Believing in Your Dreams: Worse than Islam.

oh jokes aside actually believe in your
dreams this pictures are not big i don't need to go to college why because college is for robots okay you go to college you're going to be an engineer what 250 k a year okay is that enough not really you're going to be an assistant 65 000 i'm not accurate here but you're going to be a [ __ ] entrepreneur we live in a society where internet is free for everybody you can do anything be original hustle work run instagram accounts be a social media manager whatever you're good at go and kill it reading books would change my life and i'm telling you guys you need to start reading books if you don't like to read like me audible audible.com it's not a brand deal books changed my life i might have more money than you you might have more money than me doesn't [ __ ] matter it's who works the hardest i highly recommend reading books and like i said do not give up way i started thinking it's all about action before i would leave it on tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow from monday to sunday i would say tomorrow i'll be i'll do everything on sunday sunday i would have 17 things to do and i will only do three and i'm like i can't do it now action action action uh i'm showing off right now but this is all about motivation my blood work is 100 i go to the doctor every single month i'm doing it super safely and you can talk [ __ ] only more testosterone testosterone testosterone if you try to testosterone it's not like you just inject and become looking like arnold or whatever discipline i've been doing one hour of cardio every single day level 15 speed 3 no handlebars listening to my book this is not to show off you guys this is just it's been a dream of mine since i started youtube since 2011. i said i want to be able to do these things and if i worked hard enough i am going to be able to do these things i worked hard for this i visioned this and now i get to travel to the places that i never thought i'll be able to travel it's my life my choice if i want to do testosterone [ __ ] hate all you want and i'm not showing off i'm just saying like when people try to stop you from your dreams tell them to go [ __ ] themselves why because you know how many of my best friends told me you're gonna be a youtuber you're gonna do this prove them all wrong what are they doing right now with their lives seven years later or eight years later since they started same jobs living with their parents a jogger goes by he jumps out of the bushes and just starts beating this jogger right it was unbelievable this story came out on tmz we're like this can't be true your boy can stay back there put your hand in the car man [Music] steroids get a bad rap they a lot of people think oh you take it and you go [ __ ] mental and you know you're going to randomly want to beat the [ __ ] out of people that you wouldn't have otherwise or you're going to have a temper when you're normally you know a very calm and reasonable person you're just going to start you know getting into bar fights you're getting fights with your girlfriend who is your ex-boyfriend vitaly vitale the infamous he's a very smart guy himself so i mean he's a genius i mean it would literally be like he would tell me an idea and he would tell me he could tell you exactly how well it's going to do what how many views it's going to get and he's like he's just so creative and he goes above and beyond everything he does like he's very committed so i mean he's just a great person too who broke up with who and why then you guys sound like you're the same person we just our past we're going in different directions kind of grew yeah and i wanted you know to focus on myself and so um we obviously had some bumps in the road at the end but i broke up with him okay wow yeah wow was that hers ego like was it like what what do you mean you're breaking up with me well i mean he made some mistakes you know so like he knew a lot of guys do yeah at the end of the day though it really does not work like that there's so many misconceptions around how steroids work and how they impact mental processes and the psychoactive effects they have are more so just something that exaggerates your current personality so if you're naturally a [ __ ] human and you take a bunch of gear what's gonna happen you'll probably become a bit more of a [ __ ] however if you're normally a calm and very nice person and you know very irrational very reasonable don't lash out and you take a whole bunch of gear you might get a bit more on edge by certain individuals in certain situations but it's not going to take you from calm and reasonable to mentally [ __ ] insane where you assault somebody on the side of the street for no good reason because i've seen some guys who just you know even naturally they have issues with their own personality just as a natural and you throw tren into the mix and they become a bit of a [ __ ] psychopath how do you want to do this okay get up and sit in there get up more than 20 years ago i showed up at a political event hosted by the green party of canada here we are in the year 2021 more than 20 years later and believe it or not still to this day the number one issue that the green party is internally divided about that it is tearing itself apart over is anti-semitism was at this green party event as a much younger man and you know i didn't think i was naive i thought i was worldly i thought i was well informed i was a political science major in college and i was still very much attending university classes at that time aspiring ecological activist and what have you interested in making the world a better place and this conventionally good-looking somewhat non-descript white middle-class canadian woman approaches me and starts talking to me and within just a few words she reveals that she is somewhere on the spectrum between nazi and neo-nazi and what she had to say to me wasn't subtle it wasn't using code words she was talking about adolf hitler directly to my face and my appearance even though this more than 20 years ago wasn't so much different from what it is now it's possible she was emboldened because i am a six foot three somewhat scary looking bald guy and it did not occur to her to question that i might in fact be ethnically jewish but even if i were not ethnically jewish i'd be pretty hard for her to recruit me to her side to bring me over to her to her way of thinking but you know i gotta say i was so much younger then and you think you're prepared for this sort of thing as a young man and you're not it took me hours to process it you know like several hours later you're still reflecting on it and it just blows your mind i mean i had just met a real living breathing neo-nazi you know a scenario that i'd seen played out on seinfeld a tv show comedy i'd probably seen sketch comedy about this things like saturday night live i'd seen different frankly you know jewish hollywood american movies joking about this from different angles and there you are living it and you know you have kind of the the grandiosity of the political pretensions of the green party of ecology as a concept and a movement you have the whole discourse about saving the world being suddenly contrasted to the unbelievable pettiness of the sort of personal grudge that motivates someone to become anti-semitic to become racist to hate black people and have that motivate their own peculiar form of you know political activism it was a it was a really weird really jarring experience and obviously nothing in my education prepared me for that and it should it should you you go when you study a political science university you should really be prepared for the fact that look if you want to do politics politics involves people of sincere conviction and their convictions destroy their own lives and often enough