Introversion is just an excuse for being an idiot.

introversion doesn't exist okay
introversion is an excuse and the excuse is harder to quit than the actual condition and the excuses don't help people the excuses only make it worse because it makes weakness into a strength it makes a vice into a virtue it makes stupidity into a professed form of intelligence okay so so here's a quotation from uh marica i'll just uh i'll just read this in following i'll copy and paste it quote the problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence okay so merc again this is a quote from uh charles burkowski what's your real life experience of this this is 2021 you know this is derailing the cut talk with this youtube video but i think it's the time a little bit further okay so you know do you think that when you go into a university classroom and let's say it's a university class about aristotle and let's say you've got three types of students in that class there are people who are video game addicts who are interested in playing video games getting out of class as quickly as possible doing as little work as possible just because they want to go and play video games and if it's not video games it'll be something equally as stupid maybe they want to go to a nightclub and take mind-altering drugs and dance all night they have no they have no positive intellectual connection to the topic of the course being taught and no matter what the course was on they would still be like that anyway right there are people who maybe do have some interest in some other course where there's some other course they would work hard on but this particular course they're selling and resentful about like oh i was just forced to take this course because my parents want me to take it or they're forced to do it because of course requirements there's some reason why they're forced to answer and then there's a third category of people who really care the people who even see this as the highlight of their lives and again i meet middle-aged people in universities who say wow you know what my whole life i've always wanted the opportunity to study aristotle to read about his philosophy and talk about it with an expert and [ __ ] you know i'm so ready for this course for me this is the culmination of years of yearning and pining and imagining i care about this so much do you mean to [ __ ] tell me that in that classroom the most intelligent people are going to be silent and full of doubts i think you have no real life experience i don't think you know what the [ __ ] you're talking about and i've got to tell you i think this is true across the board if you bring together a bunch of musicians in a music studio you know we say oh yeah okay we're going to work on this album we're going to record something there will be musicians in that studio who say wow i've been waiting my whole life for this opportunity i've been waiting my whole life for someone to put a microphone in front of me and ask me what i think and ask me what i want to do with the arrangement and how i want to play this or you know how how we're going to how we're going to put this song together and they have so much to say and they're so highly motivated right shy [ __ ] shy some of those people would say they're shy in some other context sure and some other comics where they don't care they don't know what they're doing but they say hey i've been waiting my whole life for this opportunity to play guitar on on a song like this you know i've really wanted to do and now here i am in a recording studio and you're in charge and you're asking me what i think all of a sudden i'm not shy this really matters to me and i think in some objective sense it it really matters you're highly you think in that room the best musicians are people who are shy and sitting in the corner and feeling sorry for themselves really really i'm just using this as two two examples from from across the board what people are calling you know introversion what people are calling shyness okay these are people who are ashamed of themselves all right you say you're shy you're not you're ashamed you're ashamed of yourself because you didn't read the book before you came to class you didn't read aristotle or you did the bare minimum of reading that book while resenting it every minute either because what you really want to be doing is playing video games or what you really want to be doing is going to a nightclub and taking drugs and dancing or just because you resent the particular course that maybe in some other context you are a bit of an intellectual you care about some other topic but oh i was forced to take this course because of my parents or because of the university administration or something or you have some resentment where you're not going to do the work right and even if in a certain contrived context you boast about how little work you do which many university students do they boast about how little reading they've done how little effort they've made right when you come into that classroom and you sit next to me and i'm talking to the professor i'm talking to the students and i'm charismatic and i'm the center of attention because i know about the content and i care right okay you're not shy you're ashamed of yourself you're sitting in the corner of the room and i'm gonna be real with you this is 2021. you're not just dreaming about going home and playing video games you are quite likely in the corner room playing video games while you're in the classroom you have your mobile phone out you have your laptop computer you're playing video games right now you're shy you're shy you feel ashamed of yourself right because on some level you know that you should have read the book you should have tried to understand the book you should care you should be learning how to understand the book right now you should be making a positive effort and you're not and again i'm not hating on you but i talk about the university as an example well some of you have never been to university how about the gym a lot of you go to the gym every day or a couple times a week okay okay so you recognize all the people at your gym right it's all regular people you see the same people getting it no you don't no you don't you recognize the most intelligent the most attractive the most self-confident people right and again they only need to have two out of the three there could be someone at the gym who's really ugly but they're self-confident and intelligent and they chit-chat with you once a while so you remember that person you don't have to be you don't have to be all three you know what i mean but there are self-loathing mopey shy people at the gym there are people at the gym who are really