Being Shy is a Lie: Shyness is an Ideology
30 August 2021 [link youtube]
Share the link to this video EVERY SINGLE TIME people give you the excuse that they're shy --that they can't do something, can't care about someone, or can't take responsibility because their shyness --and then send the same link to them again EVERY SINGLE TIME they reproach you for NOT being shy, as if shyness were a virtue --or as if being warm and self-confident enough to share your life with others were a defect in your character. People who have ambition overcome their shyness, because they're positively motivated to accomplish something (anything) that's greater than what any one person could do on their own --a category that encompasses practically everything worth doing, aside from filling up a charcoal sketchbook. People share their lives out of strength, not weakness: don't mistake weakness for strength, reject the culture that normalizing "shyness" and abnormalizes anything that jilts shy people out of their indolence.k
Youtube Automatic Transcription
people
share their lives with other people out of strength not weakness and when people tell me that they're shy i say no you're not you're ashamed of yourself having ambition involves failure you know it involves being willing to fail again and again and again not having ambition involves shame and shyness you're not shy you're ashamed of yourself you're ashamed of who you are you're ashamed of the extent to which you have squandered your own potential it's easy to visualize your ambitions in terms of things in terms of palpable things it's not just easy to be honest you i think that's a pretty reliable sign of stupidity if you ever meet someone and talk to them and you say oh well what's what's your ambition i mean however it comes up in conversation naturally presumably it's not like a survey and you're just asking you meet someone and they say oh every day they get up and they visualize a red sports car that's made in italy you know this this is their ambition their ambition is to drive this red sports car and you know we see these kinds of cars on the street here every so often depending on where you live it's probably because of the climate here there are a lot of people with expensive cars here because there's not too much snow and whatever and i i always make make jokes about it they're not even really great jokes but i always kind of joke around with most oh this this is the meaning of my life i can't be happy until i'm driving a bright red jaguar like this [ __ ] you know like oh yeah this is what i'm this is what i'm looking for this is what i'm motivated by you know so it's not just that it's easy i think it's a pretty reliable sign of stupidity that you have aspirations and ambitions defined in terms of simple palpable things there's another kind of aspiration or ambition that's maybe more impalpable but it's something like writing a book it's something like making youtube videos it's something maybe it's an art form maybe it's not creative maybe it's a status or social position you want to attain in life i mean it's a step up it's a step up from wanting to own a red sports car so you have some idea you want to be a doctor you want to be a dentist you want to be a pilot you want to be a chief petty officer in the military there's some rank there's some status of some role you want to play i think that kind of ambition and exploration almost inevitably leads to tragedy and self-hatred and certainly my professors uh here at the university of victoria my professors before the university of toronto most people i knew with phds whether in england or france or in china i knew a lot of people phds in in asia most of them were trapped in the nightmare of having lived out their dream and discovered that it wasn't worth living wasn't worth dreaming either you know they found out what it really meant to be a university professor and have a phd and they were they were horrified by it and discussed it with themselves and a great deal of self-loathing and disappointment as a result okay that's another kind of ambition and aspiration but you know what the most powerful and most effective form of ambition and aspiration is to have of all its people all right you know what swords can't accomplish a whole hell of a lot having a hundred men who are willing and able and motivated to make use of those swords changes the course of history right you can own a lot of pencils and pens i mean i do i don't collect them or anything i've always got a lot of them around you know you notice that about me if you come to my apartment you know it's good partly because i've studied so many languages you know what having a hundred pens it's not gonna change the world it's not gonna accomplish much if you have a hundred authors if you know a hundred writers who are motivated positively somehow to make the world a better place there's something they want to change there's something they have in common with you where you want to you want to work together if you have a salon of talented people that can change the world when your ambitions are not based on things and they're not based on a rank well you know a job title or certification or something when your ambitions are based on people it's not just that they're more powerful they're also more malleable they can change right if you have 100 people who are motivated to work together to get you elected in government anyway sorry it doesn't have to be i don't care if i knew 100 people here i'd be totally happy to be some of the brains behind someone else's campaign i could ghostwrite their