2017 Vegan Resolutions and Vegan Revolutions.

hey guys I'm recording a long probably
hour long maybe longer exclusive video for patreon for my patreon subscribers so if you want to support this channel if you want to support my long-term future in the vegan movement if you want to support what I do on YouTube right now if you want to support the creation this kind of content please click on the link below this video come to patreon and support my channel however in this excerpt this opening snippet that I'm going to share on YouTube I'll just mention if you've been watching this channel for one full year just about one year ago exactly I flew to Germany to see my daughter and at that time I held up a tube of toothpaste on camera in a video which I wasn't particularly sad on screen but you could tell by my voice and so on that I was really pretty upset about various things in my life really I mean although the situation my divorce of my daughter is one thing to be upset about a lot of the misery I was dealing with in Canada had to do with conditions at my university the hopelessness of trying to learn Chinese or Japanese in that University Department the hopeless position it put me in studying at that university in terms of my long term career and so on and so there were many many sources stressed my life at that time including searching for a job searching for a ph.d program etc but about one year ago today I held up a tube of toothpaste on camera for a special reason and I said that tube of toothpaste I bought it the last time I saw my daughter and I decided out of pure literary symbolism indulging in literary symbolism in one's own life I would use that same tube of toothpaste every day until I saw my daughter again so that tube of toothpaste I bought in Taiwan when I was together with my daughter in Taiwan and then I made that tube of toothpaste last before I think more than one year was a good size do with you faced and while I was in Canada I had this you know just look bizarre cuz it was in Chinese I had this Chinese tube of toothpaste they bought in Taiwan that I used day after day every day during the long year and more when I was waiting to see my daughter again and then when I traveled from Canada to Germany to visit my daughter I had that Tula toothpaste with me so I was in Germany using this Chinese toothpaste and of course you know it's enough time it was getting it was getting pretty close to empty and I decided to continue the tradition I decided that I would buy a tube of toothpaste then and there when I saw my daughter again and then I would use that same tube of toothpaste every day to memorialize or commemorate her as this kind of literary symbolism in my life until the next time I saw my daughter so before I was in Germany using a Chinese brand a toothpaste and now here I am in China and I have a German it's that I've been using every day since the last time I saw mother it was a real it was big it was it had a lot of quantity it was a really big fat too but youth base when it started and now day by day this is getting closer to empty so the question is when is the next time I will see my daughter now I had some bad news it's done where there's good news coming after it I talked to my lawyer at one point and when I asked him I said look I really need an estimate from you for when when is the next court date gonna happen in France because there my respect the next court date I absolutely can't lose it's just a matter of making it happen it's a matter of getting the paperwork done or what have you and though I talked to him once and he said look honestly it could be another 12 months I'm not worth explaining the reasons why et cetera but again this is not those of you know some of the legal details case it's a very it's a very one-sided case to say it's weighted in my favor as an understatement I basically just have to show up and prove that I'm alive but I need I need the court system in France to get its act together so I can show up and deliver proof and then basically as long as I'm alive I will regain the right to spend quality time with my daughter and then we'll have to go through negotiating a schedule and making arrangements and what-have-you and we don't know whether my daughter will come here and spend time with me in China or if I'm gonna have to go to Europe or how we're gonna work this out or both could be only above but you know it's one of those things you just you're left to interpret a silence in the court system very often I think someone in the French Court system took a glance at my legal documents and realized oh my god this is a real miscarriage of justice we really need to prioritize this case because there could have been another 12 months delay and instead I now have a court date coming up in early February so I instead of 12 months after only like say two months from that point less than two months I think um you know my my my court date my my case was prioritized so you don't get a you don't get an explanation for that kind of thing in the legal system but in this case I do think somebody somebody was looking over the documents and realized wow this can't wait this can't be on a regular schedule this needs to be stepped up so I was getting concerned because if it was gonna be another 12 months this great the whole tradition I've started of relying on the same team of two-faced until I see my daughter again pushing my luck I don't think this this can last another 12 months but if I only have to go and tell February if I'm going to be packing your up and back in court in February then I guess I can I can keep keep this tube of toothpaste going until early February and I guess what I want to get that court date whether or not I see her I don't think I'm gonna actually see her in court I don't know how much we'll get accomplished in that trip I'll buy a new a new tube of toothpaste in France then when I go to court and then I guess I'll be back here in China with a French tube of toothpaste instead of a German so you know it's it's it's the best of times it's the worst of times you know I never wanted to have a separation between the patreon videos and the YouTube videos where I'm only talking about my personal life on patreon