stupid there are people at your gym probably who are mentally disabled who have serious learning disabilities trust me there are people at the university even though it's a university who have serious you know disabilities that way and some mental disabilities you know okay okay and you don't remember them and you don't talk to them okay and the internet is their turf because it's the only turf they have to defend that is part of the pathos and the tragedy of the internet is that this is where the stupid and the ugly and the self-loathing among us take their revenge against the most intelligent and most self-confident people forever and ever and some of those people who become your enemies they are the stupidest ugliest people on earth they're exactly the people you ignore every day at work every day at the coffee shop every day on the university campus okay i'm gonna just dwell on this for one moment okay when you deal with people face to face you disproportionately deal with people who have a very high level of self-confidence because otherwise they wouldn't step to you they wouldn't say [ __ ] to you face to face when i am on university of victoria campus the men and women who talk to me are the most self-confident people on the campus they are the sharpest people like intellectually they're sharp they may not be deep they may not be like they may be incredibly ignorant in crass but they're sharp they have a certain kind of alertness or acumen right and they are almost without i just noticed i think without exception they're attractive people right and in the same classroom very often literally hiding in the corner of the classroom there are ugly stupid self-loathing people with no self-confidence and if you don't take the time to talk to every single person in the classroom you can do the whole class you didn't even notice they were there you can do a year-long class at university and someone says oh hey man how did that class go was great was great it was great it's great great great great class great class how many people were in that class uh about about 15 students oh yeah okay name them uh you know and you name all oh yeah i remember this guy and this guy and this guy maybe you don't remember their names yeah yeah there was the there was a tall guy and there was the fat guy who was always telling jokes there was this guy you're remembering the most intelligent most self-confident people those the people who actually talked in class those people actually talked to the professor and those are the people who came over and talked to you no one says oh do you remember do you remember the mopey ugly stupid guy in the corner no oh oh you don't you don't remember no he never said one word he didn't say one word to the professor didn't say one word to me oh well guess what he hates your guts and he is on your facebook profile and your instagram profile on your youtube channel every day for the rest of your life it is the people you don't see because they make themselves invisible with their own low self-esteem in real life in the workplace on the university campus who come on the internet and make themselves impossible to ignore those are the people who won't just open one fake account they'll open 10 fake accounts so they can keep sending you email and those people will start their own youtube channels just to hate on you and i am not joking it can literally be a dude you were you were in class with okay so i don't want to speak for melissa but melissa is saying that among her haters this way people who hate on her but who actually did know her in high school university just as with my example of this old friend of mine who actually has published some books and he's traveled around the world led interesting life in different ways that in some ways these haters they have had successful lives right okay now this is me speaking for myself that was me paraphrasing melissa okay right but this matters more period right the reason why they're jealous is that even if they can't analyze it or think about it right this matters more the life of the mind always matters more always hey hey guys who went skiing who went skiing last night who gives a [ __ ] if you went skiing nobody gives a [ __ ] about your schedule nobody okay you know yeah there are a lot of people i mean the people hating on melissa a lot of them have been on a whole lot of skiing trips and you know what reading aristotle matters more understanding aristotle matters more being able to come on camera and actually give a charismatic intelligent useful like a discussion of aristotle that's actually useful to people in the audience you know what that matters more and it always did and it always will and that's why they killed socrates and people live their whole lives in the shadow of the meaningful life they could have had that all their lives are haunted by the specter of the intellectual achievement they were capable of but that they never did pursue okay and that's why they're gonna hate you but my point is this when i talk about this being a kind of invisible malevolent majority of people around you they're invisible because you don't see them they're invisible because they don't make themselves seen they don't make themselves hurt and it will never end so we told really briefly also the story of people melissa has known since university maybe in some cases they're people you've known since high school too you know and uh it's just ridiculous sorry you know if you were a friend of melissa's in high school or university why can't you be happy for her why can't you be happy for her you know why do you have to like really i mean in this case it's really hate it's really hatred like it's not it's not hate in the sense of like trolling comments or something why do you have to hate this person who's a kind of acquaintance of yours but someone you knew to some extent you know in high school university why do you have to to be this way towards you okay that's why okay it's it's real resentment it's real inferiority i said you before for me one of the reasons why i would make that book about martin luther king jr even if it is hated or even if it's hated by 10 times as many people who positively appreciate it like a thousand people hate it and a hundred people see it and appreciate it over the next uh ten years i feel i have to do that because nobody else can do it nobody else can give voice to what i'm gonna give voice to and i know this is a for me this is a relatively low effort video but you guys can imagine there are some videos that reflect years of work and years of life experience so there's so much that goes into it okay that's another story you know that that too i feel i have to say that because