speeches you know i don't that doesn't have to be my face in the front i'm not an egomaniac about that i really don't care i can contribute in other ways to other political causes and or whether it's a political cause as blatant as participating in elections or it is something more like humanitarian work it's political and changing the world but not not in an electoral uh way you know if you have 100 people who are motivated and eager and willing and organized to help you participate in an election and let's just say it's an election you cannot win you cannot win but you can get up there on the podium and you can eloquently speak for whatever the issue is that unites these guys maybe your anti-war maybe your pro-war maybe your anti-torture maybe your you know anti-vivisection or you i don't know you want to save the cows you want to save the whales you want to save something whatever it is that draws you people together if you have those people and they don't just know you they know one another right there are bonds of mutual trust and mutual respect there aren't it's not like a whole bunch of points united in the middle just one point you have a hundred points that are all connected in multiple ways to one another all of them have been out to picnics with one another maybe not all at the same time you know they're all they're all connected one way or another okay once you've done that you could turn around and you can mobilize those people to instead take on a humanitarian project you can mobilize those people to instead make a film you can mobilize those people to make change in the world in so many different ways to do something creative to do something politically significant right once you have people you have the potential to do anything when you have a job title you have the potential to do one thing and when you have an object like an expensive car you have the potential to do nothing when you think back to your own time in university how many of those people that you knew in university do you wish you still knew today you could still cooperate with today you could still collaborate with today uh whether that's you want to make a film together whether it's you want to open a bakery together so it's another good example something has some long-term commitment to it you want to organize to do something politically or creatively or in terms of business you know you want to do something how many of those people that you knew in university do you wish you you still knew today now i have a further question like if you actually got out a pencil and paper and wrote down their names if you look them up on facebook you just managed to find the name you searched how many of them do you think you'd still want to meet up with just after looking at their facebook group just seeing what they've been doing in the last five or ten years talent is scarce and as we get older it gets scarcer when i made the youtube videos talking about how everyone who lives in this apartment building hates me and i did that for a reason i was trying to show a broader point and it's it's hard to show the significance of an absence in your life what i'm trying to indicate you right now with this video is there are a hundred people out there who should still be in my life and they're not all right there were a hundred people i knew when i was doing humanitarian work in vien chen the capital city of laos and none of them are with me today there were 100 people i knew in bangkok thailand there were 100 people i knew in chiang mai various faces including the vegans the vegan activists i knew a channel like people who spoke english sort of there were 100 people in kunming china you know there weren't 100 people but maybe there were 10 people in de hong china it was a small town you know there were 100 people when i lived in cambridge england and when i took the bus back and forth between cambridge and oxford you know so we could count more people i knew people at cambridge i knew people at oxford i knew people at the university of london right any of those people could still be a positive part of my life today and they're not there were a hundred people i knew in france sure sure including some vegan activists by the way at every phase of my life at every stage of my life there were these people i reached out to and that i who i shared my life with and so that i was warm and encouraging and and positive to right and each and every one of them for various specific reasons you know they did not give that warmth and positivity back i'm trying to really draw attention to the significance of that absence there are a hundred people missing there and in a lot of ways that's much more than 100 people that are missing i said before there's this absence in my life i'm trying to draw attention to right there are a hundred people who should be here with me now should be sharing my life and they're not i think the single most important reason is that those people are ashamed of themselves and they don't feel that they have a life worth sharing now i'm a warm person and i'm a caring person uh you might not always get that impression of me on youtube but you see the way i actually am with people i know and care about in real life i am but that kindness comes from a kind of strength when i meet people and talk to people whether they're a complete stranger or there's someone a known for 10 years or 20 years right i have so much to share like there's so much in my life i feel is worth talking about and meaningful and that i want to share with you you know like i'm sorry but just just talk about