like where that's more private and where YouTube is more public I really want to avoid that if you want to join patreon it really in terms of Q&A in terms of questions for my viewers that's where I take questions and many many videos on this channel are replies to patreon viewers patreon supporters I feel think that fundamentally rewards the $1 it's also true that it's only on patreon that I give opinions on things that one I'm not an expert in and two I don't think my regular YouTube videos would demand to know so to give an example I have a video what are my thoughts on feminism and on 3rd wave feminism and that's patreon only not because it's private not because it's secret but because that's an example I'm not an expert on the history of feminism it's not my forte in terms of politics political science and then it's only people ask me about many times but I said okay this will be a patreon exclusive video but like you know I wouldn't want to be in a situation where I talk about my divorce or my legal cases or deeply personal things only on patreon because for me one of the reasons to be on YouTube in the first place was to talk about deeply personal things in my life past present and future so you know as simple as it is I do I do continue to struggle with that I continue to struggle with the question of where do you draw the line between patreon exclusive content and made for YouTube made for my my broader audience content but in a sense I mean the fundamental redeeming quality this channel as God is keeping it real and in the very real sense I would not be keeping it real if I was only sharing those private elements of my life on patreon then by definition the whole YouTube channel will become phony even if it's only 10% phony right and you know I'll say this in a small way many times before in this channel I have shouted out the guys who really invented the game here on YouTube guys like the amazing atheist and a nice young Anna Seon is a comedian here on YouTube you know I was really thinking in the last couple of weeks in the last two weeks I was thinking I really wanted to bring more of my personal life in the present tense on to YouTube and on to social media generally I'm now a member of a of an Instagram substitute a website called nice I can give you the link below and on nice this basically a photo sharing platform like Instagram but Instagram is blocked in China I can't use Instagram it's illegal in China what if you want to say so on this app nice you know I've I've made a trip from from this city to another city into Hong and back again and I took photographs of this incredibly beautiful place all right this a bit odd I have this on screen but you know the surroundings here are just incredibly beautiful from my perspective a beautiful and interesting and inspiring in many ways you know I'm taking these pictures you know and some of them are literally pictures of tropical fruit and pictures of the palm trees and I'm thinking you know what what's missing here there are no pictures of the other people in my life whether those are friends or girlfriends or or acquaintances or whatever you know what I mean and it's been so long since I first started this channel when it started I wanted have other people on the channel talking about politics with me I want to have other people sitting in a chair next and I just mean by a Skype you know wand out more other voices and it was really thinking to myself you know maybe this should be my new year's resolution for 2017 is to have less the less and less content in which I'm isolating myself and presenting myself in this this packaged way because again it's it's not phony it's not fake what you see about my life in the internet is real but what's missing from it is exactly the other people it's just me and that in itself creates a kind of illusion that I'm more isolated than I am even though like you know if I had made an effort when I was in Canada to put more of my my friends in Canada barely had any friends again but I did have some short-term friends add some acquaintances whatever I had some friendships that were not particularly deep when I was in Canada if I put those people on camera whether on in photographs or videos in a sense it would be nice that I could now look back and remember them but those people most of those friendships were not friendships that were going to last for ten years or less the rest of my life or anything but in a sense that's even more of a reason to bring those people in you know although it could be great to have long-term friends with camera two anyway guys like Annie see on and the amazing atheist one of the reasons I showed them out is that I think they really showed us if you're new to the YouTube game if you're thinking about coming on YouTube [Music] they showed us the risks and the rewards of how this platform can work you know and mmm just a couple days ago so ever goes three days ago or what I happened to see a one video from an se on in terms of his current you know drama unfolding the internet he's you know fighting with his wife and his wife has a girlfriend he has a fight with his wife's girlfriend i sat there and I looked at this and thought what was I thinking Wow for many different reasons on many different levels I could never put myself in a situation as as terrible as what anis ian has done to himself repeatedly initio Nizza is a very very stupid man I think he's much less evil than people imagine and much more stupid but Wow [Music] it was a really interesting moment cos for me that was a wake-up call where I suddenly had to ask those questions from a very different angle and I think you guys may have heard me say it's a long time ago I think it's the most important element of sympathy is the ability to use sympathy as an analytical tool like the point isn't to sympathize with initia and so I feel bad for him or something it doesn't matter it's neither here nor there I look at an easy on and I sympathize the situation he's in and I realize you know I might think bringing someone on camera or whether again even if it's just photographs or just talking or bring them on doing a podcast together I might think that's safe I might think that's harmless but Wow then