nobody else can say it well guess what there are some really stupid people in your audience there are stupid ugly people who have no self-confidence who are sitting watching that video feeling that they could never do this themselves they could never say this themselves they could never read the book or if they do read the book they could never understand it in this level analyzing this level get this lecture on this level i would not even call this jealousy i would not even call this envy i think neither one of those is accurate all right this is about inferiority and having a punitive attitude of people going out and and seeking uh revenge okay so i'm coming back to some earlier comments made by uh vanima so by the way i don't know if uh vanima is is male or female it's a feminine ending on the name so i assume this is a female person um so okay venom i think you made some typos here so you said they can't contribute if they don't like others doesn't mean they're stupid so i think you have another comment in here where you're saying that uh i'm sorry i'm sorry if i'm misattributing this to you someone else said well what about people who are just actually uh introverted what you're doing uh vanima i think there's one other person who understandably was a bit upset by my thoughts oh yeah so nacho no big deal but nacho said some people are just uh introverted being able to read a book and come into a classroom and talk about it with other people right okay you think that's something different from intelligence right and not being able being unable to read a book and then come into the classroom and discuss it with others and maybe learn from your own mistakes and maybe learn from theirs and debate and discuss with being unable to do that you think that's something other than stupidity okay but you're wrong that is intelligence and that is why people will hate you if you're good at youtube that's why people will hate you if you're good at doing book reviews or any other kind of really meaningful and substantive broadcasting on youtube whether it's about politics or history frankly it could be about architecture it could be anything okay because if you're good at this they feel that you are better than them okay and they're right to really have jealousy based on on grades you know a number on a piece of paper okay if that i'm not saying it doesn't exist okay that's shallow that's limited because that's jealousy about something you did okay what we're talking about here is a feeling of inferiority that is really on a deep level based on who you are you know what i mean the fact that you are that shy self-hating person and nobody knows your name and it's not just one class it's not just when you're in class with me every single class you go to at the university you're ignored in all of them and there's some other guy in that class who is the isil mazzard of that subject but guess what for those people who make themselves invisible in real life you can make up a [ __ ] excuse and call it introversion okay introversion doesn't exist okay introversion is an excuse and the excuse is harder to quit than the actual condition okay these are people who go from one classroom to the next and everywhere they go they're stupid and lacking in self-confidence and they're invisible and they make themselves invisible they mope from one classroom to the next and they mope and once they're finished university they mope from one theater of life to the next forever and ever and they get to go home and play video games and go on the internet and leave hate comments and so on and i'm saying this literally even if they're people who knew you face to face you know this this is this phenomenon that you'll see you know again and again okay now i know i know you may feel brendan brendan says to the audience quote i feel attacked lol okay um you know uh it may be reassuring for you as a student to tell yourself oh those silent sulky kids or middle-aged adults whatever they are those silent sulky students who are sitting off in the in the corner um maybe they're the most brilliant of us all and the professor at the front of the classroom he may want to delude himself this way also he might think well the students who are talking are kind of dumb but there are some silence dudes maybe i can kid myself into thinking they're having really profound thoughts okay no all right um you know it's okay so nacho is backing up i totally understand your nacho is saying quote what about introverted folks who are not unintelligent but just shy to speak to others okay so nacho i don't think these are two separate things okay i don't you know i'm gonna be real with you i don't even think learning and teaching are two separate things and what am i doing in that book review video right i'm both learning and teaching at the same time when you come into that university classroom and you've read the book and you're you know you want to learn from others and you want to share what you got out of reading the book the same book everyone else in that classroom uh you know read you know no what you are calling shyness i already have a video telling you that shyness doesn't exist um but no i don't think shyness exists i don't think introversion exists i think these are i think these are excuses and the excuses don't help people the excuses only make it worse because it makes weakness into a strength it makes a vice into a virtue and it makes stupidity uh into a professed form of intelligence you know no your problem is that you're stupid your problem is that you're ashamed of yourself your problem is that you don't have anything intelligent to say about the book because if you did you'd say it and your shyness what you call shyness would be irrelevant right if you felt i mean look sorry come back to the example that started this all if you really felt you had something important to say about the death of dr martin luther king jr and nobody else is ever going to say it shyness is obviously irrelevant in that in that context if you know someone who says that they've read this book about who killed dr martin luther king jr and they think that it contains really important facts that they want to share with the public and they want to discuss with people but they're shy if someone said that to you someone's in the same position i was after reading this book the most useful thing you could say to them is you're not shy you have nothing to say oh i'm wrong oh i'm sorry it proved me wrong oh you have something to say you have something that's really important for the whole world to hear you have said it's really important for other people to hear us that's really important for your own co-workers to hear your own university