like a normal kind of crappy conversation with a friend of yours if you have a friend and they're complaining about breaking up with a girlfriend or they're complaining about a conflict at work with their boss or something you know i'm someone who can be caring and engaged even on something that's shallow because i really feel i have a lot to share from my own life and i want to share that with you and so on and so forth and of course obviously i am even more willing to share if we're going to talk about politics or history or matters of real substance it's not because i'm needy you know what i mean it's not because i'm nosy i'm not i really don't ask questions about the people in my life i really let them tell me whatever it is they want to tell me and sometimes they get pissed off me for that because i'm not asking i'm not asking the kind of intrusive questions that they expect their friends to ask and that i guess their other friends ask that's come up in a few months a few more relationships but i go into it with this kind of context that i have a lot to share i'm not ashamed of who i am i'm not ashamed of what i'm sharing all right i gotta tell you the people i've known in life including the people who got phds especially the people who got phds they don't want to talk to me and they don't want to hang out with me because they're ashamed of themselves because they've accomplished so little in the last five years of any substance and what they have accomplished they're not proud of they feel stupid when they're around me they feel like they've been wasting their time when they're around me they feel like they haven't been living up to any of their own hype like the last time they talked to me they told me they were doing x y and z and then here they are five years later and then you know like you know and just be honest i have had people tell me that like do i've had people not indirectly i've had people directly tell me that whenever they talk to me or remember one guy said whenever he hears someone else talk about me uh behind my back saying about what i've been up to he said he felt ashamed of himself he said he felt he was living in slow motion that i was out like living in fast forward i was doing all these things and you know he uh here he was years going by and and not accomplishing anything and nothing changing and not not taking any risks and not living up to his own hype now that was mostly intellectually not living up to their own height and by the way i'm not saying the state you may know people right now who say they're going to write a novel and years go by and where's the novel at they even say they're going to read a book you guys come by and haven't read the book let alone you know writing a book whatever their projects are or whatever their aspirations are some people accomplish nothing because they spend their time uh on reddit reading gospel in other people's lives they spend their time watching reruns of the simpsons tv show of the family guy watching situation comedies watching movies like it's not always video games you know what i mean video games are kind of a convenient way to get this a lot of people spend years of their life doing absolutely nothing in particular just self-indulgent miscellaneous waste of time people share their lives with other people out of strength not weakness and when people tell me that they're shy i say no you're not you're ashamed of yourself we have this full stereotype that someone who is gregarious and self-confident is a psychopath i see this being said even about salesmen that like a good salesman as a psychopath or a sociopath because he's willing to walk up to a stranger and say hey i'm gonna sell you a pair of car tires that's better than the car tires you have no he's not no he's not he's positively motivated he's motivated because he actually believes he has a good product to sell you he actually believes these car tires are going to save you money in the long run or something and he actually wants to make the sale he actually do when you're positively motivated to do something you're not shy you know who's shy people who are ashamed of themselves people who feel like the product they're selling isn't really any good anyway and you shouldn't really be doing this job oh now you're starting to now you're starting to get shy okay now it's not that direct it's not that easy it's not that simple but there is a connection between the fact that you are playing video games for 20 hours a week and the fact that you're shy that you don't want to share your life with other people or that you're only willing to share your life with other people when you already know in advance that they're wasting their time in the same way that they're not going to judge you that they're not going to make you feel bad about yourself that when you meet up with them even if you just meet up for coffee with no other no ambitions to run in an election no plans to make a film no plans to to to save the world then when you meet up with them for coffee and say so you know what did you do this week where you won't feel embarrassed and you won't feel bad of yourself at all when you say oh well didn't really do anything you know the new version of that video game came out so i played that a lot how do you think my friends feel when they're in that situation and they talk to me that way whatever the project is whatever the aspiration is including i've known people who were aspiring youtubers whether it's that you're talking to someone who's a friend of yours about what did you do this last week what did you do that