you see the kind of dangers this poses and how it can derail everything you're trying to do politically and it can even derail what you're trying to do and just being honest and share what's going on in your real life so I mean look this is a totally symbolic I mean in a really weird literary sense this is a symbolic gesture in my life this issue of the toothpaste I think I mean the way I've been talking about my situation with my daughter Mack's wife it has largely been symbolic it comes up you know my videos I think it's my most important video in this channel my vegan manifesto video which is titled on community a video that's now in ten languages if you include English as a language but you know we translated that to Chinese Japanese so many languages we still don't have Swedish the Swedes never stepped up I've asked several people to translate into Swedish and they never come through but anyway that video on community you know it just it doesn't state an overly emotional way but it states very factually but very passionately look I have a daughter I have to think about my daughter's future I think about my future as a parent I think about my role in the community even growing older I have to think about theoretically my grandparents being in an old folks home and my daughter going to school and how that's part of life as a vegan you know veganism is not just about the permanent vacation it's not just about a lifestyle in this isolated sense instead of a lifestyle talking with a full cycle of life parenting growing old dying daycare centers schools hospitals etc and vacations - I mean vacations are also part of life don't get me wrong I think that I mean I think that's a kind of not overly melodramatic way to just insist again and again how I see myself and how I'm living my life really has a lot to do with my daughter the bottom line is it was mentioned again my video now giving an apartment tour the reason why I'm learning Chinese at all is utterly linked to my daughter and all of my questions about my own future in terms of my education and everything else are still very much linked to my daughter and you know there is an emotional side to it the sorrow you go through in being separated from a child especially when you have the real uncertainty about whether or not you'll ever see your child again which was definitely true say one year ago I mean right now I'm very optimistic because I have a court date in February and I can't remember I can't lose this case there is no way for me to lose this court case I just need to have the case the case just needs to progress so you know right now I'm very optimistic that I'll see my daughter getting relatively soon but there's been good reason at many different points for me to suspect or fear that I'm not just separated from my daughter temporarily but that my ex-wife was out of sheer malice gonna prevent me from seeing my daughter basically forever and so you know just two very simple things my connection to my daughter is the fundamental reason for I'm learning the Chinese language a language that don't really want to learn and it's also the fundamental reason as most you guys know for why this YouTube channel exists so that even if I never saw her again if I get hit by a bus or I take an airplane in my airplane crashes or if somehow my wife pulls off some kind of legal trickery to prevent me from seeing my daughter it seems impossible at this point but maybe it's possible at a minimum one day in the future ten years from now my daughter can sit down and see these YouTube videos and I know what kind of guy I am so click on the link below this video join my patreon channel and I hope you guys will stick with me over the long haul for this journey this channel is not about drama it's not about veganism it's not about any one topic this channel is about me and my life and the most hilarious complaint I get from viewers which get only once in a while but over time I do get it again again so you know a couple times a month people complain to me they they complain why is he talking about himself like they asked the cook of it or the write to me directly saying why are you talking about yourself you shouldn't talk about yourself and they'll say that in videos about veganism but even on other topics I was like well why are you talking about like who you are and my answer to me it would be very very funny if I didn't talk about myself you know like if I just came on and presented a perspective on Cambodian politics or vegans talking about why I care what my connection to it is but again fundamentally this this channel is not called welcome to veganism 101 it's not it's called a ballast yep this channel is about me in my life and if you stick with this channel or if you join the patreon and stick with me on patreon you're gonna get to see whatever my life becomes my life has changed so much in the last one year so fundamentally been through so many dramatic changes in periods and you know in some ways I know what's coming up in the next one year I have a one-year contract exactly 365 days from now I will have already left China but for the next one year I will be living here in this beautiful and fascinating part of Asia learning Chinese doing other kinds of research and what-have-you when I returned to Canada doors to other kinds of activism and political organization will open for me assuming I'm living in Canada if I go back to Europe I could be living in Europe again different kinds of activism were open for me I am a very I'm very much a grim realist about the prospects for you know political activism organization etc in the years ahead but you guys know that I have the passion you guys know that I have the intent and you know that I'm constantly looking for any positive opportunity to have whether it's on the level of organizing a charity or reducing a foundation whether it's just organizing friends or maybe starting a small business like yes the the vegan vegan restaurant vegan pancake restaurant or something you know I I am looking for those things all the time in my life and I'm looking to connect with and collaborate with other people who are on that same footing of trying to build something positive for a vegan future so