the lives of others the people you meet who have these convictions whether they be neo-nazis or or hard-line communists you can reassure yourself with the thought oh well how many of them will still believe this stuff five years from now how many of them will just grow out of it you know what's a scarier thought how many of them are still going to be alive five years from now how many of them are going to be dead one way or another because what it is they believe what is they preach all the other aspects of the lifestyle that are concomitant with that are somehow directly or bound up with their commitment to that ideology now there was another memory i have which is a very different turning point in my life from when i really first got involved with the internet when i first got involved with what we now call social media and i'll just say um [Music] i used to live in cambodia i used to live in laos i had no internet access for many many years of my life what i did have access to was email so before when i'm saying the part of my life we got involved with the internet and social media i had never used facebook even i never used myspace i'd used email for years and years and years and i went out to the jungle and had this wonderful rewarding interesting life but i was really offline um so i was already an old man when i started getting serious about social media and the internet in a sense moving beyond email and i thought i thought i was prepared i thought i was cynical and i was wrong you know i joined um [Music] an atheist activist group on on the internet so they sometimes call themselves atheist activists secular activists but people who are supposedly um fighting for a world without religion and i said you know very discreetly and very politely because i was at that time already a former scholar of buddhism i'd studied buddhism for 10 years i studied the language i lived up there done humanitarian work led this very interesting life in tarabata southeast asia i had real expertise that might make me a valuable asset to any group of sincere atheist activists secular activists you could have someone you could have become as a guest speaker really talk about what's what's wrong with buddhism and there are not that many people around who can and will talk about that in contrast to the criticism directed towards christianity islam etc and i said uh you know in a fairly friendly and upbeat way that i am an atheist but you know atheism is insufficient you know atheism is just the rejection of the belief in god and like a lot of what we deal with in buddhism is the belief in ghosts it's the belief in meditation it's a belief that your ancestors are worshiping you and a lot of what we deal with in southeast asia is the belief in communism the belief in marxism you know my point being there are all kinds of beliefs supernatural and natural some overtly irrational some seemingly rational but in fact irrational you know not all of them being identified in our culture as religious per se there are all kinds of beliefs we have to challenge we have to change we have to overturn and the narrow definition of what you're doing as atheism is actually an incumbent atheism is in this sense insufficient i got this long boisterous self-confident email denouncing me uh one of the members of the group uh they weren't just denouncing me they were defending communism they were defending joseph stalin they were defending mao zedong and they were claiming that i didn't know what i was talking about they were attributing all these positive redeeming qualities to congress now there's a sense in which i was prepared for this and i remember i wrote back in a very self-confident way and said look you know you've said i don't know anything about communism okay let me tell you let me break down for you just how over how many years and what kind of life experience and what kind of let me explain to you just how much expertise i've got about communism i knew i was many levels above this person's knowledge of the history of communism just as i was many levels above them in the knowledge of you know buddhism and it's needless to say there are always people who identify as atheists who want to defend yoga and want to defend transcendental meditation this is just as self-defeating as calling yourself an atheist or a secular activist but trying to defend prayer like you don't believe in god but you still believe in prayer really really um so you know there was a sense in which i was prepared to have that conversation but there was another sense in which i was really totally utterly unprepared just like the encounter with the neo-nazi you know at the at the green party um so many of us define our lives within the dotted lines of unexamined and unnamed beliefs if you're born and raised muslim your parents and grandparents are muslim at least your beliefs have a name at least they have lines and limits everyone can recognize and you can therefore identify analyze and rebel against you know what it is you're expected to obey but you also know how when the time comes to reject it to repudiate it right most of these people whatever they call themselves whether or not they call themselves atheists they believe in things they are ruled by things they cannot name but also cannot ignore they obey without knowing what it is they obey they obey without knowing why they obey and they obey without any clear sense of consequence like the myth of heaven and the myth of hell what's dangerous in our time is not insanity it's the extent to which insanity comes to be perceived as sanity it's the extent to which flagrant evils come to be perceived as normal and go unchallenged in our lives as individuals in our lives as a polity in our lives as a society what does it mean to believe in steroids what does it mean to believe in living your best life what does it mean to believe in yourself these vague notions people commit to them without knowing what it is they commit to and i'm saying to you now whether you look around youtube or whether you look around the people you know directly in your own life really ask yourself how many of these people are still gonna be alive just five years from now i don't want to talk about it i don't really ever want to talk about it but i feel like i have to address it because if i don't address it you guys are going to be like what the [ __ ] you literally just made a video talking about getting a house getting married and having kids so like where did he go [Music] i don't know and honestly this conditioned some form of narcissism within me like a grandiosity and the excitement and just this this vicious coldness and the chaos uh it was it was both been having issues with depression lately for the last uh like couple months i've fallen into that trap of thinking you know if i get something if i buy something if i make more money i'll fill some sort of void inside myself the next toy the next video game i try to find something that will stimulate me to like get me out of this you know a suicidal depression it's been a while since i've had depression that's been this debilitating today is the very first day that max has ever seen sunshine i suffer from borderline personality disorder which is probably the worst thing in the world and i [ __ ] hate it and i wish i could change it and in september i started taking a new cocktail including trazadone ziplex in the morning which is like an ssri what's called a rippy prezzo [Music] so i did a bit of an experiment where i used a picture of me where i've got no hair and i've got facial hair and i've even removed my glasses and i use that on my tinder profile dating app and i got way more matches using that fake picture where i'm bold and i have a beard which to me is just really a big surprise because i always thought you know being bold is unattractive [Music] my [Music]