professors to hear for anyone in the public oh oh really oh are you sure the problem is that you're shy probably if they step up to the challenge if they just film themselves trying to say what it was they thought was so important and then watching the video back they're going to realize oh he's right i didn't have anything intelligent to say i imagined i had something to tell you to say but now that i'm watching my own recording i'm forced to confront the reality of my own stupidity i'm forced to see how little i have to say and how bad i am at saying it which i'm sure for many people could be a could be a growing experience and look guys i wasn't born smart you know i really wasn't i made myself this way i wasn't born wise i was born ignorant and stupid all of us were and there are still innumerable topics that i am ignorant of and that if i spoke on them i would might say something stupid you know um you know i don't claim to be an expert in in all things uh whether or not i claim to be an expert in anything is actually debatable and look sorry so this has been a big digression but obviously what we do here on youtube is a much better example it's a much better crucible for all these things than any university classroom right what actually goes on in universal classroom has much less to do about really developing your own ideas and changing the world than we do youtube like what what i've just described from an idealized university classroom it's much more true of what people do here on youtube youtube is is it's better than any university classroom and honestly not just in this way in all ways um and no it is not the case that the intelligent people are are shy uh nor that they're introverts nor that they're you know in this whatever mythology people want to make up to um to glorify this kind of self-hating self-advocating behavior you know what i see there is a litany of excuses and i think that you know i think the excuses hurt people rather than help them melissa is raising the question to what extent is this innate talent and what extent is it an effort made here and now and to what extent is the the accumulation of hard work over many years and um right so like it's a lot easier to be quiet in class even though right yeah it's easier to play video games it's easier to learn nothing yeah sure right yeah if you're working hard right then you're more likely to get more out of it number one there's there's a lot of suffering involved too you suffer and really making that from really striving and really yeah and failing we're talking a lot about failure and this is supposed to be a video about about success right yeah right in classes if you're actually reading texts it's worth it just like it's it's worth it just to become a more intelligent person right even if there isn't any level of success that can come from this other than a grade right right but but but not gym class maybe you see what i'm saying but right but then it depends on how meaningful the class is that's that's ultimate that's the great thing about youtube it's this malleable art form you could just make youtube videos about how to have a bigger bum how to have a bigger bomb by doing this exercise at the gym etc and you know i'm not that's not zero meaningful on a scale of one to ten it's more than zero you know there's some level of meaning there but sure again unlike a university classroom even an idealized university classroom youtube can be about anything and whatever you make it about that becomes your life so you know that's a powerful thing to say if you start doing youtube videos about restaurant reviews right if this is successful it takes over your life are you pleased with that if you start doing youtube videos about aristotle and political philosophy referring back to ancient greece you know this becomes your life and and you become a different person through it what an amazing tool what an amazing tool to transform who you are right and to meet a small number of other like-minded people maybe five maybe 50 you don't know you know so no that's that's an amazing power in your hands it's it's much better than university and uh in all those ways i can remember what a different character i was in my first year of university i can remember what a different character i was in high school and you know i'll never forgive them for it but my parents wanted me to drop out of university in my in my first year because it would have been easier for them you know now what would my whole life have been like how would i have turned out and what would my level of education be and so on if i had if i dropped out of university it was a very heartbreaking difficult you know realization to deal with what was going on in my own family and education career and things at that at that stage well i have a lot of genetically similar people in my family i have a lot of half brothers who have absolutely zero intellectual character now we're not twins you know we're not genetically identical but they're guys born with a lot of the same apparatus i was born with you know mentally and physically they're similar to me in in obvious ways and i can see the paths they took and i could see it's possible it's possible to be born with you know approximately my genetic code and accomplish absolutely nothing you know intellectually to develop to not develop in this way whatsoever so it's not hard for me to imagine you know the ex it's not hard for me to visualize the extent to which who i am today is really the product of hard work and of conscious decisions i've made and sacrifice have made and suffering i've gone through you know what i mean so yeah very few of my positive traits in that sense are innate okay so we had a couple people raise the possibility this is a digression from top of the video but maybe it matters more maybe it matters more because of because we're talking about youtube so james says quote i can talk to friends about intellectual topics at length my family and whatnot but in front of a big audience i struggle a lot it's not really due to the subject just the atmosphere okay james why why do you think that is you [ __ ] what the [ __ ] do you think is wrong with you that you can talk about intellectual topics as long as there's no risk as long as there are no consequences as long as it can't possibly change anything in the world for better or worse as long as nobody is judging you and they'll think about what i went through and what i still go through just to have the opportunity to influence my fellow vegans in the vegan movement politically just to try to influence canadian politics on first nations issues which i'm also hated for it's just by a smaller number of viewers my political views on