for better and for worse if you stick with me if you support me on patreon you'll get to see all the phases that goes through and yeah it's possible there will still be dramatic changes right now I mean still to this day the even speaking Chinese even if I go back to Canada speaking Chinese fluently one year from now I think the only career paths open to me will be a police officer and joining the military still this day I don't think there are any other positive career paths over me so I could end up doing that kind of work which would be entertaining for you guys to watch and so it's but maybe also I'll enroll in a ph.d program after all I'll get more of a formal academic footing maybe I will go more directly into government one of the things that's appealing about being a police officer it can be a stepping stone to eventually getting elected to city government local government aldermen you know that this type of petty elected office in government maybe I'll get a master's in public administration and more directly involved with a government job at the same time as pursuing vegan activism at this point in Canada I do not think I would become a lawyer go to law school but those question marks I'm you know what can I say this is the reality of what my life is and these are the uncertainties about what my life will become a short time ago I thought that oh so someone of the audience is asking what about becoming a paramedic so I gave up on that plan a long long time ago but there was a time when I was enrolled I wasn't just a plan when I was actually enrolled to become a paramedic in a paramedic college in Canada that's been mentioned probably on this YouTube channel anyway you know it's the same thing with the court case with durianrider that's still ongoing now I one of the complaints I hated which only idiots gave me but some complete idiots wrote to me saying you promised durianrider would go to jail I said no I didn't I said I promised I would pay a law firm and we would file charges and I said at every stage everybody is innocent until proven guilty and I said at every stage you can't know the outcomes you know I did not promise to put him in jail I promise to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do and in every single stage I philosophically reflected on the fact that yo you don't know like it may sound stupid but like as an objective fact we don't know if he's guilty or innocent we don't know if the case has merit you find out the hard way you put together this case and you press these charges because you you believe the case has merit you believe it's the right thing to do for veganism you believe it's the right thing to do out of a sense of justice and injustice there are so many reasons to do it but it really bothered me when people said oh you promised you put in jail no I'm not giving you any false promises but likewise with activism I have never been promising something I can't deliver on there are some other you know YouTube channels who promised you know extreme and edgy forms of activism who promised they were gonna start a revolution who promised street protests who promised some kind of in-your-face activism or confronting people or what-have-you and then often they lose interest in that pretty quickly like you know soon as they try for a little bit you know I'm not promising any specific form of activism I'm promising that you get to see my own exploration my own discovery of what's possible and what's impossible in the year ahead and in the years ahead plural and there's no false humility in that right there one of the ideas I'm now pursuing you guys probably know I guess I'll give the link I think it's a great video but you know I made videos with the script for this story book I wrote a children's story book I wrote it in Chinese transited the Chinese in English I'd love to get nila straighter and published that story book that idea was first proposed on this channel for another youtuber another youtuber was lamenting or questioning how he could be a meaningful part of the vegan movement and why he didn't get any respect in the vegan movement which I think are sincerely questions worth asking I don't want to ridicule him for that there are other things who maybe should have ridicule that guy for but it's another story but I initially said look if you're in this position where you don't have a lot of options you're living in Asia here's something positive you can do write a story book get it translate into several languages get get an illustrator get a publisher so just say that was originally advice I gave to someone else and then whatever a year and a half later or something I'm following my own advice so there are absolutely no false promises you get to see this very uncertain stumbling prog process for myself as an individual and maybe for the vegan movement around me and I don't know I mean I I don't know I think I'll have a lot of time while I'm here in China I've been worried at many stages one of the reasons why I've uploaded so much in the last year was that at several different stages I was really worried what if this is my last YouTube video ever what if I'm cut off from the internet for one year for a long time and on a technological level there were reasons to really be concerned about that but if I do have the time to put into really contributing even just Digital demi-monde I wonder I wonder how I can reach out to other people in collaborate with other people just think positive I wonder if I should be doing something more like putting up you know a weekly discussion show that's the real China out outside of my window beeping its horn at me anyway you know I wonder if I should put up a weekly discussion show reviewing and talking about what's been going on in veganism at large and of course veganism of the Internet I wonder you know if I can bring in more people through Skype or otherwise to make this more of a positive crossroads I wonder and ask myself those questions all the time and even though those may be small and shallow questions they are questions about effective activism and they're questions about in what ways can I be an effective activist within the time constraints and financial constraints of my of my