what are you going to do next weekend or you're looking back at the last two years of your life last five years of your life you're looking forward to the next five years of your life you're like hey bro you know where's it at i make people feel bad about themselves precisely because i feel good about myself okay you think i have any regrets about what i did during coronavirus do you think i feel like i wasted the last 10 months of my life not a goddamn bit of it i am so grateful i was stuck in this apartment reading books for 10 months reading reading books and writing books and sharing my life with you you people on the internet through youtube you know are you are you kidding me the value of what i did stuck in this apartment for the last 10 months compared to what i did in university like you know actually taking classes in universities it's no no comparison it's been absolutely wonderful it's been tremendously meaningful it's been tremendously rewarding you know who gets real shy around me you know who's shy people who took the last 10 months and they you know they played the legend of zelda on nintendo switch for 200 hours and then maybe they played animal crossing for 400 hours you know having ambition involves failure you know it involves being willing to fail again and again and again not having ambition involves shame and shyness it's a totally self-serving delusion to think that self-confident gregarious warm people who go out and share their lives with others are egomaniacs or psychopaths or sociopaths or trying to manipulate you this is the shy people of the world trying to justify their own shyness trying to claim that human nature is always shy unless there's some ulterior motive unless this person is a con artist unless this person is a salesman unless this person is a cult leader this is the dominance of the shy in the 21st century okay you're not shy you're ashamed of yourself you're ashamed of who you are you're ashamed of the extent to which you have squandered your own potential okay those of us who are out here willing and able and trying to share our lives with others we do it out of strength not weakness and there are so few people who are strong enough to reciprocate that warmth and just share their own life in return even if their life has you know struggles and disappointments and tragedies and setbacks and failures even if you have to fail 10 times before every one project that succeeds there's still a difference between whether you fail with other people or if you fail alone if you share your sorrow if you share your suffering with others or if you're in a state of sorrow and suffering alone it still matters everything worth doing everything worth doing involves cooperation with other people even learning a language you can't even learn chinese alone talent is scarce you can be strong you can stop being ashamed of your own life you can stop being shy you can get ready to share your life with other people to collaborate and work with 10 other people or 100 other people you can even make that your conscious goal right the problem is you can't be strong for anyone else you can only be strong for yourself and then you get to see you get to see just how alone you are because your strength makes other people aware of their weakness [Music] maybe we can we can practice yes
share their lives with other people out of strength not weakness and when people tell me that they're shy i say no you're not you're ashamed of yourself having ambition involves failure you know it involves being willing to fail again and again and again not having ambition involves shame and shyness you're not shy you're ashamed of yourself you're ashamed of who you are you're ashamed of the extent to which you have squandered your own potential it's easy to visualize your ambitions in terms of things in terms of palpable things it's not just easy to be honest you i think that's a pretty reliable sign of stupidity if you ever meet someone and talk to them and you say oh well what's what's your ambition i mean however it comes up in conversation naturally presumably it's not like a survey and you're just asking you meet someone and they say oh every day they get up and they visualize a red sports car that's made in italy you know this this is their ambition their ambition is to drive this red sports car and you know we see these kinds of cars on the street here every so often depending on where you live it's probably because of the climate here there are a lot of people with expensive cars here because there's not too much snow and whatever and i i always make make jokes about it they're not even really great jokes but i always kind of joke around with most oh this this is the meaning of my life i can't be happy until i'm driving a bright red jaguar like this [ __ ] you know like oh yeah this is what i'm this is what i'm looking for this is what i'm motivated by you know so it's not just that it's easy i think it's a pretty reliable sign of stupidity that you have aspirations and ambitions defined in terms of simple palpable things there's another kind of aspiration or ambition that's maybe more impalpable but it's something like writing a book it's something like making youtube videos it's something maybe it's an art form maybe it's not creative maybe it's a status or social position you want to attain in life i mean it's a step up it's a step up from wanting to own a red sports car so you have some idea you want to be a doctor you want to be a dentist you want to be a pilot you want to be a chief petty officer in the military there's some rank there's