a huge range of topics are massively unpopular but believe it or not even just me stepping forward and saying hey you know what it would be really meaningful if white people started learning languages like korean ojibwe if instead of genocide we actually were reviving these languages like for the future these are incredibly unpopular police what would you think of me james if i told you that i had no problem talking about these intellectual topics as long as i was in the the comfortable small circle of my own family that's what you said my family comma what not oh oh gee you mean you can only talk about politics when you're only talking about it with people who either already agree with you or where there are no consequences and no risk really what kind of person are you or are you shy oh oh oh does that explain it oh is that your excuse is that what you're with i think you're a [ __ ] coward james i think you've adopted a set of excuses that are making your life worse every day okay so vanima you seem to also be part of team shy okay oh i'm sorry what was the point of talking about intellectual topics as you as you put it okay um was it only to talk to people who won't judge you who already agree with you who are already your friends and supporters or or were you actually trying to change the world or were you trying to learn something are you trying to teach something as they say especially with youtube you can see the dynamism of this that in many ways learning and teaching become one and the same you know you take the time to read that book and talk about it on youtube and maybe you're wrong about a bunch of things and you learn and you make another youtube video that's a lot more dynamic than than university courses what's this yeah i don't want to get on topic too much but i think it relates to what you were saying earlier about music if you want to play music what does it say of you if you are only comfortable playing music in front of your friends and family yeah or just you know just your relatives because right the stakes are so much higher right if you're performing right in front of a live audience of 200 people 300 people but if you are only comfortable with the safety of your own home uh that does show what your capabilities are what you're comfortable with right right right well okay i think music is an interesting example um what if someone told you james that they can play the guitar really really well but only in front of their own family not in front of an audience and they it's their own compositions they write songs they write original songs they say well you know i actually they create their own songs and they perform them but only in front of their own family again no risk no stakes no con no fear of consequences no fear of judgment no fear of the audience is gonna laugh at you right okay so i don't think they're shy okay i think they're ashamed of themselves i think on some level they know their work is crap it has nothing to contribute to okay but what if that same person what if one day they come up with a song and they say i believe in this song this song really matters this song could be a hit this song could change the world or even if you don't think it could be a hit you think this song could be really meaningful to 500 people if only 500 people hear it on the internet all of a sudden you're not shy anymore because you actually think the song you have to sing is worth something it's worth sharing it's worth taking that risk you see what i'm saying so now you may not perceive that as self-confidence right instead it's that oh i'm confident in the song right it's your song it's your performance it's your composition it is self-confidence what a lot of people want is to not get out of their comfort zone in any way to not have any risk you know to not be judged and so on and so forth but then nevertheless also have wealth and fame and of course that's what they imagine about people like trisha paytas right but it's not true trisha paytas has very little intellectual substance to share but she shares it she comes out and shares and she comes out and weeps and you know she breaks down weeping on camera talking about these most personal intimate things i've seen incredibly few of her videos but i heard her basically talking about giving a video where she talked about being a stripper and prostituting herself and you know really deeply personal thing i mean no but it's right okay okay trisha paytas is not shy at that time when she made those videos she felt that that was something really meaningful for people to hear and you know she's right you know i mean i do think i do think i'm thinking way back when she wasn't that famous yet you know i think she was really aware there were people in the audience who would relate to it and it would be it would be meaningful for for them you know remember she made a video just talking about the fact that she had an iranian boyfriend a persian boyfriend and what that's like and she was making that video thinking this is going to be listened to by some other white women who know what it's like to date persian guys like you know it's just saying it may not be on the same level but no there's there's a commitment there so look so not sure if i i'm not being contrary nacho says quote what if they are shy because they're ashamed of themselves but not for being stupid but for being socially awkward some people stutter and mumble when they have to interact with us right but if you're the musician who actually believes in the song so again it's not right my claim is that this really is self-confidence you're confident that this song needs to be sung and needs to be put in the charts needs to be shared on the internet right so therefore you have a kind of self-confidence no matter how much stuttering no matter how much mumbling no matter how awkward you are gonna commit to getting out and promoting that song okay if you are stuttering and mumbling or you have let's just say you're blind let's just say you are literally blind so when you make a youtube video you can't really make expressions and eye contact with the camera the same way someone who sees can but you have done this reading you have this message to share so i just did a video again sorry i'm just bringing back my own thing i have this point to make about the economic fiction that bernie sanders and alexandria cortez rely on so i really think i have something important to say to you and the video is a failure only 278 people have seen it i feel this is something really important i'm aware if i don't say it nobody else is going to say it etc right this is on me i've got to share that message with you nobody else is going to do it my friend jeff