First the excuses, then the drugs, then the brain damage.

i have a blankie blankie is a blanket i
have had since i was literally born out of the womb my aunt melody got it for me when i was a baby it originally had mickey mouse and minnie and it's my security blanket like i sleep with it every single night i like need it and um with borderline personality disorder and if you experience trauma things that you did as children carries with you in your adult life so i just learned this last year the reason why i have blanky and i watch cartoons and like there's certain things that i myself like have to have and have to do throughout the day or whatever is because of my trauma and that is like my security and i just hold on to that and i will never get rid of blankie i love blanky i sleep with it every single night and i'm not ashamed of that because it's just who i am and it's what i do what's up guys welcome back to my channel sami marie here and i do videos all about mental health here i have borderline personality disorder bipolar 2 ocd and ptsd and today i'm going to be talking to you guys about my medications and the side effects of my medication now i'm on lemigdel haldol topamax and minipress and the mcdole is a mood stabilizer topamax is a mood stabilizer haldol is an antipsychotic and minipress is for ptsd and nightmares and flashbacks so those are the medications that i'm on and what they're for so the side effects let's just jump on into that and for me the side effects for lamingto is hair loss it makes me kind of groggy and like numb and tired and i honestly i don't like it but i and it's funny because my doctor had me on 200 milligrams like a couple months ago and i stopped taking it which you should never stop taking your medications like just stopping cold turkey but i did and then um i recently just talked to him like a few days ago and he was like okay well we need to get you back on it so now i'm back on it um not 200 milligrams he's slowly tapering me back up to get back up to 150 milligrams so now i'm on 25 milligrams of that tapering back up to 150 so yeah i'm getting back up to that and then the topamax side effects of that is hair loss in the beginning um like you can't think straight you literally can't even talk like a normal person you can't speak i would literally be talking gibberish and i if there's a word for it i can't remember the word but you literally can't even have a normal conversation i'd be at work and i have this script that i'd have to follow talking to customers and i couldn't even follow the script in my head like i memorized it and i couldn't even remember it it was so bad the hall doll i haven't really noticed much from the hall doll um in the beginning i was very groggy very tired just like very out of it i guess now i'm used to it but in the beginning of antipsychotics you're just very out of it and very tired so yeah that's a big thing um but antipsychotics are strong haldol is a very strong antipsychotic and i'm on a very strong dosage of it so so yeah um you gotta get used to it and now i'm used to it so i don't really notice side effects from it but in the beginning of antipsychotics you're just very out of it and very tired so yeah that's a big thing um but antipsychotics are strong haldol is a very strong antipsychotic and i'm on a very strong dosage of it so so yeah um you gotta get used to it and now i'm used to it so i don't really notice side effects from it but in the beginning i was very very tired from it over the years i was on a lot of antipsychotic medications until i tried one particular psychoactive medication that soon after i started taking it i felt the best i did since i was a little boy when my psychiatrist warned me that i would develop the physical symptoms as in several years in the future i wasn't really concerned about it because i was doing so well i don't want to have the risk of giving that up several years later i woke up one morning and i noticed that my cheeks were puffing in and out uncontrollably and i was horrified when i saw my image in the mirror and then the puffing in out changed to grimacing and i wasn't surprised that i was diagnosed with torn dyskinesia td because i knew grimacing was one of the symptoms but i was surprised i started to have other physical problems that i wasn't prepared for and then lastly minipress i didn't really notice anything i didn't have nightmares which is it's supposed to take away nightmares from it and my nightmares completely went away which is really nice i don't really have nightmares anymore sometimes i do because everybody has nightmares but i really don't have nightmares anymore which is really nice um i don't have flashbacks really anymore which is really nice and it's just completely gone which is awesome so td has had a big impact on my life my symptoms of tv are very visible and as a result people look at me differently i travel by public transportation and i have kids turn around and stare at me because they're curious or they don't understand why this man is making faces so i don't get upset about that but it does upset me when people see me grimacing they come to the conclusion that there's something wrong with me [Music] if you have any questions go ahead and leave those below but that's pretty much it guys i hope you guys enjoyed this video don't forget to like comment and subscribe and i will see you guys next [Music] time [Music] maybe we can we can practice yes