My Ex-Wife "Deletes" My Daughter's Memory of Me.
20 February 2020 [link youtube]
Let my daughter play with the toys I've given her. A divorce is a divorce. My ex-wife should play by the same rules that everyone else does, with co-parenting, co-operation, allowing the child to have a meaningful relationship with her own father. Right now, my ex-wife refuses to divorce me (!) and refuses to allow my daughter to see me: if she allowed the divorce to proceed, legally, court-ordered custody and visitation arrangements would ensue, so these two problems are linked.
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Youtube Automatic Transcription
I just bought a whole bunch of really
cute socks for my cute daughter my far-off distant cute daughter I told home fight she'd go through the whole pile of socks if I was gonna put these in a package and say oh look at that robot oh yeah it's cute some of them are more girly than others don't get me wrong yeah this one has little ears this brand is made in Taiwan I think all of these are made in Taiwan not made in communist gym but the little ears on top various sorts of animals and funny patterns and pictures I'm gonna put that in a box other more expensive gifts I'm gonna do the 21st century thing and order on the internet and have shipped to her directly but you know there's a concern there's a real cloud hanging over this whole question of whether or not my daughter will ever see these gifts whether or not she will ever be able to play with them because to my knowledge and this isn't a problem for several years now my ex-wife seems to be making an effort to delete me from my daughter's life she seems to be making an effort to separate my daughter from gifts that I've given her in the past we talked about this with my daughter over several trips I'll let you hear my daughter's voice in the matter with the toys so she'll let you play with the toys that Lulu gives you and she lets you play with toys that maybe nicola gives you so also she tries to give them back to me it doesn't make sense you know the big house made of plastic that's what you call but you know the cuddly toys that give you like if I give you these cuddly toys you won't be able to play with them all right so I had several conversations with my daughter about this over several years and you heard her they're proposing the idea that maybe the toys are being taken away for ecological reasons because she shouldn't be playing with plastic we were there surrounded by these piles and piles of toys for a period about two years most of the toys I gave where I gave to her in person and then she basically never saw them again and one of the toys that was mentioned at the big dollhouse there was a little bit of an epic story about where she told me that her mother took this away and she fought a battle with her mother to try to get the toy back because she loved that dollhouse so much she had a bunch of matching toys that she could play with in that dollhouse so where she was throwing with her to keep some of the toys that she remembered from her time with me and some of the toys you know like they kind of came up conversation it was like well why did you never see that toy again after we can give that to you you know sometimes like a year earlier or something why did it disappear and then this is ultimately the kind of explanation that I get from her now there is a footnote here sometimes little kids lie to you intentionally and sometimes little kids make up stories that aren't really alive but also aren't really true there was one trip we had with my daughter where we gave her chocolate-covered bananas twice so during the whole vacation she twice had a child covered banana were vegan so the chocolate had no dairy in it says a nice vegan treat you can give a kid and also it's mostly banana it's this thin layer of chocolate pretty healthy as kids desserts go and when she went back to her mom's place when she went back to see my ex-wife she told she told her mom's crown Finley oh you know when I'm with my dad I get to eat chocolate-covered bananas every day and that's actually added twice so kids will lie that way this particular kid my daughter she will lie in a self-serving way like this she'll lie when it's so that she can have a chocolate banana she'll lie and tell you that she brushed her teeth what no no she'll tell you that she will brush her teeth and then she won't do it she never lied to me past tense about already having brushed her teeth so you know it's possible that these are lives but I've got to tell you having talked about with my daughter for a long time I'm sorry to say my impression is that my ex-wife is not letting my daughter play with any toys that remind her of me that bring up my name the last time we saw my daughter she was explaining to us that her mom was trying to force her to use a different name a different first name and also a different last name her mom was trying to coach her that she was starting a new life with a new father and she was also trying to coach my daughter into adopting a new nationality she was telling my daughter that she was going to become Bulgarian with this Bulgarian name the name sounds the same as a Russian name in case you're using your imagination here but both the different first and a different last name and a new father and a nationality so some of you might remember