isn't going to do it for me so i am going to come on camera even if i'm blind even if i can't make eye contact with the audience this way because i have a disability you know i don't know if you've seen blind people you know they they can they know how to sit up right and talk but it's not the same as the on-camera performance of a sighted person especially if they're born blind you know say okay i have this really important thing to say about economics and i want to share with the audience and i hope you will share the link so that the word gets out here because this really matters so the same way the musician can have confidence in the song the youtuber can have confidence in that message and then yes you [ __ ] put up with it and you ask your audience to put up with it you say look i'm sorry i have a disability maybe it's stuttering maybe it's blindness but this is so important this is so meaningful to me i have to share with you now the other example um you know i've used before and i'll use it again is my video about the central park five so that video still has only two thousand eight hundred views okay as far as i'm concerned this should have a million views i'm certain i've lost subscribers and lost supporters it's just so politically shocking most of my audiences left when you're left of center they're leftist vegans it's it's disturbing okay like there were a lot of things it was disturbing for me too doing the research and realizing this okay guess what that's that's such an important message and the research i did it's so important for me to share this with you right i have confidence in the message the singer has confidence in the song right so therefore i have self-confidence right and maybe i'm fat and maybe i'm ugly maybe i have a disability that makes it more difficult maybe i stutter right and that's not the point not the question right you've still gotta you still gotta get get that message out there and youtube is so much less work than writing a book so i haven't mentioned this but i've been sick for at least the past three days i think four or five days anyway maybe four four days something like that i've actually been really sick i've had a fever and i've been sleeping badly okay i wanted to work on my book in the last four or five days and i didn't because i was sick so just mention i'm able to make this youtube video right now right the level of effort to write a book to publish in in print form this same kind of message it really is much much more work than making a youtube video so if you stutter now here's the other funny thing maybe making youtube videos can actually help you improve your study right maybe you can get better at speaking through making youtube videos you know so there is actually some good in that but even if not you know this is so much easier than writing a book publishing a book or getting your message out through through to written articles so uh nacho so this is off topic but in some ways on top nacho is um saying quote story off topic but you mentioned central park five made me think i really can't believe a dead body was found in a car rented by brianna taylor and it was never reported by the media close quote yes so i did have several videos talking about the brianna taylor case that's another great example i mean you know um [Music] you know if you know about this kind of thing and you care about it what's stopping you from making a youtube video so brianna taylor it's already much forgotten but she was made into a hero by the mainstream press and to a remarkable extent just a little bit of research revealed the extent to which she was a villain including that dead body in her car and by the way i have heard the police recording of a police officer who just from the the audio it seemed to be a black female police officer like from the voice sounded like an african-american a woman police officer uh showing up in her house and confronting her about that and talking to her about it i mean i've heard that i know certain things about it you know so what are you going to say if you really care about these things do you really care about anything what are you going to say oh well i'm only comfortable talking about that with members of my own family you know what does that say about you either you don't believe in yourself either you don't have self-confidence or you don't believe in the song you don't believe in the story you have to tell you don't believe in the mission you know the message you have to deliver you don't believe in the mission i guess it's a good enough way to to say it right um you know but there's a kind of self-loathing that would prevent you from uh from sharing that not show i hope you get the point i'm not being hostile to you here um yes some people stutter but being shy is a lie being an introvert is an excuse and it hurts the people who believe in it hurts the people who who make it and and i also i've had to struggle with this so i'd say i'll post here the link here is the link to um the central park five video um you know there are things that are hard for me to say and they're things that alienate my audience and are bad for my youtube career and i have to say them that's not the same as dealing with a stutter or being blind or what have you but no if you if you really see the value in this art form in this message right that is it's going to totally eclipse those those disadvantages and by the way i don't think this is just prescriptive what i'm saying it's not just prescriptive it's also descriptive i think that's what you see all over the internet you know whether people are right or wrong people feel they have something so important to share that they are going to share it anyway even if it means that they have to admit on camera that they they used to be a prostitute they talk about their history of being a prostitute even if and i'm sorry but having a stutter is hard admitting on youtube in a video your own parents are going to see that you used to be a prostitute that's harder okay and everyone's willing to do it because it's so important i mean really what we're doing here it's so important it's so meaningful it's so rewarding for you as a creative artist or intellectual and it's it's so meaningful for the audience you know you've got something to share and if just a few hundred other women see it who've been going through the same things you're going through or they're thinking about doing it so i'll give you a real brief example um i actually do remember this youtube channel there was a youtube channel and she is a very very skinny woman she's vegan she but she's very slender and when i first discovered her youtube channel the vast majority of her views were her videos