some status of some role you want to play i think that kind of ambition and exploration almost inevitably leads to tragedy and self-hatred and certainly my professors uh here at the university of victoria my professors before the university of toronto most people i knew with phds whether in england or france or in china i knew a lot of people phds in in asia most of them were trapped in the nightmare of having lived out their dream and discovered that it wasn't worth living wasn't worth dreaming either you know they found out what it really meant to be a university professor and have a phd and they were they were horrified by it and discussed it with themselves and a great deal of self-loathing and disappointment as a result okay that's another kind of ambition and aspiration but you know what the most powerful and most effective form of ambition and aspiration is to have of all its people all right you know what swords can't accomplish a whole hell of a lot having a hundred men who are willing and able and motivated to make use of those swords changes the course of history right you can own a lot of pencils and pens i mean i do i don't collect them or anything i've always got a lot of them around you know you notice that about me if you come to my apartment you know it's good partly because i've studied so many languages you know what having a hundred pens it's not gonna change the world it's not gonna accomplish much if you have a hundred authors if you know a hundred writers who are motivated positively somehow to make the world a better place there's something they want to change there's something they have in common with you where you want to you want to work together if you have a salon of talented people that can change the world when your ambitions are not based on things and they're not based on a rank well you know a job title or certification or something when your ambitions are based on people it's not just that they're more powerful they're also more malleable they can change right if you have 100 people who are motivated to work together to get you elected in government anyway sorry it doesn't have to be i don't care if i knew 100 people here i'd be totally happy to be some of the brains behind someone else's campaign i could ghostwrite their speeches you know i don't that doesn't have to be my face in the front i'm not an egomaniac about that i really don't care i can contribute in other ways to other political causes and or whether it's a political cause as blatant as participating in elections or it is something more like humanitarian work it's political and changing the world but not not in an electoral uh way you know if you have 100 people who are motivated and eager and willing and organized to help you participate in an election and let's just say it's an election you cannot win you cannot win but you can get up there on the podium and you can eloquently speak for whatever the issue is that unites these guys maybe your anti-war maybe your pro-war maybe your anti-torture maybe your you know anti-vivisection or you i don't know you want to save the cows you want to save the whales you want to save something whatever it is that draws you people together if you have those people and they don't just know you they know one another right there are bonds of mutual trust and mutual respect there aren't it's not like a whole bunch of points united in the middle just one point you have a hundred points that are all connected in multiple ways to one another all of them have been out to picnics with one another maybe not all at the same time you know they're all they're all connected one way or another okay once you've done that you could turn around and you can mobilize those people to instead take on a humanitarian project you can mobilize those people to instead make a film you can mobilize those people to make change in the world in so many different ways to do something creative to do something politically significant right once you have people you have the potential to do anything when you have a job title you have the potential to do one thing and when you have an object like an expensive car you have the potential to do nothing when you think back to your own time in university how many of those people that you knew in university do you wish you still knew today you could still cooperate with today you could still collaborate with today uh whether that's you want to make a film together whether it's you want to open a bakery together so it's another good example something has some long-term commitment to it you want to organize to do something politically or creatively or in terms of business you know you want to do something how many of those people that you knew in university do you wish you you still knew today now i have a further question like if you actually got out a pencil and paper and wrote down their names if you look them up on facebook you just managed to find the name you searched how many of them do you think you'd still want to meet up with just after looking at their facebook group just seeing what they've been doing in the last five or ten years talent is scarce and as we get older it gets scarcer when i made the youtube videos talking about how everyone who lives in this apartment building hates me and i did that for a reason i was trying to show a broader point and it's it's hard to show the significance of an absence in your life what i'm trying to indicate you right now with this video is there are a hundred people out there who should still be in my life and they're not all right there were a hundred people