I had a video with my daughter talking to her about her Jewish heritage she has Jewish heritage on both sides guys in case you didn't know I am half Jewish my ex-wife is also half Jewish so the daughter we had together do the math he is also half Jewish and it was like look kid you've been born with a whole lot of advantages in life being Bulgarian is not one of them and when you get to Bulgaria when you start living under this Bulgarian name in a Bulgarian place one of the biggest issues is going to be anti-semitism because Bulgaria is an intensely anti-semitic country and you know people they are not gonna regard or embrace my daughter as Bulgarian indeed my daughter would probably have an easier time being embraced by the North African community as North African even though she is only to a tiny extent well he has a tiny percentage of North African ancestry still still very very warm very accepting communities at or there they're desperate to identify people as sharing their line or sharing the restoral struggle anyway that's that's been my experience is that people are very eager to identify her as as African on the basis of that tiny tiny bit of bit of our ancestry but hey maybe hey I wouldn't mind if you were getting back in touch with their African roots how this Bulgarian roots thing is gonna work out I don't know look guys I got sympathy for the devil I have sympathy for the other side of this equation I imagine my ex-wife's life as really being quite a difficult struggle and it's so difficult because she made decisions that made it difficult for her herself when we split up I was willing to live anywhere in the world to do co-parenting I could have lived in Europe I could have lived here in Asia I could have lived in North America my ex-wife is a citizen of the United States of America and the time we split up the plan was that we would both continue studying Chinese that I would learn Chinese my ex-wife would continue to improve her Chinese my ex-wife was most likely gonna move to either New York or Seattle if my ex-wife lived in New York then I would live just up the road in Montreal you may not know that's it's very quick to get back and forth New York if my ex-wife had moved to Seattle which she favored she liked the idea of living in the Pacific Northwest if she moved to Seattle or somewhere thereabouts I would live in Victoria British Columbia Canada which is where I ended up living right the idea being I would be not too close and not too far away and we could do as much co-parenting or as little as she was comfortable with my ex-wife had a PhD okay from an elite University in Europe she had an academic career ahead of her if she wanted it and she could have really used someone even if it was just as a babysitter to come in and take the share of co-parenting to help financially yes but above all else in terms of labor and help me to raise the kid my ex-wife slammed the door resolutely against every plan she has a new husband now she has a new baby with that husband now she is probably saying and doing all kinds of things to try to satisfy that new husband including assuring him that she's gonna raise her first kid my daughter with a Bulgarian name and a Bulgarian identity and that they're gonna get rid of all the toys that I gave her and that remind her of me you know what I can I can sympathize I can say that she is making the wrong decision while recognizing that it was within her rights to make that decision but I just make this video now reflecting it puts me in a very sad situation every time I send my daughter presents with the awareness that most likely my daughter will never see those presents at all or she'll see them once and then they'll disappear and moreover that my ex-wife is actively engaged in a project to delete the memory of me from my daughter's life to delete my identity from hers well guess what it won't work kids grow up and my daughter is simply too smart for that and it doesn't matter if she figures it out when she's 12 years old or when she's 14 years old or when she's 16 years old and it doesn't even matter if I get hit by a bus and die tomorrow because this YouTube channel is gonna be here for her to discover and guess what she's gonna figure out who did what divorce she's gonna figure out her real identity who a real father is and I have to focus my energy on making the positive change the pause the difference that I can in the world cuz I don't want to be somebody that she's gonna be ashamed to discover was her father I hope that she's gonna be excited and interested and proud when she finds out that I'm her father she certainly got a lot of advantages she's inherited from my side of the family the resemblance between us is all the more striking because I've spent so little time with her I only get to see her when the French court system forces my ex-wife to levy a fit out there so it's not like she's picking up you know my mannerisms or something for spending time with me all right that kid has inherited a lot of her qualities for me and she'll be able to recognize that herself and you know what the story my ex-wife is telling her she's my ex-wife is only putting herself in a situation where it is inevitable that that this kid is gonna rebel against her and this kid is gonna resent having been deprived of the love and attention and time and care of a father who really didn't want to spend that quality time with her someone who wanted to spend that time be part of her life and be co-parenting and be involved in her life from the first day until the last day so yep it's my ex-wife's decision to make and I'm in a position to tell you she's making the wrong decision if you're watching this on socks are in the mail
