybody else a little bit right that's right you've got everybody out here and what if anything did mr depp say to you about his perception of amber's role in him becoming sober and clean he expressed the number of times that he felt like she was his leash and she was holding him back from doing what he wanted to do in terms of substances and alcohol when amber was in england marilyn manson and paul bettany came over at one point and there was a great deal of cocaine and alcohol involved um mr manson and mr dapp i chuck in a lot of cocaine mr depp as far as i could see always had a cigarette or a joint in his mouth at all times to the point where i was confused about how he could function he also showed me his marijuana closet that had tens and tens of pounds of weed in him so i'm going to now take you up to april 21 2016 your 30th birthday party um will you please tell the jury what happened that night at that time we had like a fitting that day or the day before and he missed it and he was kind of disappearing at that time like at night um vaguely saying like meetings he had meetings but then he'd be gone for sometimes like two days i'm just not coming home and that sort of thing coming home after a bender my birthday was coming up and i or on my birthday i said well you you gonna make it to my my birthday party we had a dinner planned at our penthouse i said it would be important for me if you if you made an objection hearsay he uh told me at some point that day that he had scheduled a business meeting or a money meeting i think he said maybe uh seven which is around the time my birthday was planned for it might have been planned for 8 pm of course once my party was starting he wasn't there um text me at some point to let me know that he was going to make it but that he was running late and that continued throughout my party we finished dinner and um we were cleaning up and kind of everyone was stealing leaving because we were waiting for him to give him an opportunity to show up before it was before everyone left i remember i remember being very careful about how i worded what i was feeling um about my birthday and him having missed it an argument um followed that uh i um got up out of bed um johnny's side of the bed was closer to the door than mine i remember blocking the door blocking me to get out kind of shoving me down and i had a you know a verbal argument and then that became a shoving match i tried to shove him back um i kind of felt myself retreat into the into the bedroom at some point he picked up a like a large i guess it's a magnum size not a normal size a large size bottle of champagne and hurled it at me this time it went through a painting and i loved this painting i remember just went right through the canvas left a giant hole in it and um i'm never thinking we shouldn't have art in our bedroom anymore um and the fight the argument the fight continued into the salon area which is outside of our bedroom at the top of the stairs johnny picked up my phone i don't know why uh i don't remember what he was saying when he did it but he picked up my phone and threw it out of the open window of the salon area uh out onto the street out onto the downtown street that um this window overlooked uh in that moment i i i went oh no you don't i saw his on the counter top and picked it up and threw his immediately like two seconds later we were still screaming names at each other and screaming at each other and i walk around the side of his desk and the next thing i know he has me by the hair he pulls me down kind of i hit the side of the desk i remember things flying off of the side of the desk that that i hit with with my body um i remember trying to fight him off of me at some point were back in my my main bedroom and uh it's my i believe i was getting my toothbrush out of that bathroom and uh when i came out we had another shoving match but this one he kind of like i remember he chest bumped me in this like bro way chest bumped me and fell to the floor and when i got back up he kind of held me down by the shoulders down on the side of the bed kind of held me um wrestled me down on the bed i remember i got up once or twice before i ended up on the bed and he grabbed me um did this thing that he did sometimes when he taught me grabbing by the um the pubic bone pubic area just as best i can describe it as he kind of just pushed me down held me down by it and kind of pulled me into it and um was asked he was asking me and taunting me and asked me if i if i thought it was so [ __ ] tough i think you're such a [ __ ] tough guy on are you so tough now look who's so tough you want to be a man tough like a man now what if anything did mr dapp say to you about whether he wanted to become sober and clean mr deb um expressed to me that he wanted to get sober for amber that he didn't enjoy being sober um it wasn't fun and that it was distressing and exhausting [Music] and very hard to do he didn't he really really resented having to be sober um [Music] yeah he didn't want to be both individually and socially people only want to talk about the side effects of drug addiction they want to talk about the side effects for the person getting high and they kind of want to talk about the side effects for our society as a whole as if the primary effect the desired effect as if getting high itself as if getting drunk itself were not the problem that we need to address in this same way in this same wise for these same reasons people focus almost entirely on drug addiction amongst the poor drug addiction amongst people who are not wealthy enough to be able to conceal the side effects who aren't wealthy enough to be able to cope with the side effects and yes it is among the poor that drug addiction is more easily visible they are not wealthy enough to conceal it now partly you can visualize this just about living in an apartment versus living in a mansion if you live in a small apartment in an apartment building your neighbors see how they see you when you come and go they see the number of empty bottles going out in the recycling and they're going to hear the noise through the ceiling through the floor through the thin walls that separate those apartments as you're all clustered together so yeah partly there's just this aspect of being able to afford the privacy that lets you ruin your own life without impacting others as a sort of side effect but partly also people who have money can employ others to assist them whether that's the person who cleans the carpet who cleans up your own pile of vomit you know the person who takes your clothes to the dry cleaner the person who takes your kids to school when you're too drunk or hungover to do it yourself all the little caretakers and assistants and secretaries that come together to in effect enable your continued addiction those people conceal your drug addiction from the general public they conceal it from the police and to some extent those assistants can seal the nature of drug addiction from the addict himself from the addict herself the person who's using drugs and alcohol they can go on kidding themselves about the extent to which they're still a highly effective person they're still living a normal sober life because all these people are doing the work of being a grown-up for them i feel that amber heard's position in this was like a woman trying to help a man climb out of quicksand but part of her problem was that she wasn't really standing on a solid foundation herself as much as she may have wanted to save the soul of johnny depp to rescue him from his lifelong drug addiction she wasn't 100 sober she didn't really represent a contrasting paradigm the way you need to the way you must as an absolute prerequisite if you are going to represent sobriety if you are going to preach sobriety it's not enough to say well i drink half as much alcohol as you do so i'm gonna help you get a quarter of the way there i'm gonna help you catch up with me i'm gonna put out this rope and help pull you out of the quicksand you have to be standing on a solid foundation of absolute sobriety zero alcohol not less alcohol zero zero use of drugs zero reliance on mind altering substances to modify your moods to cope with the sorrows and struggles in your life zero use of mind altering substances for celebration for this sense of elation so on and so forth we can't really preach and promote what we don't practice ourselves whether that is on the most intimate scale of the relationship of husband to wife parent to child or whether that is on a larger political scale of preaching to hundreds of people to thousands of people of trying to change on a massive scale society as a whole i think it was he said or she said um johnny thinks that you and i together defecated on his pillow [Music] i think the words were used were um [ __ ] on his pillow so i started laughing and i just i i was laughing she was laughing and when i realized that he was serious i was like okay look you know first of all i wasn't there that day he came clomping back down the stairs i heard like a [Music] noise and then the phone dropped and um she said to her oh you think i hit you you think i [ __ ] hit you what if i peel your [ __ ] hair back [Music] and then i heard the phone drop again and then i heard her scream