i knew when i was doing humanitarian work in vien chen the capital city of laos and none of them are with me today there were 100 people i knew in bangkok thailand there were 100 people i knew in chiang mai various faces including the vegans the vegan activists i knew a channel like people who spoke english sort of there were 100 people in kunming china you know there weren't 100 people but maybe there were 10 people in de hong china it was a small town you know there were 100 people when i lived in cambridge england and when i took the bus back and forth between cambridge and oxford you know so we could count more people i knew people at cambridge i knew people at oxford i knew people at the university of london right any of those people could still be a positive part of my life today and they're not there were a hundred people i knew in france sure sure including some vegan activists by the way at every phase of my life at every stage of my life there were these people i reached out to and that i who i shared my life with and so that i was warm and encouraging and and positive to right and each and every one of them for various specific reasons you know they did not give that warmth and positivity back i'm trying to really draw attention to the significance of that absence there are a hundred people missing there and in a lot of ways that's much more than 100 people that are missing i said before there's this absence in my life i'm trying to draw attention to right there are a hundred people who should be here with me now should be sharing my life and they're not i think the single most important reason is that those people are ashamed of themselves and they don't feel that they have a life worth sharing now i'm a warm person and i'm a caring person uh you might not always get that impression of me on youtube but you see the way i actually am with people i know and care about in real life i am but that kindness comes from a kind of strength when i meet people and talk to people whether they're a complete stranger or there's someone a known for 10 years or 20 years right i have so much to share like there's so much in my life i feel is worth talking about and meaningful and that i want to share with you you know like i'm sorry but just just talk about like a normal kind of crappy conversation with a friend of yours if you have a friend and they're complaining about breaking up with a girlfriend or they're complaining about a conflict at work with their boss or something you know i'm someone who can be caring and engaged even on something that's shallow because i really feel i have a lot to share from my own life and i want to share that with you and so on and so forth and of course obviously i am even more willing to share if we're going to talk about politics or history or matters of real substance it's not because i'm needy you know what i mean it's not because i'm nosy i'm not i really don't ask questions about the people in my life i really let them tell me whatever it is they want to tell me and sometimes they get pissed off me for that because i'm not asking i'm not asking the kind of intrusive questions that they expect their friends to ask and that i guess their other friends ask that's come up in a few months a few more relationships but i go into it with this kind of context that i have a lot to share i'm not ashamed of who i am i'm not ashamed of what i'm sharing all right i gotta tell you the people i've known in life including the people who got phds especially the people who got phds they don't want to talk to me and they don't want to hang out with me because they're ashamed of themselves because they've accomplished so little in the last five years of any substance and what they have accomplished they're not proud of they feel stupid when they're around me they feel like they've been wasting their time when they're around me they feel like they haven't been living up to any of their own hype like the last time they talked to me they told me they were doing x y and z and then here they are five years later and then you know like you know and just be honest i have had people tell me that like do i've had people not indirectly i've had people directly tell me that whenever they talk to me or remember one guy said whenever he hears someone else talk about me uh behind my back saying about what i've been up to he said he felt ashamed of himself he said he felt he was living in slow motion that i was out like living in fast forward i was doing all these things and you know he uh here he was years going by and and not accomplishing anything and nothing changing and not not taking any risks and not living up to his own hype now that was mostly intellectually not living up to their own height and by the way i'm not saying the state you may know people right now who say they're going to write a novel and years go by and where's the novel at they even say they're going to read a book you guys come by and haven't read the book let alone you know writing a book whatever their projects are or whatever their aspirations are some people accomplish nothing because they spend their time uh on reddit reading gospel in other people's lives they spend their time watching reruns of the simpsons tv show of the family guy watching situation comedies watching movies like it's not always video games you know what i mean video games are kind of a convenient way to get this a lot of people spend years of their life doing absolutely nothing in particular just self-indulgent miscellaneous waste of time people share their lives with other people out of