talking about getting breast enlargement surgery getting silicone breast implants inserted and she was giving advice especially for women who like her were very petite very small and very lean because the type of surgery you get is different otherwise i probably wouldn't know about this but it's in some ways it's obvious if you're kind of a the type of surgery relates to your body type or whatever right so the vast majority of her fame the vast majority of reviews were people coming to see these videos uh and and the people she was interacting with in our audience were women interested in getting the same surgery or women who already had one surgery and we're getting we're getting another surgery right okay there was a turning point in her channel where she deleted all those videos she lost all those views and then she started making youtube videos talking about the fact that it was a mistake that she regrets it and that she was going to get surgery to remove the breast implants and then she talked about the surgery she talked about yeah stuttering's hard you know having a visual disability being it's hard you know what's really hard you know coming on camera and dealing with that it's it's hard okay that's hard you know what's hard coming on camera and directly confronting neo-nazis i've done it coming on camera and directly confronting communists i've done it okay you have stutter [ __ ] you okay [ __ ] you and [ __ ] your stutter okay i have come on camera and talked about losing my virginity i have come on camera and talked about the fact that my own parents were communists and i had a really terrible childhood growing up with these crazy communist parents and i've i've talked about that the variety of contacts but including where i'm really reaching out to people in the audience and saying hey some of you grew up with these problems too and videos including interviews where i was reaching out to people and their communists now they're people who've joined the communist religion frankly and where i'm saying look i have a perspective i want to share with you because i grew up with this stuff my parents wanted me to be a communist but i rejected their beliefs like i i know i can relate to your situation that's hard okay that's hard and what nobody nobody asks me if i'm shy nobody feels sorry for me it must i must be shy it must be hard for me to talk about losing my virginity must be hard for me to talk about my relationship with my own parents my parents political ideology you know it must be hard for me to take that and then you know use it to try to confront people and convert people frankly who are communists and who are neo-nazis on the internet and try to make the world a better place and to try to politically educate others at the same time that i'm politically educating myself i'm doing the reading i'm doing the learning now and in the last five years on this youtube channel the last eight years you know i'm learning i've learned so much since i started this youtube channel i'm challenging myself to grow you see what i'm saying so you know i'm just keeping it real with you you know so both you several other people did as well but i think it's mostly nacho i get what you're what you're raising is real okay but in that classroom using the university classroom as an example let me come back to you in that university classroom some people appreciate this is the opportunity of a lifetime you can sit down and learn the philosophy of aristotle or you can learn nothing you can squander it and guess what i used to live in vienchan the capital city of laos okay and i said to every other white english speaking person there i met don't you realize being here now that this is the opportunity of a lifetime i don't know maybe i was the only person who got it like maybe nobody else realized what an opportunity it was to be in that country at that time as that political situation was involving to be able to learn what we were learning do what we're doing and even participate in government the way i was participating in government was inside the government there and to meet those people and talk to those people and learn the language you know it was there was so much that i was getting out of it right okay well guess what what we're doing here on youtube it is a richer experience it is a more meaningful experience than going to university and sitting in that classroom it is a richer experience it is a more enriching experience i might say than buying an airplane ticket to laos and moping around vienchan the capital city of laos and meeting other people who work in humanitarian work in the government i'm being real i'm being real you know and and you can go back and watch your own videos and learn from your own mistakes anytime i mean the experiences i had in vien chen laos they're they're intangible and irretrievable in a very very different way because i wasn't youtubing during that period of my life you know what i mean in some ways i carry them with me forever but in some ways they're lost forever and i wasn't able to share them with you you know or anyone else in the audience or my own daughter or my own grandchildren right that's gone forever in a way that that youtube that youtube isn't you know what i mean so you know when people sit down in that classroom some of them recognize this is a positive opportunity and they try to get the most out of it no matter how stupid they are right and some people have an excuse quote great points about shyness and shame but some shyness is caused by trauma and childhood and adolescence in those cases they need encouragement not just attacks um uh okay but i mean i think i've just addressed this you know i think i've just addressed this in the last 10 15 minutes you know okay you know you've you've been through trauma in your childhood okay so you want to feel sorry for yourself you want me to feel sorry for you what's what's your point you know having a stutter is hard being born blind is hard it's a lot harder than having the memory of of childhood uh trauma or adolescent trauma you know what i mean okay and now let's talk about filmmaking okay so do you want to create something you want to create a short film on the internet that can influence hundreds of people's lives possibly millions of people's lives you know you want to do this you have this message you have this song you want to sing that's worthwhile okay what do you want to do or do you want to take this childhood trauma the same way that someone with a stutter might take their disability or the same way somebody's blind might take this disability and manufacture it into an excuse for what it is you're not going to do you know right here right now you might not have