I Killed Anthony Bourdain.

hey guys I've had a few different jobs
where I had to sign some kind of non-disclosure agreement um in this case I was working as a volunteer and I think it was more implicitly understood that you weren't supposed to talk about this stuff publicly but you know I've seen a lot of videos lately and in this really kind of self-righteous self-congratulatory way they'll put like the 1-800 number for the suicide hotline below their YouTube video or they tell you oh you know what happened to Anthony Bourdain can happen to anybody so make sure you've got the suicide hotline and we're ready to go on your phone like have it on speed dial like this is some kind of magic wand you can wave around like you know somebody in your own life the type of suicide what what do you really think is gonna be on the other end of that line well I can tell you because I haven't eaten what's gonna be there on the other end of the line is is maybe some [ __ ] just like me someone who doesn't know you and doesn't care about you and can't appreciate you know the struggles you're going through and someone who definitely can't help you with the actual problems you're having the problems in your life that you're trying to solve because if you're suicidal chances are you have real-world problems you don't just need an attitude adjustment and even if you do you're not really gonna adjust your attitude by calling up a complete stranger on the phone they're like hey have a more positive attitude oh I'll try that thanks it's not gonna work franciene - Bourdain it's not gonna work for you I mean you you really imagine it would have saved Anthony Bourdain's life if if only he knew there was a suicide hotline if only someone handed him the phone for that priceless advice from a complete stranger it is real easy to say get professional help but for a lot of these things there's there's no professional so look guys I was I was on duty that day I was on duty when Anthony called up to get help and you know I mean I was having a bad day myself like I gotta come in as a volunteer and like they used to have free coffee but then they got rid of the coffee machine so they don't even pay me to be there and I'm expected to like buy you know decaf at Starbucks cuz I only drink decaf so it's like in Canada like the cheapest drink you can get us like two dollars and 25 cents plus tax for like a decaf double espresso and I'm like you know and then I've got to sit there and listen to one person after another explain to me why they want to commit suicide and I'm not even allowed to give my own opinion I've got this like photocopied playbook of different pieces of advice you know if they say this do that you know you're supposed to just follow the script so there's really no like empathy or compassion or sports month mania and I get this guy calling me up and the first thing he says is you know you know hi this is this is Anthony Bourdain and I'm like Anthony Bourdain you know like I mean I understand his life was hard but you know for one thing I'm vegan and I'm hearing this it's like this is someone who has repeatedly said that I and all vegans should just go ahead and commit suicide he said that on TV a whole bunch of times he meant as a jokes and as he mentioned as Bennett is some kind of you know social criticism what have you see you know anything is I've gotta listen to this guy tell me about how hard his life is he makes one documentary after another showing him living in constant luxury and self-indulgence he's on permanent vacation all the time you know he lives for one three-course meal after another just to sit there and pass judgment on it have people pay him to talk about how much he enjoys eating he has no ethical compass whatsoever it doesn't care of his eating salami he doesn't care of his eating you know a live snake yeah eat the heart out of a live snake one time you know fertilized pigeon eggs whatever this guy like monkey brains just just to boast about it on Twitter that that's his life and I'm sitting here I've just spent the last three hours listening to people trying to talk them down out of slitting their wrists or overdosing on you know whatever it is they got in their medicine cabinet overdose on you know my life's awful I got all my strokes and you really want to get on the phone with me Anthony Bourdain and you want to tell me how rough you've got it no I mean it's not it's not my proudest moment I mean I thought I wouldn't talk about it like I say there's kind of a non-disclosure agreement involved and you know it's it's a it's a volunteer position but yeah I mean you know Anthony Bourdain he called the 1-800 number and you know I mean I I wouldn't say that like I laughed in his face but you know I I did laughs you know several several times that what he was telling me and I mean you know it just I gotta say just started with him saying yeah this this is Anthony Bourdain and that and that he was was suicidal I don't know I mean you know there are different factors there I guess I just I just couldn't take it that seriously or I felt like I couldn't be that helpful to someone you know someone who's constantly boasting about his his own life of luxury and and how awful the lives of vegans are supposed to be and now here you are you know calling up this this 1-800 number now you know my employer the the agency I think they do have the the conversation on on tape and I think you know based on what my supervisor said I think they're not gonna I think they're not gonna disclose it publicly so you know exactly what I said and what kind of tone I said it in you know I guess I guess we'll never know but I mean as I remember you know I mean toward the end of the the phone call it got a bit you got a bit combative it got to be but you know in the in the guide book we have that that's actually a good sign you can get someone from being depressed to being angry at you that's what I said to my supervisors look well I made him angry that's good people are actually less likely to commit suicide you can get them from being depressed and self-pitying to being mad at you on the phone that's that's like two points up on the on the depression scale but you know I mean he got angry at me and then I got angry at him and you know I mean there were some words along the lines of like well why don't you just you know you know why don't you just you know do it seeing as you know you know you like eating salami you hypocritical piece of [ __ ] you know some some ports to that you know to that effect so I mean look wasn't wasn't my my best day the office but like I say if you call up any of these these 1-800 numbers you know looking for help what you're gonna get is an unpaid you know volunteer who you know I mean fills out an application form and you know maybe they have some credentials maybe they have a background in Social Work I got inks have a you know degree in political science said background in you know different kinds of humanitarian work and volunteering they thought they'd give me a shot um but you know we can't help you you know we can't and I mean you know I don't know looking back on it I wouldn't give myself uh you know a zero out of ten like you know you could say I was kind of giving him like you know tough love