cute socks for my cute daughter my far-off distant cute daughter I told home fight she'd go through the whole pile of socks if I was gonna put these in a package and say oh look at that robot oh yeah it's cute some of them are more girly than others don't get me wrong yeah this one has little ears this brand is made in Taiwan I think all of these are made in Taiwan not made in communist gym but the little ears on top various sorts of animals and funny patterns and pictures I'm gonna put that in a box other more expensive gifts I'm gonna do the 21st century thing and order on the internet and have shipped to her directly but you know there's a concern there's a real cloud hanging over this whole question of whether or not my daughter will ever see these gifts whether or not she will ever be able to play with them because to my knowledge and this isn't a problem for several years now my ex-wife seems to be making an effort to delete me from my daughter's life she seems to be making an effort to separate my daughter from gifts that I've given her in the past we talked about this with my daughter over several trips I'll let you hear my daughter's voice in the matter with the toys so she'll let you play with the toys that Lulu gives you and she lets you play with toys that maybe nicola gives you so also she tries to give them back to me it doesn't make sense you know the big house made of plastic that's what you call but you know the cuddly toys that give you like if I give you these cuddly toys you won't be able to play with them all right so I had several conversations with my daughter about this over several years and you heard her they're proposing the idea that maybe the toys are being taken away for ecological reasons because she shouldn't be playing with plastic we were there surrounded by these piles and piles of toys for a period about two years most of the toys I gave where I gave to her in person and then she basically never saw them again and one of the toys that was mentioned at the big dollhouse there was a little bit of an epic story about where she told me that her mother took this away and she fought a battle with her mother to try to get the toy back because she loved that dollhouse so much she had a bunch of matching toys that she could play with in that dollhouse so where she was throwing with her to keep some of the toys that she remembered from her time with me and some of the toys you know like they kind of came up conversation it was like well why did you never see that toy again after we can give that to you you know sometimes like a year earlier or something why did it disappear and then this is ultimately the kind of explanation that I get from her now there is a footnote here sometimes little kids lie to you intentionally and sometimes little kids make up stories that aren't really alive but also aren't really true there was one trip we had with my daughter where we gave her chocolate-covered bananas twice so during the whole vacation she twice had a child covered banana were vegan so the chocolate had no dairy in it says a nice vegan treat you can give a kid and also it's mostly banana it's this thin layer of chocolate pretty healthy as kids desserts go and when she went back to her mom's place when she went back to see my ex-wife she told she told her mom's crown Finley oh you know when I'm with my dad I get to eat chocolate-covered bananas every day and that's actually added twice so kids will lie that way this particular kid my daughter she will lie in a self-serving way like this she'll lie when it's so that she can have a chocolate banana she'll lie and tell you that she brushed her teeth what no no she'll tell you that she will brush her teeth and then she won't do it she never lied to me past tense about already having brushed her teeth so you know it's possible that these are lives but I've got to tell you having talked about with my daughter for a long time I'm sorry to say my impression is that my ex-wife is not letting my daughter play with any toys that remind her of me that bring up my name the last time we saw my daughter she was explaining to us that her mom was trying to force her to use a different name a different first name and also a different last name her mom was trying to coach her that she was starting a new life with a new father and she was also trying to coach my daughter into adopting a new nationality she was telling my daughter that she was going to become Bulgarian with this Bulgarian name the name sounds the same as a Russian name in case you're using your imagination here but both the different first and a different last name and a new father and a nationality so some of you might remember I had a video with my daughter talking to her about her Jewish heritage she has Jewish heritage on both sides guys in case you didn't know I am half Jewish my ex-wife is also half Jewish so the daughter we had together do the math he is also half Jewish and it was like look kid you've been born with a whole lot of advantages in life being