strength not weakness and when people tell me that they're shy i say no you're not you're ashamed of yourself we have this full stereotype that someone who is gregarious and self-confident is a psychopath i see this being said even about salesmen that like a good salesman as a psychopath or a sociopath because he's willing to walk up to a stranger and say hey i'm gonna sell you a pair of car tires that's better than the car tires you have no he's not no he's not he's positively motivated he's motivated because he actually believes he has a good product to sell you he actually believes these car tires are going to save you money in the long run or something and he actually wants to make the sale he actually do when you're positively motivated to do something you're not shy you know who's shy people who are ashamed of themselves people who feel like the product they're selling isn't really any good anyway and you shouldn't really be doing this job oh now you're starting to now you're starting to get shy okay now it's not that direct it's not that easy it's not that simple but there is a connection between the fact that you are playing video games for 20 hours a week and the fact that you're shy that you don't want to share your life with other people or that you're only willing to share your life with other people when you already know in advance that they're wasting their time in the same way that they're not going to judge you that they're not going to make you feel bad about yourself that when you meet up with them even if you just meet up for coffee with no other no ambitions to run in an election no plans to make a film no plans to to to save the world then when you meet up with them for coffee and say so you know what did you do this week where you won't feel embarrassed and you won't feel bad of yourself at all when you say oh well didn't really do anything you know the new version of that video game came out so i played that a lot how do you think my friends feel when they're in that situation and they talk to me that way whatever the project is whatever the aspiration is including i've known people who were aspiring youtubers whether it's that you're talking to someone who's a friend of yours about what did you do this last week what did you do that what are you going to do next weekend or you're looking back at the last two years of your life last five years of your life you're looking forward to the next five years of your life you're like hey bro you know where's it at i make people feel bad about themselves precisely because i feel good about myself okay you think i have any regrets about what i did during coronavirus do you think i feel like i wasted the last 10 months of my life not a goddamn bit of it i am so grateful i was stuck in this apartment reading books for 10 months reading reading books and writing books and sharing my life with you you people on the internet through youtube you know are you are you kidding me the value of what i did stuck in this apartment for the last 10 months compared to what i did in university like you know actually taking classes in universities it's no no comparison it's been absolutely wonderful it's been tremendously meaningful it's been tremendously rewarding you know who gets real shy around me you know who's shy people who took the last 10 months and they you know they played the legend of zelda on nintendo switch for 200 hours and then maybe they played animal crossing for 400 hours you know having ambition involves failure you know it involves being willing to fail again and again and again not having ambition involves shame and shyness it's a totally self-serving delusion to think that self-confident gregarious warm people who go out and share their lives with others are egomaniacs or psychopaths or sociopaths or trying to manipulate you this is the shy people of the world trying to justify their own shyness trying to claim that human nature is always shy unless there's some ulterior motive unless this person is a con artist unless this person is a salesman unless this person is a cult leader this is the dominance of the shy in the 21st century okay you're not shy you're ashamed of yourself you're ashamed of who you are you're ashamed of the extent to which you have squandered your own potential okay those of us who are out here willing and able and trying to share our lives with others we do it out of strength not weakness and there are so few people who are strong enough to reciprocate that warmth and just share their own life in return even if their life has you know struggles and disappointments and tragedies and setbacks and failures even if you have to fail 10 times before every one project that succeeds there's still a difference between whether you fail with other people or if you fail alone if you share your sorrow if you share your suffering with others or if you're in a state of sorrow and suffering alone it still matters everything worth doing everything worth doing involves cooperation with other people even learning a language you can't even learn chinese alone talent is scarce you can be strong you can stop being ashamed of your own life you can stop being shy you can get ready to share your life with other people to collaborate and work with 10 other people or 100 other people you can even make that your conscious goal right the problem is you can't be strong for anyone else you can only be strong for yourself and then you get to see you get to see just how alone you are because your strength makes other people aware of their weakness [Music] maybe we can we can practice yes