seen my my videos about therapy and uh psychiatry generally but you know um you know my catchphrase on that is you know it's very easy to tell people uh get professional help but the reality is there is no professional help and i i don't believe in this model of uh therapy that you're alluding to here i don't believe there is any university degree that helps you to help people in the way that you're that you're describing okay so great i got a great question from javier happy i hope you're still here sorry i know you wrote i don't know how long ago you wrote this uh you wrote this um question so javier asks is there um a video where you've approached the topic without feeling comfortable in your own knowledge like where i've challenged myself and i've been uncomfortable making the video and the answer is yes all the time all the time even in the first year of the youtube channel i challenge myself that way you know and and some of them are not that great videos in the first year of the channel definitely if i went back and watched those videos in the first year i think probably a lot of them i'd wanna i'd wanted to lead or unless the things that didn't really didn't really work out that well but yes and no no javier i don't know if you were here i have mentioned videos that were uncomfortable for me in this discussion i just i mentioned the one about the central park five and i gave the link to that i have already mentioned examples that but javier i can give you a great example and that was the video you asked me to make you uh sent me an email or a message on patreon you wrote to me asking me about the history of the education system in chile and the politics of chile at that time so i'm sorry i'm forgetting exactly what your question was but whatever your question was about the politics of chile my answer was to deal with the history of the education system in chile it was a total 100 percent challenge to me i have absolutely no formal or informal education in the the history of chilean politics or even south american politics i mean i've made a number of videos talking about you know uh the different kinds of academic background i have including lately i was talking about uh the middle east the arab world and so on i had no so it was a huge challenge for me and i made that video not despite my own ignorance but because of my own ignorance i was like okay and dude so so javier you know heavy has read many chapters of my book the book isn't published yet dude there are so many chapters of the book that were that were written exactly that way where it's like look i'm i'm not comfortable with this let's say i write i write one chapter it doesn't matter chapter seven eight or nine but some specifically i read the chapters like okay in that chapter i'm aware like i'm sitting here as the author i only dealt with the aspects of the problem that i already have expertise in that i'm already comfortable with um but now i'm going to challenge myself to write the next chapter it's okay let's just going to sneeze sneezing's on now i'm going to challenge myself to write the next chapter and deal with the other side of it the other aspect where i'm i'm out to see i'm outside of my area of expertise where i'm not comfortable or i'm uncomfortable you know so i do that in youtube videos to do that my writing and yeah by the way those chapters of the book they took a lot of research i had to go out i had to go and do a lot of reading as part of that obviously i couldn't just speak off off the top of my head and that video i made for you javier i'm sorry if someone i assume this is the same javier um we don't have that many viewers name have you but you know um [Music] that i did a lot of research for that too it was many hours of work so no so i do that i do that all the time well let's be real even emotional videos even videos that are just talking about my life i have made videos just talking about violence and there are chapters of the book talking about violence political violence and revolution where i am intentionally challenging myself to deal with the stuff i'm really uncomfortable with to deal with the stuff that's dangerous for me there's an element of risk in making youtube videos there's an element of risk in writing a book and i think there's an element of risk with radical honesty with any time you put yourself in the position of keeping it all the way real and reasoning things through to their ultimate consequences where you challenge them because it's really easy to write a paragraph in the book saying oh well of course uh i am opposed to political violence of course i'm opposed to violence and politics okay but where you challenge yourself to think it all the way through and to think through the examples and scenarios where it's like oh well it's easy for me to say i'm opposed to violence oh but but now let's really think through you know let's really think through let's really really challenge yourself to deal with the problem and all its complexity and prove yourself to be a hypocrite and you know drag out the contradictions in your own in your own philosophy so no uh i said before you know i talked about this youtube channel it doesn't exist anymore where the catchphrase was get upset but you know i could say about this too write you know get uncomfortable be committed enough whether it's youtube or writing a book to to to really get uncomfortable to go into those areas so yeah i do that quite intentionally all the time i want to deal with my own hypocrisy or prove myself to be a hypocrite and really you know with radical honesty reason at uh reason all the way through right great great quote from uh brendan williams brennan williams is quoting seneca i remember reading that in seneca i think he says some meaningful things immediately before and after or two we suffer more in imagination than in reality right and that's indeed why there's so much suffering here on here on youtube that can be translated in slightly different ways you know the philosopher arthur schopenhauer has the example i i experienced this myself as a child of a child who was running around playing and scrapes his knee and his bleeding from his knee but doesn't feel any pain at all until an adult walks over and pays attention to the kid's needs oh you poor deer look you're bleeding from the knee you know you scraped up your knee and then the child looks at his own knee and feels sorry for himself and starts crying basically because the adult has prompted the child they ought to feel bad they ought to be suffering sort of thing you know now this is an incredibly simplistic example but yes you know a man suffers not in what he feels but what he knows [Music] maybe we can we can practice