real life so there's a guy named you know redneck - vegan I'm gonna actually promote him on this channel within the next couple of days I think my shout out shout out to him I think for a lot of us who are fully grown adults in this people who are not teenagers people who didn't just sign up yesterday if you're sincere about ethical veganism there's always going to be an asymmetry between your ambitions to change the world and your ability to actually make a difference and once you are an adult the main reason why that asymmetry is so extreme [Music] is just that you have other duties you have other moral obligations I have a very real moral obligation to my daughter and part of that obligation involves earning money and most of you whatever if you're over 30 but probably if you're over 20 likewise you have a life that's not about lifestyle that's not about personal beauty that's not about being on vacation even if you come the internet and pretend so your life about you probably have a life that as you get older a larger and larger percentage of your time is taken up by frankly moral obligations and those moral obligations are tied to economic obligations so that's something we all struggle with and you know the ambition that drives you as an ethical vegan is so enormous it's so enormous compared to the time and energy you can put into even just trying to find the tools or trying to find the other people you can cooperate with or trying to research a charity or foundation and see what you can do I mean you have this enormous ambition to make the world a better place there was of ecology in terms of animal rights etc and then you have this you have a few hours in a week and you ask yourself am I gonna do a book review or what oh because it is it is for the movement right now I want to do a book review of a new book 2015 book by Gary France I own a let me get the title correct Gary Fran Sione animal rights : the abolitionist approach so that's his that's his uh his latest that's his new book you know and you know I invite you guys to join in on that um you know if other people want to read that book at the same time as me I think that's great it's not activism it's not advocacy it's not anything but I mean that is a meaningful sense in which you're doing something for the movement where you're thinking okay I want to read this book so that I'm up-to-date with what the debates are within veganism as a political movement you know I wanna maybe I want to come on the internet and state my own perspective state my own review I mean it is it is something positive for the movement reading and reviewing a book like that but I know and you know I'll do this I'm gonna do this now I'll give a link to that book right now in China I'm not even sure how I can get that book I need someone to send me a PDF I tried ordering it on Amazon I can't I can't order it as an e-text I can't order it as a Kindle I can't order it as a book on paper somehow I've got to get the book it's another story maybe someone is going to response but I know for a lot of you whether you are washing dishes in the back of a restaurant or you're literally on a boat in the US military or you know you're an architect or you work at Walmart no matter what your job is the type of commitments time energy emotion and money ultimately to feel involved with veganism and pursuing a vegan future and to actually be involved making a difference very very difficult to do and guys one of the things I'm famous for infamous for is saying from the start what we're doing here on YouTube what we're doing here on Facebook what we're doing here on the internet whatever portal you're using what we're doing here on the internet is not activism and it's not a community but it could be the basis for activism it could be the basis for community in the future there is one sense in which it resembles a community and as much as we talk about negative peer pressure within the vegan scene the vegan dilemma which is very real my video on anorexia you can talk about the fact that people feel they have to be thin and wear a bikini in order to be a vegan activist and then this connects to eating disorders and crazy health diet scams and all these other problems there's negative peer pressure but one of the positive things about committing yourself to this digital portal is that with what little time and energy you've got there can also be positive peer pressure you don't feel as isolated you don't feel as much alone and I am alone I just moved to Hong China I'm living beneath the palm trees near the border with Myanmar in a part of China where nobody speaks English and nobody's vegan you know fascinating part of the world but the reality is I'm not lonely I'm alone and it does resemble a community in that one sense that you feel you can or you leave up to a higher standard dad you shouldn't let other people down and I think a lot of people who commit to this who start making YouTube videos or start representing veganism on their own website or blog or writing articles or on Facebook I do think that probably many of those people not me but probably many people at some point they maybe wanted to cheat they wanted to waver or they wanted to go from being vegan to being just pescetarian or reduce it Arian they wanted to kind of think out on the movement I do think you can feel a sort of positive peer pressure that may prevent people from dropping out may prevent people from losing hope but may also positively motivate you just in that small way to say hey you know what I'm gonna read this book I'm gonna I'm gonna do a book review I'm gonna stay up to date with what's really going on in the movement because I feel that I'm not alone I feel that I'm part of a circle of people even if they're people you only know by email and they care about the movement also and they care about me and they care about my contribution to the movement no matter how small or how humble it might be so that's all I got to say guys join my patreon if you want to hear the full podcast I've got a long list of other topics I'm going to talk about but there you go those are my non resolutions for the year 2017 keeping it real no false promises no false hope just real talk hit me up