Bulgarian is not one of them and when you get to Bulgaria when you start living under this Bulgarian name in a Bulgarian place one of the biggest issues is going to be anti-semitism because Bulgaria is an intensely anti-semitic country and you know people they are not gonna regard or embrace my daughter as Bulgarian indeed my daughter would probably have an easier time being embraced by the North African community as North African even though she is only to a tiny extent well he has a tiny percentage of North African ancestry still still very very warm very accepting communities at or there they're desperate to identify people as sharing their line or sharing the restoral struggle anyway that's that's been my experience is that people are very eager to identify her as as African on the basis of that tiny tiny bit of bit of our ancestry but hey maybe hey I wouldn't mind if you were getting back in touch with their African roots how this Bulgarian roots thing is gonna work out I don't know look guys I got sympathy for the devil I have sympathy for the other side of this equation I imagine my ex-wife's life as really being quite a difficult struggle and it's so difficult because she made decisions that made it difficult for her herself when we split up I was willing to live anywhere in the world to do co-parenting I could have lived in Europe I could have lived here in Asia I could have lived in North America my ex-wife is a citizen of the United States of America and the time we split up the plan was that we would both continue studying Chinese that I would learn Chinese my ex-wife would continue to improve her Chinese my ex-wife was most likely gonna move to either New York or Seattle if my ex-wife lived in New York then I would live just up the road in Montreal you may not know that's it's very quick to get back and forth New York if my ex-wife had moved to Seattle which she favored she liked the idea of living in the Pacific Northwest if she moved to Seattle or somewhere thereabouts I would live in Victoria British Columbia Canada which is where I ended up living right the idea being I would be not too close and not too far away and we could do as much co-parenting or as little as she was comfortable with my ex-wife had a PhD okay from an elite University in Europe she had an academic career ahead of her if she wanted it and she could have really used someone even if it was just as a babysitter to come in and take the share of co-parenting to help financially yes but above all else in terms of labor and help me to raise the kid my ex-wife slammed the door resolutely against every plan she has a new husband now she has a new baby with that husband now she is probably saying and doing all kinds of things to try to satisfy that new husband including assuring him that she's gonna raise her first kid my daughter with a Bulgarian name and a Bulgarian identity and that they're gonna get rid of all the toys that I gave her and that remind her of me you know what I can I can sympathize I can say that she is making the wrong decision while recognizing that it was within her rights to make that decision but I just make this video now reflecting it puts me in a very sad situation every time I send my daughter presents with the awareness that most likely my daughter will never see those presents at all or she'll see them once and then they'll disappear and moreover that my ex-wife is actively engaged in a project to delete the memory of me from my daughter's life to delete my identity from hers well guess what it won't work kids grow up and my daughter is simply too smart for that and it doesn't matter if she figures it out when she's 12 years old or when she's 14 years old or when she's 16 years old and it doesn't even matter if I get hit by a bus and die tomorrow because this YouTube channel is gonna be here for her to discover and guess what she's gonna figure out who did what divorce she's gonna figure out her real identity who a real father is and I have to focus my energy on making the positive change the pause the difference that I can in the world cuz I don't want to be somebody that she's gonna be ashamed to discover was her father I hope that she's gonna be excited and interested and proud when she finds out that I'm her father she certainly got a lot of advantages she's inherited from my side of the family the resemblance between us is all the more striking because I've spent so little time with her I only get to see her when the French court system forces my ex-wife to levy a fit out there so it's not like she's picking up you know my mannerisms or something for spending time with me all right that kid has inherited a lot of her qualities for me and she'll be able to recognize that herself and you know what the story my ex-wife is telling her she's my ex-wife is only putting herself in a situation where it is inevitable that that this kid is gonna rebel against her and this kid is gonna resent having been deprived of the love and attention and time and care of a father who really didn't want to spend that quality time with her someone who wanted to spend that time be part of her life and be co-parenting and be involved in her life from the first day until the last day so yep it's my ex-wife's decision to make and I'm in a position to tell you she's making the wrong decision if you're watching this on socks are in the mail